Rebirth
by myloyaltiesliewithHP
Summary: A continuation of a deleted story with better understanding and rejuvenated will and desire. Try it out.
1. Chapter 1

Alright. I know I deleted the story, 'Karuta?orTaichi?' But let's face it, even the _title_ was stupid. I had given up on trying to write for them because I just couldn't make up my own story for the two. It felt as though I was disrespecting Taichi and I hated that. I didn't want to accidentally change his character.

But then I saw the movie.

For all those who haven't watched it, go _now._ Its _perfect._ The cast was _brilliant_. Komano and Nishida looked a little different but they nailed Harada sensei, Miyauchi sensei , Kana-chan and Sudou and Retro-kun! Shinobu was perfect as well, although she wasn't a part of this movie...she's in the trailers. It may not have as much character development as the manga. But for all those who want a perfect but crisp idea of Chihaya, Taichi and Arata, watch the movie, please.

Arata's actor, Mackenyu, was amazing. He looked good in that role, played the character well. I liked the smile.

Chihaya's impersonator, Hirose Suzu, was _spot on._ You won't believe how wonderfully in character she was! From the way she tackles Taichi to her falling asleep after a match, and the silly happiness and earnest Karuta, it was _brilliant!_ Perfect! Except, her hair was black instead of brown but, minor problem.

And finally, Nomura Shuhei. He nearly killed me. Having a huge crush on an inanimate character is _tough_ let me tell you. And I always had the feeling that I couldn't completely understand Taichi's character because he was, well, not real at all, was he? But here, in the movie, watching him come alive through Nomura-san , I really fell in love with the entire thing. In an instant, and perfectly strategized dialogues, Shuhei perfectly delivered to me, and countless others, the imaginary person I wanted so badly to understand because believe it or not, we have a few things in common ( I don't look anything even remotely as good as him, though.). And seeing that, seeing an actor capture him so perfectly ( or as perfect as you can get...I mean, there might be many mistakes I haven't caught), which was something I was sceptical about when I saw just the trailer, I found the strength and desire to write again. Because I finally had an idea about him.

And so I continued where I left off.

Unfortunately, I lost the old story manuscript and files. So this is just a continuation. I know many of you might be confused as to what happened, but just leave me a message if you have any doubts.

I just have to get this out of my head.

Warning: This is a fanfiction. Karuta isn't the only thing going on here. Taichi might seem very OOC to you but this is the way _I_ understood him. Other members of the family will be active and OOC as well. But I can't help it. In my previous story too, I had intended for Rika to be a bigger character, for those siblings to come closer. Same with Chitose.

Now on to the story. Thanks for the previous support which I hope will sustain. A review would be nice...I want to know if I should continue.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

" **What do you mean, 'I'm going away'?"**

" **It** _ **means**_ **I'm going away,"**

" **Onii-chan!" Rika glared at her brother from under her bangs,"where are you going? Why? For how long?"**

 **Taichi pressed his lips together as he thought his answer through. It was bad enough that he was being forced into this 'going away' without his consent but now, he had to be the one to tell his sister about it. And she was not happy. When Rika Mashima isn't happy, the world just doesn't turn anymore.**

" **Onii-chan…"**

 **Her low growl startled him for a second and he hastened to give her the answers she wanted.**

" **I'm going to London, Rika." He sighed, "Dad's asking me to join a med school there, you know, that huge one with a great rep or whatever. I'm not enrolling there just yet," he added quickly, seeing her alarmed expression. "There's just this crash course for… um… kids with good grades –"**

" **You mean brilliant minds…"**

" **Good grades." He said firmly," and it's two and a half months long… so... er…"**

" **So," Rika couldn't keep the tremor out of her angry voice, "you're going to attend that thing and fall absolutely in love with that place and that** _ **stupid**_ **college and go away for a whole 4 years of medical training, leaving** _ **everything**_ **you have here behind!?"**

" **Hey! For the record, the college is most** _ **definitely**_ **not stupid. It's one of the most prestigious institutions in** **the…world….?"**

 **His voice died as he noticed his sister's face growing increasingly flushed and red. She looked ready to kill someone. Whether it was their father or him, Taichi didn't know.**

 **Rika felt her heart breaking. So that was it? He was just going to go away to some stupid college and leave them all behind? Her rational mind told her that it was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity that her brother had just received, but what about his life here? As much as she was reluctant to admit it, what would she do without him here? It wasn't as if they were the closest siblings on earth but still, the thought of him going away clogged up her throat pretty well. That had to count for something right?**

" **Rika? Listen, I'm not sure I'm going to join there, if that's what you're thinking." He plopped down onto her bed, feeling drained somehow, "I'm just trying it out, to make dad happy. It's not like I want to go away for good."**

" **But you're thinking about it aren't you?"**

 **Taichi didn't answer. He couldn't. Of course he was thinking about it. This was a huge chance, a rare opportunity. And although he knew that Tokyo University was only just a step behind London, he felt like it would be better to get away from his native for a while, even if that meant for 4 years. He could use a break; maybe get to move on…**

 _Yeah, right._

 **Now don't get him wrong, Chihaya wasn't the reason he was going away at all. If anything, she was the anchor that still tied him to this place. But with imminent arrival of Arata to Tokyo and the turn that their relationship would take after that, well, let's just say, the anchor's rope is on fire right now.**

 **He deserved a break. A self respecting man would've stayed far away from this scene that was his life. But often, Taichi found that taking a break was synonymous with running away. And that posed a problem.**

 **A pretty big freaking problem.**

 **His attention snapped to Rika as she began to talk again. "Have you… told your friends about it….?"**

 **Her voice trailed off and she watched him carefully, noting the way his eyes tightened and breath hitched ever so slightly, and she knew he hadn't even before he answered her the same thing.**

" **Not just yet…"**

" **Chihaya-** **chan's** **going to flip."**

 **Taichi chewed the inside of his cheek at that. He hadn't quite figured that part out yet, how his friends were going to react to the news… Chihaya would probably be mad at him for giving up Karuta again.**

" **Yeah…well…she's just going to have to deal with it."**

 **Rika winced at his bleak voice. It was obvious he was being torn apart by the whole ordeal… and what was with the nonchalant attitude towards Chihaya? It** **hurt** **him to go** **away** **and that was as obvious as daylight. Rika wanted, so much, to know what was happening to the two of them but she also knew that this wasn't the right time.** **But again,** **was this really the right thing to do? If he was going away from here, that meant he would lose any chance he ever had with that girl. And that can't be good, right? Taichi got up and left, Rika bounded after him.**

" **So when do you leave?"**

" **Right after the Meijin and queen tournaments."**

 **Rika slowed. That was soon. Pretty soon. Taichi spun around midway through the stairs and smiled at his little sister. She stopped, uncertainly.**

" **Listen." He placed a hand on her** **head, patting like he would a puppy** **, "It's just a silly crash course. There's no guarantee that I'm going to go away for good. Let's just give that poor college a chance to charm me, yeah?"**

 **The girl managed a weak smile at his attempt to lighten things up; she sighed as he walked away, heading to school. This was going to be long and hard to face. Her gut told her that going to London was not what's best for her brother. And so she prayed, furiously, that he'd hate the college as much as he hates Disney movies. And that was a** **LOT, unfortunately.**

 **Mizusawa High was in full swing by the time Taichi reached there with Chihaya. Not that they were late, but things started to get active around there earlier than usual as the school festival approached. Chihaya was rapidly craning her neck all around, trying to take in everything that was going on. "WOW! It looks like it's going to be a blast this year, ne?"**

" **Uh-huh."**

" **Maybe we should do something too."**

 **He raised a brow at her,"Like what? A Karuta demonstration for whoever is willing to watch?"**

 **A blush bloomed on her cheeks and she bit her lip. Taichi looked away, swallowing. He'd better keep his mouth shut if that was the response he was going to get.** _ **Get**_ _**a grip on yourself, boy**_.

" **I was going to suggest a traditional café or something." Chihaya managed to get rid of the redness in her face, and her companion exhaled, "But a demo seems like a good idea…"**

 **He gave her an exasperated look. "Seriously, Chihaya? That's the worst idea ever. Do you really think people are gonna stand around and watch us flicking cards away when there's so much to do and see?"**

 **She turned on him and gave him a nasty look,** **"** **It's not just flicking cards away, Taichi! How can you say that?! Its –"**

" **I know what it is." He cut her off,"I know what it means to you, to us. But it's not necessary people will see it that way. Face it Chihaya, they'll be bored, uninterested. Not many people understand the value of Karuta easily," He added quickly, seeing her expression, "you need to have a passion for the game to endure it. And you know this."**

 **After a few minutes of silently pouting and glaring at him, she sighed. "I guess we'll have to do the café, huh?"**

" **Not really." Taichi adjusted shifted his bag to his other hand and let his eyes roam around the ground," Lets discuss this with everyone else and then come to a decision. Running a café isn't easy. Besides, wouldn't you rather just enjoy the day with your friends?"**

 **She appeared to be in deep thought. "I think you're right… maybe."**

 **He sighed in relief. The last thing he wanted to do was another demonstration. "Let's go now, shall we? The** **bell's** **ring** **ing** **in five."**

 **They walked to their classes together, not really talking much. Taichi's mind, which had been successfully distracted until a few moments ago, returned to his sister's question. He still hadn't told his friends about London. Chihaya didn't know. How would they react? What would they say? Tons of scenarios floated in his head and each one worse that the last. He nearly groaned.**

 **Throughout his lessons, whenever he allowed his mind to slip, Taichi kept thinking about what to do. Would it be better to tell them now or save it for later? But there was a chance they'd be mad at him if he told them only at the last minute. So…now? But** **...** **to** _ **everyone**_ **? At the thought of revealing this to Chihaya, his chest constricted painfully again. It would be impossible to tell her. Because telling her would mean he accepted the reality of the situation, that he really was going away; away from her, away from them all. And was that what he wanted? It all sounded so simple in his head. He'd go off to London once Chihaya won the tournament and Arata became Meijin. He'd stay there for two months of training and then come back just to pack his bags permanently. If he didn't get over her within those months, (which was highly unlikely…) he'd just use those four years of med school to do it. By then, hopefully, those two would be married** **or something** **and he'd have gotten her out of his mind completely.**

 **The only problem was, he feared the roots of his feelings ran a** **even** **deeper than he** **believed** **it to. And that scared him.**

 **As he walked into the clubroom that evening, he found himself realizing that he needed to let someone know. At least one of his friends deserved to find out. And even before he pondered over who it would be, his answer arrived in the form of a very gentle brown haired girl, who was smiling at him quite pleasantly from near the club room door.**

" **Buchou! Good evening! I was hoping to catch you before the others arrived."**

" **Yeah?"Taichi's voice was bleak as he slid the door open** **and ushered her in before following,** **"That's funny, because…" he set his bag down and ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. Okay, this is it. "…because I have something** **to** **tell you as well."**

 **Kana chan took a seat, looking mildly confused. Why was he looking so ruffled? Momentarily, a pinch of panic gripped her heart. Their president was never this shaken up. Not once had she seen him like this. She bit her lip as he sat down too, fixing her with a determined gaze and suddenly she was reminded of Chihaya. They both had the same look in their eyes, a similar flame of determination. It was** _ **slightly**_ **unnerving.**

" **You go first." Taichi offered, leaning forward, "What did you want to see me for?"**

 **Kana chan had been phrasing her words ever since he and Chihaya landed back in the club in a whirlwind of apologies and made up excuses. But in his presence, right now, she couldn't put her thoughts into carefully calculated sentences and ended up blurting out instead, "What happened between you and Chihaya-Chan?"**

 **Taichi recoiled as if he'd been punched, it felt that way to him anyway, and Kana chan hastened to make amends. "I'm sorry Buchou! That came out wrong! I didn't mean to be so crude! I just…wanted to know…if…well, if something's happened." She caught sight of his still stunned expression and quickly added, "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't feel like it! But things between you and her have been so different even if it looks okay from outside…"**

 **Taichi blinked. And then steadied himself. That was quite a blunt question. "No, it's alright. I was just caught off guard** **, t** **hat's all. You deserve to know anyway. "**

" **I told the moron how I felt.** _ **And**_ **I got an instant rejection." The ghost of a smile danced on his lips and Kana chan noted the mask he was putting up. He was trying to downplay the whole thing but his eyes betrayed him and she felt her heart squeeze painfully. "That's what happened anyway. I needed a break so I quit…which was pretty stupid on my part, I think. But I needed it then. And I don't know what happened to her, other than what the boys filled me in on. " He took another breath, and to his surprise, it wasn't a shaky one. "I saw her in the street one day and ended up walking her home and somewhere along the way, she convinced me to come back. But trust me," he said, seeing Kana chan's alarmed expression, "I came back because I wanted to. I missed playing, I missed you guys." He leaned back and grinned at her playfully, "believe it or not, my entire life** _ **doesn't**_ **revolve around her** _ **alone**_ **. I have other priorities."**

 **Kana chan swallowed, and blinked, letting the information sink in. It was kind of unexpected. She was suddenly quite frustrated at Chihaya. How long would she take to realize what she felt? She and Sumire chan had been closely watching their captain. And even if Taichi didn't see it, they could. It was quite plain to someone with the right pair of eyes. They had grinned wickedly and squealed happily inside their heads whenever they caught Chihaya in the act. That girl was definitely showing some changes. She blushed a lot around him. She looked at him a lot more, and sometimes, forgot to breathe; personally,** _ **that**_ **was their favorite part. She freaking** _ **glowed**_ **when he was nearby!**

 **But then again, Chihaya probably didn't weigh her reactions and her behavior. She probably didn't give them a second thought.**

 _And that's where the problem lies._

 **Kana chan sighed and looked at their now smiling president with, not pity, but a look that was exasperated. "I'm sorry Buchou. We had no idea. But you know what; she probably didn't even think it through properly. Maybe –"**

" **She didn't have to." Taichi shook his head,"If you already have a clear picture of what you want in your mind, why would you even give a second thought to other options?"**

 **Kana chan understood the insinuation perfectly. And she suddenly glared at him, "Why are you** _ **smiling**_ **?"**

" **Because I'm tired of looking like a kicked puppy every time this topic comes up. It gets old."**

 **Kanade opened her mouth to retort but Taichi cut her off.** **"Listen, there's something I have to tell you, before the others come in."**

 **She backed off seeing the sudden serious look on his face. His tense posture and nervous glances left her jittery. "Right. I nearly forgot. Go on, Buchou."**

" **I'm not… I won't be attending Todai after high school"**

 **She blinked confusedly, "Why not? Which other college will you go to? Todai is the best there is in Japan right? And –"**

" **I would've attended Todai if I was staying in Japan." Taichi cut her off. His tone was mixed with urgency and a plea for her to understand, "But I'm not. I have to go to London."**

 **Kana chan gasped. And he flinched. "Why?!"**

" **My dad…he wants me to go." Taichi chewed his lip ,"There's this really great college in London which is like the best place to go. He's signed me up for a** **two-three** **month crash course which starts right after the Meijin and Queen tournaments. It's a chance for me to, you know, take in the surroundings and whatever. "**

 **Kana chan felt it then. That sweeping sadness that blows you away and leaves you cold; that very feeling which comes when you're about to lose a friend. She felt her eyes sting with unshed tears.**

 **Taichi shifted a little closer to her, and patted her arm. He wasn't expecting her to tear up already. Suddenly, he felt it too. He didn't want to go away from his friends. If you take Chihaya out of the equation, he knew it would be tough for him to make a decision to go away because he'd miss his friends** _ **that**_ **much.**

 **The brown haired girl rubbed her eyes and offered him a sad smile. He expected her to tell him to stay, stay and fight for Chihaya or something. But instead, she surprised him. "It's quite an opportunity isn't it? You should go then, if that's what you want. " she sniffed slightly," We'll miss you. I'll miss you terribly, Buchou. But you shouldn't let that get in your way. I know it's going to be a chance for you to get over her. But,"**

 **S** **he stood up, and there was such confidence in her eyes that Taichi half believed her for a second. "** **...y** **ou just wait and watch. Things are going to come around your way. All I ask is that you don't agree to join that college right now. Just wait for a little while longer."**

" **I-I'm not** **enrolling** **there right away. Don't worry. I just decided to give you a heads up, you know…"**

 **Kana chan went over to get their cards and tape. She turned her back to him and fiddled with the cards, still slightly upset about the whole thing but not just about to show it to him. A thought struck her and she asked him without looking back, "Who else knows?"**

" **Uh… no one?"**

" **What?" Kana chan turned around sharply, still clutching the cards. "You haven't told Chi chan yet?"**

" **Yeeeeah…No. " he rubbed the back of his neck,** **"** **I'd rather not. I mean she has the Queen tournament coming up and she can't afford to get distracted by anything."**

" **And you said you have other priorities…" Kana Chan's mouth twitched into a smirk at his flushed face.**

" **Of course I do!** **That's not the point." Taichi got up and went over to help her with setting up the tape. "I'd appreciate it if you'd tell the others what I just told you…but leave Chihaya out of this? I'll tell her myself after the tournament."**

" **Why** _ **then**_ **? Why not now, Buchou? That would give her more time to absorb the news right?"**

 **Taichi sighed involuntarily. "It's not that…"**

" **Then what is it?"**

 **He took another breath and pressed play on their makeshift stereo; the starting poem floated in the air. "Well… after the tournament," he fixed his eyes on the tape in front of him," I have a cushion flying in permanently from Fukui that'll lessen the blow… and distract her enough."**

 **Unfortunately, Kana chan knew which cushion he was talking about. Her voice took and unnatural frosty lining as she spoke ,"Well, You really have thought of everything haven't you?"**

 **Taichi didn't answer her.**

 **They worked in silence for the next few minutes. Kana Chan's mind was reeling. The Meijin and queen tournaments were going to be the hardest time for Taichi. She knew it. Firstly he was going off to London; second, Arata was going to be staying at Tokyo for the rest of his life by the looks of it. And the cherry on top, she thought with a sad and bitter taste in her mouth, was that he was going to help Arata get what he wanted.**

 **Why else would he have used the word 'distract'?**

" **Okay, who's the president of America?"**

" **Um... Abraham Lincoln?"**

" _ **What**_ **? NO. What's the capital of Korea?"**

" **Er… Gangnam? "**

" **Chihaya,** _ **No**_ **. It's Seoul." Taichi snapped the book shut and handed it back to her. "You're not concentrating enough."**

 **Frustration bubbled in the girl's stomach. Of course she knew the Capital of South Korea was Seoul. She was** _ **trying**_ **to concentrate on her answers but then he just** _ **had**_ **to wear that blue shirt and look like a bloody supermodel. It was so distracting she had to repeatedly remind herself not to stare at him every time his eyes lowered to the book in his hand. And once she looked, it was super tough to tear her eyes away. Lately, it had started becoming all the more difficult and it bothered her because she couldn't find out why.**

 **She thought back to their Tokyo prelims. They'd won their matches and made their way to the nationals. Arata had too. The final winner however, turned out to be Hokuo Academy. In the end, they were competing for third place with Arata and his team. She was, finally, facing off with Arata. She wanted so badly to be able to beat him. And when she swept the first few cards away from him,** **she'd** **felt euphoric. Taichi was sitting right next to her, playing his usual role as president exceptionally well that day. It was as if neither of them wanted to lose to Arata. For different reasons, of course, though she didn't know that. She was nervous, and terrified of playing** **him** **. She needed to win. And if she lost, she didn't know how it would affect her.**

 **Taichi had been watching her game, she knew. He was watching very closely. When she had managed to snag the first card from her opponent, he had grinned** **a little, their eyes met for a fleeting second and she saw pride in them** **and that was all she needed to plough through. Her heart had been beating like helicopter blades and her face was burning. She knew she sported a smile on her face. And her conviction to get more cards from Arata burned stronger, if it meant she could see that smile again from that one** **person** **sitting right next to her.**

 **But she'd lost. Somewhere along the way, Arata played like a maniac, defeating her completely. They won their match but she lost hers. They'd celebrated at a café nearby, happy to have gotten the third position.**

 **And no one noticed her false enthusiasm except him. He was the one who offered to help her look for the shirt she had supposedly left behind in their temporary quarters. And he was the one, who listened to her and held her and patted her head as she burst into tears in that small room, the one who bought her ice cream on the way back to their friends to cheer her up and also the reason her heart was beating out of control and doing gymnastics of** _ **such**_ **complexity, she didn't think those moves existed.**

 **And what with the fluttering in her stomach and the heaviness in her chest that came from interacting with him, she was confused and disoriented. But happy. SO very happy.**

" **If you think you can make it out of La-La land, call me." Taichi got up to leave, shaking his head exasperatedly. Chihaya pulled him back down. He was looking at her intently from their cross legged perch on the floor, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, and she did have a difficult time** **focusing** **. Again.**

" **Why aren't you concentrating?"**

 **The frustration that had been bubbling up in her stomach now travelled up to her chest. She was trying, honestly trying. But really, what could she do?**

" **Y-You're distracting me!"**

" **Oh am I?" his eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair. "What am I doing? A tap dance?"**

 **Her cheeks felt hot and she was sure her face was red. What was she supposed to say to him?** _ **Ne**_ _ **, Taichi, I can't concentrate because you look too good. Can you put on something**_ _ **lik**_ _ **e a**_ _ **potato sack**_ _ **…?**_

 **Yeah, No.**

 **Her silence bothered him and he** **shook** **his head** **. "Your head looks like a tomato, Chihaya. You obviously have other things on your mind. Come and call me when you're ready to pick this up. "**

 **He** **successfully** **got up this time, she was still silent. Taichi needed to leave. It was never a good sign when she was looking like that. Because in Chihaya-land, Blushing = Arata. And he didn't want to deal with that.** _ **Nope**_ **. No way.**

 **The sound of his footsteps jerked her out of her thoughts and Chihaya scrambled back towards him, tugging on his jeans. "I'm sorry! I'm Sorry okay?! I promise to do better this time. Please? ONE more chance, Taichi. Come on. "**

 **He chewed his cheek and contemplated it. Or at least tried to, because when she tugged at his jeans again, and blinked up innocently at him, his resolve broke. And he returned to his seat, cursing his weakness.**

" **Fine! But this last chance, Ayase, and then I'm done."**

 **She nodded eagerly, patting the space in front of her with that innocent smile on her face. Taichi sat down and picked up the book with a sigh. .**

" **Alright, so... What's the name of—what are you doing?"**

" **Closing my eyes."**

" **Okay,** _ **why?"**_

" **Concentration." She crossed her arms so completely missed his bemused blinking. "Go on. I'm ready."**

" **Whatever you say." He muttered, confused, and then proceeded to scan the page for an apt question.**

 **Chihaya felt a smugness inside her as she answered the first ten or so questions that he asked and she could feel him relax, even hear his smile in his voice, and she strained a little to catch the amusement lingering in the smooth timbre.**

 **And that's where things went wrong** _ **again**_ **.**

 **She messed up pathetically. One second the answer was at the tip of her tongue, the next, she was leaning in to listen to him speak, letting the suave sound float melodiously in her ears. She realised she liked it, because her heart was racing.**

 _ **Thwack!**_

 **The sharp sting on her forehead brought a cry from the brunette, and her beautiful brown eyes opened, watering slightly. They fixed on an exasperated Taichi holding the blasted text book.**

" **You." He pointed the book at her with a weariness, and an underlying sense of defeat that Chihaya noticed with a frown. "You need to get your head cleared. Just...go and do whatever it is that you need to do to get better and come bac—"**

 _ **Come back? Really? That's not the way it works, Mashima.**_

"— **and study this once again. I'm...sort of stiff, Chihaya. I need to get up and stretch anyway."**

 **She didn't say anything, just took the book from him slowly, and watched as he rose without meeting her eyes and stepped away towards the table where his bag was.**

 **Someone had switched off that light inside him again, Chihaya noted. His eyes were dull, closed off, no longer luminescent when they looked at her...like all those days before. They had been making such progress! But today, now, here it was again.**

 **She had a nagging feeling it was** _ **her**_ **who was fiddling with that switch so carelessly.**

 **Unable to think of what to say, she opened the book and stared at it for a long while, an unexpected tightening in her throat. There was something swirling in her stomach, a gut feeling that something bad was in the near future, and she knew it revolved around him. And that was even scarier.**

 **The room turned suffocating, but she was sure she was the only one who felt it, because the window was open, a blessed breeze was blowing, and Taichi was reading calmly at the table, hair continuously ruffled by the gentle incoming currents of air.**

 **But she couldn't breathe.**

 **And so she got up.**

 **Her eyes prickled as she rose to her feet shakily, book abandoned, and walked over to the table with her mind set on autopilot. The stifling in her chest was getting uncomfortable, and she moved involuntarily to get it fixed. She went to the doctor.**

 **Silently, a pair of long thin arms encircled his neck from behind and Taichi tensed on the chair.**

 **Her breathing was shaky as she buried her face in his hair and palms cold against his shoulder, through the fabric of his T-shirt. Taichi swallowed his nerves, deciding to address the matter at hand than wallow in useless reactions and pondering.**

 **His fingers lightly tapped against her forearm curled around his neck. "What's wrong?"**

 **Chihaya took a deep breath, the smell of familiar shampoo calming her nerves as she buried her face into it. But her muscles relaxed, and mind cleared just a little.**

" **Chihaya?" he prompted softly, worry edging into his tone.**

" **I have a funny feeling." She murmured. He waited, ears sharp as she breathed a pause. "I-In my tummy."**

 **Taichi frowned. "Did you eat anything strange?" He knew that wasn't it, but better make sure anyway.**

" **No, that's not it." She mumbled, then sighed desolately. "Its just a feeling...that something bad is going to happen."**

 **Taichi blinked. Gut feeling, huh? Well there was nothing he could do about that.**

" **Hey, I get those too." He said reassuringly, listening for any changes in her demeanour. "Its all the exams and the tournament and stuff that's getting to you, Chihaya. Does this happen frequently?"**

" **Y-yes. It does, I think. But Taichi...I don't know if it the** _ **exams**_ **I'm worried about."**

 **Taichi tensed for a second as an ugly thought came to him but then he dismissed it. "Each person has their own stuff to worry about, Chihaya." He murmured soothingly. "Maybe you're subconsciously anxious about the tournament, or...other things. These anxieties are just projecting at intervals so you don't entirely forget about them. But its nothing to lose sleep over, okay?"**

" **But it feels like something** _ **bad**_ **is going to happen."**

" **I get it." He said calmly, unwinding her arms from around his neck, and tugging her into the seat next to him. He needed to see her face to gauge reactions...and get her hands off of him.**

 **Brown eyes were wide and anxious and nervous, like a genuine sort of panic he'd only glimpsed during certain games when she looked at him for reassurance. But right now, it seemed a tad...bigger.**

" **Listen," he leaned forward and took her hand and patted it comfortingly, eyes intent on hers, boring a message of reassurance into her. "I can't tell you that it's nothing, Chihaya. Instinct is one of our most important means of survival. But I'll tell you this, there's no use in letting it get to you. Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen in its own time. There's no use fretting over it now and wasting precious moments. You need to focus, okay? You've got a tournament coming up."**

 **She swallowed, nodding, heart stuttering for reasons unknown. But he made sense, and she tried to let his advice sink in.**

" **Think positive." He smiled, letting go of her hands.**

 **And she wished he didn't.**

" **That's coming from the biggest pessimist alive." She blurted, swallowing disappointment when he returned to pick up his book. Taichi grinned.**

" **I'm a** _ **realist**_ **, karuta-baka. There's a difference." He spared her another worried glance then. "Are you alright?"**

 **She smiled and nodded, not entirely truthful and she knew he caught on the act with the way his eyes searched her face disbelievingly.**

 **But they both decided to let it slide.**

 **Turning back to his reading, he only paused to flick her forehead. " Chin up, girl. You've got stuff to accomplish."**

 **And her lungs loosened and expanded because the switch was on again, his eyes were glowing with light again and she felt the tension inside melt.**

 **The rest of the team showed up seconds later to practise and the two childhood friends traded academics for the sport.**

 **Nishida sat, a little taken aback by how furiously Taichi was playing that day. He was ruthless, as if Karuta was a vent to let out** _ **whatever**_ **it was that bothered him. And the meat bun fan faltered at the intensity in his amber eyes. He took a step back to observe the boy. These days, as the tournament neared, he was training like a maniac.**

 **Kana chan looked up from her game to watch him for a second too, and her lips curled into a proud smile. He was working so hard, fighting till the end even without meaning to. As saddened as she was about the whole thing, she knew things would be alright in the end...right?**

 **It had to be alright.**

 **But Buchou had a different air about him, a sort of strange level headedness, a calmness she'd never seen in him before. Not the usual maturity he exuded that everyone admired, this was something on the inside. His once uncomfortable and pained eyes were now mostly always cool and passive, almost...impassionate.**

 **Except, there were those certain moments when the walls crashed and he burned in plain sight, pale, not breathing, eyes wide and lit with an anguish she never wished upon anyone ever. Especially not him.**

 **Now a mix of these two new sides, he seemed to be drifting away slowly, and she knew Chihaya felt it too. And these changes made her question her old firm belief.**

 _ **If he was ready to live with the pain, would things work out? But that's so unfair! Buchou has been fighting something since long before high school, and now that he feels so strongly for Chi-chan, he's only been suffering more because she's— and now that he's decided to live with it, even more difficult as it is, did it mean that was the end for him and Chi-chan? Kami-sama, he doesn't deserve that!**_

 **And not for the first time, Kana chan felt her stomach clench in anxiety.**

See you next time!


	2. Chapter 2

Right. Here I realise there aren't enough pre prepped chapters to develop through Chihaya's character change ( which will become apparent as you read.) But just go with it okay? I'll try and post those later separately. Anyway, I apologise for any mistakes regarding spellings and match timings and all those technicalities. I have twisted a lot of things to fit in with the story. Forgive me for that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

 **They flew through the matches.**

 **Chihaya was on a roll, crushing her opponents with a sort of vengeance, having won the championships as a team was the biggest boost they needed. Every match she played reminded her that this was the last year.**

 **This was the end.**

 **It hurt. Her chest ached each time she realised this and her eyes stung. The volley of emotions inside came spiralling out in the form of ruthless matches, but she didn't care. If this was it, she was going to make it memorable.**

 **Maybe they'd all be going different ways, maybe they'd all be in different colleges. But that didn't matter. They'd still see each other. And each time she remembered this, Chihaya felt a prick in her chest as she thought about Taichi and realised she knew nothing about his plans. But then again, Doctor meant med school. Todai was the best option. So she knew he'd be here and that gave her a lot of peace.**

 **Her emotions were confusing. The thought of losing her friends made her near tears each time, tearing at her chest, aching. She always went sniffing to him and all he did was reassure her that no one was going to go out of touch, that they'd still have Shiranami society as a common ground. And her sadness would tone down with a sort of peace, and she'd drink in his brown hair and amber eyes and know that he'd still be there, no matter what.**

 **She couldn't put into words how much that meant to her.**

 **But what was this ominous tingling that touched her spine every time she thought along those lines?**

 **Watching her friends play and win gave her unbridled joy, a sense of pride, tears. The last matches were relentless efforts to win, all five third years pushing themselves to the limit, every single person harbouring the same pain inside because this really was it. And sensing their heightened emotions, awed by the change in them, the fight and fire and sadness in their eyes, the juniors hung back quietly, sporting proud smiles and loud cheers as Miyauchi sensei tried to stop the excessive watering of her eyes.**

 **But for some people, the realisation that the individual tournaments were ending brought even more pain.**

 **Taichi wiped at his damp forehead with a towel, smiling at his opponent. The older guy returned it ruefully, "Good game, kid. Good luck."**

" **Thank you." He said graciously, collecting the cards.**

 **That was his second last match. Now just one more to go before he might have to face the Meijin. That is, if he ever got past Arata.**

 **Funny how it came down to this. The final year, the final match, and they were facing off. The outcome was already decided, in Taichi's mind. He knew what was going to happen. Becoming the Meijin didn't even matter anymore...much. He'd gotten this far, and now no matter what the outcome, he would return with the knowledge that he** _ **was**_ **good enough to at least catch up with the two of his childhood friends. He'd like to win, of course. Some little part of his bruised pride was still glowering, refusing to give up. But Taichi being Taichi, settled for calmly accepting whatever the outcome.**

 _ **Its all over in a few weeks. Hang on till then.**_

 **That's right. Just a few more weeks and he'd finally take the next step to moving on with his life, shaking off the age old feeling of guilt and done with his repentance.**

 **The fact that he was facing Arata was proof enough that the Karuta Gods had forgiven him. He was free.**

 **And then someone rammed into him and squealed congratulations at the top of her voice and he wondered absently as he straightened her whether he'd ever** _ **really**_ **be free.**

 **Chihaya grinned brightly. "We're all going up! You're going off against Arata!"**

" **Get off, you idiot. Its hot enough already."**

 **She pouted, but reluctantly peeled her self off of him, and Taichi averted his eyes to the rest of his team approaching from behind, smiling.**

 **Kana chan and Komano were...well, he suppressed a grin. Meeting the gentle brown eyes, catching her blush at his silent teasing, Taichi disguised his laugh as a cough, before turning his attention to Komano. He looked calm and collected and cool as usual, the only thing giving him away, was the faint tinge of pink on his cheeks.**

 **Nishida had disappeared. And his smile died.**

 **Extracting himself from Chihaya, he patted her head. " Go get something to eat. I have...something to do. I'll see you later okay?"**

" **Where are you going?" she frowned, "Taichi you can't miss lunch! We were all going together—"**

" **I won't, I won't." He sighed, stepping away. "I just need to go and find Nishida. He's missing isn't he?"**

 **Judging by her bemused blinking, she hadn't noticed that.**

 **Taichi waved and sprinted off to the back. Of course she didn't notice. Of course** _ **no one**_ **noticed. To detect something like that, he suspected you needed personal experience.**

' _ **My confession was a lie, by the way.'**_

 **Taichi snorted inside his head.** _ **Lie my ass.**_

 **The hot sweltering air outside made him wonder for the thousandth time** _ **why**_ **these things were held in the summer, even though he knew the answer. Wiping at his forehead with an irritated huff, he slowed in to a brisk walk and scanned the area for his shorter teammate.**

 **That selfless idiot.**

 **But he knew why Nishida had done it. Oh, he understood. Perfectly.**

 **No one could mistake the joy on Kana Chan's face when Komano finally blurted his thoughts out. It was obvious as daylight. And Nishida knew that, he knew and he acted strategically instead of being selfish.**

 _ **Unlike me.**_ **Taichi thought wearily. But then he kicked himself. There was no way he'd regret his decisions. That had been a turning point, an important milestone. The point where he was finally shaking off a different set of the chains binding him down. And he sure had a lot of chains.**

 **He spotted the plump third year hanging on the railing, like a rag doll tossed on it in haste.**

 **Taichi felt a twinge of empathy.**

 **Slowing down to a comfortable pace, he walked over to the blank faced boy, and leaned against the metal next to him, arms crossed as he watched people pass by.**

 **Nishida didn't need words. They didn't have to** _ **talk.**_ **He just knew, he picked himself up, on his own, so Taichi knew all he needed right now was silence. Company. He'd talk hen he was ready.**

 **They stayed there like that, the shorter boy making no move to acknowledge his presence. And Taichi watched the various people moving around, discussing matches, comforting each other on losses and congratulating on victories. But this was just the beginning. After the next final match in three hours, they'd all retire for the night before the Meijin and Queen tournaments the next day.**

 **And then it was done. For him, this was it.**

" **Is it enough to know that they're happy?"**

 **Taichi didn't start. He didn't even blink, easily slipping back to the present and addressing the bleak voice from next to him.**

 **He didn't reply immediately, and Nishida turned her head to look at the tall, handsome young man with that wise look on his face that was earning quite a few glances from a few pairs of female eyes; something he was oblivious to.**

 **Amber eyes flitted to his own finally, and Yusei breathed at the empathy that he saw there.**

" **It is. It will be..." a sigh. "You'll move on."**

 **The shorter boy turned his head to the ground again. "I have to go and face them now, don't I?"**

" **We could skip." Taichi mused quietly," But I don't think that's the best decision. You're only going to regret not spending time with them later. Trust me, I know."**

 **Nishida breathed out another sigh, then the air snapped and changed, and Taichi watched him get up, putting his pieces back together as he stretched nonchalantly, "Aaaaaaah. I'm hungry anyway. Ayase will have my head if I don't show up, and bring you with me, no doubt. Come on!"**

 **Taichi envied the boy. Really envied him.**

 **He followed his teammate at the slow pace he had set, hands in his pockets. Nishida was silent, but he knew it was a contemplative one. The air was thick and tensed, but he found a familiarity in it.**

" **You're going to have to win."**

" **Huh?" Taichi blinked, looking confusedly at the determined face his companion now sported.**

" **Win." He said again. They stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, but Nishida held him rooted to the spot with his eyes. "Win, Mashima. I know you've already resigned to yourself that you're going to lose. But** _ **don't.**_ **You have to fight till the end. And I mean the very end. You can't leave for England with regrets."**

 **Taichi sucked in a breath. Nishida smiled sadly. "I talked to her...Kana-chan. She's really sad about it...and so am I...but I guess I understand. You're a lot more...in deep than I am." He shrugged. "Go, get out of here. But not before giving it your all, Mashima. You can't** _ **give up."**_

 **And with that he turned around and walked towards their room, leaving Taichi standing there reeling.**

 **His head spun. Indecision swirled in his stomach. The little bit of his pride flared, refusing to go down without a fight, protesting against his resignation. His lungs clogged. Reality hit him straight in the chest and everything seemed to wobble. The precarious balancing of his problems, his worries, stacked away like a card palace wobbled dangerously as a fresh breeze blew and threatened to send it tumbling down, make him a mess.**

 **Reality was** _ **ugly.**_

 **Was he even ready to go away? Give up?**

 _ **What am I fighting for again? A lost cause? No, I need to stop.**_

 **But this wasn't about her. It was about himself. As a person. He couldn't give up now, when he'd come so far! No, if he** _ **was**_ **leaving, he'd do it with a bang.**

 **And shedding the past was important but he realized with a jolt that he didn't** _ **want**_ **to.**

 **He didn't want to forget about the club, about these tournaments. He didn't want a fresh start where his past had no place in his life. He didn't** _ **want**_ **to forget about her or Arata, no matter how much it hurt.**

 **It had become a part of him, a piece of his existence. How was he supposed to live without it?**

 _ **So I'm not going to London?**_

 **No, he was going. He was going and probably staying. But he'd take this big basket of memories and photos and feelings with him. He'd thought all his life that he wanted to be free of it all, but now, so close to almost moving toward that freedom, he realised he didn't want it. Not that he was scared of a fresh change, just that he** _ **didn't want**_ **to forget.**

 _ **I'm a puzzle.**_

 **Shaking his head, heart pounding, he smiled as Nishida whipped around and yelled at him to hurry up, those brown eyes flashing knowingly, that his words had hit home.**

 **They were greeted by a joyous team settled around the table, bentos open and inviting.**

 **Taichi sat down next to Kana chan, with Nishida opposite him, and Sumire chan next to him. Exchanging a glance with the porky boy, he focused on his food with a smile.**

 **The fact that this was the last meal they'd have as a team at Omi Jingu was weighing on everyone's mind, and he saw Chihaya's hands tremble at one point. But she was holding up well, and he sighed, a familiar mixture of affection, admiration and exasperation welling up inside.**

 **He didn't want that feeling to go away either. It wasn't healthy but he'd take what he got, keep whatever it was that he had.**

 **Only an hour was left until his match with Arata. The team was lazing while he and Chihaya were sitting in front of the cards, silent, both lost in thoughts. It was really hot again, but the fan was directed at them and it ruffled his hair and his T-shirt and cooled his head and he was grateful for it. Absently he wondered if England would be as cold as he expected it to be.**

 **An then cursed himself for slipping that way.**

 **Was he excited about this trip? No. Was he looking forward to it? A little. Because it would give him time to think, get a taste of what he was going towards and what he'd be missing if he ever made the choice to leave.**

 **His phone trilled and that snapped him put of his daze.**

 **Chihaya looked up distractedly as Taichi fished it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. A confused smile broke out on his face as he muttered an 'Excuse me' and flipped it open.**

" **Hello?"**

 **The familiar voice floated over from the other side, elegant and collected, but warm, and he pictured the blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes he'd interacted with at parties and family functions.**

" **Taichi-kun! Hisashiburi!"**

 **Taichi laughed. "I saw you last week."**

 **She laughed on the other line as well. "I know, but it feels like a long time. But , tell me, is that tacky blue shirt** _ **really**_ **necessary?"**

 **Taichi started, looking down at his T-shirt and then scanning the surroundings with bewilderment. "How in the world— are you spying on me, Sasako?!"**

 **Her laughter trickled over from the phone and Chihaya heard the faint feminine tone.**

 **Something twisted and she blinked at the nasty feeling she got in her stomach.**

 **Silently, she raised a brow at Taichi, who was scanning the faces in the crowded room, and outside with piqued interest. Catching her eye, he gave her a confused grin, holding up a finger to indicate that he'd explain in a minute, and the gesture left her a little smug. Clearly, he still had time to pay attention to her.**

 _ **Hah.**_ **She thought. Although to whom, or what, that thought was directed at, she had no idea.**

" **What do you mean, you're here?" he sounded increasingly confused. "I didn't know you played—"**

" **Oh its not me." She said quickly, " My friend is a class B player and she wanted me to come. I just saw you sitting there and decided to call."**

" **Ah...well come out of the shadows then." He smiled. She giggled and the call ended abrubtly as his eyes caught the tall slender figure stepping from behind a pillar.**

 **She waved and he rolled his eyes, beckoning her forward.**

 **Eyes back on Chihaya, and his now listening teammates, he got up slowly. "Sorry about that. She has a thing for dramatics." And as the beautiful blonde figure neared, he gave her a polite smile and introduced her to the group. " Meet Yuki Sasako. Sass, this is my team."**

" **Wow." She gasped suddenly, eyes on Chihaya! "I know you!"**

 **Taichi tensed. Sasako smiled widely at the bemused girl blinking on the ground.**

" **You're the pretty girl in the photo! Oh, that old one, in your room, Taichi-kun! With three kids and an old sensei."**

 **Recognition flickered across Chihaya's face as she realised which photo she was talking about, and she smiled even though her stomach was turning. "Nice to meet you, Yuki-san."**

 **The sick feeling in her stomach, she realised, was an ugly sort of apprehension, a repressing feeling of loss and resignation. Like she just lost a game.** _ **She was allowed into his room. And he practically shoved me out of it.**_ **It shouldn't have bothered her, but she was close wasn't she? And the nickname.**

" **Sasako is the daughter of my dad's close friend." He explained. Taichi shoved his hands into his pockets and though his demeanour was easy, she saw the slightly tensed shoulders and guarded eyes. "She's the only reason I survived all those blasted balls and parties we used to have to attend."**

 **The two teens shuddered simultaneously and laughter broke out in the group. Sasako grinned. "Its really nice to see you all. I just wish we had time to get to know each other but, unfortunately, my friend is waiting for me."**

" **Do you play, Yuki-san?" Sumire chan asked curtly, but the girl shook her head elegantly.**

" **Oh no. Its my friend. I'm just here to support her. But now that I've seen you guys, I'll be cheering you on. You have a match Taichi-kun?"**

 **He nearly cringed. He hated it when she called him that. " Yeah...in a bit."**

" **I should've known you'd get this far." She rolled her eyes. "Perfectionist Mashima and his polished skills."**

" **Don't make me open my mouth, Sass." He warned as the group tittered. "I know enough party mishaps to make your life a complete embarrassment!"**

 **Her ears turned pink and the girl retreated, holding up her hands in surrender. "Er...that's my cue to leave. I'll have to go. Good luck Mashima. You too Ayase-san. I'll see you at the airport, Taichi-kun."**

 **Taichi froze, hoping no one paid attention to that last bit. He waved a tad stiffly as she left with a bow and a polite smile, mind reeling.** _ **Please don't let her—**_

" **What's at the airport, Taichi?"**

 _ **Damn. "**_ **Airplanes.." he trailed lazily, and her eyes narrowed.**

 **Chihaya opened her mouth to press on, but Taichi had flicked a pleading glance to Kanade and she jumped in, understanding the situation slightly.**

" **Chi-chan, you're goofing off! There's barely half an hour left! Buchou, you too. Sit!"**

 **He plopped back on the ground immediately and Chihaya snapped back to the cards.**

 **The wierd tingle in her spine, the sick feeling in her gut resurfaced, and she swallowed. But focused on the cards.**

 **It wasn't fair, so much negative feelings. What was going on with her? First she instantly became guarded and...**

 **Was that** _ **jealousy?**_

 **Her heart thrummed in her chest as her eyes widened. Jealousy and despair. Her eyes flicked to a frowning Taichi glaring at two cards in his hand.**

 **And a tingle of realisation seeped into her. A gasp left her lips.**

 **His head snapped up to meet her eyes and he frowned worriedly at the turmoil inside.**

" **Chihaya?"**

" **I-I need a break. I'll be right back."**

 **And she stumbled up and shot out of the room. Chihaya ran, ran outside, into the heat, mind full and spinning.**

 **Everything made sense now. The blood pumping, the blushing, the rapid pulse. The way she was so easily distracted, easily drifting to him. Why it hurt so much when he pulled away or why she wanted more of everything he gave. Why she was possessive, and greedy for more. Why her mood altered with his, why she paid so much attention to him, why she worried. Why she wanted to be the to understand him completely, peeling down all the layers and figure him out on a deeper level.**

 **Not as friends, she'd never get that deep as friends.**

 _ **Oh god.**_

 **Ayase Chihaya felt her head spin. Freezing in the middle of the hall, she swallowed the frustrated tears in her eyes.**

 **She still couldn't say it, admit it, because it was too much, the huge flood of knowledge and realization refusing to sink in and her mind and heart struggled under its weight.**

 **Her chest was constricted. She couldn't breathe.**

 **A tap on her shoulder and she spun around.**

 _ **Arata. Oh my god, Arata.**_

" **Chihaya?" he peered at her face worriedly, "What's wrong?"**

 **She caught her reflection in his glasses, pale and tears in her eyes, looking like she was in some deep trouble.**

 **Which she was.**

 **Confused, needing comfort, but for the fist time, nor knowing where to go, she cried.**

 **Arata looked alarmed as his hands fluttered, unsure of what to do. Finally settling on a safer option, he pulled her into a hug.**

 **Chihaya expected the familiar warmth and sense of comfort to settle down upon her like a mist, that immediate reaction her muscles had, relaxing and tears beginning to cease as soon as the pair of sinewy familiar arms wrapped hesitantly around her frame.**

 **But it didn't come.**

 **The scent was different. His chest felt unfamiliar under her forehead, the arms new and foreign.**

 **Not...familiar, or...right, or...just not** _ **it.**_

 **She froze again. This wasn't going to work. In fact, it was unfair. To her, to him...**

 **More tears stung her eyes but she pushed them away. She needed to hold on for now. A match was looming in the distance. And whatever it was that upset her, she'd have to save it for later.**

 **Chihaya pulled out of his embrace and stepped away, wiping her eyes. Arata watched carefully.**

" **S-Sorry, Arata. I-I was just...upset."**

" **I can see that." He smiled worriedly. "What's wrong?"**

 **She raised her eyes to the midnight blue ones and they were beautiful, cool, calm. Far away.**

 **They didn't pull out her secrets.**

" **Nothing." She sighed. "Nothing, its just— the game. I'm tensed."**

" **Ah." His expression cleared and he smiled soothingly. "Hey, It's okay. You worked so hard, you're definitely going to win this match! Shinobu wants to see you tomorrow, Chihaya...I do too."**

 **She smiled resignedly, not convinced, but she needed to get away. "Thanks Arata. Good luck on your game."**

" **You too." He smiled. Chihaya took a step back.**

" **See you later? I have to go find..."** _ **Taichi."...**_ **my** __ **team** _ **."**_

 **He nodded quietly, and smiled. "See you."**

 **She turned and ran back inside, into the room. Her head pounded, but she knew what she had to do if she wanted the match to go well.**

 **Turning the corner, she saw her team walk out of the room, chatting. Kana chan stopped as soon as she saw her.**

" **Chi-chan! Where have you been?"**

" **Bathroom." She lied quietly, eyes scanning the faces. "Where's Taichi?"**

" **He got a call..." Komano trailed off. "Hey, are you sure you're okay?"**

 **Chihaya tore her eyes away from the scan she was doing on the room, and saw the worried faces of her friends. Her chest tightened again.**

" **I'll be fine." She shook her head. "I just need to—"**

" **He's in there." Nishida jerked a thumb into a side room, one in which they were supposed to spend the night. He smiled at her. "Go fix yourself and get your head back in the game. And give him a whack while you're at it. He's a little off. Come on, let's get decent seats."**

 **Nodding her thanks, she dashed into the room as they left, wondering what was bothering him too.**

 **Inside, their bags were piled in a room, the wide spaces for the sleeping bags bare for now, another corner occupied by the various snacks Nishida had brought.**

 **Taichi was shoving his phone into his pocket with a dejected sort of air about him. The slump in his shoulders, and the way he rubbed his face was enough to make her stomach twist with worry.**

 **Forgetting her own problems for a minute, she stepped forward hesitantly. His head snapped around instantly, a look of surprise on his tired face.**

" **Taichi." She moved towards him," What's wrong?"**

" **My dad called." He muttered. "Something about... College. Exams, you know." He shrugged as she came closer. "He's been on my case since forever. But that's okay. Where were yo— what's wrong?!"**

 **She stopped a feet away, unsure of what to do. Taichi bent slightly to peer at her face and his eyes widened a fraction. "You were crying. What happened, Chihaya?"**

 **There was worry in his tone, concern blooming obviously and she felt another sting behind her eyes.**

 **How he did it, she didn't know, but his expression softened immediately and he sighed. He held out a hand, looking sort of resigned, and she knew what it was, that gesture: an invitation to a hug.**

 **Without hesitation, she put her hand in his and almost flew at him more than he could pull her in.**

 **As soon as he sighed and wrapped his arms around her, the normal reactions came back. Familiar woodsy apple-ish scent was the most calming thing she'd ever breathed. She relaxed, the tendency to cry went away, and the fabric of his shirt was soft, chest firm under her cheek, warm and...well,** _ **just what she needed.**_

 **Only right now, her heart stuttered a little before resuming a normal relaxed rhythm.**

 **Taichi rested his chin on her head lightly. "What happened?"**

 **She was silent. For some reason, she didn't want to tell him her actual problem, didn't want to put anything in the way of their matches. Because they'd come so far, and they needed to clear their heads. And this particular thing required a lot of thought.**

" **Its nothing." She mumbled. "Just the game getting to my head...and it's almost over..."**

" **Yeah, right." He scoffed lightly and she winced. " You know, you couldn't** _ **pay**_ **me to believe your lies."**

" **Shut it, Taichi." She mumbled. "I just need to get my head straight." Her arms tightened around him, and it felt so good, she doubted she'd want to let go anytime soon. Or anytime** _ **ever**_ **for that matter.**

 **Taichi only sighed, patted the back of her head and then pulled her away gently. Chihaya almost voiced her protests but he put his head at her height, and their eyes levelled and locked.**

" **You have a game to win." He said firmly. The words washed over her, buzzing in the background and ingraining itself into her brain as she took in his face, and felt her pulse skyrocket.**

" **You've come way too far to let** _ **anything**_ **get in the way, okay? Whatever it is, just wait until later to sort it out."**

 **She nodded dazedly. Why did it feel like he was talking about something** _ **other**_ **than her preoccupations now?**

" **Get your head in the game at** _ **all times.**_ **Will you do that?"**

" **I will." She said quietly.**

" **No, promise me." He hook his head and held out his little finger, lips twitching at his own actions. She felt her own mouth curve upwards. "Swear on Daddy bear and the creepy snowman. Swear on chocolate glazed donuts...** _ **and,"**_ **he paused at her tiny gasp, now looking malicious. Chihaya suppressed a laugh. "on** _ **icecream.**_ **And** _ **Karuta!"**_

 **She let her eyes go wide as she played along, the air lightened. He'd just listed all the things important to her but maybe he'd left something out?**

 **Her little finger reached out and twined around his.**

" **I swear on your head, Stupid Taichi, to get my head in the game at all times."**

 **His eyes widened in surprise, all sense of light-hearted play flying away as she said seriously, looking straight at him. "I swear on one of the most important people in my life to win this game...but, er...don't make me promise about tomorrow."**

 **He offered her a distracted smile, a little thrown. Then quickly shaking himself out of it, he grinned. The expression was so genuine, without the usual guards, that her heart leapt. "Looks like I'm about to explode into a thousand pieces soon enough."**

" **Oi! Have some faith."**

 **He laughed, the sound infectious as her own lips curved. He dropped their hands, but she let them stay locked at the pinky fingers. He didn't seem to notice.**

" **I have plenty of faith, karuta-baka." He said firmly, smiling. "I know tomorrow's gonna be a match to remember."**

 **Chihaya grinned and made up her mind to do exactly that. Deliver.**

 **He tugged at their twined fingers to drag her outside. And then dropped her hand.**

" **Ne, Taichi." She called hesitantly. "You're going to win too right?"**

 **He looked back at her in surprise, then smiled. "I'm going to try my best, Chihaya."**

 **She sighed and shook her head.**

 **When it came to that match, she didn't know whom to support. But she had a faint feeling that it would be amber instead of midnight blue she would search for after, no matter what the outcome.**

 **The way the room was quiet and brooding as the eight contestants entered didn't go unnoticed by Kana chan. Wakamiya Shinobu looked as calm and collected as ever, her air icy in comparison to the hot waves beating down on them all. Silently thankful for the A/C, Kana Chan noticed how the cold blue eyes of the reigning queen lingered on Chihaya as she sat down opposite another girl, concentrating on the game. The queen spared her a second, before eyeing her cards.**

 **She didn't even look at her opponent, who was already gritting his teeth and sweating.**

 **Hastily, her eyes shifted to the Meijin and saw him exchange a small secret smile with...** _ **Buchou?**_

 **That was new.**

 **Taichi merely returned the expression politely, before fixing his eyes on Arata. Their game was parallel to Chihaya's, right next to her, in fact but he was sitting opposite to her and for once, he looked absolutely cool. Even happy, because he was smiling at the boy opposite him.**

 **And he was smiling back.**

 **Kana chan watched their interactions with an admiration and her heart ached for her friend, even if she was a firm believer that things would go his way. But right now, she just acknowledged how brave he was being.**

 **They bowed to each other, then to the reader and as she watched, Chihaya looked over at the boys for a second, looking almost worried, but then caught their eyes, both of them, and all three friends broke out into small smiles.**

 **The scene looked familiar, practised, a ghost of something that used to transpire between them eons ago, and that thought made Kanade blink in admiration. They really did go a long way back, their lives really were hooked onto each other by some point or the other. And that age old friendship still thrummed underneath the strain of other things, and she knew that,** _ **understood**_ **that as time healed them, they would go back to being the three elementary school friends with lots to share and abundant loyalty to one another.**

 **Time.**

" _ **Naniwazuni...Sakuya kono hana fuyugomori...**_

 _ **Imano harubeto...Sakuya kono hana...**_

 _ **Kimi—"**_

 **There were slaps on the tatami, the sound of shuffling as people got up to collect their cards.**

 **And the difference was stark in three games. The Meijin and Queen looked as relaxed as ever, and Chihaya was completely at ease.**

 **But the other game was a sight to see.**

 **As the poems moved on and age old stories of love and passion were recited, Kana chan felt her eyes train solely on the pair of boys fighting it out. A battle of sorts, a seemingly harmless match but it had** _ **so**_ **much riding on it.**

 _ **Buchou's last match against Wataya-san...for a while, at least. His last chance at...what? A chance to prove himself?**_

 **He didn't need that, she decided. He didn't need to prove anything to anyone and he knew. Because Taichi smiled at Arata as the boy scrambled over to pick up a fallen card, almost congratulatory.**

 **He wasn't losing on purpose though.**

 **He pushed today, farther than she'd ever seen him go, neck to neck with Arata, fighting relentlessly for each card he lost. Sweat was already dripping down his temple and along his jaw, and to her surprise, the usually cool Wataya prodigy was breaking a little effort too.**

 **It must be the emotional turmoil rather than the actual game, Kanade sighed. They were vicious, those two, playing for something a lot more, something above that trophy or that title.**

 **A two card difference sustained between them and Kana-chan could almost hear their President's brain whirring rapidly, strategizing how to get it back.**

" **He's doing exceptional today, isn't he?" Komano whispered next to her. Her head bobbed in agreement and she felt Nishida do the same.**

" **Didn't know Mashima had it in him. Two card difference! Hah. That's a record as far as I'm concerned." The round boy hissed excitedly.**

" **But have you noticed?" Komano muttered. "The 'Chiha' card is still in play..."**

 **With a jolt, Kana-chan realized that he was right. And immediately, her ears strained to catch it. A small part of her wondered if it was just an observation Komano made, or whether he knew how important that particular card was...**

 **And for her, time slowed down as the reader opened her mouth and sang on cue, "** _ **Chi—".**_

 **There were slaps again, swifter and more vehement from all sides as the syllable registered but two hands held two cards in them victoriously even before the others had moved.**

 **Chihaya grinned at** _ **her**_ **card, and set it aside, before glancing over at her two friends.**

 **There was short second, a time when Kana chan didn't know whether she wanted to find out the outcome, but her eyes latched onto the brown haired male who was blinking at the piece of plastic in his fingers, blank faced, but eyes burning.**

 **He'd** _ **defended**_ **against a direct sweep. From Wataya Arata.**

 **She tried not to squeal in joy. Kana chan whipped her head around to look at her kohai and saw Sumire chan clasping a hand over her mouth to contain her own laughter. Their eyes met and they both resisted the urge to hug.**

 **Chihaya smiled as she saw Taichi dazedly put the card away, and shake his head as if to clear it. His posture tensed once again, as he leaned over the cards, hand hovering, waiting. She turned to her own deck, ignoring the way her blood rushed in her body. Adrenaline pumped wildly for some reason, and she tried not to smile too much.**

 **More poems floated melodiously in the air, the players not exactly pausing to enjoy its beauty today.**

 **As she waited patiently for the last few cards that would determine her fate, Chihaya heard the tell tale mumblings of a finished game next to her.**

 **She watched as Arata and Taichi bowed to one another, and then to the reader and she found herself antsy with apprehension.**

 **But that wasn't necessary. Arata was collecting the cards. He had won.**

 **Instantly, her eyes darted to Taichi who was setting down his towel, and blowing out a long silent breath. But there was a smile on his face. One that widened as he locked eyes with Arata, and then amber pools flicked to her.**

 **She couldn't exactly breathe.**

 **Some part of her registered his frown, and pointed glance back at her own cards and she tore her gaze away, back to the green and white rectangles in front of her.**

 **They were blank.**

 _ **Is he okay? But he was smiling , so it can't be that bad... Right?**_

 **The next syllable jolted her out of her thoughts, and she watched in horror as a perfectly good card was stolen from right under her nose.**

 **Cold filled her chest and stomach, snapping her out of her daze as her hands chilled at her mistake.**

 _ **Keep my head in the game. Taichi can't explode.**_

 **She took a deep breath. In. Out.**

 **Mind considerably clearer, she set her jaw to fight for that loss.**

 **The air in their assigned room was light and cheery despite the fact that they had one loss. But Taichi had washed his hands from it completely with genuine smiles and reassurances that he was perfectly happy with things the way they were.**

 **Chihaya was jittery and yet, bursting with happiness at the same time. She had won, obviously, and tomorrow was** _ **it,**_ **the day she'd been waiting for since she'd first ever played the game with Arata in that small room.**

 **Arata, who was currently talking to Taichi outside, a conversation that had started immediately after their match and continued on till now.**

 **Her foot tapped against the floor in impatience. Her entire team was looking like they had** _ **all**_ **won the tournaments, and they were seated around the table, laughing and joking and being noisy in general, with Miyauchi sensei and Harada sensei trying to carry a conversation in the middle. She doubted they could hear each other.**

" **Ayase!" Nikuman-kun's voice was sharp from among the chatter. Her head snapped towards him. "Go get Mashima, will you? We're hungry!"**

" **Nishida-senpai, he's busy with Wataya-san!" Sumire chided. "Let him take his own time, ne Ayase se—"**

 **But she turned just in time to see the girl shoot out of the room like a bullet. A sweat drop grazed her forehead.**

 **Chihaya skidded on the floor as she cut corners without reducing her speed, and ran out to the cafe nearby where she knew they would be. Taichi always needed coffee. The only thing keeping him from having a cup in his hand 24/7,was the fact that he** _ **knew it**_ **was bad for him, and made a conscious effort to cut back. The match today was gruelling, and she knew he wouldn't have gone this long without it. He was long overdue a good cup of caffeine.**

 **And she was long overdue his company. Stupid idiots thinking they could just leave her in the dark while they caught up.**

 **She stepped into the small cosy shop, eyes scanning and catching sight of Arata's glasses immediately. From the distance, he looked weary and almost as if he was protesting against something Taichi was saying. She waited a beat. Would it be okay to interrupt?**

 **But in a split second, Arata jerked as if he'd been hit, and then his eyes snapped to her form instantly.**

 _ **Spotted. No use going back now.**_ **Chihaya slowly made her way over to the table, watching with confusion as Arata gaped at her, then at his other friend seated opposite him. Taichi didn't look surprised at her arrival at all.**

" _ **How**_ **did you know?" Arata asked weakly, looking from him to the bemused girl. "Do you have a sixth—no, wait,** _ **eighth**_ **sense I should know about?"**

 **Taichi chuckled amusedly, gesturing at Chihaya to take a seat, and she did when Arata scooted over, his expression still slightly dazed. " There's a mirror finished door behind you, Arata. Reflections can be a big help sometimes."**

 **The black haired teen whipped around to look at the said door, before returning to his friend with an impressed smile. "And you certainly know how to** _ **deliver**_ **your trick. Forget med-school, how about magic classes?"**

 **Taichi wrinkled his nose good naturedly as Chihaya laughed, finally catching on. His eyes took in the two of them sitting opposite him comfortably, and the dull throb in his chest made him want to laugh. They were like polar opposites, Arata was calm and reserved and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm in every action. But hey, as they always say, opposites attract.**

 **He really was ready to accept and go his own way. Not move on, of course not, but completely acknowledge the pain with a sense of resignation. A surrender. It was beautiful. He could breathe . The card palace was being built up again, and this time he was setting up walls to prevent unwanted breezes.**

 **His smile was genuine, but he knew the small stabs inside might reflect in his eyes. So he focused on his glass of cold coffee. "I suspect they sent you here?" he asked Chihaya, drowning the last of his drink. She nodded immediately and jumped up in an almost panic.**

" **Nikuman-kun is** _ **hungry.**_ **You'd better come back before things get ugly."**

 **Taichi's eyes widened a fraction and he got up too. "Crap. It's really late isn't it?"**

 **Her nod went unnoticed because he was looking at Arata apologetically. "We have to leave...see you tomorrow?"**

 **Arata nodded calmly. "Go on. See you tomorrow. Good luck, Chihaya."**

" **You too, Arata." She smiled, then faltered as the boys exchanged a glance.**

 **That silent conversation, irritating one because she knew they had had an important discussion before her arrival.**

" **Yeah, Good luck, Arata." Taichi said finally, getting up and setting a tip on the table "We'll be leaving now. See you."**

" **Bye."**

 **Managing to grin and wave at Arata, she followed Taichi outside, mind reeling, slightly glum.**

 **He probably picked up on it because Taichi stopped halfway and raised a brow at her. She stuck her tongue out in reply and stalked over.**

 **She heard him laugh, and her irritation melted at the sound. A warm hand wrapped around her wrist and all of a sudden her breathing was laborious, her heart beat was erratic, and she couldn't keep a proper line of thought. Taichi looked amused. "Spill."**

" **You're keeping secrets from me!" she accused, alert enough to get back to her problem. "Something's going on, Taichi and I want in. Now."**

 **The smile froze on his face but his eyes dimmed and died, something she caught on to immediately. Now her suspicions were confirmed. Heart beating faster than ever, she twisted her hand and wrapped her fingers around his wrist instead, using her free hand to help too. She stepped closer, possibilities roaring in her mind and making her nauseous.**

" **Are you sick?" she breathed.**

 **He blinked. "Do I look sick to you?"**

" **Yes! You're pale and tired and you** _ **look ill.**_ **Taichi, are you..."she swallowed and the last bit was a whisper:"...are you** _ **dying?"**_

 **A beat long he was silent, and then his shoulders were shaking and he was doubled over and his hand was no longer in her grasp. That part irked her. But the melodious sound soothing her troubles, making her light and free, like cotton candy, it was making her own lips twitch. But she held her ground.**

 **Taichi gathered enough composure to resurface, tears in his eyes from his laughter. She looked pissed, her cheeks were red and there was an angry pout on her lips, and something inside tugged and swooped in his stomach and that sobered him enough. He needed to stay in control after all.**

 **But yet another short bark of laughter escaped his mouth as he corrected her. "I'm not dying."**

 **She blinked, actually looking relieved and he had to suppress a sigh.** _ **Nice to see you care, you heartbreaker.**_

 **Stupid. That wasn't her fault! But it felt good to blame someone else for his predicament, someone other than himself.** _ **Just don't make it a habit.**_

 **Chihaya frowned. She was still mad at him, but her curiosity was taking an upper hand. "So then what's happening?"**

" _ **Nothing,**_ **Chihaya. Guys sometimes like to talk too. About...well, stuff." He defended lamely.**

 **But his effort wasn't in vain because her eyes went slightly wide and her cheeks burned again and he wondered if her mind was in the gutter but thought against correcting it. Whatever got her off his case, he'd take it.**

 **Contrary to his slightly darker thoughts, Chihaya's mind wasn't exactly wedged deep into the metaphorical gutter. In fact, she had only just realised that both the boys happened to...well, claim an interest in her once upon a time, and both of them were now having a discussion** _ **without**_ **her.** _ **God.**_

 **Not to sound too self absorbed, but couldn't they have been talking about her?**

 **She dropped the whole thing abruptly and charged forwards with another pout. That wasn't entirely fair. Or was it? She wasn't entitled to hear what they had to say. Their thoughts were their own!**

 **Apparently, her silence agitated her companion because Taichi groaned. "Oh, come on! Forget about that, okay? Here, I'll buy you a treat if you promise to drop it."**

 **She was sold already but pretended to mull it over. "What kind of treat...?"**

" **Anything you want." He smiled.**

 **And her heart raced again as she looked right into his eyes and her cheeks felt hot. Chihaya swallowed and averted her gaze, suddenly a little...shy? Unsure?**

 **Taichi frowned confusedly.**

" **A-anything's fine. I-Infact, you don't have to get me anything..." she mumbled, cooling her face a little. "I'll drop it."**

 **He stopped walking. Hesitantly, she turned to face him too. Taichi looked a mixture of worried, confused and panicked. His voice was a little strangled when he said, "Are you sick?!"**

" **Er...no?"**

" **Don't lie, Ayase." He huffed, looking intensely worried. "Do you feel funny? Did you hit your head somewhere?"**

 **A twinge of annoyance shot through her. "Hey!"**

" **No, I'm serious." He wringed his hands. "You're acting awfully unusual! Like...like a** _ **normal**_ **human** _ **female."**_

 **A chagrined growl escaped her lips and she swung her little bag at him. Taichi ducked, with all his excellent reflexes, and grabbed the incoming second swing easily. "Okay,** _ **now**_ **you're back to normal."**

 **She didn't know why she felt so frustrated. Her eyes narrowed and she was muttering darkly under her breath, bit his wrist flicked and she was tugged forward by the straps of her bag.**

 **Close. So close. If she moved a foot, she'd be nestled right against his chest and the urge to do exactly that was so overwhelming, she had to clench her fists and grit her teeth. Her eyes stung again for no apparent reason.**

 **Instantly, his stance and gaze all softened, but Taichi continued to look confused. He stooped to her level, with that compassionate gaze and reassuring eyes, promising everything was going to be fine, and radiating a warmth she was actually craving right then.**

" **I'm sorry." His voice was soft. He had no reason to apologise but he did so anyway. Their faces were close enough for her to feel the ghost of his breath on her skin, the faint smell of coffee dusting her awareness. Her eyes fluttered as if to close and lean in.**

 **But she didn't because he had flicked her forehead.**

 **The sharp pain was a welcome break. She clutched the injury with watery eyes and he sighed. "You're acting really strange today. First before the match, and now...mood swings. Is it that time of the month again?"**

 **He was raised not to joke like that, she knew, and the fact that he was this free and open only with** _ **her**_ **suddenly hit Chihaya and she felt lighter, happy. She wacked his shoulder and they both smiled.**

" **I want my icecream."**

 **Looking relieved, his face cleared and he grinned, straightening. "Icecream it is! Come on!"**

 **Smiling widely now, she looped her arm through his and they navigated the street to a nearby shop, all the while Chihaya wondering how it was that she had in her noticed that** _ **this**_ **felt so natural, so right, like something she could do for the rest of her life.**

 **Being with Taichi. It was easy, it was** _ **amazing,**_ **it was a balance she never noticed until lately.**

 **Getting a milkshake instead, and generously offering him sips in between, which he took with an eye roll, she happily followed him back to the little stuffy room. Taichi had strategically brought a packet of warm** _ **hot dogs**_ **of all things but it was an instant hit among the group of hungry kids and they all settled down to enjoy the night, just celebrate because...**

 **Because this was the last time they would for those circumstances.**


	3. Chapter 3

Now here, I had trouble. I mean, _drama._ It's tough to write. But here you go.

Miyano Mamoru's **moonlight** is awesome. Try it out and tell me if you like it so we can squeal over that!

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

 **Waking up with a lurching stomach wasn't something Chihaya was used to.**

 **She'd had nervous nights before big games, nights where she tossed and turned but eventually fell asleep. Nights where her stomach fluttered violently and she'd call up her best friend and mumble incoherent words while he comforted her with another sleepy string of lines that made no sense, but his rich voice always grabbed the nervous butterflies and solidified them, melting the ice in her veins and just fixing it. And the next day, the same voice would send a flurry of** _ **bats**_ **in her stomach but that was for a different reason...she was beginning to understand now.**

 **But this morning, early, she rose just before the sun, her stomach clenching and rolling, and she realized this was the first time she'd got up in the** _ **morning**_ **with bated breath and cold hands.**

 **Her head lifted, and eyes automatically scanned the room, skimming over the girls next to her and brushing past Nishida's sprawled form tangled with Tsukuba, over Komano's soft smile and curled position, facing, she noted with a small jolt, Kana Chan's general direction, and finally settled on the gently breathing form she knew to be her best friend.**

 **The nervous rolling in her stomach was just as strong as the need to wake him up and listen to him sleepily try and get her head back on her shoulders...and have his arms wrap around her and give her that warmth if she got lucky.**

 _ **What's wrong with me?!**_

 **But despite her thoughts, she had gotten up, auto pilot mode working again as the sleeping bag was discarded and she tiptoed her way over with bleary eyes and a still sleepy mind.**

 **Halfway through, however, Nikuman-kun's grunt made her stumble into a stop and the idea that Taichi** _ **deserved**_ **his sleep entered her mind, shaking her awareness awake.**

 **Her eyes made out his features, more visible now with the faint light of dawn cracking through the windows. They traced the slightly parted lips, the rise and fall of steady breathing. His straight nose and the closed lids with that thick frame of lashes which were so infamously** _ **his thing.**_ **Her gaze moved to his forehead, the locks of hair falling onto it softly, teasing, and she found the tug to move over and push them back and free his face, feel the softness, and marvel at how** _ **possessive**_ **such a small gesture was.**

 **His eyes fluttered, and she held her breath.**

 **But apparently, he wasn't just about to wake up. Chihaya breathed a soft sigh and changed her route. She padded softly outside, into the balcony of sorts, overlooking a small garden, and sat down, enjoying the chill of the dawn. It wasn't too cold, but upon remembering the sweltering heat from yesterday, she tugged at her T-shirt as if to allow more room for the cool air to enter, knowing it would be a furnace in a few hours.**

 **She didn't know how long she sat. Her fingers were restless, constantly running across the floor in random patterns or twisting in her lap. At times, Wakamiya Shinobu's face entered her mind and she would have to fight down a mad urge to leap up. Her stomach was still full of butterflies, and she felt the cold sweat on her forehead and the foreboding sense of mild panic; she should've been doing something productive, practising or—or just listening to the words or—**

 **The door slid open quietly and she heard his voice even before she spotted his figure.**

" **Chihaya?" he was still half asleep. It was kind of endearing, she thought, relishing the sudden flood of warmth inside at the way her name was breathed. "What are you doing?"**

 **She didn't exactly answer him, just shrugged, and he sighed, stumbling—he was still sleepy, she realised with a flash of guilt— and then slipping down on the floor right next to her.**

 **The light outside was still faint, but she caught his clouded eyes and worried frown that was so genuine even in this half asleep state, hair messier than usual, a but of it sticking up at the back from the rough pillow.**

 _ **So even you have bed hair. Nice to know.**_

 **Her hand moved on it's own. Before she knew it, she was on her knees and reaching behind him to brush that stuck up part down. His scent was warm somehow, dull but still there, and her shoulder brushed his chin as she leaned in. Almost hugging him, that's what she was doing, but for once, he didn't freeze at her touch before that trademark reluctant relaxation. Right now, he remained unfazed, confused and worried, but as if these actions were normal.**

" **Your hands are cold." He observed from somewhere near her collar bone and his breath tickled her skin. She hummed softly in reply, tingles everywhere all of a sudden.**

" **Sorry."**

" **Your hands are cold and you're in cold sweat." He continued as if she hadn't spoken. Chihaya pulled away once she was satisfied with the hair, and his eyes were still clouded with sleep, his judgement not in the right place. She liked this. Half his walls were down and drowsy.**

" **I couldn't sleep." She admitted.**

" **You have nothing to be nervous about." He muttered. A hand reached out and patted her head and she felt for a second like a dog. "You're trying so hard, Chihaya. You've been at it since so long and you've worked** _ **so much.**_ **Just give it your all today."**

" **What if that's not enough?"**

" **That will** _ **always**_ **be enough." He shook his head firmly. "If there's something I've learnt, its that sometimes things just don't go your way no matter how hard you try. But what should matter is that you've given it your all. There shouldn't be a chance for you to look back one day and regret not having tried hard enough."**

 **His words were still soft from sleep but they came from within, and she felt a strange trill in her spine from his sentences. He** _ **learnt**_ **, he said?**

" **How long have you been up?" he frowned, rubbing his left eye. She guided the hand away; she didn't like it when people rubbed their eyes. It was too rough a thing to do to such a delicate organ.**

" **About half an hour."**

 **The words cleared a bit more of his sleep induced gaze and his eyes landed on hers, a mixture of accusation...and slight hurt. Her heart clenched.**

" **Why didn't you wake me up?"**

 **She swallowed, not releasing his hand. Her eyes lingered on their clasped fingers.**

" **You were sleeping so soundly, and you've had quite a day so I—"**

" **That's never stopped you before."**

 **She flinched even though his tone was only confused and not accusatory or ribbing in the slightest. Taichi was clearly still asleep, for he wouldn't have said something so blunt if he was awake. But still, a familiar guilt wound up her chest at the truthfulness in the words. She had never actually paid any attention to him, had she? He was always so attentive and observant and she'd been...**

 _ **Blind**_ **.**

" **Don't ever do that." He sighed, and her head snapped up to look at him. His expression was stern and drowsy, not a very complementary combo, but she saw the seriousness. "Don't ever hesitate to wake me up or pull me away if you need help okay? Don't do that too."**

 **And another trill ran down her spine and for once, she realised, he might** _ **never**_ **be saying these words had he been fully awake. This slip up was precious, her gut screamed.** _ **'Don't do that TOO'?**_

" **Go back inside and get some more sleep." He stifled a yawn. She suppressed a smile. "There's still a good few hours left."**

 **She didn't want the sleeping bag at all. Right here, outside in the mild chill and faint dawn, their hands were twined unknowingly and the warmth from that was steady and peaceful and his voice was rich and smooth and a little drowsy but it was reassurance. She wanted to stay, for that to sustain, not break it and go back inside.**

 **Because that would mean spinning out of control and this was the only thing steadying her for now. She didn't want to risk it.**

 **She hadn't realized how much she depended on him.**

 **Taichi had always made her just that, dependant, without her even knowing about it. But he had also taught her to be on her own, walk on her own feet if necessary. Maybe it wasn't a deliberate move but his actions the last chunk of months had helped her grow a whole lot more than she'd bargained for.**

 **She was seeing things. Her eyes were clearer.**

 **Her hand tightened around his and he cocked his head to the side.**

" **You want to stay?"**

 **She nodded hesitantly.**

 **A shrug later, he had settled down more comfortably, cross legged and slowly completely wakening. A part of her wanted to tell him to go and get his rest but she knew that conversation would be a waste of breath. It played out in her mind and she saw clearly the dry look he'd give her at the suggestion and her own cheeky reply which would scale into a full blown banter. Her hand in his was warm now, and she wondered if he'd pull away like usual when he woke completely. She wondered if that would send her heart plummeting down.**

 **It would. She had learned that lesson after all.**

 **Silence hung in the air, but it was comfortable, not ugly or tensed. She kept her eyes on the softly swaying bushes, and the drops of morning dew managing to glitter as the sun rose languidly. She did think about the match, but this time the butterflies were non existent and she felt objective and passive and calm. Her hand twitched inside his comfortably.**

 **Taichi was silent, too silent, and her glance moved to him and saw those features lost in thought, staring away into something only he could see.**

 **The little crease between his brows told her those thoughts weren't exactly the most pleasant ones.**

 **She didn't want to break the silence but her ears had caught the others stirring, and she had seen Sumire chan roll over through the glass.**

" **Taichi."**

 **Snapping out of his daze, amber pools flashed to hers and she felt the customary quickening of her heart. The matted locks on his forehead and the wide eyes, now awake, but not entirely setting up the walls for the day. She relished that. She wanted** _ **this,**_ **this unguarded Taichi. She wanted him to trust her. Trust her as much as she trusted him** _ **. Trust has to be gained doesn't it? And he's told me once, that its like paper. Once crumpled, the creases almost always remain no matter how hard you try.**_

" **I...um..."**

 **He waited, softly curious, patient. She didn't know what she had been meaning to say.**

" **Thank you."**

 **He blinked, then smiled a little confusedly. "What for?"**

" **Everything." She blurted in a rush. The words came to her now, whooshing out in a mad jumble to be heard and widening her eyes. "You're always here, Taichi.** _ **Always**_ **. And you don't know how much that means to me. I owe you a lot."**

 **Something in his eyes shifted, but he looked away towards the bushes before she could catch what it was. His silent laugh sounded strained to her ears. A single prickle of unease went through her.**

 **That gut feeling peeked out for a second, then retreated.**

" **You can start paying your debts by giving the Queen a hard time today." He teased quietly. She smiled. Taichi was then chewing on his lip, shoulders tense, his mind whirring so fast, it should be illegal at this hour in the morning. " You promised you'd keep your head in the game, remember?" he prodded quietly.**

 **Chihaya nodded. "Of course. Can't having you blowing up. I don't want to answer to your mother...or your sister—she's awfully protective did you know that?"**

 **The corner of his mouth curved up in a grudging smile. "Actually, no. I'm only just figuring that part of her out."**

" **She threatened me once when we were younger." His attention was captured and both his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as she continued to talk. "I saw her once when I came over, she opened the door, and she was so little, Taichi, but she threatened to report me if I made you cry."**

" **You never made me** _ **cry."**_

" **Fine. Upset you, then."**

" **That works. You used to set me off quite effortlessly." He grinned at her scowl. "Hey, I was only just begging to understand you. You're a complicated...being."**

" _ **Being?"**_

" **Well, clearly you're not entirely human." He bit back a laugh at her growl. "No human eats burgers dipped in noodle soup."**

" **Its** _ **tasty!**_ **I've been trying to get you to try it since** _ **forever!"**_

" **And I won't because I like my humanity—" He broke off abruptly when her fist collided with his shoulder lightly, and quiet laughter mixed with the stillness of the morning, making her mouth move into a silly, happy curve.**

 **She didn't realise that that was the last laugh she'd hear for a while.**

 **They were all ready. She wasn't in her kimono yet, there was still another hour and a half to get ready for that. But everyone was buzzed and excited, her friends all in different places now. She had asked to be left alone and everyone had complied instantly. It wasn't that she was nervous. She just needed a little time to think.**

 **But thoughts didn't come to her. She didn't know what to do. Inside there was a storm brewing for no reason, the gut feeling slowly but surely clawing its way out, but she held her front and put up a cool mask.**

 **A silly mask one person had seen through and he'd made her promise to call him if she needed anything, but then left to give her the space she wanted.**

 **Chihaya didn't know whether she wanted him to barge back in. Now, sitting alone in the silence, she realised she would've liked his company, and for some reason, her instinct was telling her to hold him and never let him out of her sight. But that was silly, he wasn't going to just disappear. The whole thing was just messing with her hea—**

" **Excuse me—** _ **oh**_ **!"**

 **Chihaya snapped her head up as the door slid open, and her eyes fell on a slender blonde figure she recognised from yesterday. How could she forget the twinges of jealousy so easily?**

" **Yuki-san!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"**

 **There were some strange warning signals from her gut, that feeling peeping out again, and beginning to go slightly crazy upon seeing the visitor.**

 **The girl smiled, gentle and elegant and poise radiated in her every move. Why Chihaya was noting stuff like that, she didn't know. But she admired the way the girl seemed to float over.**

" **Ayase San, desho? I heard about your win. Congratulations!"**

" **Thank you." Chihaya managed a smile. "Um...are you staying to watch the matches?"**

" **Oh, yes! I told you my friend is a Karuta fan. She lost though, obviously, but she wants to stay and watch. Pick up pointers. I'm staying with her so we can spend some time together..." and abruptly, a wistful look crossed her face.**

 **Chihaya cocked her head to the side just a little, confusion marring her features. "That's great! But er...why are you** _ **here**_ **exactly? Are you looking for—"**

" **I was looking for Taichi-kun." She held up her phone for the other girl to see. "His father's been calling him but he's not picking up so he called me instead."**

" **Ah..." Chihaya didn't know what to make of that. His father** _ **had**_ **been calling recently. And each talk ended with Taichi looking like he'd been forced to shoot a kitten in cold blood. She gestured for the girl to sit down, and Sasako folded her legs underneath her gracefully, smiling warmly at the confused girl.**

" **He just stepped out...I'm sure he's around somewhere... I'll let him know that you were looking for him...?"**

" **That would be a huge help, thank you!" she bowed her head, then sighed. "He'd been resisting a lot, throughout the whole ordeal and now I can see why he doesn't want to leave." She smiled and shrugged. "I wouldn't want to go away either if my friends were so tight...I understand him now."**

 _ **Leave?**_

 _ **Go away?**_

 **Her instinct yelled 'Finally!' and with a jolt she realised** _ **this**_ **was what it had been trying to tell her.**

 **Was that cold she felt? Or dread? Whatever it was, her heart was palpitating and a bead of sweat travelled down her temple.**

 _ **Leaving.**_ **Then a trickle of her optimism burst in.** _ **Maybe it's just a trip. A tour?**_

 **A tour so close to entrance exams and college applications? A tour that would apparently kill him to stay away from his friends?**

" **I've always loved London." Sasako sighed, oblivious to the other girl's turmoil. "We were supposed to leave together tomorrow, but he pushed his flight to the next week, The course doesn't start till the week after that, so its no problem. Said he had a friend moving to Tokyo and he wanted to help." She smiled. "Always so selfless. Anyway, I have to go now. Will you let him know his father was asking after him?"**

 **Panic. Dread.**

 **Alarms blared in her head as the storm broke loose inside. She could hear faintly, her gut feeling screaming and shrieking with a mix of anguish and victory, the howling of the wind inside cutting off even the sound of her heart sinking deep into her stomach. Everything was a mess, a jumble. Her thoughts, her actions, her words. Her sense of calm was beginning to thin under the weight of this new information. New and** _ **true**_ **information.**

 **A crushing sensation she didn't know she could feel stole her breath and wedged in her throat, a huge lump that suffocated her.**

 **And some other detached part of her realised that this wasn't the time.**

" **Of course."**

 **Her voice sounded dead to her own ears, dull and listless. It wasn't** _ **hers,**_ **no way. It couldn't be. There was a smile shining her way from the innocent message bearer sitting opposite, a brightness that faded in the swiftly nearing clouds of darkness that threatened to swallow her whole. She might've nodded back, she didn't remember. But as soon as the girl left, the room collapsed and fell pitch black.**

 **Dark. She couldn't** _ **breathe.**_

' _ **Promise me you'll keep your head in the game.'**_

' _ **Sometimes guys have to talk about...stuff.'**_

' _ **Dad called. Something about college and exams...you, know.'**_

 **And all those times he'd kept insisting nothing was wrong. All those times she felt like her friends knew something she didn't. Yesterday with Arata.**

 _ **More battles by himself.**_

 _ **London.**_

 **Then suddenly she wanted to laugh. It was absurd! Taichi wouldn't just** _ **leave**_ **them like that... not unless he was forced or something...**

 **Right?**

 **Why then, did it feel like he had been subconsciously saying goodbye these last months? The more open mindedness, the crazy side of him that only she could pull out which showed itself multiple times these days, his willingness to spend time with her and with the others, the general substitution of the usual thick walls with thinner ones.**

 **It all made** _ **sense.**_

 _ **You have to keep your head in the GAME! You promised!**_

 **Funny how her inner voice sounded like him now. As the tears stung her eyes strongly, and her nose burned and she gulped for air, Chihaya refused to cry until there was a proper explanation for this. For** _ **all**_ **of this. And he was going to provide it.**

 _ **But the game!**_

 **She laughed once, dryly, eyes blurry as her hands fumbled with her phone and she punched in the number she knew so well. All she'd been doing was** _ **putting her head in the game.**_ **And now, hadn't it gone too far?**

 _ **Stop. Let him explain.**_

 **The cool metal pressed against her ear and she swallowed a hard lungful of air, lungs hurting and burning. The ringing sounded distant until, of course, it stopped.**

" _ **Chihaya?"**_

 **And they spilled, big fat droplets of salt and water mixed with an aching anguish she couldn't seem to get rid of. The lump in her throat grew bigger and bigger and her breath sounded shallow, shaky, hitched.**

" _**What was that? You're**_ **not** _ **making any se—are you okay...?"**_

" **Sasako chan was here." She half whispered. Her voice cracked and broke and she heard it too, but it all felt like a dream at this point. She was just a passenger in the back seat, watching as things unfolded. She didn't even know who she was supposed to be or what she was to say. "Your dad's been trying to call you."**

" _ **I—okay...? Why are you—?"**_

" **We talked, you know." She was surprised he could hear her tiny voice. "Airport. Makes sense."**

 **There was a pause on the other line. The wait was almost horrendous. She wondered whether this would be what it was like from now, the faint sound of static buzzing as she waited for his voice to float over from wherever it was that he went.**

" _ **Hold on. I'll see you in a minute, okay?"**_

 **She didn't say anything. There was a strong undercurrent in his voice, a tinge of dread with disbelief and worry. It had been slightly tremulous; so slightly you would've missed it if you hadn't been listening to that voice for all your life and learning that his words were the only things that quivered in an almost perfectly inconspicuous manner when he was upset. The line went dead with a beep and her hand lowered shakily as she tried to reason with herself. It was all good. Just a misunderstanding probably.**

 **He'd be here in a minute.**

 _ **And what happens when he won't be just a minute away? What if it's miles and miles and seas across?**_

 **And that's how things just sink.**

" **Buchou?" Kana chan laid a hand on his arm, worry in her voice. "Is everything alright?"**

 **His head dropped onto the table with a thump. The slight pain wasn't enough to distract the dread and worry bubbling inside. Oh no, it wasn't even close.** _ **I'm such an idiot!**_

" **Mashima?" Nishida sounded confused. "What's going on...?"**

 **He didn't realise he'd groaned until Kanade was patting the spot she'd touched earlier. No use in stalling. He had to fix this.**

 **Why wouldn't it ever just** _ **stop hurting?!**_

 **When he spoke, his voice was muffled by the smooth wood that was the table." I think she found out about...about the pre-meds."**

 **There was a gasp to his left, a curse from opposite him. Komano hissed.**

" **What pre-meds?" Sumire chan voiced the confusion swirling among the younger members and Taichi hid another wince. Wonderful. They didn't know either.**

" **It's...a long story." He mumbled finally. It still hurt for some reason, having to admit it to Chihaya made it seem so** _ **real,**_ **he was back in that position again, not wanting to leave at all, but knowing he should. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he would be able to stomach it...this panic he was in right now clearly pointed out the opposite.**

 **Her breath had hitched and voice had cracked and he'd watched himself pale in the reflection of the table. Guilt and fear tearing through his calm and shredding it into tiny pieces.**

 _ **Not now. I need to stay level headed. She needs to get her attention back where it deserves to be.**_

 **And how would he help her do that?**

 _ **Something has to work. ANYTHING.**_

 **Mind slowly hardening, he got up and pushed away from the table, feeling sick and knowing he had everyone's eyes on him. "I have to go fix this."**

" **You're the only one who stands a chance." Nishida muttered.**

" **I still don't get it. Mashima senpai...?"**

" **They'll explain." He swallowed, gesturing to the seniors. Then took a shaky breath, grabbing his discarded phone and stumbling off.**

 **And as he left, he heard one sentence that crashed one of his subconscious last resorts.**

" **Don't lie to her, Buchou."**

 **Kana Chan's voice was soft but so firm and stern that he faltered and turned to look at her. A silent war waged between the two friends for a second but he knew he had lost it even before it had begun.**

 **Lying was wrong. If she was like this right now, how bad would it be if she found out later and then hated him for lying?**

 _ **Wouldn't that make things easier?**_

 **Make her hate him? He almost scoffed. That was something she just wouldn't be able to do. It would've all been so much easier if she had been a dark, twisted evil woman, but no.**

 **His eyes strayed from the gentle brown ones and he nodded reluctantly. And then sprinted back off in the direction of their little room where she would be. Where a lot of things could go wrong.**

 **Back at the table, a stunned silence had gripped the younger students as they watched one of the most dizzyingly always-calm people they knew nearly fall apart at the seams from a single phone call.**

 **Midori was rendered speechless and that was a feat. Suddenly her quiet and serious seniors were doused a glorifying light, and what she knew to be respect bubbled up as they sat, stoic and silent and tense jawed, with a fire in their eyes.**

 **Her surprise hadn't worn off. Mashima Taichi had to be** _ **the**_ **most collected person she'd seen. Of course, he must have a looser side to him that his friends saw, but as his junior, the only part of him she'd ever seen was the one that always had an answer, a reason, a voice.**

 **And just a second ago, he had peeled apart like hot water on raw salmon skin.**

 **None of them had ever seen him go that pale within a matter of two seconds. And maybe his voice was the same as always, but his eyes were wider, burning, but not with any positive emotion; it had been panic. Guilt? Worry, definitely. And he'd slouched and mumbled and stumbled off, a mess, in a daze, and never once had any of them seen that. Ever.**

 **And if something sent him into shreds, it must be big, or at least, big to him.**

" **Okay, listen up." Komano Tsutomu sighed, fixing his glinting glasses on the group of them, and Midori felt like she was stepping into something different, something that was always there beside the Karuta, roots of friendships and relationships that she hadn't bothered to look at. Her heart quickened. Komano almost glared. "Don't go around repeating this...but Mashima might just be leaving Japan...for good."**

 **There was barely an hour until the match started. And she was pacing in the room when he tentatively slid the door open and stuck his head in.**

 **Chihaya stopped abruptly, and her wide eyes and wet lashes and still shimmering pools of auburn and he forgot his explanations, his excuses, his almost lies.**

 **She looked hurt. And guilt ran him over like a monster truck, crushing his bones and splattering his muscles.**

 **She didn't speak, just stared, and he knew that was his cue to step in. The door slid shut behind them and his lips parted to speak but he didn't get the chance.**

" **Tell me it's not true."**

 **It wasn't a request, it was a demand. A shaky one but it was strong and rich, and he wanted to say that it was. That all this was a lie, that nothing was wrong, Sasako was just fooling around.**

 **But he couldn't.**

 **None of this was a lie. Everything was so** _ **wrong**_ **and Sass never fooled around about something like this.**

 **The words of false hope died at the tip of his tongue. Nothing came out except a low throb of pain somewhere near his sternum, which intensified when her expression morphed into one of betrayal and hurt, he had absolutely no idea what to do.**

 **For once, he didn't know how to help her.**

 **He was stuck, not exactly able to move. The short intake of breath from her lips didn't escape him. Her hands wiped furiously at her cheeks and her sobs were held back with a lot of fervour. This wasn't the usual cry, one with wailing and overflowing tears and runny noses. This was...different. It looked real,** _ **raw,**_ **and he was batshit crazy to think he could've handled it.**

 **Crocodile tears were okay. Her tears after a loss, he could wipe away. Tears over a lost card or a worn out Daddy Bear or spilt milkshake, he could reprimand and offer a replacement. Tears for Arata, he never knew how to comfort, but his silent presence had always been enough. And her tears for him, like that one time when he'd got class A, that had shocked him, but he knew how to deal with that too; with patient smiles and a clean shirt to dry her eyes and a humbled feeling in his heart.**

 **But this was new. This was...different.**

 **Her tears were for herself, for fear of losing her best friend and he could relate. Hell, of course he could. Not just because she was the best friend, but because she had that special spot in his bones, because he loved the crazy person she was. How was he supposed to let go and laugh as loud as he wanted, or eat breakfast in the middle of the night, or just make up names for random people on the street and collapse in laughter? How would he eat the pasty** __ **without help to finish the cream? How would he blow off steam without her listening to him rant at times? Or relax and sing silly songs to get over his tension? How in the world would he ever be this light hearted and free from the chains around him ever again?**

 **Because she was that spot of brightness in his otherwise planned out and seemingly perfect, but dull life. He'd been unsure about just letting go of his poise and etiquette because of the atmosphere at home, and she was the one who had knocked on the door and yelled at him to come out and play, then got his shorts muddy and drowned in dirt herself, showing him that it was okay to shake off the shackles once in a while because he would have company. She was probably the reason he wasn't moulded out into a complete prude by his mom. The reason he could still laugh with his friends without inhibitions.**

 **He shuddered to think what he might've turned into if he hadn't let her in.**

 **He wanted to** _ **live,**_ **not exist. He wanted to be** _ **happy.**_ **And he knew he'd picked up enough tricks to do it alone but he didn't** _ **want**_ **to do it alone. It wouldn't be the same. There would always be this little sharp stab in his chest each time he did something that even remotely reminded him of her. He wanted his best friend, he wanted the alien like human he loved.**

 _ **This is not easy. So not easy.**_

 **He hadn't realised just how huge the whole thing was, just how** _ **unsettling**_ **it was to leave it all and go on, just how...seemingly impossible.**

 **All this time, things had never been so serious. He battled with the heartache and stayed okay because he was always around. He always saw her or heard from her or at least breathed the same** _ **air**_ **and his subconscious knew she was still within sight. That was why he could delude himself into believing he could stay away and be strong and whatnot.**

 **But that hadn't been** _ **real**_ **separation. This was.**

 **She wouldn't be just a call or a sub away. He wouldn't be able to just walk over to the club room and see her stick her tongue out at him. That would end because there would be miles between them, a large ocean, roads, cultures.**

 **This was** _ **it.**_

 **And he couldn't exactly breathe either because the realization stole his breath and he needed to sit down, or just get some support. He found himself leaning against the wall for mild help. More panic seeped in, but the sight of her falling apart in front of him was a single beam of clarity.**

 **She needed help first. He could deal with his little attack later.**

 _ **Its all okay.**_ **He chanted.** _ **The shock is just a little dizzying but I'll get through this. I can make it. I can take whatever pain it is. I have before and I will again.**_

 **Determination was forced into his head as the self assuring words were repeated in his head. His eyes traced her still wiping away silent tears and automatically, his head stopped panicking and leapt into the backseat.**

 _ **Later. All later.**_

 **After all, he had priorities, and she had near name up in the list way above his own sanity.**

 _ **Hopeless. And a lost case, but there you have it.**_

" **Chihaya."**

 **She almost winced at the usual soft reassuring tone. Right now it sounded futile, bleak to her ears.**

 **There was a resigned sigh, and then he was close, close enough to reach out and curl her fingers in his shirt and bury her face into the warmth from his chest and never ever let go.**

 **So she punched him.**

 **It landed straight on his jaw, she knew, but she was so** _ **angry**_ **and** _ **hurt**_ **and just so... Argh! Mad! That's what she was.**

 **He protested, rubbed his jaw and glared, but her body was moving before she had a chance to think twice.**

 **She leapt at him, tackled him to the ground and she was sure the snarling sound came from her own chest, mixing with this yelp, as her hands yanked at his hair and short nails still scratched, but she couldn't see from the tears still dripping thickly down her eyes and disappearing into his shirt.**

 **She must've been growling something incoherent, she didn't remember. Did it go even matter? All she wanted to do was stab him with a blunt knife around thousand times. Hurt him some way or the other, hurt him as much as he had made her chest ache and eyes burn and tears flow with the endless stream of pain that swelled inside and threatened to burst. Hurt him** _ **back.**_

 **Her hands were now stuck, and she knew from the slightly cold palms around her wrists that he had stopped her efficiently, but her growls and defiance and anger only increased and her struggles grew, empty threats now leaving her mouth in a jumbled blabber, but still dipped in hurt.** __ **She** __ **should've been strong and wild, not a sobbing mess with her eyes blurry and tears still dripping onto the light grey T-shirt. She could imagine it getting wet, the little darker spots silently blotching wider as more followed and splattered misshapen polkadots on the cloth.**

 **And maybe that was that made him pause his struggles and whispered curses and just lock her wrists in his hands and wait, listening as she slowly lost the fire, and her attempts to break free became weak and mild until it died completely.**

 **And her tears still disappeared into his shirt from above.**

" **You lied." She accused tremulously, whisper dying in the sound of her shaky breathing. "You said you'd always be here and you** _ **lied, Taichi!"**_

" **I'm sorry." He said just as quietly. Her eyes opened wider and she took in his features on the ground. He looked just as pained, tortured, and a sense of false satisfaction entered her head.** _ **Good. You d-deserve it. "**_ **I'm not doing this on my own, Chihaya, you have to understand. Dad's being...pushy. And I can't say no to my entire family."**

 **She swallowed, her mind screaming protests and shaking and yelling but she knew the truth. She understood at least a little bit. Through the haze of pain she saw why.**

 **But she wasn't done.**

" **So you kept it from me? You** _ **lied**_ **when I asked you what was going on. You refused to share this piece of information when** _ **everyone**_ **else knew! What exactly am I to you?! How dare you** _ **not**_ **tell me—"**

" _ **This**_ **is why!" he cut her off, eyes burning. They glared at each other and her fight returned, flaring from the inside and licking her toes and her fingers. She hadn't realized she'd been sitting on his stomach. But she made no move to get up. "You're going crazy, see? There are things more important that you need to focus on right now! If I'd told you this, you would've gotten off track—"**

" **That's** _ **not**_ **for you to decide, is it?" she made to lunge at him again, throat aching. "That would've been my choice! I know what's important and what's not!"**

 **His grip slackened and he blinked in a bafflement she had never actually seen before.**

" **Are you listening to yourself?!" he choked. "You have the most important match of your life in a few measly** _ **minutes!**_ **And look how you're all over the place! This is why I didn't tell you!"**

" **My match?!" she breathed dangerously, and her face inched closer, hovering above his with hypnotising flames in the eyes and wet lashes darkened by tears. He forgot to breathe for a second. "My** _ **match?!**_ **My best friend is going away to a different** _ **country,**_ **you think I'm worried about—"**

 **And slowly her eyes widened.** _ **Of course**_ **he believed the match came first. Wasn't that how it had been since...forever?**

 **But right now, the title was the last thing on her mind. The game was gone, lost.**

" **I don't** _ **want**_ **it." She whispered, and her voice caught. A different feeling of courage seeped under her skin, giving her reassurance. Her head was clear and she knew what she was saying. It wasn't just the haze of shock or panic. It wasn't even a half hearted admittance.**

 **Outside, the sun was bright and happy, chirping crickets and birds going about their business with no idea that there was a cold storm brewing inside the little room. The only source of light was from the huge glass windows that cast a rectangular patch of brightness on the floor, and now they were half lying in that path, the light hitting his face, hair and eyes and making it light up and shimmer in the otherwise shadowy room. And looking at that startled face she understood where she was coming from.**

 **She meant what she said, and that realisation gave her a sort of peace.**

" **I don't want the title. I don't want to play." She shook her head. The locks of hair tumbling over her shoulder tickled his collar, whispering against the skin. "I just want you to stay right now."**

 **For a second, his eyes were wide and unguarded and she saw only surprise and bewilderment in them, and a pang shot through her. If Taichi, who knew her so well, was so surprised at her words, just how blind and stupid** _ **had**_ **she been?**

 **But his walls were slowly coming back up, block by block and the raw surprise faded and dimmed and she felt a touch of desperation to make him understand. A breeze blew in from outside, playing with her hair and his, and it gave her a little chill. She might've shivered.**

" **Taichi, listen. I can always play next—"**

" _ **Stop**_ _ **it**_ **."**

 **He knew his tone was harsh. Maybe sharper than he'd meant for it to be, but she needed to snap out of this—this** _ **delusion.**_ **" You're not thinking straight, Chihaya. No, listen to me. I get it that you're upset and angry but what you're saying makes** _ **no sense.**_ **The most important thing to you is Karuta, remember? You worked so hard to get here today! Don't let it go to waste, okay?** _ **Please**_ **. I'd feel terrible."**

 **That stung. It stung** _ **bad.**_ **So that was what everyone thought? That was what he had been thinking too?**

" **There are more important things to me than Karuta, Taichi." She tried not to notice the way his face flickered with a remembrance and then tightened with a little hurt and attempted to swiftly shut away. His breathing was slow and she wanted to lean down and settle against him and close her eyes and not worry so much about losing him, the match,** _ **anything.**_ **She wanted to forget, to suspend everything in time. The warm body beneath her was so close to her soul, he had no idea.** _ **She**_ **had had no idea until now. And yes, its abrupt, and sudden and maybe that makes it hard to believe but it was always the truth. It was always** _ **there,**_ **hiding behind a veil of Karuta infested maniacal moments, and now that she had seen what was hiding, it wasn't so easy to push it back.**

 **She didn't want to push it back. She wanted this feeling to thrive and flourish under his watch and touch and smiles.**

" **You're important." She informed quietly, unwilling to drop his gaze even though his eyes had widened a fraction and it pained her to see that surprise. Was it really so shocking? Had she been that** _ **stupid?**_ **"I'm not crazy and I'm not being irrational. You just...I'm..."**

 **He only breathed shakily as she struggled for words to convey her thoughts. There was a pregnant silence, and her eyes stung again. She blinked. "Don't ever,** _ **ever**_ **think you're not important to me, okay?** _ **Ever.**_ **Because I could throw it away, Taichi, if only you'd stay."**

 **He didn't dare breathe. Was this a test? A cruel joke? Was she even serious?**

 _ **Of course not. She's just shocked. Its just that initial surprise. It'll blow over.**_

 **So why did it feel different?**

 _ **I'm so tired.**_ **Drained was how he felt, emotionally. This was all spiralling out of control. His brilliant plan was in tatters, she was reacting** _ **worse**_ **that he'd ever imagined. Everything was just slipping out of his fingers. He had absolutely no control. And he was exhausted. Tired of fighting between putting up his guard and tearing it down, tired of thinking everything through, tired of trying to make everything alright because look at this! He'd worked so hard, swallowed so much hurt to make sure her match remained unaffected, and now look at how it all just** _ **crashed**_ **in a millisecond! What was the use anyway? He'd used up his strength and resilience and optimism. He'd run out of fire to always think before he leaped.**

 **And something snapped.**

 **His thoughts were muddled, his hands and feet were no longer his own and the struggle his awareness had been having with himself just died as he succumbed to the impulses and automatic responses, as his ever present level-headed over thinking inner voice shut up with a defeated sigh and closed its eyes and mouth.**

" **Get off me?" he asked quietly.**

 **She didn't want to, but clambered down slowly, still keeping really close. He sat up, letting go of her hands, and once his back was to the wall, he turned to face her.**

 **They were close. Her knees pressed against his thigh and her face was inches from his, still with the red rimed eyes and pink nose and flushed cheeks. He didn't know what he was doing anymore, or whether he believed her words. But her dejected face and that quivering voice gave him some sort of a kindling, and one thing was resonating clear and sound in his mind.**

 _ **She was not giving this up. Not when she was so close to winning.**_

 **He wiped away a stray tear and the feel of the soft skin under his fingers was a trigger, a tug, a pull he would've resisted had his rational side been awake. But that side was down for the minute.**

 **Both his hands cradled her face, neck and she only shivered, eyes hooding at his touch. He didn't pause to think, or understand or analyse. Fingers found the silky wisps of hair at the nape of her neck. And their foreheads touched.**

" **You have to go and play." He breathed. Her eyes were now dazed, glazed over, but they cleared at his words.**

" **No, I—"**

" **Listen to me." He insisted in a whisper. " I know what you mean. I know how you feel and, Chihaya I don't want to go away. Its just for two months and a half, and then I can choose to go to a college here if I really want to. Its just a** _ **prep**_ **course after all."**

 **A bit of something light and bright jumped in her chest and bounced around. His eyes looked lighter. "You've come so far. Do you have any idea how much our friends have worked to help you? How much** _ **I've**_ **gone through to—" he caught himself just in time. "But that's not important. You need to realise that this chance...it isn't something you should discard like that. Don't ever do it in front of me, because I've wanted to see you here since forever and now that you finally** **are, just do your best."**

" **But you're still going away in the end."**

" **People go away, silly. People always come and go."**

" **Not you."**

 **He chuckled mirthlessly. "I'm a person too, you know. You forget that sometimes."**

 **And subconsciously, she heard the echo of similar sounding words that had been sharper and more strangled and hurt than now.**

' _ **Did you honestly think I'm made of stone?'**_

 **Her skin tingled and sang as the spots he currently touched were set on fire. Her heart pounded so hard, she suspected he could hear it in the silence. And another different feeling of nervousness and hope fluttered in her chest.**

 **Her hand curled in his sleeve, fisting tightly.**

" **You're not just any person. You won't** _ **leave."**_

" **Sometimes I have to. I did once."**

" **But you came back."... And suddenly she found her answer. "You'll always come back."**

" **I still have to go. I can't stop that." He sighed. His breath fanned her face and she wondered why there was that gap left between them. What would it feel like to close it and feel the side of his face against her cheek? She imagined a soft touch, a warmth, the coffee flavoured breath hot and closer on her skin as her nose brushed his cheek and other senses heightened as her eyes closed to feel.**

 **But wasn't that a line she couldn't uncross if she stepped over? Wasn't that...different? A different coloured border? A different sort of action with different consequences?**

 **But that was the line she** _ **wanted**_ **to cross, and do so with a wide leap, leaving the boundary behind for good.**

 **A sense of gradual calm was beginning to seep in, she noticed. His words earlier had placated her just enough, he could come back and join here. The more she held onto that, the more relief began to thaw.**

 **And she closed her eyes and put her arms around his neck tightly, burying her face in his collar and mumbled. Just asked.**

" **Go, but you'll come back right?"**

" **...I'll come back."**

 **There was a hitch to that promise, but she didn't let it bother her. Now aware that he'd wrapped his arms around her to shift her uncomfortable position, her grip tightened and the jumbled mess in her heart and mind just lay there, scattered and messy and unorganized, shaken by that wild storm which had been pacified for the minute. Realisations from that tornado were laying bare and vulnerable inside her head, but she embraced it gladly, almost euphoric at having found what it was that had always been lurking there under the surface, looking for ways to grab her attention. And now that she had it in her hands, there was no way it was going back.**

 **She was going to enter that vast emotional area. Enter and come back victorious because there was no way she was letting go of the warmth currently around her, living and breathing and trying to get keep her from throwing away all her hard work.**

 **But Karuta wasn't everything. Not now, not ever. She wanted both. She'd** _ **have**_ **both.**

 **There** _ **was**_ **no choice, but if at all there should be, she knew which way she'd choose.**

 **Silence was powerful. Silence healed. It gave you a space and time of your own to think. Taichi didn't know what was going on inside her head but she was calming down, breathing normal, not crying anymore. And that was a huge positive light. There was still time before the match. All she needed now was a chance to gather her bearings and he was ready to anything to keep her going in this direction. There was still a chance she would make it, that it wouldn't be all for nothing. Even if he had to lie a little bit, he'd do it if it meant getting her head back where bit belonged.**

 **An almost sleepy mumble from his neck made his arms tighten around her form, and he knew that went against his walls and rules and guards but** _ **screw**_ **it.**

" **Taichi," she tried again.**

" **Hmm?"**

" **I'm sorry I punched you."**

 **He bit back a laugh, but she felt his chest vibrate slightly from it. " I'll live. But you have a lot to make up for."**

" **No I** _ **don't**_ **." She snapped suddenly, arms tightening around his neck and fingers burying in his hair at the back. Her chin rested on his shoulder. He could almost see in his head, her frown and half pout as she spoke. "You're the one who has making up to do. I can't believe you've thought about just** _ **leaving.**_ **As if I...were you even** _ **upset?"**_

 **His annoyance and temper flared slightly, and it showed in his voice. "Was I** _ **upset?!**_ **I can't believe— but wait, this you we're talking about, of course you didn't pick up on it."**

 **That was harsh. But she didn't move away or yell at him even though he cringed at his own words. His filter was broken, he had to be careful.**

 **Her face only buried itself in his collar once again. Her voice was miffed but she was already a melted puddle in his lap and it felt so perfect and** _ **stolen**_ **and forbidden for some reason, but just so** _ **right**_ **, even if there was a chance it was just his hopeless feelings painting taunting pictures to trap him in another bout of pain. She almost nuzzled her face into his neck. "I** _ **noticed.**_ **I noticed and I asked and you** _ **lied."**_

 **Well that was a little true, he admitted.**

" **I have my reasons, Chihaya."**

" **And they are...?"**

 _ **I need a break and a chance to try and move on. I'm still just a HUMAN male, there's only so much I can take.**_

" **I said** _ **my reasons**_ **, not** _ **yours.**_ **They'll stay with me."**

" **That's not fair."**

" **What's not fair is you being so irrational." He felt her tense and hands tighten a tad painfully in his hair, and he knew she was mad but he cut her off. "You have no business putting your game at risk."**

" **You have no business breaking my heart."**

 _ **What?**_ **"You know nothing about broken hearts."**

 **The following silence was thick and he cursed his lack of filter again. But there was no use in holding back or hiding or lying anymore.**

 **This little moment, with her clinging to him and having his own arms wrapped tightly around her frame** _ **against**_ **his better judgement, but still there, it gave him the enlightenment that if he really was going off, away, why not just let go this one last time? Who cares if it hurts? You're already wet, so might as well get drenched and have no regrets.**

" **Maybe not..." she sighed finally, jolting him out of his thoughts. "But I came close to knowing today."**

 _ **Sweetheart, you have NO idea, trust me.**_ **He bit back another dry laugh. " You're crazy."**

" **I'm pretty sure that's** _ **you,**_ **Doc."**

" **Okay, smartass. You remember you have a match in thirty minutes?"**

" **Thirty?" She raised her head from his collar in a daze. Things had been settling down and she was in the most comfortable position in the world right now, warm and content with his arms looped around her but those words upset her peace a little. Tiny butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Yet again, with absolutely no forewarning, even though they were** _ **fighting,**_ **Taichi had managed to put her head back on her neck.**

" **Thirty." He confirmed, checking his watch. "Are you...okay?"**

" **No."**

" _ **Chihaya."**_

" _ **Fine**_ **, I'm good. I'll be okay." She scowled up at him. "I hope your flight's not in the middle of my match."**

" **Funny." He said dryly. " Will you be alright? Is your head..?"**

" **In the game?" she finished quietly. The air shifted and her eyes became more soft, vulnerable even. This time it was Chihaya who brought his forehead down to touch hers. "I'm focusing. But its also not just about the game anymore for me, get that in your head, okay?"**

 **He wanted to pull away and breathe but her words struck a chord he didn't know was there. A teeny tiny little thing called Elphis.**

" **You hurt me a lot today, Taichi. Don't forget that." She reminded quietly, eyes earnest. " I felt a lot more...crushed than I should have and I don't completely know why that is or what that was or what** _ **this is,**_ **but I need you to help me figure it out. And for that you need to stay."**

 **Maybe he needed to go through it all once again, maybe find the hidden meanings and the more** _ **Chihaya**_ **like implications in those words, because right now, they were sending his pulse racing and heart clenching and struggling to soar as the pathetically taped up pieces** _ **still**_ **drank away the words even after it was so bruised and battered. Still tingling with that troublesome feeling which escaped his most heavily guarded jail and flew about. Faint, but there.**

 **Hope, again.**

 _ **Shut up! This is CHIHAYA talking.**_

 **Right of course. This was** _ **her.**_ **Heh, half the time she had no clue what she was saying. He was okay, it was all good and back in control and hope was back in the cage, sent to the corner with a menacing glower.**

 **But his chest tingled tauntingly.**

" **I'm not going anywhere for now." He reassured nervously. Her eyes were boring into his, and he fixed his gaze on her forehead. He couldn't lie when she had that face. "I just want to see you give it everything you've got today, will you do that?"**

 **Her eyes darted across his face for a second, probing, and then softened." I will. Just give me a few more minutes?"**

" **You can have** _ **ten."**_

 **She smiled slightly and sank back into his chest with a small sigh he didn't miss, and didn't understand. This was all so** _ **confusing,**_ **and such a mess! But at least she was thinking about the game again.**

 **He sighed. Victory was temporary, but enough for now.**

 **For a good fifteen minutes, they sat in silence. Her breathing was deep and controlled and she was quiet, introspective, but as unnerving as it was, he was glad for it. His rationality was still only just a faint buzz in the background, and the sleepy impulses to bury his face in her hair or pull her closer was hanging from that rational part only by a loose thin thread. Problem was, now, he had a feeling,** _ **instinct**_ **, that she'd only lean** _ **in**_ **if he were to do something of that sort.**

 **And he didn't know what to make of that.**

 **The silence in the room was abruptly trashed by the shrill ringing of a phone. Taichi almost jumped, wrenched out of his daze and from the little bubble they'd been wrapped in ever since he stepped foot inside, by the insistent ringing of reality.**

 **He checked the ID as Chihaya peeked.**

" **Hello? Oe-san...?"**

" _ **Buchou! I hope I haven't called at a bad time..."**_ **she sounded really nervous. All Taichi felt was a gratitude, a sort of relief that she** _ **had**_ **called. Who knows what would've happened further? They were completely out of script at the moment.**

" **No, no, its fine...she's okay." He spared the silently observing Chihaya a glance. Her lips curved up in an innocent smile.**

 **And the words from the other line drowned into nothing just like that. There was a lot of trust in that smile, in those wet lashes and pale cheeks and pink nose. A pure sort of trust that she was giving him a peek at right now. Chihaya wasn't hard to read. But momentarily, he understood why they said that the eyes were the windows to the soul. And this one was brimming with light and innocence. Like the first snowflakes in winter.**

 **He never actually could get over how much she meant to him. And she'd never understand.**

 **The conversation he'd lost track of was trying to get his attention.**

" _ **Buchou?"**_

" **Sorry, could you repeat that?" his voice was a** _ **tad**_ **breathless and he kicked himself inside his head as he tore his eyes away from her to focus.**

" _ **I said, its almost time...Her Kimono's with me..."**_

 **Taichi cursed under his breath. "Of course. Just...hold on a second." He pulled the phone away from his ear and fixed the still smiling girl on his lap with a stern gaze. "Are you ready?"**

" **Yup!"**

 **He almost sagged with relief at the familiar cheerful tone. "Are you sure?"**

" **100%"**

" **Head fully in the game?"**

" **...head** _ **enough**_ **in the game."**

" _ **Chihaya."**_

" _ **Taichi.**_ **Its my head. I know how it works, trust me."**

 **He sighed, knowing he had a call waiting. " I expect you to deliver, then."**

" **Yes, sir."**

 **Lips twitching, he put the phone back to his ear. "I bet you heard that."**

 **Kanade laughed lightly on the other line. "** _ **Did she throw in a salute?"**_

" **Unfortunately, yes." He felt his lips curve again. "Can you come over?"**

" _ **I'll be there in a minute."**_ **She paused, clearly about so say something more. "** _ **You really are a miracle worker Buchou."**_

" **Yeah? Well that ability eating at my life source. I think my soul has more holes than the ozone layer." He muttered. "See you soon."**

 **She laughed again. "** _ **See you."**_ **And the call ended with a beep.**

" **Ozone?" Chihaya frowned. "What...?"**

" **Ozone. Oxygen allotrope? Its...you know what? There's no time for chemistry class. Get up, you're heavy."**

" **That excuse is so** _ **old."**_

" **But it works."**

" **No it doesn't. I'm comfortable here." She abruptly fell back into his chest.**

 **Taichi stifled a laugh. "Okay, but Kana chan is coming in a minute and you need to get dressed. As comfy as you are, you can't change on my lap."**

" **...says who?"**

" _ **Chihaya!"**_

" **Okay okay." She grinned, throwing up her hands. Making a move to get up and off, she paused, for a second and looked at him sternly.**

 **And he gulped involuntarily.**

" **I know you're lying." She murmured. "I know there's still a chance you might leave for good. And eventually you're going to tell me why."**

 **He froze, then frowned in worry. "Chihaya—"**

" **Don't. I get it, its a big opportunity and everything, but Todai is just as good. Don't give me that reason, okay? I'm not stupid."**

" **Will you just let it go and focus on the game?"**

" **I will, I am." She said calmly, laying a hand back on the side of his jaw. He tensed, but it melted just as immediately and that made her smile.** _ **Progress.**_ **"This isn't just my game, its all of ours. I won't let that go to waste."**

 **And there was conviction in her voice and eyes and he found himself smiling a little as he believed her.**

" **But I'm not done with you." She warned, and for some reason, his heart leapt. "I'm still trying to figure something out and I will soon. You just need to keep in mind that sometimes, I know my own head better. I'm not a kid anymore, Taichi. You made me grow up a** _ **lot."**_

" **I know." He heard himself say, but his mind was whirling. "I can see that too."**

" **Excellent." The incandescent smile was back in place, and she leaned over, and pressed a kiss to his jaw.**

 **He didn't freeze, or panic, or sputter. The only indication of surprise was the slight widening of his eyes but that was it.**

 **Taichi didn't understand the strange calm in his head. He should've been freaking out and pulling his walls back up and shutting everything and everyone away. Keeping safe.**

 **But he wasn't.**

 _ **I think you just helped me grow up too.**_

 **There was knock on the door. And a muffled voice. "Chi-chan? Buchou?"**

 **Snapping slowly out of his reverie, he met a pair of brown steady, calm eyes and battle was over. He had lost** _ **bad**_ **.**

 **With a last soothingly mischievous look, and an abrupt sharp elbow to his ribs, Chihaya pushed herself up and walked over to the door, stumbling just a little.**

 **Both of them felt the acute loss of warmth as the stolen contact was no more, (the door opened and Kana chan stepped in, a cheerful look plastered on her face). They both felt the tingling skin and thumping heart and slightly aching chest.**

 **And both of them knew this wasn't over but for now, there was another hurdle to focus on.**

 **And it began in ten minutes.**


	4. Chapter 4

More crying. Here you go.

Cold coffee is a gift to the world.

Let's see if any of you pick up the little bits of bittersweet fluff I've hidden here and there.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

 **A lot of things went wrong in that match.**

 **She lost the 'chiha' card. She lost many of her good cards actually. Her mind was focused and she felt calmer than she had in days. Knowing, understanding that there was something besides the game that had an equal, if not bigger hold on her heart was a humbling feeling. And once she realised Karuta wasn't the only thing for her, playing became easier, her moves became sharper, ears catching even the slightest sound before the sound.**

 **Her game changed. Her attitude towards it did too. For once, when she stopped trying** _ **too**_ **hard, things flowed her way easier. She had let go of the sport, actually contemplated setting it aside for a few minutes to save something bigger...and the poems floated her way.**

 **The ancient kings and queens seemed to be beaming with pride.**

 **A lot of things also went** _ **right**_ **that match.**

 **She snagged the cards she usually lost. Her accuracy was honed, not on par with the Queen's but still sharp. And her mind was blissfully blank before each new verse, breathing deep. A part of her wondered, wasn't that funny? Wasn't she supposed to have been drowning in muddled emotions and feelings? A lot had happened after all.**

 **And later, upon reflection, she learned that the blissful blankness was a defence mechanism her head had automatically shifted into. A subconscious effort to protect her delicate sense of calm.**

 **Because once the match was over and she looked back at her friends, or one in particular, all hell broke loose inside.**

 **But none of it showed on her face.**

 _ **You've taught me well.**_ **She thought wryly to Taichi.** _ **You and your masking abilities are rubbing off on me.**_

 **She couldn't decide if that was a good thing.**

 **This year was not the year Ayase Chihaya would become queen, two cards decided to test her one more time, confirming her nagging feeling that there was something else she needed to do first. She had sort of anticipated it. With all that was going on, the victory would've seemed unfair, she wouldn't be able to celebrate. She wouldn't even be able to muster a cheer for herself.**

 _ **But next year. I'll have those two cards next year.**_ **And that was a firm belief, a steadily blazing fire inside, that was resting and gathering fervour slowly until the time she came face to face with Wakamiya Shinobu once again.**

 **And as for Arata, well, Suo Hissashi's time had, unfortunately, come.**

 **She hadn't been shocked, but once her match was over and she managed to fix her eyes on his, she realised there was something off about the way the current Meijin played. And Arata was glowing, gliding effortlessly through his sweeps, not once looking up and away. Her chest tingled in that familiar admiration, a heat creeping up her neck as fascination gripped her once again. She watched, with wide imbibing eyes as he swooped the last card for himself, she let her admiration for that sort of game flush in her head and heart. That was easier to deal with right now. That was a good distraction. She craved to play like that, move so fluidly, gracefully. Feel the game the way he did, not just a ghost of it with the blush and heated face. She wanted to feel it for real,** _ **that**_ **Karuta he played.**

 **But as soon as the game ended, so did the rush in her head. Her eyes fixed on Arata and her excitement calmed. Admiration still lingered as an excited flush, but everything else toned down. She heard the cheers from Arata's team and felt a bout of pride at how far he'd grown too, in a way. Midnight blue eyes locked with hers across the room and she felt herself smile.**

 **A gesture that conveyed congratulations, and her sense of pride. He grinned back.**

 **But then together, their eyes shifted to the third party in that trio, a steadying factor who had been there the whole way, even until this defining moment. But probably not any more, not any further.**

 **That third party who would soon convert the trio into a** _ **duo**_ **and most likely dust his hands off of everything he'd made here. All the people he's unknowingly been a rock for, all those things he did for the team, for her, for Arata. All the people he touched, and befriended and made a place in their hearts because it wasn't just the looks or the brains that he had going. All those people who had seen the good shining bit of his soul that he didn't always see himself.**

 **Taichi had his chin in his hand, relaxing cross legged with slightly pursed lips that were clearly holding back the joyous laughter brimming so vibrantly in his eyes. His gaze shifted between them both, and the rest of the room melted away. It was just the three of them again, and their matching t-shirts and short hair and bright grins and synchronised movements in a smaller room, a different time.**

 **She really just wanted to cry again. But that would only be useless.**

 **If there was something he taught her, it was how to be strong. And she'd make good use of his example from now. It was the least she could do to hold on for nearly three months.**

 **Celebrations were in full swing. Arata was interviewed and Suo-san too. The room was no longer a quiet, calm place. Once free, Arata was completely lost in hugs and pats and hoots and cheers and tears from his juniors and his friends and the sight brought a wide smile to Chihaya's face.**

 **For her part, she had immediately returned to her team as soon as she was allowed to. Much to her surprise, her sister had shown up to watch the game with her mother and that itself swayed her poorly controlled tears but she held on. Crying today would mean everyone would mistake it to be tears for her loss. She wouldn't have that.**

 **Because frankly, that loss was the only bright thing she saw at the moment.**

 **Mrs Pressure was there too. Their eyes had met once when she swept them through the audience and remained locked for a second. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel towards that woman at the moment, and she was too tired to think.**

 **Harada sensei was the first one to pull her into a hug, and she felt one or two drops of salty tears escape her eyes into his hakama, and when the old man whispered in that deep familiar voice in her ear that it would all work out, she suspected, no she** _ **knew,**_ **that he wasn't,for once, talking about Karuta to her.**

 **To be honest, she didn't know who else had patted her comfortingly or offered words of encouragement. And she wanted to tell them all that** _ **honestly, it wasn't bothering her.**_ **Once Miyauchi Sensei too had released her, Chihaya was drowning among her friends and juniors, and she felt herself laugh at the tears in** _ **their**_ **eyes, the blubbering messes they all had become, trying to be strong and pulling themselves together for her sake.**

 **It stopped being just her and Karuta a long time ago. A really long time ago.**

 **Taichi was standing a respectful distance away with Komano, one hand rubbing the back of his neck unconsciously and the other stuffed into his pocket as he watched her, and then Arata. The same joyous light was bright in his eyes, lips fighting against a wide grin, and she didn't understand why he was so happy.**

 **Only when she had managed to move to him after Komano had given her a good long look and a compassionate smile and pat, did she even begin to understand.**

 **He surveyed her face for a second before flicking her forehead sharply. The smile slowly breaking free and seeping onto his face.**

 **The sharp pain was so familiar and now it seemed so... precious, that her eyes stung, and not just because of the ache. She pouted angrily, keeping her shaky tears and voice and breaking heart at bay, because he didn't have to see that again and feel guilty. Taichi wouldn't understand why she was so lost, and she wasn't entirely sure about it either just yet.**

 **A beat long, their eyes locked and stayed, and she prayed he wouldn't do or say anything that would break her feeble bridges. But he just smiled a little sadly now, almost chidingly, and then pulled her into a hug.**

 **Everything almost tumbled down again in that stuffy room with tons of reporters and people she knew and didn't know. She almost crumbled, because having his arms** _ **willingly**_ **wrap tight around her was something that rarely ever happened; she was the one who usually flew at him. The fact that he did it now, without hesitation only solidified the ghostly fears in her heart, that this really was** _ **ending.**_ **He felt it too. An in the final moments maybe he was trying to take with him as much as he could.**

 **Everything as she knew it was changing, disappearing. Her school life, her club, no,** _ **their club.**_ **And now him.**

 **She wondered if the room really was silent, or whether it was just her. Warm breath tickled her ear and his voice whispered, so close to her skin, she yearned for that gap to close somehow, at some point. The ache doubled and her heart swelled and cracked, but he stayed unreachable; near, but so far away.**

" **I'm proud of you." He murmured. "That was some serious Karuta back there."**

" **I lost." She murmured back, and her voice was surprisingly steady. And she wasn't just talking about the match.**

" **You never lose, Chihaya." He said quietly, reassuringly, the soft vibrations from his voice resonating against her chest. They were swaying side to side a little and that was so familiar, something he always did, that her breath hitched and eyes blurred and chest clenched painfully. "You** _ **always win.**_ **Maybe not today, but you will."**

 **And she hoped he wasn't just talking about the game either.**

 **All too soon, his grip loosened, and she wanted to keep her arms around him and not let go just yet, but they weren't alone, and that would look funny. That was when she realised his arm was still slung around her in a friendly gesture and he was smiling at something across the room. Or someone. Because the next thing she knew, Arata was right there and all three of them were tangled together in laughs and too bright eyes which shone with unshed tears, and beneath the external celebration of victory, which was what everyone else saw, she felt it, that they were doing it again, smiling through tears when they were being torn apart from each other once again.**

 **And this time, it seemed, for good.**

" **So all of you knew?"**

" **Chi-chan...you have to understand—"**

" **No, I get it." Her eyes rolled. "He must've told you not to."**

" **Well, yes, and he had a good reason to—"**

" **Really? So, what, if I only found out after the match, I'd be better about it?!"**

" **Maybe? He was counting on you to win or at least be happy with the way the match turned out."**

" **And if I had won and become Queen, I would've been— I'm not that heartless! He's been my best friend since forever and— I couldn't possibly have been** _ **happy**_ **about it at all! That's—" she faltered then. "I-Is that what he's been thinking this whole time?"**

" **Chi-chan..."**

" **No, tell me." She said firmly. Kana-chan hid a small wince. "Did he really think that I'd pick myself up and brush it off and just, what, move on?"**

" **Well, yes." She whispered. "But he also counted on you having help..."**

 **But she had stopped listening. Chihaya paled a little more if that was even possible. "I should've known..." she muttered to herself, and Kanade thought she heard her soft voice crack. " I should've— that's not all he means to me. I can't just brush this off. I'm almost falling apart right here!" her eyes were burning as they searched Kanade's gentler brown ones, searching for reassurance. "Y-you didn't think so too, did you?"**

" **No." She said immediately. "Of course not, Chi-can. I knew how much—how much he means to you."**

" **So then why is he so** _ **blind?!"**_ **Chihaya hissed, eyes flashing as her mood flipped over. "**

" **Well, you weren't exactly forthcoming about your affections..." Kanade mumbled to herself. But sharp ears caught the words.**

" **I wasn't...? What? I've always made it clear that—"**

 **No she hadn't. Chihaya felt her eyes widen a little. She had never actually** _ **voiced**_ **her feelings. It had all made sense in her head,** _ **she**_ **knew the place he had in her life, but he didn't have a clue. Taichi probably thought he had the usual position that best friends are supposed to hold. He didn't know he had surpassed that and burned and etched an imprint deeper inside. He wouldn't even have considered it. Why should he? Her increasingly wild reactions and thoughts and the warm fuzzy feeling inside that she got from his touch or voice or look stayed with** _ **her.**_ **He didn't know all** _ **that**_ **.**

" **You always held him higher and a lot closer than he ever knew, Chihaya-chan. I know that." Kanade reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it, he heart clenching at the lost look in those pair of auburn eyes. "But he's always thought you had more important things on your mind.. Like Karuta, and—"** _ **I-I can't say it!.**_

 **The brunette sitting opposite her closed her eyes and took a deep breath.**

 **The cafe was small and not too noisy, and as Chihaya exhaled, the shorter girl felt her eyes sting slightly at the turn everything had taken.**

 **Chi-chan had always had beautiful skin, she mused, but look at it now, pale and sickly. And the light in her eyes had died. She** _ **looked**_ **like the passionate 'Katuta-baka', as Buchou had christened, but this wasn't** _ **Ayase Chihaya.**_ **People attributed her lack of lustre to the loss a few days ago, but Kana-chan knew better. Everyone who knew Chihaya knew better.**

 **Buchou was set to leave in five days. And not once after the match had she seen them together for more than three minutes at a time.**

 _ **Why does it have to be this way?**_ **She swallowed a lump at the silent, detached girl quietly playing with her iced coffee and staring at the glass, no longer there in the little café.**

 **Iced coffee.** _ **Oh, Chihaya-chan.**_

 **There was a thick silence for a long while. At the continued lack of movement from her companion, Kana chan felt her hands go cold, palms sweat. Chihaya had been like this since then, and it was unnerving. The only time she seemed to light up was when their President made a swift appearance and disappeared again just as fast, busy with preparations and exams. They had paused Karuta for a while, focusing on exams and colleges and Kana chan knew that Chihaya was likely to get her admission in Todai with the amount of hours she put it. She remembered the happy girl and her sparkling auburn eyes tell her one evening a long time ago, that she was going to do everything she could to be with her friends,** _ **all**_ **of them, old and new.**

 **If only things had been better. If only she had realised her feelings sooner, they wouldn't have had to see the Sun and the Moon fall apart, one inconspicuously on the inside, and one for everyone to see. It was quite obvious, because last night, Nishida had suggested a farewell party for Taichi and both him and Chihaya had lost all the colour in their faces so fast, it was hard not to notice.**

 **So, naturally, that idea was tossed away.**

 **Chihaya shifted, and the movement snapped Kanade out of her reverie. "Is it too late?"**

 **The words were quiet but they felt like a sharp slap to her face. Kana-chan let her eyes burn and tears pool. She couldn't lie,** _ **wouldn't.**_

" **I don't know."**

 **And she really didn't. Taichi was a complicated piece of work, but she got him a little, enough to know that his decision to leave for so far away meant he had stopped all little spots of hope inside. Everyone runs out of resilience at some point. And if he had chosen to stay, he would have to watch something that would kill him slowly. It was a better way, leaving. It would probably save him a lot of pain.**

 **He could swallow his feelings and give her the support she needed. He could go as far as pushing her towards the person where she'd get happiness he thought she'd find there.**

 **But asking him to stay and watch and silently burn away was absolute cruelty, and that's why Kana-chan only shed silent tears and obligated agreements to his choice to go.**

 **And now that he** _ **was**_ **going, it only meant that he had locked away that bit of a human which always hopes, even subconsciously. All the thousands of his walls had solidified like concrete, and there was no more space for what ifs and maybes. Not a single crack for hope to slither through and poison him anymore.**

 **Not even if she realised her feelings and told him now. There** _ **was**_ **a thing called being too late.**

 **Right?**

 _ **No. No, there can't be.**_

 **Chihaya blinked a lot more than she should've. Kana chan felt a sigh build in her chest.** _ **I wish I could tell you it will be alright, but you've hurt him far too much. There's a good chance he might never open up enough even if you do get your feelings across. Are you ready for that?**_

 **Somewhere within the haze of preparing for his little trip, and staying far away from the emotional turmoil and even farther away from Chihaya, he heard his sister's quiet question and paused.**

' **Do you** _ **want**_ **to go?'**

 **Did he** _ **want to?**_ **No. Did he** _ **have**_ **to? Oh yes.**

 **She wouldn't understand. And he hoped she'd never have to.**

" **I'll be back to see you in nearly three months." He told her, absently patting her head as he rushed around his room. "Its a short period of time."**

" **Its three bloody** _ **months!"**_

" **Language, Rika." He sighed, slowing down the process of piling shirts into his suitcase. "I don't know what to tell you otherwise."**

" **But you don't even want to go!"**

" **Maybe not. But I have to."**

" _ **Why?"**_

" **Dad." He said in a slightly pinched voice. She didn't reply or question him further upon hearing that. Taichi resumed his task with another sigh. "I'll bring back those Scarves you wanted..."**

 **The offer was lame and weak and he didn't need her glare to know that. "Save it. Demo Onii-chan...you're not** _ **really**_ **coming back are you?"**

" **What?"**

" **I heard you and Okaa-san the other day..." she frowned at his back, "You can always just stay right there if you choose to study in that stupid college. All your stuff will be shipped over. You don't have to come back here after three months at all."**

" **We're having a talk about your eavesdropping tendencies, young lady."**

" **Don't change the subject, Big brother."**

" **Hey, I told you already, there's no guarantee that I'm doing med school in London. I might just choose Todai if I don't like it there. Besides, I have to come back after the prep course, even if I** _ **do**_ **decide on London. Believe it or not, there's a 0.47% chance I'll miss you."**

" **There's a 0.47% chance I'll miss you too and that** _ **can't**_ **get in the way of my efficient productivity." She said in the usual crisp business like voice that the two siblings had been trained to use in the presence of important family friends and colleagues. Taichi felt his lips twitch and she was fighting a smile as well. "See? We need to annihilate that little glitch. Forget London and I'm sure it will be solved. Wouldn't you rather be a 100% efficient doctor here in Japan than a 99.53% efficient one in London?"**

" **Nice try."**

" **But, that 0.47% lapse could cost someone their life! And there's a 73% chance of that happening! "**

" **Out, you math wiz. I should've known better than to argue with you."**

" **Yes, you should've." She crossed her arms stubbornly. "Is there** _ **nothing**_ **that can make you stay?"**

 **And even though the question brought a silent sharp pang into his chest and the echo of his own inner voice laughing in a hollow manner, he stuck his tongue out at the smaller girl. "Nothing."**

" **I was hoping you'd say, ' Yes, my kawaii little sister and her big brown eyes are my greatest weakness.' Or something like that."**

 **He snorted silently. "Keep dreaming." His hands rested on his hips as he surveyed the next pile of pants and jeans, and found himself distracted for a bit by the work. "Why don't you run along and find your boyfriend—"**

" **He is** _ **not**_ **—"**

"— **and leave me to pack in peace?"**

 **Rika merely glared. "What about your other weakness?"**

 **He fought the tingle in his spine. "What weakness?"**

" **Oh you know, brown hair, big eyes, no filter. Ayase—"**

" _ **Rika."**_

 **The little girl froze at her brother's suddenly sharp cold tone, and she knew she'd stuck a very, very sore cord. Her pulse quickened as his tense posture didn't relax. She held her breath, waiting, and slightly apprehensive. He'd never actually sounded so...serious.**

 **A beat later, he expelled a sigh and his shoulders sagged. "Just drop it, will you?"**

 **She didn't speak. Now afraid she was—God forbid—in tears, he twisted around, swallowing the momentary shot of dejection and hurt.**

 **She was still there and a little wan, but attempting a glare at him. He smiled wearily, but didn't apologise. She needed to learn when to stop. "Be a good little sister and get me a glass of water...or some coffee? You make the best lattes out of the two of us..."**

 **She contemplated it, still debating whether or not to press the matter, but then decided against it with a small nod. As she glided out his room, there was a slight deflation in her steps that he noted with a small pang.**

 **All he seemed to be getting these days is hurt and guilt for making people around him sad.**

 _ **Wonderful.**_

 **Abandoning his bigger packing task, he rummaged through his smaller backpack and felt around for everything that he had put inside it. Since he barely had five days left until he went away, Taichi was sort of spending lots of time with his friends from the club. Today, he was going to Komano's place and they had planned to hit the library together to just hang out. The afternoon was with Nishida, and he doubted he'd need any dinner once that little meeting was over. Taichi grinned faintly as he recalled the porky boy's enthusiasm to show him a new joint he'd found out. The next day was with Kana chan. And that afternoon...**

 **Taichi swallowed.**

 **The final three days he'd wanted to himself, and away from all of them. It wouldn't help to keep seeing them all till the last minute, it would only make it harder. That was mainly why he specifically told everyone that he didn't want to see them anywhere even remotely near the airport on the D-day. So far, after the match, he'd seen Chihaya, what, thrice? It was easier, it was** _ **better**_ **this way, he told himself. Arata was arriving two days before his departure so that day would be spent with him. Which means his sister would only have one final day to terrorize him. Tired from the driver's test yesterday ( which he passed beautifully) and the Disney movie marathon he was subjected to till late into the night, Taichi felt his eyes burn with sleep. And his sister, that little devil, had said, 'You have plenty of time to sleep on the flight, Onii-chan.'**

 **He rolled his eyes in annoyance.**

 **Was it too hot? Well, his phone said otherwise: it was bearable, pleasant temperature. So why was he working up a sweat? And what was with the dry mouth and cold hands when he had just thought it was too hot outside?**

 _ **Stop kidding yourself.**_ **Taichi took a deep breath that was supposed to be calming, but turned out to be shaky. A hand reached up to press the doorbell to the Ayase household.**

 **But the door was wrenched open before he could execute the action and a small body with familiar brown hair collided into him.**

" _ **Ow!"**_

 **Out of instinct, Taichi was braced and only stumbled a little, with his hands already straightening the girl. Darker auburn eyes blinked up at him and for a second, he marvelled at how similar they were, before breaking into a small smile that mirrored the girl's weary one.**

 **The voice that had exclaimed in pain had been wrong anyway.**

" **Mashima Taichi." Chitose grinned wearily and stepped back, hand on her hip and expression amused. "I was expecting you earlier."**

 _ **I was stalling.**_ **"I ran a little late, bumped into another friend..." he smiled when she did at his choice of words.** _ **Bumped. Really?**_ **"Anyway, Nice to see you, Chitose."**

 **Chitose flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, "You too. Its been long hasn't it?"**

" **You've been busy. " he grinned. "You're barely around anymore."**

" **Yeah, well, I do have to travel a bit." She waved a manicured hand. The smile on her face took on a familiar teasing tune. "You're here go see my sister, I presume."**

" **I'm here to say goodbye to** _ **everyone**_ **if I can."**

 **The smile slipped straight off her face and the hand dropped from her hip. Taichi watched confusedly as she sighed. "I almost forgot. Mom told me. London right?"**

" **Yup."**

" **Well," she smiled ruefully. "Congratulations, Mister." And then her gaze flicked towards the inside of her house and came back to him, a little worried. "She's...she knows right?"**

 **He tried for a smile but it probably failed. "She does."**

" **And it wasn't pretty?"**

 **His hand twitched to rub his jaw as he remembered. Taichi swallowed a wince. "Not really."**

" **Figured." The older Ayase sibling muttered, then blinked back to her former uncaring self in a second. Taichi almost wished she hadn't. If only Chitose had been more like a bigger sister, he was sure he wouldn't worry as much about—**

 _ **That's not my place anymore.**_

 _ **Yeah, right.**_ **He snorted to himself.** _ **Of only it was that easy.**_

" **Anyway, you kids have fun." She drawled, winking. "And sorry about that earlier. I wasn't paying attention." And then she eyed him up and down. "Although, you were pretty sturdy."**

 **Taichi gave her an amused smile at her scrutiny. " I've had lots of practise."**

 **Chitose caught his gaze pointedly flicking inside, and she laughed heartily. "I should've known you're the one cushioning most of her blows! Its a wonder that girl still has a nose."**

 **Taichi chuckled, and bowed to her as she walked away with a final wave.**

" **See you, Taichi! And good luck!"**

 **Shaking himself as she disappeared, Taichi reached up to really ring the doorbell. The ring sounded ominous, or was that just his imagination?**

 **This was the hardest part. If he got through today, he could survive. Right?**

 **A beat later, someone nearly crashed down the stairs. And the more familiar brown shade of hair bounced into view and he couldn't help the crazy way his pulse skipped. Chihaya usually greeted him with enthusiasm that bubbled over but today, as she straightened from her fall and limped over to the door, there was a sort of caution in her entire demeanour. A mixture of nervousness and hurt and sadness coupled with a little relief and happiness on getting to see him again.**

 _ **I'm reading her wrong.**_ **He told himself as she neared and gave him a timid smile.** _ **That's the way**_ **I** _ **feel, not her.**_

" **Taichi." She said quietly. "You made it."**

" **Sorry I'm late." He rubbed the back of his neck. She looked different with this unsure air around her. "Are you alright?"**

 **A flash of something passed over her face and he was startled to find it was dry humour.** _ **Huh?!**_ **Chihaya hid it quickly and gave him another practised smile after glancing back at the staircase. "I'm...fine. Nothing sprained. Or...broken."**

" **Okay, then." He said carefully. "Shall we go...?"**

" **Just come in for a minute?" she sighed, "I have to get my bag, and...y-you want to see mom and dad, don't you?"**

 **He tried not to freeze, and gave her a tiny nod. Chihaya smiled a smile that was too bright and waved him inside, quickly spinning around as he stepped in and removed his shoes.**

" **They won't be here in the evening. So its better if you see them now." She said with her back to him. Her usual announcer-voice just didn't seem right today. Taichi ignored the pointed twist in his chest as things became apparent to his mind. Chihaya stepped in quickly, knowing he'd follow. " You can catch them in the K-kitchen. Just don't drink the tea...dad made it."**

" **I'll watch out." He said slowly. Her shoulders lifted as she took a deep breath. But her face remained hidden from his view. "I'll be right back. Go on in, okay?"**

 **And she dashed up the stairs before he had a chance to respond.**

 **Swallowing the slow creeping guilt and heart ache, he plastered on the usual smile and walked into the kitchen.**

 **Apart from the fact that her mother had gone a little teary eyed and her father had looked bummed out by his farewell, he thought it went rather well. They were amazing people, he thought. Not everyone would trust a teenage boy with their airheaded daughter like they did; here the two of them were reduced to tears because he was going away and her mother said and he'd quote, 'There was no one left to keep my daughter happy anymore.' Taichi had assured her with a bewildered laugh that she would soon be happier than she'd ever been in her whole life. And when they asked him why and he sort of told them that her crush was moving to Tokyo, all the two adults did was exchange a glance. That secretive glance transpiring between couples which was the most effective way of communication. It irked him slightly.**

 **Chihaya had taken her time to get her bag. And when she had bounced down the stairs, she was smiling brightly and jumping around as usual.**

 **But it wasn't** _ **right.**_ **It was a big fat pretence and he saw through it clearly. There was a tightening around her eyes, the spring in her step artificial, and the little crease between her eyebrows kept coming back when she wasn't paying attention, she swallowed a lot, as if there was something stuck in her throat.**

 **He let her carry on, masterfully hiding his own sharp heartache that intensified a million that afternoon, upon seeing her pretend like that.**

 **But confronting her would be troublesome. It would open up a bottle of emotions and confusion that he didn't want to deal with right now, he simply had no strength. If she cried and shouted and looked so** _ **heartbroken**_ **like that day back at Omi Jingu, he didn't know what he would do.**

 **It would, simply put,** _ **kill**_ **him.**

 **Because she wasn't supposed to be so...cut up. Okay, he'd expected her to get upset, but her reactions were so off the mark, he was surprised at himself. For once, he couldn't predict her thoughts and actions and that was refreshing, but scary. Chihaya looked like that right now, about to burst, and as each minute passed by and the sun began to set, he felt the tension rolling off her in waves.**

 **There was something huge sitting in his throat too.**

 **A whole three hours of icecream and cake and just walking around later, they returned to her house. Chihaya pulled him inside for some water and then upstairs so that they could play Karuta. He obliged to everything without question but faltered when suddenly, she stopped playing in the middle of their match.**

 **Blinking furiously, she sat back on her heels with her hands clenched tightly in her lap and Taichi looked up, hands quivering and heart thumping, from the big splashes of tears on the cards, into her face hidden by her bangs. The poem flowed softly through the thick air, but it was too weak.**

 **He would've asked her what was wrong, but somehow, he had forgotten how to speak. Words failed him and he could only watch with a swiftly pounding heart that was twisting and turning so painfully, he wanted to rip it out and throw it away if it meant some peace of mind. Chihaya wiped at her eyes nimbly before slowly raising her head. A part of him was relieved she seemed to be getting herself in check. The rest of him was begging her not to subject him to something like that ever again. Her hands were still quivering when she brought them back to her lap, and wincing at her stifled sobs, he was about to offer comfort.**

 **But then she sighed, almost resignedly and looked up at him and he forgot how to work his vocal cords again.**

 **There was a shine in auburn pools, they looked molten and moving with the tears. If anything, she looked only a lot more beautiful, sooty lashes darkened by the salty water, and for a second, she didn't blink or say anything, just looked at him and he had the strangest feeling that she was drinking in his presence.**

 _ **Don't be stupid.**_

 **And the next thing he knew, the game was abandoned and a flash of brown hair later, she was folded in his arms and her head nestled against his chest, with that familiar scent slowly shrouding his senses, her silent sobs reverberating against him, and he was sure his shirt was being soaked. But none of that mattered because his resolve was crumbling. Pitifully.**

 **If he wanted, he could've grasped at the little words in his head, offering artificial comfort. But that was all going to do absolutely** _ **nothing.**_

 **The problem was, he felt the way she did, even if he didn't understand that then. The silent tears and inner anguish was something he felt too and no matter how much he tried to hide it, seeing Chihaya break down felt like looking in an inner mirror. The words kept ringing in his head,** _ **'That's me, not you. So why are you so torn up?'**_

 **The lump in his throat was growing larger and larger. He knew that if he wanted this to go well, to get out with both of them unscathed, he would have to gets grip.**

 **Because his supposedly superhuman strength was failing as well. And she wasn't helping.**

 **Desperately grasping at straws, he swallowed. "** _ **Chihaya**_ **, don't cry."**

 **Her response was another silent sob and he winced. There goes one straw. "Please?"**

 **Still no immediate avail. Her grip only tightened, but he read the tell tale signs of her slowing down. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"**

 **A dry laugh escaped her, it sounded choked. Taichi blinked in surprise. That sound, that sort of reaction was too dark to come from her. It almost made her a normal human, he thought wearily. That wasn't something the ever innocent Chihaya would've done. It was true, she** _ **was**_ **growing up. And becoming tainted. Bitterness didn't suit her...but he sort of liked it; it made her seem more real.**

" **You want to know what's** _ **wrong?"**_ **she muttered darkly into his shirt. "Try this,** _ **you're leaving."**_

" **Yes, I'm** _ **leaving,**_ **not** _ **dying."**_ **He snapped, agitated. She wasn't** _ **supposed**_ **to be so sad! His entire set of beliefs was in danger now. And that didn't bode well with Taichi. Disorganised minds are the** _ **worst.**_

" **I feel so...so helpless!" she said quietly, raising her head a little to look at him with pained eyes. He saw his own reflection inside. "I don't want to lose you, Taichi."**

" **Its just for a few months." He tried softly, pushing back strands of hair sticking to her face and patted her cheek and smiled, feebly. "You'll be fine. It'll blow over, this...whatever this is."**

" **Blow over?" she swallowed doubtfully.**

 **Seeing a spark of light, he gripped it. "Yes, it will. People move on, Chihaya. You didn't honestly think I was going to be here forever."**

" **B-But I did." Her voice cracked and he winced. "I** _ **knew,**_ **everything was changing so quickly and so suddenly—but you were always there. H-how am I supposed to move on from—?"**

" **Stop." He knew his own voice quivered and cursed himself for that. "I'll tell you what's going to happen." He pushed her back, hands firm on her arms and eyes boring into hers.**

 **Stupid bottle of emotions was tipped over. The contents were spilt all around them. So there was no going back.**

 **This was it, after all. Who knows if he'd ever get a chance to talk to her like this again?**

 **Swallowing the painful lump that formed at that thought, he spoke to her with more than just his mouth. "You're going to probably cry for a day or two. And then, this whole thing will dull. You're going to throw yourself into studies and get into Todai like you wanted to. No, don't look like that, you** _ **will**_ **get in. Do it for me, if that means anything to you."**

 **Her eyes narrowed. He wasn't done yet though. "And then, when you've gotten in, you're going to have the best few years of your life because—"**

 _ **Nothing left to hide. Its all over anyway. What's the point in dancing around the issue anymore?**_

"— **because Arata is going to be just around the corner and you'll be... preoccupied enough." The walls propped up at the speed of light and he hoped his smile was a teasing one. He hoped it shone in his eyes. "Do us all a favour and don't take too long to tell him how you feel...? Its exhausting, watching you two skirt around each other."**

 **Her eyes had widened so much, it almost seemed comical, if not for the situation. It took everything he had to keep up that smile and the brightness.** _ **Everything.**_ **"It's going to be just fine, see? You'll be taken care of and you'll still have Arata and Karuta and probably the rest of the team too. It might seem impossible now but time...time helps, Chihaya. That's what you need right now. Time. Then you'll see yourself that this was just a passing phase."**

 **Her mouth opened, then closed, eyes still saucer like. He didn't know what was going on inside that head but he had had** _ **enough.**_ **He was** _ **exhausted,**_ **downright tired of so much pain and always,** _ **always**_ **swallowing his heartache. That was the last bit of control, the last bit of selflessness he had to offer. If she pushed now, he'd simply snap.**

 **He hoped she would stay quiet. But this is Chihaya we're talking about.**

" **You're such an** _ **idiot."**_ **She began, and then laughed. It wasn't even full of happiness, it was bitter. She looked borderline hysterical. "You think I—** _ **Arata?**_ **Really, Taichi, are you** _ **blind**_ **—? But that's not entirely your fault." Another harsh laugh escaped her lips. "You think I'm in love with Arata?"**

" **I** _ **know**_ **you are."**

" **Then you really are an idiot." She matched his glare with one of her own.**

 **In a split second, the tables turned. She was the one gripping his arms and holding him in place with her eyes. She was the one trying to make him** _ **understand.**_ **"You really actually thought that I was in love with him, but I** _ **wasn't.**_ **I'm** _ **not**_ **going to be able to just move on, I won't be able to just go to college and get a boyfriend and have** _ **fun.**_ **I** _ **can't**_ **and I** _ **won't."**_

" **Don't be stubborn, Chihaya—"**

" **I'm being** _ **realistic,**_ **Taichi." Her face was just inches away, the teary pools of auburn seemed to glow. His train of thought scattered for a second as her breath washed over his face. Her lips moved, but the words were a little dim. "For once in my life I actually** _ **know**_ **how I feel about something outside Karuta. And I know I'm not wrong. I won't let you tell me otherwise."**

 **Determination shone in her eyes. Dread creeped up in his chest as she opened her mouth.**

" **I know I'm not in love with Arata, Taichi. I know because I understand now. I've been paying attention to the way I feel, can you believe it? And now I** _ **know,**_ **I understand that its yo—"**

 **But his hand clamped over her mouth before she could finish. And another hand held the back of her neck when she tried to escape.**

 _ **No. No, no, no, no, no. Nope. No. Freaking. WAY.**_

" **Don't you even dare." He growled. Surprised at the way he turned defensive,** _ **both**_ **of them reeled. But the last threads of control had left him, and all that was left was a big basket full of heartache and pain, of insecurities and dejection and scraps of optimism that were now too shredded to save. There was no** _ **way**_ **he'd let her even try and build a little hope back.**

 **Because he knew that no matter how deep he tried to bury this basket, no matter how much he told himself that it was a hopeless case, a total impossibility, that it wouldn't do to dwell on it and only get hurt in the process, if he heard her say it once, that pesky light would flicker alive and he'd have to go through hell all over again.**

 **No thanks.**

" **Mfff!"**

" **No, shut it." He shook his head and calmed his rapid heart beat.** _ **Pathetic**_ **how it jumped at even the prospect of—**

 **Angry at himself, at her, at pretty much everything by now, he sighed harshly. "You can keep your thoughts to yourself. I don't— I don't want to hear it."**

 **She frowned behind his hand, clearly annoyed. Taichi glared. "You can do me a favour and listen to me. Okay? You're** _ **crazy.**_ **And** _ **confused.**_ **"**

 **She began to protest but he hissed at her to be quiet. "Look, I've known you my whole** _ **life.**_ **And I think I understand your head pretty well. Maybe not** _ **entirely,**_ **I know, but a good portion at least. And you know what's been obvious since...well, since** _ **forever?"**_

 **Chihaya scowled.**

" **Exactly." He nodded. "You've really, really liked Arata all your life. And you** _ **still**_ **do. So don't, don't you** _ **dare**_ **try and say—"he exhaled sharply, glaring at the wall behind her instead of her face, because his anger ebbed away and courage was failing him. " Focus on Arata. It's hard enough for me to think about, don't make me keep** _ **repeating**_ **it."**

 **As the underlying insinuation of those words sank in, Chihaya felt the beginnings of a happy flutter in her stomach, a slow flush up her neck. She almost smiled at the rapid pulse in her throat. But he wasn't even paying attention, still glowering at the wall, as if that was the reason for everything.**

" **Mmmmphhhmmm."**

" **Excuse me?"**

 **She yanked at his hand and he loosened it reluctantly. There was a smile on her face. Her eyes were shining. She looked almost...happy. "I** _ **said**_ **, I'm trying to make it easier for you."**

 **A little frost deposited on his voice. "You don't have to do anything for** _ **me**_ **, Chihaya—"**

" **That's not what I—"**

" **Will you give it up already?" the righteous anger gave way to pleading as he felt the emotional exhaustion. "I don't want you to make anything easier for me. I want you to—to grasp your own happiness and all that."**

" **That's what I'm** _ **trying**_ **to do but you're—"**

" **No, you're** _ **trying**_ **to leap into something weak and impulsive and artificial because you're too stubborn to listen to me!" he snapped again. Regretting his tone, because her eyes widened, he sighed apologetically. "Listen, Chihaya. Just hear me out, okay?"**

 **Bring gentle with his words, Taichi swallowed his frustrations. " This...whatever it is that's possessing you to—to think that you're—crap, I can't even say it." The ghost of a feeble smile flitted across his features. Her heart twinged as she registered the fleeting emotion. "You have to realise that you have feelings for** _ **Arata.**_ **Its obvious to everyone, and I know you must've realised it by now. This little** _ **thing**_ **is just a whole lot of confusion messing with your heart. People always react weirdly to big changes, Chihaya and I'm sure that's what this is as well. The mess will wear off in a few days, you'll see."**

" _ **Confusion**_ **?" she breathed, then slowly, a new sort of emotion crossed her face. She looked defensive, hurt, and really mad at him. For a second, the expression was so new and so...well,** _ **female,**_ **he was confused. If he didn't know her, he would've said in a heartbeat that that was the face of a woman whose heart had been shoved aside, not given any importance, almost scorned.**

 **But that can't be it here. It was wrong on different levels.**

 **But still, his heartbeat did pick up the pace at the strength if the emotion in her eyes.**

" **You—"she almost snarled. "You think I'm a confused little girl who has no idea— well, you're** _ **wrong."**_ **There were angry tears in her eyes now. "But no matter what I say, you're not going to believe me, are you?" clenching her fists, she wiped at a runaway tear swiftly. "I know how stubborn you can be."**

" **I'm just trying to get you to see the truth, Chihaya."**

" **I** _ **know**_ **what the truth is." She said firmly, and the conviction in her voice almost made him believe her.**

 **And that split second fluttering of light was enough to snap him out of his daze.**

 **Getting hurt again was** _ **not**_ **an option.**

" **You can't be sure, Chihaya. Give it time."**

" **Oh I'm sure I have lots of that! Three months, isn't it?"**

" **You don't need three months. Things will become clearer in three** _ **days**_ **."**

" **Why won't you let me try and figure this out?"**

" **I am, you have time, see?"**

" **No, I mean with you. Why—" her voice dropped to an almost whisper. "Why won't you even let me say it?"**

 **The question hung in the air like a bothersome charge, crackling and buzzing. He felt the familiar cold fingers and sweaty palms come to life as he tried to lie, tried to summon the mental stamina to bluff, but came up blank. There was no energy left. No fuel.**

" **You're only asking me that because you have** _ **no idea—"**_ **he smiled a little, hollow, "** _ **No idea**_ **at all, about what's it like to— I've said it before, haven't I? I'm not made of stone, Chihaya. I never was. And I've taken as much as I can without cracking."**

 **So caught up in his vortex of old familiar pain, that still managed to make him hold his breath, he forgot to think, for once he forgot to filter his words to keep her from getting hurt. "I've been acting like a bloody martyr for so long, I've almost forgotten what its like to take a break. Its really hard, one of the worst things you have to go through, and I've been stomaching everything for long** _ **enough.**_ **I need a break. I'm going to** _ **take**_ **that break, and try and bury everything somewhere deep so that I won't get hurt again." And then a humourless smile flickered on his face. "Of course, I don't expect you to understand. Its not something you can sympathise with without experiencing. I'm trying to move on, even though I'm pretty sure it won't work, I'm still going to try. And you can't just waltz in and tell me all my hard work and martyrdom was for nothing because you're a little confused. I won't let you."**

 **She was no longer breathing. When his eyes flicked to hers in all of it's battered glory, he saw her eyes full of tears and face pale and expression aghast. Oh, and hurt. Once again, that snapped him out of his fit of self indulgence and once more, he summoned a little selflessness for her from a secret reservoir he didn't know existed. No way was she going to cry because of him...or at least, more that she already had.**

 **Feeling slightly like a world class jerk, his expression softened and became apologetic. Just a tad. Because a huge part of him still firmly believed that she needed to know. At least now, at this crossroad, things had to come out. Too many things had been swept under his carpet. It was about time they were exposed.**

 **She wiped at a tear with a shaky hand and he hid a wince. "I—Sorry."**

" **No, no, I'm glad you told me." She said softly, voice cracking. "I'm the one who should be saying sorry. Honestly, I was so stupid, I had no idea—"**

" **You've already said** _ **that.**_ **Sorry." Another faint hollow smile flickered on his face and she was confused. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he sighed. "Just forget it, okay? Its all over now."**

" **No it isn't." She shook her head adamantly. "I'm not going to let it go."**

 **Seeing him open his mouth again to argue, she cut him off, a decision already made in her mind.**

 **Humbled and hurt and yet strangely hopeful, she laid a hand on his arm and stared at his face intently, "But I'll respect your wishes."**

" **W-what?"**

" **I'm going to give it some time and see for myself. I know for a fact that I'm right, but just for your sake, I'm going to try. Happy?"**

" **I can live with that."**

 **See this is why he never should've let her say** _ **anything.**_ **The way he should've been immediately relieved was tainted by that feeble crashing down of the sliver of optimism that had managed to soar. This was why he just didn't** _ **do**_ **hope.**

 **Now completely drained, he realised he needed to get out of there, away from her, away from** _ **everything**_ **asap. So that he didn't faint or something—that's how exhausted he felt.**

 **A second of silence and they both suddenly heard the last of the poems floating in the air again.**

 **The room was small. The physical distance between them even smaller. But there was a new huge, humongous wall in between them, one that prevented any merging of thoughts or energy. Something that completely cut one off from the other, and it was both a boon and a curse.**

 **Waiting until the poems finished, strictly watching the immovable recorder, he sat and refused to think about anything. So many things had just happened, so many bits of him lain bare and exposed. Vulnerable. But somehow, he felt stronger now. It was scary to think how much he had risked right then, how many of his principles he'd torn to pieces. But he refused to think for now, strangely enjoying the prickles of fear and insecurity inside, revelling in the sort of steady thrum of his blood in his ears. He felt like he was catching his breath after a long run. A long, long, long run.**

 **And now there was a little crossroad in from of him, and he knew which way he was going.**

 **The final poem rang in the air and the tape died. There was a click as the old recorder stopped.**

" **I have to leave." He heard himself say quietly. "It's late."**

 **Blinking out of a daze, she snapped her head up to look at him. "A-already?"**

 **The question brought back the feeling of sharp sadness. He shrugged through the twist in his chest. "I do have to take the car out for a test run at least once. Promised Rika."**

" **Ah...new licence."**

" **Yup."**

 **She smiled a little, but her eyes were dim as they fixed on his face. Taichi looked away and got up, almost offering to help with the cards, but she waved it away before he could voice it. Silently walking over to the door of her room and then padding downstairs, he heard her get up and follow a beat later, and he found himself tracing the corners of the house with his eyes, the little cracks, the homely smell. It was a warm place, with warm people. He would miss it. The silence wasn't thick or tensed. Just...forlorn. Sad. As if the air couldn't muster up energy to project any emotion.**

 **Dead. Listless. Dull.**

 **They walked over to the front without stopping anywhere. Stepping down the threshold, he slipped into his shoes.**

 **Chihaya watched, deathly silent and he tried not to look at her. Tapping his foot on the floor lightly to fix his footwear, and taking a deep breath, he spun to face her, with a bright smile on his face.**

 **Everything was fake, everything was dull, and colourless. Dead. He knew but he couldn't let it bother him anymore. Only the ache was real. Separation was always a pain, goodbyes were always the** _ **worst.**_

" **Well, see you, Chihaya." He tired not to falter at her name. Attempting a cheery smile, he pulled her into a loose hug.**

 **That was an little reckless, a little stupid. But necessary to cut the unspoken doubts. He wasn't mad at her or upset or anything. He was going for good, not leaving to return the next day. The last thing said between them would** _ **not**_ **be harsh words or apologies. This would not be how he left things.**

 **He needed a piece of what they really were to take back with him. Even if it was dull and forced, he'd take it.**

 **Her hands fisted in his shirt at the waist and forehead dropped against his chest.**

 **And in one second of familiar warmth, he froze. Sharply, the truth hit him straight in the chest.**

 **This was it. Like,** _ **really**_ **it. No more last moments or something to look forward to. There was no, 'there's still tomorrow' anymore.**

 **This** _ **was**_ **the last moment.**

 **Predictably, he couldn't breathe anymore with the painful lump in his throat. His lungs burned for air. And there were little drops of her tears on his shirt soaking the material right now. Summoning a voice that had seemingly fled, he managed to mutter:**

" **Don't fall asleep on the train, okay?"**

 **She shook her head.**

" **And don't eat chocolate at night. You're going to have to deal with it own your own now."**

 **She nodded obediently.**

 **His voice shook slightly. "And no more walking around like a headless chicken. You're a grown woman, so you need to act like one."**

" **R-right." Her whisper was cracked as well.**

" **That means no lying around in school lawns, no careless skipping on the road. You get me?"**

" **You're asking me to change?"**

" **No way. I'm asking you to stay safe." He mumbled into her hair, eyes shut for one stolen moment of peace, pretence that everything was just fine. "Because if you're** _ **you**_ **when there's no one around to keep a watch** _ **,**_ **you'll get into trouble."**

" **I'll be careful."**

 **He smiled a little. "Promise?"**

" **I swear on your stupid head." She mumbled, but it was choked.**

 **A flash of piercing anguish twisted her heart and the hot tears fell thickly as her lungs cried for air. But she didn't let a single sound escape. Her arms tightened around him for a precious second, the slowly incoming raking sobs were stifled with a lot of effort, because it** _ **hurt**_ **to have to let go and know that there was a chance he was never ever coming back.**

 **Her optimism was shattered. She was a mess, a whirlwind of confusion and sadness and pain, and the only thing that ran clear was the fact that she didn't want to let go of the fleeting warmth shrouding her tortured insides, offering a sense of peace like always, unconsciously, even when things were so messy and wrong.**

 **How could you expect someone to say goodbye to** _ **that?**_

 **But she would have to.**

 **Nothing in this world lasts forever, she tried to comfort herself through tears as his grip loosened and she took her cue to straighten. Dragging herself away felt like pulling at the sky, the littlest slips would crush her, and she balanced precariously, wobbly under the loss of the biggest support she had** _ **ever,**_ **ever had, that loss adding a million tons to the weight of the sky. But she wouldn't crumble. She owed him that much.**

 **The way her skin tingled from the loss of warmth was almost funny now, humourless, but funny. Through millions of tears pooling behind her lids, blind now, ears buzzing, all she** _ **felt**_ **was the scorching touch on his fingertips on her neck, and the firm pressure of lips on her forehead. The only points of heat on her otherwise cold body.**

 **And then it was gone, just like that. The door opened, then shut softly, and the warm blanket she'd never realised she'd had was torn away, ripped apart ruthlessly.**

 **It was no wonder her fists clenched from the pain. Or the way her entire throat and lungs burned.**

" **Turn here."**

 **Obediently, Taichi shifted gears and turned into another lane. He had absolutely** _ **no**_ **idea where they were going.**

" **Are you trying to get us lost?" he asked dubiously, glancing at the ever poised form of his little sister on the passenger seat. "And wear your seatbelt, Rika."**

" **Hai, hai." She rolled her eyes and reached back for the strap. "Its not like I need it. We're going no faster than a snail."**

" **Hey!" he pretended to be offended. "Excuse me for driving safe."**

" **You're driving** _ **slow.**_ **See that?" she gestured to a bike that whizzed past, and turned to him with a pointed look. "** _ **That's**_ **how you drive."**

" **You'll be thanking me when I save you a trip to the ER."**

" **I'll thank you better if we get there faster."**

 **Reluctantly, he stepped on the gas pedal and she settled back, satisfied. He wasn't even going that slow, but tween girls were** _ **annoying.**_ **And reckless, apparently. "At least tell me where we're going."**

" **You'll see."**

" **Oh I will. I swear to God, Rika, if we're driving all this way for a secret rendezvous with your boyfriend—"**

" **He's** _ **not**_ **my boyf—"**

" **Yeah, yeah, so you say." He rolled his eyes. Rika shot him a glare. Okay, scratch earlier statement. Tween girls were** _ **easy**_ **to annoy. And it was a good distraction.**

 **Sighing at the turn his thoughts had taken, and firmly pushing it away, he slowed into a stop at a signal, and relaxed as they waited. The low hum of the engine was a wonderful feeling, he realised he loved driving. Taichi shot his little companion another look and saw she was staring out the window.**

 **Feeling particularly mischievous, if only to occupy his mind, he poked her sides and she squealed. "Thinking about—"**

" **Onii-chan!"**

"— **going back to school?" he finished innocently, then pinned her with an accusing look. Rika flushed, clearly fooled by his game. He grinned inside at the victory. "Why, what did you think I was about to say?"**

" **N-nothing."**

" **Hmm...a blush, a stutter. Those are all textbook symptoms, you know."**

" **J-just drive. Look, the signal's changing."**

 **And it was, but they still had a good ten seconds. Nevertheless, he kept his eyes on the street and smoothly drove the car further into the road. "Where to now?"**

" **Left here."**

" **Okay...and?"**

" **And...we...STOP!" Startled, he almost slammed the breaks but caught himself in time. Now thoroughly annoyed, he shot her a scowl and slowed, pulling into the side. "Are you crazy?"**

" **Sorry." She shot him a glance, looking apologetic. "But this is the place, see?"**

 **He reluctantly dropped his glare and surveyed the surroundings. "This tiny café?"**

" **Yup."**

" **And we're here because...?"**

" **I'm meeting a friend. Its a** _ **she."**_ **Rika rolled her eyes at his sharp look. "Mimiko-chan, rember?"**

" **Ah..." his eyes lit up in remembrance. "Pigtails. Been long since I've seen her."**

" **She only just moved back. I had lent her a book last week and she wanted to return it."**

" **So late in the evening?"**

" **Her family runs this café."**

" **Oh." He blinked in surprise. "Okay, then. I'm assuming the milkshake is great too?"**

" **The best." Rika grinned like a cat.**

 **He shook his head in amusement, unbuckling the seatbelt and opening the door. "Come on, then. But make sure you eat dinner or mom will kill me."**

" **I will, I will. Sheesh." She hurriedly opened her own door.**

 **Walking into the little shop, he liked it immediately. The air was cosy and homely, and smelled of coffee and baking waffles. The siblings inhaled deeply in sync.**

" **Nice isn't it?" Rika mumbled, eyes searching for a place to sit.**

" **Hmm...And suddenly I'm thirsty."**

" **Good. So am I.." She gabbed his arm and dragged him to a nearby table in the corner.**

 **As they settled down opposite to each other, Rika reached for her phone, but they were interrupted by the arrival of an old familiar face.**

" **Mimi-chan!" Rika grinned, getting up to pull her friend into a hug. The other girl flushed, her freckles even more intense than Taichi remembered, but her hair still pulled into those trademark curly pigtails.**

" **Ri-chan. How are you?" she asked shyly, and smiled when Rika shot her a thumbs up. Her eyes flitted over to Taichi. "I see you're here too, Mashima-san. Hisashiburi."**

" **Nice to see you, Pigtails." He grinned. "How are you?"**

" **Oh, I'm well." She said politely, smiling a little easier at her nickname. "How are** _ **you?"**_

" **Just fine."**

 **Rika snorted opposite him and Taichi shot her a glare. "You have something to say, sister dear?"**

" **Nothing at all, you** _ **liar."**_ **She snapped. Taichi narrowed his eyes while Mimiko watched confusedly.**

" **Why? What's wrong?" she asked softly, tilting her head slightly at them. "Are you unwell?"**

" **She's just being a brat." Taichi waved a hand and smiled reassuringly. "Everything's fine."**

 **But it wasn't. It was a lot easier to pretend without the cause of his troubles anywhere near, and he sighed. This was the first step to a long, long tirade of false reassurances, wasn't it? And he'd have to keep the smile and never slip up.**

" **Why don't you sit down?" Rika asked Mimiko eagerly and Taichi marvelled at the difference in the Rika at home, and the one in the presence of her close friends. A lot like him. Absently, he wondered if it was Mimiko who had pulled a Chihaya on his sister... In a little different way, of course.**

 _ **...and I lasted two straight hours. That's progress.**_

" **Oh no, Let me take your orders first." Mimiko gave them a bright professional smile. "Welcome to Mimi's. What would you like to have?"**

" **Milkshake! You know the one."**

" **Done. And you, Mashima-san?"**

 **...two hours was exhausting anyway.**

" **How's your iced coffee?"**

 **He didn't miss the flash of recognition and knowing look that passed over his sister's face— she knew his comfort food/drink.**

 **But what the hell? This would also be the first of** _ **many**_ **cold coffees, he knew that too.**

" **Hmm... and strawberry shortcake for the two of you. My treat."**

 **Waving away Mimiko's shy protests, he smiled back angelically at Rika's slightly narrowed gaze. Bribing her to keep her mouth shut should work.**

 **If she told anyone, like, oh his** _ **mother,**_ **he'd probably be banned from the drink. A little silly how she could still** _ **ban**_ **a legal adult from things but hey, Mrs Mashima had a mean glare. They were always complaining he had too much caffeine. Hey, at least it wasn't** _ **alcohol.**_ **They should be grateful for that!**

 **Besides, coffee was always the best distraction from** _ **everything.**_

 **And right now he needed to drown himself in something like that. Otherwise he might crack.**

 **For good.**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! Here's another one for you. The story is gonna be a bit long I guess, but work with me. Now in this little chapter...there are duckies and roommates. Hope you like it. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the story so far. Is it cute? Do you hate it? Do you like it? Let me know, I'd appreciate whatever it is...

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

 **For a long time, she wondered what this chilling was.**

 **It came at intervals, and then left just as quickly. Too strong to be something instinct induced, she now wrote it off as a sign of fever. Maybe she was getting sick? Her throat** _ **was**_ **a little sore anyway. Ugh, she should have listened to Kana-chan and cut back on the icecream last night.**

 **Feeling a little silly at not having paid attention to herself yet, she straightened her skirt and blew out a breath. Around her, her friends were taking a break from the hectic shuffle between books that was college. Just one month into Uni and they were** _ **drowning.**_ **Seniors promised it got easier from the second month but they really doubted them. All her old Karuta club members were right there, they still practised together when they got the chance. And now the new addition was right there as well with his jet black hair and blue eyes.**

 **Arata and Komano apparently had common friends at college and they were** _ **all**_ **Karuta fans. Now her little circle had expanded to include Kazuto-kun and Rin-chan as well, both of them C class players who were from Fukui as well. Or, at least, Rin was. Kazuto shuttled between the city and his hometown every other month.**

 **Six pairs of eyes shot to her as she got up. Chihaya smiled sheepishly.**

" **I'm going back early." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. Kana-chan narrowed her eyes knowingly and the brunette grinned at the shorter girl, acknowledging the look. "I feel a little sick..."**

" **Must be all the icecream." Kazuto mused, then flashed her a cat-like grin. "You know the motto, Chihaya-chan."**

" _ **Always listen to Kana chan."**_ **Nishida rolled his eyes. "Good God. Go, Ayase. But don't fall too ill alright? We have practise tomorrow and you promised—"**

" **I know, I know." She rolled her eyes. "See you later then!"**

" **You'll be okay going alone?" Arata peered at her from behind his glasses and the statement sounded so familiar, that concern so nostalgic, but wrong at the same time.**

 **She swallowed the pang and hid a sigh. The sentence was okay, but the voice was not right.**

" **I'll be fine." She waved his concern away easily and quickly stepped out of Nishida's little apartment. "Bye bye."**

" **Call if you need anything!" Kana-chan yelled as she shut the door.**

 **Sighing to herself and flexing her now sore shoulders, she began to walk back home.**

 **It wasn't very far, but she hopped onto the sub anyway, and whiled away time thinking about something she shouldn't have been thinking about because all it did was make her chest twist. And she didn't particularly like that.**

 **Dragging herself inside the house, she muttered 'Tadaima' tiredly. Chitose's head poked out of the kitchen curtains.**

" **Wow, you look worse than usual." She raised a perfect brow.**

" **I'm sick." Chihaya snapped back. "Where's mom?"**

" **She's...um..."**

" **What?"**

" **She went to see a friend."**

" **Okay..." she eyed her sister suspiciously. "Which friend?"**

 **A resigned sigh escaped the older sibling's lips and she emerged from the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and face cautious. "She went to see Mrs. Mashima."**

" **Oh." Chihaya blinked. There was the dull extra thudding of her heart that accompanied any sort of mention about Taichi in the vicinity, and she only sighed and went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, brushing past her sister. "You could've just told me that."**

" **Yeah...I was just—"**

" **I know, I know, I freaked you out." Chihaya gave her a wry grin.**

" **That you did." Chitose nodded, going back to the stove where she was making a pot of...was that soup? Mmmmmhh. "I mean, you sure surprised me." She continued, stirring the pot with a thoughtful look on her face, oblivious to Chihaya's preoccupation with the heavenly aroma. " Never did I expect my dense little sister to fall so hard."**

" **Thanks." Chihaya swallowed her water, but her stomach was churning. "I don't suppose you have any words of advice to remedy my condition?"**

" **Just kiss him senseless when he gets back."**

 **Choking a little on her water, Chihaya coughed. "I meant my** _ **sickness,**_ **Chitose."**

" **You're sick alright. Sick in the** _ **heart."**_

" **I'll just call up and ask mom then."**

" **Oh loosen up." The elder girl waved a hand and shot her little sister a bright, but kind smile. The emotion was foreign on her usually cold face, but Chihaya smiled back wryly. Chitose patted her arm as she breezed past to get some pepper. "Go and lay down. I'll bring you some soup and some meds."**

 **Brightening at the prospect of pouring the heavenly smelling liquid down her throat, Chihaya leapt up with as much enthusiasm as she could muster and awarded her elder sister a fleeting kiss. "Arigatouuuuuu!" she called as she dashed upstairs to her room.**

 **But as soon as she knew she was out of earshot, her steps faltered and her hands clenched and felt her eyes sting with the familiar sharp pangs in her chest.**

 **Chitose was the one who'd found her struggling to go through this...thing that was happening. Once she knew Taichi had both his feet on London soil, that was sort of it for Chihaya. She went about her usual routines, studying like crazy, making it to Todai. She played Karuta with a vehemence that surprised Harada Sensei but he always used her emotions to sharpen her skills. Everything was going fine. True to what he had said, two days later, the urge to cry was gone. She was going out with her friends and playing her game and being who she was...except, there was a bit of her that had buried itself in a hole and refused to come out.**

 **Kana chan saw it first, the lingering dullness in her eyes, the way her exuberance had dimmed slightly, the seriousness shrouding the usually carefree Ayase Chihaya. And slowly, it became apparent to everyone. People began asking her what was wrong and she replied honestly that it was nothing. Nothing was** _ **wrong.**_ **She knew it would all be alright in a few more months, she would make sure of** _ **that.**_

 **Think, he had said. Think and give herself time to sort out her** _ **confusion.**_ **Well, he sure got what he wanted. Breaking out of the haze of initial sadness, she objectified her thoughts a lot and did just that,** _ **think.**_ **She reflected on everything. Everyone. She spent time with Arata. She willed herself to really try and see how she felt around him, she tried hard, just so there would be no doubt that it was her stubbornness making her stick to her...** _ **other**_ **claims. And after each outing, each laugh, each attempt to push the relationship beyond companionship, she came back to the same place with the same answers.**

 _ **See?**_ **She wanted to yell at him.** _ **See how it wasn't Arata? Now do you understand me?**_

 **And once that had become apparent, she mumbled to Arata the truth, with shaking hands because she didn't want to hurt** _ **another**_ **friend.**

 **The ever stoic boy took in good grace she thought. The first time she had revealed the truth in her feelings, he was too quiet. Cutting off their evening, he had retired to his dorm with nothing but a reassuring smile. But they went out of contact for a whole week after that. And then again one day at college, he shot her a smile and walked her back to the cafeteria and she knew they were okay. He was slow in getting back to being friends with her but they were slowly getting there. And Chihaya was really grateful for that. She didn't want to loose Arata too.**

 **So again, when people continued to ask her what was wrong, she would give them a brighter smile. Nothing was** _ **wrong,**_ **exactly. Just...** _ **missing**_ **. And she would fix it no matter how long it takes and how much she would have to fight for it.**

 **Kana chan was the biggest help. She never tried to put ideas in her head or words in her mouth. When Chihaya admitted her troubles to the gentle girl, all she did was shower her with comforting hands and smiles and she could feel her problems lighten and seem a lot less bigger than they were. Kana-chan listened and helped her undo the complicated knots in her head. Talking to her, Chihaya felt a ghostly nostalgia of the way Taichi used to make her problems seem easy and light and that was a huge blessing. Picking herself up and pushing forward all by herself was tough, but she was doing it. Optimism was a huge part of her and it still shone when doubts arose.**

 **Except, again, that little bit which had died away presented itself at times, in the form of doubts and despair and dejection. Insecurities.**

 **Talking to Kanade, she had realised just how tough it would actually be to** _ **make everything alright**_ **as she had so brilliantly planned.**

 **Chihaya was surprised at how much Kana-chan seemed to know about Taichi. Her eyes always widened and heart always twisted as the gentler girl related stories from their High school days, in a completely different perspective. And Chihaya could begin to see after many such anecdotes, that it wouldn't be easy to set things right.**

 **After all, how could she expect him to trust her with his feelings when she'd hurt him** _ **so**_ **bad in the past?**

 **Sure, it was unintentional, as Kana chan said. But that didn't change the fact that there was no chance he'd believe her confessions** _ **now.**_ **And she knew Taichi a lot better than they all gave her credit for. Once the walls were up, it was hard to break down. What if he never let her in? What if it** _ **didn't**_ **work out? What if he couldn't bring himself to give her a second chance?**

 **And insecurities haunted her at times like right now, when she was exhausted and unable to summon enough positivity to pull out of it.**

 **She** _ **knew**_ **everything would be alright. But when? And how long would it take?**

 **Conflicting feelings. Thus the stinging behind her eyes and vehement wishing he was there to give her silent support.**

 **Because more often than not, his presence was enough. But now she didn't even have** _ **that.**_

 **Clenching her fists in anger at herself, she stepped into her room and swiftly changed into her sweats. Today was sick day. Today she'd cry if she felt like it. She wanted a break from holding everything up.**

 **...And that fever lasted a good five days.**

 **Fifth night of feverish shivering and she was only just beginning to get better. Nishida had yelled at her for not coming to practise, Kana chan had brought around her notes and homework and encouraged rest. Arata had shown up to wish her well, with an exasperated Komano in tow who wasn't very happy about the fact that Chihaya had refused the hospital visit when he had suggested it two days ago. Rin and Kazuto promised to pop in later, a little harried with assignments at the moment, but they wished her well.**

 **Her parents were not too worried. Chitose was coming in and going out many times, acting substitute nurse whenever she could. And Chihaya was resting. Peacefully.**

 _ **Hah. Right.**_

 **The meds were strong, as suggested by the doctor who had shown up to see her. She refused a shot, so she was swallowing pills instead. And that wasn't very pleasant. It made her lethargic and drowsy and detached from her consciousness. One day, she had been chewing a lolly stick as she watched a movie and continued to do so long after it was over, a part of her knowing she should stop, but her body ignoring the command. Finally it was her father who had snatched away the unfortunate thing from her hand.**

 **She had a little suspicion that the meds were not right, but whatever.**

" **I brought soup!"**

 **Chihaya looked up drowsily at her sister's slender form entering the room. She had her apron on, but she was dressed for a night out underneath it.** _ **Ooooh. Kenji-san again.**_

" **Yeah. How did you know?"**

 **The younger girl blinked before slowly realising she had said that aloud. Shaking herself, she shrugged. "Its been him for a while now."**

 **Flushing slightly, Chitose placed the tray on the floor in front of her. Chihaya sniffed, but no smell took her away to heaven. She groaned a little. "I can't smell it."**

" **You're not well enough to." Chitose shrugged. "Eat up. And go to sleep okay? Your meds are right there on the—"**

" **Table. I know." She waved her sister away, still disgruntled at her inability to take in air. Chitose huffed and ruffled her hair before sauntering back to the door, removing her apron as she went. "See you later, Chihaya."**

" **Stay safe." She sniffed back cheekily.**

 **As the door closed, after Chihaya received a glare for her words, she sighed at her food, smile dropping. It was no fun to eat anymore. She couldn't even taste anything. And then as usual, like very other time she contemplated ignoring away the hot morsels, she'd remember Taichi saying, '** _ **You know what happens when you take meds but don't eat? Your body grows weak, it can't host the drugs properly and the meds get to your head. You won't be able to move and your head will spin and you brain will slowly but surely be engulfed by the medicines as the heroes turn to villains and the drugs kill you along with the disease and your body slips into a coma, a never ending torturous sleep of—'**_

 **And by then she'd shove a mouthful of whatever it was into her throat, just to make him stop, shuddering at the words. It worked every time, she could still see his small victorious grin that he'd try to hide, but never could. The little story was something he came up with years ago when her mother had told him one sick night in a state of distress that Chihaya was refusing to eat, and he'd thought for a while before sitting down and seriously telling her the dark story of heroes turning into villains, driven by a hunger for control.**

 **The words came back to her now, perfect, because they'd been told enough times to permanently ingrain in her brain.**

 **Spooning a little soup into her mouth, she grimaced at the tastelessness. Hey, could Chitose purposely be making it bland because she couldn't taste anyway? Hmm...**

 **Slowly working her way through the meal, she pushed the tray away and stumbled off to rinse her mouth. Brushing her teeth weakly, and feeling her head begin to spin, Chihaya landed in a flurry of listless limbs on her bed. The last bit of her strength was used up to grab her pills and shove them into her mouth.**

 **And she began to drift off, slowly, hanging somewhere neither here, nor there.**

 **She was cold, but too dazed to grab her blanket.**

 _ **What does it matter? I'll fall asleep in a bit anyway.**_

 **She gazed at the ceiling, and was mildly surprised to see Snowmaru-kun peering at her from above. The stick like hand gestured to her side and she tilted her head confusedly. The pointing became more urgent. Chihaya turned her face to the right and saw the Daddy Bear plushie lying haphazardly nearby. That thing was a four year old Birthday present from Taichi, and consequently it was the most used one. Which translated to most loved one, but her constant loving wore it down a little. The yellow colour was shade darker and stale.**

" **Oh." She mumbled, looking back at the snowman. He was now accompanied by three little ducklings two with brown skin and one black, but she didn't find it surprising at all. "You want me to grab it?"**

 **The snowman nodded. The ducklings wiggled. Shrugging, she reached blindly for the Bear and held it to her chest. "Happy?"**

 **Snowmaru-kun nodded. Chihaya grinned tiredly. "I'm glad you're here. Why aren't you melting?"**

 **The figure shrugged. She frowned and nodded as if she understood. "Hmm...yes, you're right." She watched the ducklings quack silently. "What do they want?"**

 **The ducklings became more energetic. Snowmaru suddenly began frantic gestures to her left.**

 **And Chihaya heard the ringing of her ringtone gradually seep into her ears.**

 **Fumbling for the little piece of metal, she held it up to her face and let the light illuminate her face as she glanced at the picture.**

 **And her heart leapt. Limbs worked a little better as her fingers swiped the call accepted.**

 **A smile crept on her face when she heard the voice hesitantly say hello.**

" **Taichi."**

" _ **Chihaya**_ **." His voice sounded far away. It** _ **was**_ **far away, she realised. "** _ **Are you still sick?"**_

 _ **Straight to the point, aren't you?**_ **"Who told you I was?" she mumbled, closing her eyes and smiling. Snowmaru and the duckies were smiling at her widely but she wanted to hear his voice and concentrate.**

 **A whole month had passed and the way she almost melted was proof enough that she was a goner.**

" _ **Kana chan called."**_ **He sighed worriedly "** _ **When will you ever learn? Ice cream will be the death of you."**_

 **She giggled. Her eyes stung. "I'm soooooooooo happy you called."**

 **He was silent for a second. "** _ **Are you taking your meds?"**_

" **Yup!" she sighed. "Snowmaru-kun is here right now, you know?"**

" _ **What**_ **?" his voice crackled over the phone, cautious.**

" **Snowmaru-kun, Taichi. And the duckies. Three cute little duckies. They're keeping me company."**

" _ **O...Kay... Snowmaru and— what's the name of the pills you're taking?"**_

 **Scrunching her face, she tried to remember. "Neze- something."**

" **Nezephrin?"**

" **Yeah, that's it."**

" _ **The yellow tablet with the brown ridge in the middle..."**_

" **Uh-huh."**

" _ **Oh**_ _ **boy**_ **." He sounded weary. "** _ **And what's your dosage?"**_

" **Twice a day. Morning and night." She informed happily. "Wh—"**

" _ **Baka**_ **." He groaned. "** _ **You're delusional now. Those meds are too strong for you to take two a day!"**_

" **Hey, blame the doctor." She mumbled, smile widening at the familiar exasperated tone.**

 **The words and the voice washed over her like gentle waves on scorching sand. It had been so long since she had heard from him, listened to the way he spoke, tone tinged with ever present concern and slight exasperation, or the way her name fell from his lips. Like a poem, a touch of something he couldn't comprehend. She realised she liked it best, when her name tumbled out from his mouth. Feeling unbelievably blessed to have gotten this call, she grinned.**

 **And her heart thudded wildly, springing to life, as that little bit that had died flickered on and glowed.**

" _ **Are you**_ **listening** _ **?"**_

" **Huh?"**

 **He sighed. She smiled at the sound. "** _ **I said, have you seen the doc since that first day?"**_

" **No." She frowned a little, wondering why they were still talking about something so stupid.** _ **If it comes to it, I'd fall sick everyday if it meant you'd would call.**_

" _ **Excuse**_ _ **me?**_ **!"**

" **I said that out loud, didn't I?"**

 **The deathly silence was familiar in a way too. She could almost imagine him seething. And then forcing calm back into his voice.**

" _ **You really are crazy.**_ **" He finally managed to choke out a laugh. "** _ **Okay, listen up, first thing in the morning, I want you to tell you mother about this.**_ **"**

" **About what?"**

" _ **The**_ **meds** _ **, Chihaya.**_ **" There was a shuffling on the other end, and he was muttering something she didn't understand. Then the voice was back in her ear. "** _ **Sorry. Anyway, tell your mom, see the doc, and get the dosage checked alright?"**_

" **But then I won't get better."**

" _ **Chihaya, you're getting sicker. You're... seeing inanimate objects—and ducklings? Really**_ **?"**

" **They're cute." She smiled happily and sighed. "They remind me of us, you know. Three little ducklings."**

 **There was a little silence again. Then a sigh. He seemed to be doing that a lot. "** _ **Do you get dizzy easily?**_ **"**

" **Hmm...? Oh, yeah. Lots of times." She mumbled. Her eyelids weighed a ton...was that just her or...she was sleepy.**

" _**See? And you feel light headed too."**_

" **Uh-huh."**

" _ **And you drool heavily in your sleep**_ **."**

" **Yes I—hey."**

" _ **No, that means it's knocking you out. And you have trouble opening your eyes in the morning?"**_

" **They do get pretty heavy."**

" _ **Get a different dosage.**_ **" He instructed firmly. "** _ **You probably won't remember anything in the morning, so forget that,**_ **I'll** _ **call your mom. Now go back to sleep, okay?"**_

" **But—wait!" Her eyes snapped open and she flailed around for a second. His voice had been slowly slipping away, the stupid phone luring her into a false sense of security. He wasn't really** _ **there**_ **. "You've never called once in this whole miserable month-and-a-half." She accused. Snowmaru pouted in sympathy from above and she pouted back. "How have** _ **you**_ **been** _ **?"**_

" _ **Me**_ **?" she could almost see him blink. "** _ **I've been fine."**_

 **Chihaya sighed softly, curling up around the plushie, and pressing the phone between her ear and the pillow, arms around the bear. It was close enough to the real thing. "Is it cold there?" she enquired softly.**

" _ **Its...pleasant.**_ **" he allowed.**

 **Chihaya listened to the silence for a while. She wondered what he was doing right now, whether he was sprawled on his temporary bed. She could imagine that clearly, one hand holding the phone to his ear, other twirling around a pencil from his work earlier as he rested, hair messier and pushed carelessly out of his eyes, steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. The breaths that travelled thousands of miles and reached her ears, a fragment, but still there.**

 **Her hands lightly touched the fur on the Bear but she saw salmon pink instead of yellow.**

 **The calm was the best thing she'd felt in a while. Her aching muscles relaxed, both inside and outside. Her wounded heart untwisted and revelled in the moment for a stolen second. Tears pooled behind her closed lids again. She felt sleepy, comforted. The old security blanket back on her shoulders like a phantom, but it gave her momentary relief as she abandoned reality and imagined it was all real.**

" **Why haven't you called?" she mumbled, accusation light in her tone.**

 **He thought his answer over."** _ **I've been busy..."**_

" _ **Really?**_ **So busy you couldn't spare a single mail."**

" _ **Chihaya, I really**_ **have** _ **been busy. I actually meant to call you yesterday, but I've only just gotten some free time."**_

" **It's hectic, isn't it?"**

" _ **You have no clue."**_ **He groaned. "** _ **We're even visiting different wings of the hospital and watching patients to get an idea of the whole thing. It can be very...trying."**_

" **Do- Do you like it there?"**

 **He fell quiet again, and her heart pounded at the silence. The stinging behind her eyes became more prominent.**

" _ **It's a nice college. Good people. Great infrastructure and all that, you know."**_

" **So you do like it."**

" _ **I like it. But I'm- I'm not sure this is where I want to be."**_

" **Then come home." She whispered, then sighed, swallowing a lump in her throat. Her chest was aching, twisting. "Come back."**

" _ **I don't know about that either."**_

" **Oh wonderful." She managed to mumble dryly. "So you're still undecided."**

" _ **At the moment."**_

" **And I suppose I'll be the last to know when you make a decision. Like, oh I don't know,** _ **before?"**_

" _ **I thought you were half delusional, woman, but here you are, sober enough to guilt trip me. Will you just go to sleep?"**_ **he huffed.**

 **Her mouth curved into a grin. "No way. I'm not done talking to you just yet."**

 **He groaned lightly. "** _ **I have to study."**_

" **When are you** _ **not**_ **studying?"**

" _ **When I'm sleeping, or eating, or talking to idiots over the phone."**_

" **I got into Todai."**

 **He paused, maybe because of the abrupt change in their usual playful conversations. "** _ **I— congratulations. But I knew that."**_

" **How, Taichi?"**

" _ **...I might've talked to Arata."**_

" **Oh, great." She grumbled, eyes drooping shut. "You talk to him, you talk to Kana chan, but you still won't—"**

 **Her eyes snapped open and she paused. Of course he would've strayed away from calling her. Once again, she had forgotten the possibility that this might be hard for him.** _ **If only he'd believe me, it wouldn't be so hard.**_

 **Her eyes shut on their own and she suddenly felt tired.**

" _ **Chihaya?"**_

" **Sorry." She muttered, taking a deep breath to suppress the sharp stab in her heart. "Lost track of thought. Duckies were dancing."**

" _ **Du—oh, right."**_ **He seemed to be shaking something off as well. "** _ **You know what? It's late. I'm sure the duckies are tired."**_

" **They do look a little pale." She frowned as she peered up at them. They quacked soundlessly at her.**

" _ **Exactly. Why don't you close your eyes and let them go?"**_

 **Her eyelids fluttered shut again, his words almost imperious, this time firmly staying that way. She hadn't realised how tired she was. The relaxation, though induced by a false reality, was the best thing yet, and her body gave into it, even though her mind wanted to keep him talking, keep him there.**

 **Once this call was over, who knows when the next chance to listen to his voice would come around?**

 **Her consciousness slipped slowly, and she tried to fight it, but couldn't.**

" _ **Don't resist."**_ **He muttered calmly from the other side. "** _ **You're mumbling. Just fall asleep."**_

" **Are you leaving?" her tone was crestfallen. She sighed. "Don't go, Taichi. Not yet..."**

" _ **I'm not, I'm not. Just go to sleep okay? And take care of yourself."**_

" **I will. I always...always take care of myself..." she mumbled. "Its other people I have to...take...care of..."**

" _ **Don't be like that. You take care of plenty of people. Look at all our friends."**_ **He said soothingly. She almost felt patronised, but her incoherent mind lapped it up. "** _ **Does your head feel too light?"**_

" **No." She mumbled, then sighed, almost slipping into unconsciousness.**

 **The voices in her head screamed protests because sleeping meant he would be gone again. But her mind was too tired to try and hold on. The only thing fuelling her speech was the will to say something, anything that conveyed how she felt.**

" **I'm really happy you called, you know." She muttered through a smile and burning lungs. "Really, really happy. I feel better. Do you know how therapeutic you are to me, Taichi?"**

 **He laughed on the other side, bit it sounded a tad strained. "** _ **Delirious, you are."**_

" **I'm not kidding." She protested. "I'm really serious. Its always been that way...only I've been too stupid...I didn't tell you..."**

" _ **Stop talking and sleep, Chihaya."**_ **His voice was softer than before, hypnotic in her ear. "** _ **I'll call you later to check up, okay?"**_

" **You will?" she sighed, spirit lifting a tad. "Promise."**

" _ **I swear on your stupid head."**_ **He quoted her from what seemed like eons ago.**

" **That's better." She mumbled. The last threads of consciousness was slipping away, and she felt the mild, powerless twist of panic as she saw looming black in her vision.**

 **There were a lot of things she had to say to him. But she couldn't now.**

" **I have a lot to tell you." She whispered.**

" _ **Tell me when your head is in the right place."**_

" **I will, if you call."**

" _ **I already swore, didn't I?"**_

 **She sighed in reply, satisfied for now. They remained silent for a while and she felt the last patch of light disappear as she slipped away.**

" **Taichi** _ **."**_ **A final drowsy mumble.**

" _ **Sleep."**_

 _ **I love you.**_ **But that was too strong, it might bring back his numerous concrete walls. "You're an idiot, and I miss you."**

" _ **You're an idiot too, Chihaya... And maybe, just**_ **maybe** _ **mind you...I miss you too. Possibly. "**_

 **And she smiled, because that was his way of admitting he did.**

 **The last things she heard before firmly falling unconscious were those fragments of breaths from miles away, seas across, but so precious, it felt like something she would never give up for anything in the world.**

 **Hundreds of miles away, in the land where Harry Potter was born, one of his closet fans snapped his phone shut and let the hand drop limply back to the bed.**

 **His heart was racing a mile a minute. Fingers cold.**

 **Taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes and tried to forget what had just happened. Tried to shove it somewhere in that buried box, but it kept springing free, projecting brilliantly in the forefront of his consciousness.**

" **Are you alright, Mashima?"**

 **Amber pools snapped open and flicked to their temporary roommate, and the boy reeled at the forced calm in them.**

" **I'm fine." Taichi smiled. "Why?"**

" **Nothing...you're just...pale?"**

" **Ah...Must be all the cramming." Taichi rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not falling sick, Kazama."**

" **If you're sure..." the other young man swivelled back around in his chair. "Who was that?"**

" **... One of my friends fell sick..."**

" **Oooh. The female kind?" his face turned to look at his friend over his shoulder.**

" **Sort of."**

 **Kazama choked.**

 **Taichi laughed at the other boy's bewildered expression. "If you mean anatomically, then yes, she is female."**

" **Tomboy?"**

" **More like an alien." Taichi snorted, letting his tense body relax as he talked. His eyes flicked back to the ceiling. "She's a different piece of work."**

" **Hold on." Kazama sat backwards on the chair and rolled it forward to the bed, and fixed Taichi with a pinning look. "Is this alien the reason you refused to go out with Jill that day?"**

 **Taichi wrinkled his nose and turned back to the ceiling stubbornly. "** _ **Jillian**_ **barely knows me. Besides, if I was here to** _ **date**_ **people I wouldn't be staying here on this campus."**

" **True..." Kazama mused, but then his eyes fell on the still unmoving figure on the bed and the vortex of things going through his amber eyes. "Or maybe you're lying."**

" **I'm not lying." Taichi lifted a hand in a gesture that said he was swearing. "I came here to study, not find a girlfriend."**

" **Do you have one back home?" Kazama placed his chin on the backrest of the chair and dropped his pen onto the bed, clearly taking a break.**

" **Nah."**

" **Dude,** _ **what?"**_

" **And before you get to it, no I'm** _ **definitely**_ **not gay." He rolled his eyes.**

" **Not gay, thank Kami, no girlfriend... So what** _ **is**_ **your deal?"**

" **Is it really necessary to have one?" Taichi asked exasperatedly.**

" **Have you seen your face?" Kazama shot back.**

 **His eyes rolled. "My face is nothing special. I don't get why you keep saying that unless...are you...?"**

" **NO!"**

" **That denial was too vehement." Taichi narrowed his eyes, clearly playfully. "Maybe I should get a different room."**

 **The abandoned pen bounced off his temple. Kazama mock glared and rolled back to his table. "Son of a biscuit. Fine, be that way. Don't tell me. But if you...you know, do feel sick, let me know..."**

 **Relaxing at the end of** _ **that**_ **conversation, Taichi nodded distractedly. "I will."**

 **As the sound of a different pen scratching paper reached his ears, he felt his mind drift back to the lingering problem in his head.**

' _ **I love you.'**_

 **Judging by the sound of it, and the way she had said the next few words, she was already half asleep and probably didn't realise what she had said. Whatever it was, the truth remained hopeless as usual.**

 **All it was, was a sleepy, incoherent mumble, but predictably, there was a warmth somewhere near his sternum, shooting up and down even when his hands turned cold and mouth went dry as the words registered.**

 **It was simple enough to decipher. Subconsciously, he ate up the words and he was already feeling light and airy. But he** _ **shouldn't**_ **have felt that way. A large chunk of his consciousness registered the fact that if he let himself believe her, there was a good chance he'd end up getting hurt.** _ **Again.**_

 **But the person inside had already welcomed it. It was a different battle between brain and heart now. Even if the majority of him decided to relax around her claims, he wouldn't let it really get to his head.**

 **He couldn't be the pretty butterfly that distracted her until she realised there was something shinier nearby.**

 _ **Thank you for ruining my concentration.**_ **He thought sarcastically, willing the message to reach Japan.** _ **If I fail tomorrow's test, I'm blaming YOU, Ayase**_ _ **Chihaya**_ **.**


	6. Chapter 6

New! I love Harada Sensei. Sorry I'm so late in the update. Thanks for reading. Leave a review if u have time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru. At all.

 **Pausing at the front doors, Chihaya frowned.**

" **How are we going back?"**

" **How did you get here?"**

 **She shrugged. "We took the bus."**

" **Then we're going by car." He dangled the keys in front of her face. Chihaya's eyes focused on the metal glinting in the sunlight.**

" **B-but I can't drive!"**

 **He snorted and began walking to the right, into the parking lot. She hurried to follow. "I know that. I'm the one who's driving, baka. Who in their right mind would give** _ **you**_ **a car...unless they want it** _ **trashed**_ **unrecognisably..."**

" **B-but you can't drive either..."**

 **He shot her a glance, a little surprised at her lack of self defence. He had just thrown her an insult and here she sounded, well, a little distant. "Of course I can. I got my license just before leaving, remember?"**

 **Realisation flickered on her face. She turned her gaze to the millions of cars parked in a row, and he got the feeling she was purposely avoiding his gaze. " Oh yeah... Sort of forgot..."**

 **The truth was, she had furiously pushed away any memories of those days, so gloomy and dark and negative, making her feel so helpless and torn. She relied on that compartmentalisation to help her be enthusiastic till today, but now the box had tipped, its contents spilt.**

 **Not knowing what to make of that, he lightly tugged her sleeve and steered her into a turn, going a few more steps before stopping at his father's car. Unlocking the doors, gesturing for her to get inside, he slid into the driver's seat of the Mitsubishi, wondering why the air was suddenly so thick.**

 **Why it felt different, he didn't know. He had been confused on how he'd have to deal with her once they met up, which was inevitable, but then she had solved that problem for him easily with the attacking and totally Chihaya-like behaviour. All through his high school, he had been so used to being a tad weary and cautious and careful around her, never fully open no matter what everybody thought they saw. And now that things had changed so much, he didn't know what to do around her anymore.**

 **He tried the old cautious way of dealing with her but he just couldn't summon that will. It was gone, long gone, just a memory now. His entire mind was tired of trying to hide everything and be so careful for her sake. The fuel was used up; he couldn't do it even if he wanted to now. And that little change was a huge difference.**

 **Both of them, unknown to the other, felt that way. A heart that pounded noisily ever since that door opened, slightly trembling hands and dilated eyes and flushed skin that indicated increased blood flow. A faint roaring in the ears. Slightly quicker breaths.**

 **Adrenaline, he mused. But he had never felt so reckless around** _ **her**_ **ever before. So careless, impulsive.**

 **Alive.**

 **And getting used to the feeling now, he knew there was no way he could go back to being a good boy who filtered his words and thoughts and pushed down his feelings to the point of physical pain. This was liberating. He could breathe freely, a weight off of his chest.**

 **Of course that didn't mean he wouldn't be weary of her words. Only this time, he wold be protecting his own heart, not her feelings.**

 **No matter what he said though, he also knew that if she ever actually needed him, he would always try to be there. Didn't matter if she belonged to someone else or not. All she had to do was call.**

 **And with such mixed feelings swimming through his head, he pulled the car out of the slot and eased it into the road, switching on the air conditioning as he went. His father's cologne still hung in the air.**

 **Sending his companion a fleeting look before focusing on the road, he bit back a sigh. She was staring at her hands clenched on her lap.**

 **The stupid tension was too much. His filter less mind controlled his body.**

" **Oi." A hand poked her side and she jumped, swatting it away. "What's gotten into you?"**

" **Why didn't you tell me you were home?"**

 **He chewed on his cheek. "I already told you, I was a little stressed out with...with Rika. It didn't exactly cross my mind..."**

" **You said the others knew."**

 **Her tone was neutral, but there was no fooling him. Taichi sighed. "I ran into them accidentally, near Todai."**

 **She looked up at him slowly, face brightening a tad. Her voice shook a little. "What were you doing near Todai?"**

" **I had to get my admission** _ **somewhere.**_ **Thankfully, they weren't too reluctant."**

" _ **WHAT?!"**_

" **My** _ **ears,**_ **Chihaya. Be a little softer."**

" **No way!" the shift in her demeanour was so abrupt, he couldn't help the tiny grin. Chihaya was staring at him wide eyed. "You're enrolling** _ **here?"**_

" **Isn't that what I just said?"**

 **She gasped slightly, face flushed, beaming, eyes sparkling. The girl made to lunge at him again, but then drew back sharply when she realised he was driving. Her fists clenched tightly to keep her overflowing emotions to her self. "Damn, I can't** _ **believe**_ **it** _ **!"**_

" **What's so unbelievable—?"**

" **Oh you don't get it, Taichi!" she threw her hands in the air, falling back against her seat with a large content smile and shiny eyes. "I thought you wouldn't— I was convinced you were going to leave for good! But you aren't and that means—" She stopped abruptly. Taichi spared her a look.**

 **She was biting her lip to keep from grinning, and her eyes were fixed on the window. Shifting gears and easing into the designated lane, he nudged her. "Means what?"**

 **She struggled to answer. There was a battle waging in her eyes, hopeful, optimistic decisions against insecurities. Eventually, hope won over because she was grinning brightly. They rolled into a stop in front of her house and the engine died.**

" **It means," she unbuckled her seatbelt, pausing to think over her words. Giving him one last incandescent smile, she reached over and threw her arms around his neck, making the car jerk forward a little in his surprise before his hand found the hand break, and planted her lips smack on his temple. Two hearts sputtered simultaneously at the impulsive action, but neither regretted it.**

 **Releasing him and pushing open the door, she grinned gleefully and continued, " I have a chance at proving to you how** _ **stupid**_ **you are!"**

 **Eyes narrowed, he leapt out after her to give her a piece of his mind. But then forgot about it when she threw open the door to the house and flew inside. The last time he had been here, well, it hadn't been the best of times...**

 **Pausing at the door to remove his shoes, he glanced around. Nothing had changed much. The umbrella stand still had the pink polkadotted umbrella they had fought over once many years ago. And the shoe rack was a little dusty.**

 **He hesitated to step in. Everything was different. He had no idea how to direct his mind or his heart; impulses and instinct was the only thing he had because his brain refused to work on this different Chihaya.**

 **She walked back out enquiringly. "What are you still doing there?"**

 **He shook his head. Shrugged. But didn't move.**

 **Smiling slightly, a new, understanding light in her eyes, Chihaya stepped in front of him up on the threshold, and held out a hand.**

 **There was bright smile on her face. An inviting, slightly hopeful smile. "Come on. We need to make new memories for this place."**

 **Heart pounding in surprise at her insight, his eyes widened, but a hand reached out and took hers.**

 **What she was pulling him into he had no idea. Whether he could trust her, he didn't know. But this was a new start of sorts, and he wanted to give it a try. Instinct told him it would be worth it.**

 **It was up to her to try and convince him now.**

" **Oh** _ **thank the lord!"**_

 **That was Nishida's response when he saw Taichi and Chihaya at the homecoming party for the former. The duo had walked in together, and Chihaya had immediately made a dash for the chocolate fountain, and that was what elicited such a response from Nishida. Taichi didn't miss the way all his friends smiled in a relieved manner as well.**

 **He sort of understood. But the thing is he didn't get** _ **why.**_

" **That's because you don't know what she was like." The meat bun fan had exclaimed later when he voiced his thoughts. " Ayase was** _ **weird,**_ **Mashima. She acted—" he shuddered here, "** _ **mature."**_

" **That's a bad thing?"**

" **No, Buchou." Kana chan sighed fondly. "What he means is, she was acting different. As in...a little dull. Off. She didn't have this enthusiasm in anything she did; not even Karuta after a while. It was like...a part of her had been switched off."**

 **Confused, his head cocked to the side. "Why?"**

 **And Kanade exchanged a glance with Nishida. He really did have no idea.** _ **Now who's the oblivious one, Buchou?"**_

" **Because you were gone, Taichi."**

 **The three school mates turned to stare at Wataya Arata, who was looking a little tired. "Can we talk please?"**

 **Taichi fleetingly locked eyes with Kana chan before she dragged Nishida off to find her boyfriend and celebrate.**

 **Arata had his hands in his pockets. There was a nervous vibe oozing from the usually stoic young man, and Taichi found it a little unnerving. He smiled anyway in invitation. Arata returned it grudgingly and he gestured for them to move outside, where they could probably have more privacy.**

 _ **Crap.**_ **Taichi winced.** _ **Privacy means serious talking. As in**_ **serious** _ **topics. And all I wanted was a sandwich and some fun for now.**_

 **Stepping out into the cool balcony of Nishida's apartment, Arata faced the inky sky and twinkling lights of the city. A little apprehensive, Taichi followed, leaning with his back to the railing, eyes darting inside to where everyone was noisily lounging around. Coming back to rest on Arata, they found him looking serious. The ice breaker died in his throat, and Taichi waited for the words he would have to listen to.**

 **It was always this uncomfortable when they talked about Chihaya, at least, initially. Otherwise, they got along extremely well.**

" **How was London?"**

 _ **Thank God.**_ **"A little chilly." Taichi smiled. "But the dorms were warm enough."**

" **Ugh. I know about dorms now." Arata made a face at the sky. "Roommates can be disgusting sometimes."**

 **Taichi grinned. "So I've heard. But I lucked out on that."**

" **Was he was English?"**

" **Oh, no...okay, partly. His father is." Taichi shrugged as Kazama's weird Japanese came to him. "He sort of has trouble with our language although I'm** _ **pretty**_ **sure he's just pretending."**

 **Arata chuckled. "Sounds like a peculiar species."**

" **You could say that." Taichi laughed suddenly. "But he kept the room so** _ **sparkly,**_ **I bet my mother would've been jealous."**

" **Gah! That reminds me, how's your sister?" Arata snapped his head to look at his friend.**

" **Good." Taichi nodded slowly, his smile dying. "The cast will take longer to come off and the day before, they removed a few stitches...I hadn't known there were so many..."**

" **At least she's recovering, Taichi."**

" **But she's** _ **slow."**_ **Repressed frustration bubbled up in the familiarity of talking to a friend, and he blew locks of hair out of his eyes. Turning his back to the party, Taichi faced the sky too. "Rika wasn't very strong to begin with. Two months early and all that."**

" **Really?!"**

" **Yeah." He scowled. "Nearly gave my dad a heart attack, popping out when she wasn't supposed to." He softened at Arata's abrupt laugh. " And now she's giving us scares again. The idiot has crappy immunity..."**

" **Hey, she's in hood hands." Arata reassured smoothly. His eyes flicked back to the sky and there was a silence for a few minutes, with Taichi sort of preoccupied with his thoughts about back home. Slowly breaking out of that train, he realised they were going to enter the original reason for this private meeting.**

 **Arata blew out a breath.**

" **Do you think...if this hadn't happened, would you have chosen London?"**

 **Taichi didn't reply immediately. He turned back to the room again, arms crossed as he gazed inside, not really seeing anything.**

" **I don't know." He admitted finally. "Maybe. Maybe not." He thought of his sister and his mother and his father and the slowly but surely blooming warmth in the usually cold house they called their home. " But I know it would've been a mistake. Now I have a chance to set many things alright."**

" **Including Chihaya?"**

 **He blinked. Amber pools tunnelled on the said girl, almost a woman now, who was talking animatedly to...Rin, wasn't it? He sighed again. "Arata..."**

" **We need to sort this out, you know..."**

" **Sort** _ **what**_ **out?" he shook his head. "I don't even know what's going on anymore."**

" **I do."**

 **Taichi glanced at Arata for a beat. But he was still talking to the sky. "I know what's going on. She told me, after all."**

" **Told you?"**

" **We hung out a lot after you left." Arata admitted, shrugging. His eyes lowered to the lights of the city below. In the faint glow of the dusk, his face gleamed. Taichi kept his eyes on the boy, surprisingly apathetic. Calm.**

" **I sort of think she was giving me a chance, Taichi. " he smiled a little. "I wouldn't call them** _ **dates,**_ **but we did spend a lot of time together. I was bold enough to even hold her hand— wow, I sound like a grade schooler."**

 **Taichi only laughed lightly.**

" **But it didn't...click. I mean, I was happy, almost glad you were gone, and I know I'm a douche for feeling that way but that's how it was." Arata shrugged a little. " Chihaya was trying. But she just couldn't do it. You heard everyone say that she was a little dull...truth is, you took a piece of her with you when you left. And when you came back, you returned it. Look at her now."**

" **Arata, that's not—"**

" **No, its the truth, even if you don't see it. But you will one day." The Meijin sighed, his breath misting slightly. Taichi had the strangest flashback of offering him his own scarf and mufflers one snowy day so may years ago. Softening, he tried to speak again, but Arata cut him off. "You know what she said to me one day? We were walking back to her house with drinks in out hands and I asked her why she was suddenly so obsessed with cold coffee, having a cup in her hand even then, when it was chilly outside."**

 **Taichi frowned. "But she** _ **hates**_ **it."**

" **Really?" Arata grinned faintly, but it wasn't mirthful. The dark made it difficult for Taichi to decipher his expression. "Then it makes all the more sense."**

" **I don't get it."**

" **You will. I asked her why, and you know what she did? She started to cry." Arata sighed. "It wasn't uncontrollable or something. But there were little tears and she looked so apologetic, I knew something was wrong. I knew the pretending we were doing was ending."**

 **Silent, contemplative, Taichi averted his eyes to the wooden floor. The chilly breeze bit at his nose, finger tips. But he didn't move. There was a little dread in his chest for some reason. He didn't want to hear the rest.**

 **Arata's eyes glassed over, he was no longer standing in the balcony, but had moved to a different place, a different time . " And she told me straight out that she was sorry, that she had tried, even though it was unfair to both me and her. She told me...she told me she was in love with y—"**

 _ **No.**_

" **Okay,** _ **Stop**_ **."**

 **Arata blinked out of his trance. His eyes flickered back on and he glanced at Taichi. The other boy was glaring at the glass of the door, fists clenched. Arata frowned confusedly. "This is hard for me, you know. Why did you want me to—?"**

" **Because you shouldn't** _ **believe**_ **her."**

 **Taichi took a deep breath. There was a lot he had sorted out in his mind, a lot of things he had to think through and file away so that he could function properly. Revealing it or explaining the complexity of his head to someone else wasn't on his list of things to do but this was necessary. He wouldn't let Arata throw away potential happiness. If his hunch was right, and Arata listened to him, Chihaya would find what he knew her to want. She would find happiness.**

 **And that was the first thing that he had sorted out. That was what mattered.**

 **He could go the rest of his life with his unreciprocated feelings and the dull ache, but he'd be happy knowing** _ **she**_ **was happy. Taichi had finally reached that stage; ready to completely set out to help her find her happiness, wherever it was.**

 **Be it with him, or with Arata. He didn't mind. All he knew was, whatever she decided, he would stand by it.**

 **So then what happened to his dignity? His self preservation?**

 **Of course that was there too. Taichi smiled a little at the twisted feelings he had. If she was still adamant about staying with him** _ **,**_ **then he would comply to her wishes** _ **gradually,**_ **slowly, testing her resilience and persistence. Hey he had been at this since** _ **forever.**_ **He couldn't just grab her at first sight because she felt a little something for him. Oh no, that's not how it would work.**

 **Mashima Taichi would play it hard. In an attempt to salvage what little was left of himself.**

 **And if she did succeed to make him bend to her wishes, he had already decided he wouldn't** _ **ever**_ **give her his heart.**

 **As battered and pathetically taped up as it was, there was nothing** _ **left**_ **to give.**

 **There were many loopholes to that plan. He didn't see how he couldn't** _ **not**_ **fall in love with her all over again if they ever did get together. He didn't see how it would end well for him either way...**

 **But now, he had other things to focus on and devote himself to. These few weeks had made it clear enough.**

 **Finding that new fire ever since London to become a doctor, save lives, help people; spending time with his family, people he hadn't paid much attention to because they had all never been on the same page until now. There were things he wanted to do with his life.**

 **His heart mattered, of course. But it could wait. After all, all the years he had prioritised** _ **that**_ **above anything else. It was about time he grew up from teenage induced ideas and learned that life was more than just falling in love. Even if that slot remained empty, the others would be filled in with his efforts.**

 **Maybe it would be incomplete but he wouldn't throw away everything just for the sake of trying to find a part of him that was hopelessly lost.**

 **She was the one who could find it and bring it back. If she really tried, or really wanted. But for now, he was content to just see where things went, ready to let her take the reigns and direct this to wherever she wanted. He was ready for the hurt, or the light, whichever came.**

 **He would find his dignity and pride again. But first, he needed to give his heart** _ **one**_ **last chance. Painfully slowly, but he had to try. If it didn't work out in the end...well, that was that. An empty slot. But he had others to look into for some sort of fulfilment, so eventually, everything would be alright. He wouldn't keep hurting** _ **forever**_ **.**

 **He was growing up.**

" **She's confused." Taichi said firmly, quietly. "Confused because I've been there almost all her life and then I** _ **wasn't**_ **and she was surprised. Its only normal. You know how she is...so obsessed with Karuta, she's only** _ **just**_ **started paying attention to her feelings. Of course she's muddled up from lack of experience."**

 **Arata gave him a very odd look. Then he snorted and turned back to the sky. His knuckles where white against the railing. "I don't know what to tell you. Taichi...have you ever considered that you might be a little miscalculated in your analysis?"**

" **What? Why?"**

" **Oh I don't know." He sighed. "There's the fact that Chihaya isn't entirely what you thought you knew her to be. Don't tell me she hasn't surprised you because we both know whatever comes from her is always** _ **genuine.**_ **Brutally honest."**

 **Taichi chewed his cheek. That** _ **was**_ **true.**

" **So tell me you totally expected her to go that crazy when you threatened to leave."**

" **...I** _ **didn't.**_ **But maybe its because she was just taken so abruptly—"**

" **Again, you're only saying that because you hadn't seen her those days. Tell me, where you there** _ **every single moment**_ **of her high school life?"**

" **No." He said quickly, knowing it was futile to lie, because Arata knew about...well, that lousy three months he'd avoided her like the plague** _ **.**_

" **See? Three plus three,** _ **six**_ **months is long enough for a person to change a little on the inside Taichi. You're only human, there must be developments in her you've missed...or changes your heart refuses to believe because you're scared of getting hurt again."**

 **Heard that crash?**

 **A truck just slammed straight into his chest. Taichi felt his eyes widen, stomach tighten. His eyes snapped to Arata as the truth in his statement became obvious and Taichi was swamped at how well the other boy had understood. The Meijin smiled a little at the stunned boy. "I used to call you a coward, Taichi. You remember? But now that I'm going through a sliver of what you've been dealing with, " he laughed dryly, eyes on the sky. "I know how hard it was. I now get how brave and strong you've been in a different way I didn't understand then. I don't know if I can do that."**

" **Arata, listen—"**

" **Wait. Let me say this." Taking a deep breath, Arata turned to face him. " I don't think I can be a martyr and keep my feelings in check, or have so much self control as you do. You said she was confused, but even though I don't think the same... I...I'm still going to keep trying for her."**

 **Taichi felt his eyes widen and chest twist complicatedly. He was so thrown by that, though he didn't know why, he couldn't think straight for a second.**

 **Midnight blue pools of hurt and yet, burning determination bored into his own subdued and calmer amber ones. Arata smiled a little. "I'm not giving up. Even though I know you have."**

" **I don't want to go through that again, Arata. I don't expect you to understand. " he heard himself murmur.**

" **No, I do. And I know I'm still pursuing her only because I haven't been as hurt as you have."**

" **Is that supposed to make me feel better?"**

 **Arata laughed shortly. "No, sorry."**

" **I don't want to keep competing with you. I'm done with that. She can do what she wants with me, I just want her to be happy."**

" **And what about** _ **your**_ **happiness?"**

" **I've survived till today." He raised his eyes to the stars, praying for strength. "What's a few decades more?"**

" **You're crazy, Taichi. But I'm going to keep trying."**

 **Taichi wet his lips. Swallowed. His eyes darted to the warm room as old familiar pain flooded his chest.**

 **No matter how much he convinced himself, it still hurt** _ **bad**_ **to think she was going to completely slip away from him. It still hurt to let her go and find her happiness. But he would do it again. And again. And again. No more meaningless fighting, harsh thoughts about his friends. His feelings for Chihaya wasn't something that should be tainted by such negativities. It was** _ **pure,**_ **not the factor that made him bitter and resentful. He was leaving that side of things behind.**

 **Permanently.**

 **Whatever was supposed to happen would happen. Its just that he and his mangled heart would sit around in the backseat and wait it out. He had earned that, he thought.**

 **Taichi sighed and slowly smiled at Arata. "Don't upset her."**

" **What—?"**

" **I may not exactly be running at you head on with a spear for her affections, but if you upset her, Arata..."**

" **Point duly noted." Midnight blue eyes twinkled in the light of the stars above. They looked like skies themselves, dusted with silver. "You really are Clark Kent, Taichi."**

" **I'm anything but."** _ **That's why I don't have the courage to put my sanity at risk again. Stupid Superman setting absurd standards.**_

" **Shall we go back inside?" Arata, glanced in. His eyes lingered, and Taichi saw a ghost of hurt in them. Sympathetic was how he felt, to his surprise.**

" **Lets go."**

" **Taaaaaaaaaaaichiiiii!"**

 **He jerked forward a little from the force of her throwing her arms around his neck from behind. Ready for this, he didn't take his eyes away from his textbook. "Still a no."**

 **The rest of the group looked up from their books, and cracked grins at the familiar scene.**

" **Please?"**

" **Nuh-uh."**

" **But its been so looooong!" she dropped her forehead onto his shoulder.**

" **I'm** _ **not**_ **giving you the chocolates."**

" **I've been studying for** _ **hours!"**_

 **He scoffed a little, not once removing his gaze from his book. "You've been badgering me for quite some time now. Give up, my answer's the same."**

" **A yes?" she sounded hopeful.**

" _ **No."**_

" **Is it in your bag?"**

" **No, Chihaya."**

" **In your** _ **other**_ **bag?"**

 **His lips twitched. Taichi fleetingly raised his eyes and locked them with Kana chan's laughing ones. Everyone had their books abandoned, watching. "** _ **No."**_

" **Inside Nikuman-kun's fridge!"**

" **Nope."**

" **But they'll melt!"**

" **Maybe. Its your fault though."**

" **Ugh. Now I'm anxious." She put her cheek on his head and pouted. "Please let me save them!"**

" **Finish your work and maybe I will."**

" **B-but I wan— wait!" she suddenly lurched back, only to lean down and put her chin on his shoulder. Wisps of her hair tickled his jaw. Chihaya murmured worriedly, "Did you hide them in N-Nikuman-kun's...** _ **unspeakables**_ **?"**

 **Laughter escaped him immediately.**

" _ **Ayase!"**_

 **Shaking with uncontrollable laughter, Taichi leaned away from her grasp. Kazuto, who was sitting nearest had heard too, and was jerkily explaining though hysterical giggles to the rest of the team and soon, the whole room was filled with squeals and roaring laughter. Chihaya only tried to stop her own smiles and went back to tugging at Taichi's sleeve desperately.**

" **Tell me, Taichi!"**

 **He shook his head, wiping at a tear. "Oh God. No, Chihaya. Its not in h-his—"**

 **But the rest of his words were interrupted by abrupt laughter from his own mouth and everyone else's, and Nishida's groan.**

 **Chihaya sighed as Taichi sobered at her sharp tug at his hand. "Please."**

 **He looked away to his abandoned text, avoiding looking at her face to keep up his resolve. "No."**

" **You're impossible." She yanked his hair lightly and he spared her a glare as she stalked past. "If I die from over exhaustion, it's** _ **your**_ **fault."**

" _ **Baka**_ **. You're making a big deal out of nothing. " he snapped back, closing his book and straightening. "College students are** _ **supposed**_ **to study. I shouldn't have to bribe you into doing it!"**

" **I need incentive!"**

" **Isn't wanting to pass enough?"**

" **Not really."**

 **Taichi's sigh was echoed by Kanade, Komano and Rin. "Chi-chan, just sit back down. You won't get anywhere with Lit if you keep this up."**

 **Indecision swirled in her eyes, but then, as everyone returned to their books slowly with lingering grins, shaking her head and calming down pretty quickly, Chihaya walked back to her table with a small smile.**

 **Things clicking into place, Taichi felt his eyes widen in silent admiration. He raised them, slightly bewildered, to Chihaya as she walked past and she grinned at him faintly, knowing he had caught on, patting his head as she walked past.**

 **Taichi blinked. Then cracked a smile into his text book.**

 **They were all lounging in Nishida's apartment, which had become their unofficial hang out place, and each one of them was using that free Saturday to get as much work into them as they could. Exams approached slowly. Pop quizzes, well,** _ **popped**_ **at the most unexpected of times and all eight teens were feeling the pressure. Taichi was going through what Harada Sensei had deemed, 'The headless chicken phase' where learning every word became a necessity because 'this is someone's life we're talking about!' The old doctor promised Arata and Chihaya that it would pass. Just give him a few months.**

 **They had all been at it for hours, and frustrations from so many sessions of sitting cooped up was showing on everyone's face. Taichi had expected Chihaya to crack first, and she did.**

 **But he saw now it was all just pretence, a game she played to make the room lighter, and divert everyone's attention to a much needed quick break with her antics. Why else would she have given up so easily** __ **on** _ **chocolates**_ **he'd** _ **hidden**_ **from her?**

 **Three years of playing together as a team had certainly honed her awareness to her teammates needs and moods. She had become attuned to them, and Taichi knew that this connection, these interwoven threads between the five of them wouldn't go anywhere.**

 **A little thrown, but more proud and silently admiring her now exposed inner thoughtfulness, he turned back to his text and focused on Human Anatomy. Chihaya had continually been throwing little surprises like this, and each one made him...well, his affections only** _ **grew,**_ **if that was even possible.**

 **On a different note, two months into med school, and he was sure as hell that this was what he wanted to do.**

 **In another corner of the room, Arata watched his two closest friends interact, and something did sink inside. Just a little.**

 **But he didn't let it bother him too much.** _ **Then why do I feel like I'm trying for nothing? Why does it seem like...like I'm doing this just for the sake of pushing Taichi in the right direction? I can't be over her already...**_

 **Kazama was coming back to Japan.**

 **Taichi had been sort of surprised when he'd gotten that call. With his own preoccupations here, he hadn't given much thought to how his friends there were doing.**

 **Sasako had called him once or twice and she seemed happy over there, getting on well. She** _ **did**_ **sort of accuse him of ditching her but their situations were different. She had her family relocate to London, after all.**

 **And Kazama had sprung the news on him last week. Taichi was really looking forward to having the git around.**

 **He had wanted to offer to pick him up from the airport but there was Rika's check up that he had already promised to drive her to. Kazama had waved it away, and landed safely at his own house without much trouble.**

 **It was only on Monday that Taichi saw the devil, at campus. And during break time too. The first thing Kazama had done was leap at him. Taichi was faintly reminded of someone else.**

" **You gave me a shock, Mashima." The boy brushed his wavy hair out of his eyes and frowned at Taichi. The tray of lunch in front of him remained half full—he was only getting used to Japanese food again. " I never actually expected you to completely decide to return."**

" **A lot of things changed." He shrugged. "What made** _ **you**_ **come back though?"**

" **Mom."**

 **Sensing a little private area ahead, Taichi didn't push. But Kazama sighed and put his chin in one hand, dropping his chopsticks. "She's sick. Weak heart and everything. Dad's been...worried. He figured what she needed was some fresh native air, you know?"**

 **Taichi nodded, soothingly calm. "I get it. Are you not happy with the decision or...?"**

" **I just want her to get better."**

" **She will." He patted him on the shoulder. "You're fretting for nothing. When was her last attack?"**

" **Last month or so...its okay though, we've got a home nurse staying so she's not alone...and I can get on with my studies. But...its different from back there..."**

" **You've had too much London air." Taichi sighed, smiling lightly.**

" **And you've had** _ **very**_ **little." He rolled his grey eyes. "Are you done? I'm not very hungry."**

 **Taichi nodded, putting away his bento, and got up. "Do you plan to starve yourself for the rest of your college days?"**

 **Kazama shrugged, pushing his chair back into the table with his legs, tray in hand. "I'll just have to find a burger joint soon."**

" **Ah. Fastfood. Healthy."**

" **Ah. Sarcasm. Lowest form of wit."**

" **At least I have** _ **some**_ **form of it." Taichi grinned, following him to the counter to return his tray, and then walking back out the door.**

 **Kazama scoffed. "What are you talking about?! I'm the wittiest person ever!"**

" **Like your joke about the Windmill and the Cow?"**

" **That was a** _ **miscalculated**_ **attempt!"**

 **Snickering, Taichi held open the door, letting a woman pass before stepping out himself. Listening to Kazama mutter under his breath felt nice, he thought. With the warm air outside, wishing he could shed his coat already, Taichi pushed back the sleeves in slight frustration. The next two hours were Biochem and he wasn't a very big fan.**

 **Joined by a few other batch mates, and discussing the fate that awaited them soon enough, they boys slowly moved towards the front of their building, wanting to grab a patch of sunlight before more slides and illuminated presentations in dark rooms. Two of them had already slung their coats over their shoulders instead of wearing it. But Taichi preferred not to; it would be dreary to put it back on once he felt the relief. After all, he was a good boy who stayed away from temptation. And then he snorted at his own thoughts.**

 _ **Yeah. Right.**_

 **Turning back to look at Kazama, he wondered whether he should've gotten the poor boy a chocolate bar or something.**

" **Kazama."**

" **Hmm?"**

" **I think I hear your stomach growling."**

 **The boy sighed, patting his flat tummy. "Maybe it is." He looked up mournfully. "I wish I could've— Holy Moly!"**

 **Eyebrows shooting up, Taichi followed his companion's wide eyed gaze on something behind his shoulder, a little hesitantly.**

 **A low whistle escaped one of their companions, and on cue, annoyance flared in his chest at** _ **that**_ **, and the probably crude comments that would follow.**

 **They were all fixated on the gorgeous chestnut haired woman, who was clearly from the neighbouring department, walking briskly towards the doors of their main building, hair softly billowing behind her. The tall frame and complementary clothes were attracting quite a bit of attention. But she was chewing on her lip and her eyes were darting around, a nervous energy as she moved.**

 **Probably to find him.**

 **Curtesy the first day of Literature Week festivities in their department, Chihaya had her hair wavy today, pulled back on one side, actually wearing a little make up with lip gloss and mascara and whatever it was that girls did to their faces. Only, it looked good on her. Artificial slightly, but good. And with the jeans and fancy off shoulder top, she did look a little nice...**

 **Okay, she looked freaking** _ **gorgeous**_ **but he wasn't in a mood to admit that.**

 **He rather preferred the messy, lately paint splattered Chihaya with a pencil in her hair and a card in her hand anyway.**

" **Now that's a catch." Someone hummed. "Is she coming this way?"**

 **Taichi crossed his arms, trying not to frown.**

" **Oh-oh she is!" Kazama hissed. "Tell me my hair is okay."**

" **I don't think she's coming for you." The guy who had whistled snickered. "Maybe she's here to see someone** _ **worth**_ **seeing. Like me."**

" **I think she's here for Mashima." Someone else clapped him on the back. "They** _ **always**_ **are."**

 **Shooting him a look, Taichi watched slightly apprehensively as she came into better view. Stepping into the sunlight, her hair shone lightly, features became clearer.**

 **And his apprehension vanished to pave way for worry.**

 **Completely forgetting about the discussion that had just happened, he stepped forward a little.**

" **Chihaya!"**

 **Ignoring the incredulous exclamations from behind him, Taichi watched her head snap in his direction, and the worried crease between her brows relaxed for a second as her shoulders sagged. She must've been looking for him for a long time.**

 **Legs working faster, she half walked, half jogged her way over and he only went forward to take their imminent conversation away from prying ears.**

 **Chihaya stopped in front of him. And he saw a pale face, eyes that were obscured cruelly by anxiety.**

" **Taichi." Her breath shook. A hand clenched his coat. "T-Taichi, Harada Sensei—"**

 **Eyes widening, he felt his hands tingle with incoming frost. "What happened!?"**

" **H-he's okay now—Tsuboguchi-san was there, thankfully—but the society—they can't—"**

 **He held up a finger and she snapped her mouth shut. "Start from the beginning."**

" **Okay, j-just give me a second." She blew out a breath. A shaky hand pushed away the hair falling into her eyes from the hurried run. The other fingers were still clenched on his coat, and they were holding tight. "Tsuboguchi-San called me a few minutes ago. He said he'd been trying to reach you but you weren't answering..."**

" **My phone's dead."**

" **Ugh. I tried you too, but you didn't pick up. Taichi, Harada Sensei fainted."**

" **Fainted?"**

 **She swallowed, looking worn down, the crease permanent between her eyes. "I don't know what it's about. He said something like a pain in his chest a-and high blood pressure—" her voice cracked.**

" _ **Damn**_ **."**

" **Is it bad?!" she yelped, taking a step back in alarm. Her hand flew from his coat to his fingers. "But he said he'll be alright!"**

" **Calm down, he is. He will be." Taichi sighed, chiding himself on the inside for not being careful with his reactions. Letting her fingers fall into his palm lightly and seeing her visibly relax a little at the touch, he absently wondered what was happening to them. But focusing on the matter at hand, Taichi put on a smooth face. "Chihaya, high blood pressure is something Harada Sensei has always dealt with."**

 **Judging by the way her eyes had widened, she didn't know that. He continued calmly, "It can sometimes get serious, but I don't think he's coming to that. Sensei's been watching it carefully for a long time."**

 **But her shoulders didn't loosen enough. "So if it's coming out now, then there's something wrong."**

" **Yes, there is." He chewed on his lip absently, eyes drifting from her face to the trees behind her, but not seeing it at all. He visualised crinkly eyes behind glasses, and a kind smile and equally striking words that always came from that mouth. Worry erupted in his chest, but he kept it from his face for her sake. "We'll head to the hospital if you want. What did Tsuboguchi San say?"**

 **She shook her head, and mumbled, eyes on their hands. "He told me to stay in college. But they're bringing him back home today evening. Maybe we can visit him there...?"**

" **Alright. Have you told the others?"**

" **Kana-chan was with me when he called." She shrugged. "So Tsukue-kun knows by now. Others...I don't know. I was gonna call and ask them to go over, but that's not okay...? He'll be bothered right...?"**

" **Yeah, maybe you shouldn't. Let everyone know, but just ask Komano and Kana-chan and Nishida to show up. And Arata. Call him." He smiled a little. " That was awfully thoughtful of you."**

 **There was a faint flush on her face, but she looked exasperated. "Why are you so surprised?!"**

 **He put up his hands, letting go of hers unconsciously. "Just an observation."**

 **She pouted a little. The lingering crease between her eyes and pale face sort of dampened her usual playfulness. Abruptly, he had the sharp tug in his gut to touch her face and pull those lips between his to see what they would taste like.**

 _ **Harada Sensei is in the HOSPITAL, Hormones!**_

 **He fisted his hands for a beat before releasing it. "So I'll see you at there? Make sure you go with Kana-chan."**

" **She gets off early today. But** _ **you**_ **have class till five on Mondays, don't you?"**

" **I do." He sighed. " But when they say five, they mean six. That's why I thought—"**

" **Don't make me go there alone." She mumbled, arms crossed now, blinking rather rapidly as she stared at his collar. "I have to help clean up today anyway, I'll wait around here."**

" **Chihaya..."**

" **Don't argue. Please?"**

 **He chewed on his cheek. Under more private circumstances, he would've give her a hug or something, lately seeing how painfully obvious it was that she** _ **really**_ **relaxed at his touch, but for now, he settled for a flick to her forehead.**

" **You have to be stronger that that for their sake..." He began to say.**

 **Her jaw clenched and so did her fists. In a flash, he recognised the reactions, the physical indications that she was holding back intense emotions from overflowing. He knew that body language very well. Feeling a little proud of how she had been collected for so long, he patted her head instead.**

 **Her fingers unclenched immediately and she peeked up at him.**

" **...but you're trying hard, aren't you?"**

 **She shrugged lightly and sighed, a tiny, desolate sound that matched her downcast eyes and dimmed aura. "Its not easy, keeping my feelings inside."**

" **I know." He murmured. Messing up her hair terribly, ignoring her sudden protests, he smiled, swallowing his own worry like a pro, and projecting a false brightness at her. "You're doing really well, Chihaya."**

" **That's a huge complement, coming from the master himself." She snapped, trying to set her hair back to normal.**

 **Taichi froze for a beat. So she knew. He watched her carefully, eyes sharp. "Chihaya."**

" **Hm?"**

" **You don't have to pretend for me you know..."**

 **Surprisingly, her eyes rolled. "I know** _ **that**_ **. Why else would I come running to you each time, my personal Kleenex box?"**

" **Oh, you make me feel** _ **so**_ **special." He said dryly.**

 **Cracking a small smile, she cocked her head to the side a little. "You don't have to pretend for me either."**

 **Blinking, ignoring the rapid galloping his heart had done, Taichi flicked her forehead again. " I know that. And I'm not."**

" **Then I'll see you here at five?" She rubbed her injured spot with a finger. Taichi nodded, quietly muttering ,"Stick to the campus if I'm late. Stay inside, with the watchman."**

 **She smiled a little, warming slightly more than usual. " I will."**

 **He glanced back at his companions, who all immediately pretended to be talking amongst themselves and he suppressed a snort. Turning back to a curious Chihaya, he smiled wearily. "See you in the evening then."**

 **She nodded, hands behind her back as she retreated slowly, walking backwards with her eyes on his face. "Plug your phone into the power bank."**

 **He saluted.**

 **Spinning around gracefully, Chihaya took off towards the gate to her own department, and he watched her for a second before turning back to his friends.**

 **Shaking his head at their grins, he suppressed a sigh and jogged back over, ready to listen to tons of enquiries, but he was saved by the bell. Even as they rushed inside, there was weight in his chest, a crease between his own brows that kept coming back.**

 **In the evening, all eighty students of the Todai Med department filed out of the doors slowly, rubbing their eyes and chattering uneasily among themselves. Back in the lecture hall, a few kids lingered, packing up slowly.**

 _ **And that's another pop quiz in my pocket.**_ **Taichi ruffled his hair exasperatedly.** _ **Third one today. This is just not my day is it?**_

" **I messed it up." Kazama growled, stuffing his coat into his bag, and stalking over to Taichi. His hair was wildly dishevelled from the exam. "Can you believe it? Its only** _ **Monday**_ **and they've..."**

" **It'll tone down." Another boy mumbled next to Taichi, stifling a yawn. "Well, I'm beat. Who wants a drink?"**

" **You can drink already?" Kazama frowned confusedly.**

" **I meant a** _ **cold drink.**_ **Cola or something. Sheesh."**

" **Well you should've specified." Kazama rolled his eyes. Turning to look at a silent Taichi who was snapping his phone shut, with an air of urgency about him, the grey-eyed boy frowned. "Are you coming, Mashima?"**

" **No I have somewhere I need to be." He shook his head. Watching him frown deeply in worry with eyes clouded as he swung his coat over his shoulder, Kazama nudged him. Three more of companions from earlier were all gathered around them. "Where are you—oh wait. You're not going to meet up with that mystery woman?"**

 **Taichi looked at him strangely. "Her name is Ayase Chihaya and I've known her since forever. There's no mystery."**

 **There were exclamations from the rest of them but Kazama rubbed a finger against his chin, eyes on the ceiling. " Hmmmmmm? Now where have I heard that name before?"**

 **Taichi shouldered his bag, putting his free hand in his pocket, grudgingly admitting, "That's the half-alien."**

 **Sharp realization flickered across Kazama's face and Taichi knew he remembered that fateful night in London. It wasn't something** _ **he**_ **would forget any time soon. Or anytime** _ **ever.**_

 **Eyes on his watch, which read exactly 5:55, Taichi ushered them all towards the doors. Walking along the white corridor, Kazama slung an arm around his shoulder. "Mashima-kun."**

" **Hm?"**

" **She doesn't** _ **look**_ **much like an alien."**

" **I never said she did."**

" **In fact, she looked like a** _ **model**_ **."**

" **Her sister is one..." he admitted that too. Abruptly, one of the boys in front of him stopped and spun around excitedly.**

" **I knew it! I knew her face looked familiar! And the name!** _ **Ayase!**_ **You're friends with Ayase Chitose's sister?!"**

 **Taichi only nodded hesitantly as the rest of his friends paused to stare at him too.**

" **Damn, you really are lucky, Mashima."**

 **Laughing lightly, he pushed them all forward. "Move it. It's getting late." Chihaya must be waiting outside alone.**

" **Where are the two of you going?" Kazama wiggled his eyebrows. "Is it a date?"**

 **Immediately, his mood darkened as he was reminded of where he was off to. Taichi quickened his step. "Not at all. Our Karuta sensei is hospitalised."**

" **Your what, now?"**

 **Taichi blinked, then bit back a sigh. "Karuta. You know, the traditional card game. "**

" **No we don't, exactly." One of the gentler boys, Renji, looked back with a small smile. "But I might've heard it somewhere."**

 _ **Something is better than nothing,**_ **Taichi thought, shooting him a smile. "I'll explain later. Right now, I have to find her."**

 **Kazama poked his shoulder to get his attention. "You seem really close."**

 _ **You can say that.**_ **"I told you, I've known her my whole life."**

" **Nah, not that. Like,** _ **close-**_ **close." Kazama nudged his ribs with playfully.**

" **I'm sorry, I don't speak Grade schooler." Taichi said dryly and Renji laughed. "But I'm sure I'll learn if I keep hanging around you."**

 **Kazama opened his mouth to protest, but one of the others twisted to look at Taichi, a little hopefully. "You think you can introduce us?"**

" **Intro—I would've but like I said, hospitalised Sensei."**

" **Your next train is half an hour later, Mashima. Share a little."**

" **She's not** _ **property**_ **." Taichi snapped, annoyed with the earlier whistling and now the comments. Swallowing a huge gulp of air to regain some calm, he amended, " But fine. I'll introduce you... here's a warning though: I don't call her a half alien for nothing."**

" **I don't mind if she's half** _ **kraken**_ **." The boy turned back front with a happy sigh.**

 _ **You'll probably eat your words.**_

 **Now slightly worried about the time, and the gloom of dusk outside, he half jogged over to the doors, telling the others to follow. Students still loitered in the lawns and the benches, and he was grateful for that. Eyes scanning the ground, he found the mop of brown hair leaning dutifully against the Security's chamber.**

 **Sighing in slight relief, Taichi broke into a brisk walk towards the slouched figure, watching her straighten as he neared.**

 **Chihaya looked bleak. She shot him a tiny smile as he stopped in front of her, but didn't offer any other words. For a good long second, he drank in how genuinely upset she was, with the pallor and the dull eyes and barely smiling face. It was such a contrast to her usual enthusiasm, that his own spirits sank quickly, and the need to make her feel better was bubbling inside, reaching his chest. Chihaya had that face on, the one that clearly screamed she needed a hug, and he was a little surprised that she wasn't taking it from him like she used to before. Nowadays she waited until they were alone before acting on her whims.**

 **Reminding himself that they were outside so that he wouldn't pull her in and offer comfort the way she liked, Taichi stuck his hands inside his pockets. "Good girl. Only, I had told you to stay by the watchman, not the empty cabin."**

 **Her mood seemed to lift slightly as she scowled playfully. She punched his arm. "Baka, Taichi. When's the train?"**

" **We have half an hour to kill."**

" **Kana-chan and the others are already there at the society, waiting for us. Arata too."**

" **That's good." He tilted his head to the side then. "Did you tell your mother?"**

 **Chihaya nodded. "Called yours too."**

" **Thanks." He blinked. "I had forgotten."**

 **Shooting him a weary smile, the expression still foreign on her, her eyes shifted to their feet, aura sinking again. Her composure came crashing down bit by bit and Taichi watched her blink rapidly at their feet. Forgetting about his previous worries of their surroundings, his fingers moved to tip her chin back up, hands and face working on autopilot as his expression softened into a reassuring one.**

" **He'll be okay." He said softly, hands dropping. Chihaya caught them on the way down and their fingers twined, unknown to the two of them. "Harada Sensei is a fighter, you know that."**

 **She blinked, lashes wet. "I can't help it. I just have that feeling again, that something's wrong."**

 **His own gut had been uneasy ever since that afternoon. But Taichi brushed away a tear from her jaw and smiled. "Whatever it is, we'll find a solution."**

 **She tightened her fingers around his, looking so lost and helpless and confused, and also like she was holding back the impulse to bury her face in his chest...and then settled for his shoulder instead. Loosely wrapping her in a one-armed hug, Taichi sighed into her hair as she pressed her forehead onto his shoulder. "Are you hungry?"**

 **Laughing slightly at the out of context question, Chihaya nodded into his shirt. "Always."**

" **Then we'll stop by the Donut place on the way."... And then picking up on the sounds of approaching footsteps, he sighed apologetically. "Or maybe that will have to wait."**

 **Chihaya looked up enquiringly. Pulling away, suddenly jolting into reality, but keeping and arm around her shoulder to sustain her relaxation, he turned them both around to face his approaching friends.**

" **A few people want to meet you." He smiled at her fondly when her eyes widened up at him in innocence. "Chitose is really popular, apparently."**

" **That she is." Chihaya sniffed, a hint of pride in her voice. She tried for a smile as the boys came closer, each of them smiling, but Taichi felt her shift into his side even more, and something akin to sharp longing, for that sort of possessiveness, flared in his chest.**

 **But he stamped it out before it spread and caused more trouble.**

" **Ahoy!" Kazama grinned. " Nice to meet you, Ayase sa—"**

" **Can we get an autograph?!"**

 **Chihaya blinked and shrank into him slightly. "M-my autograph?"**

" **Your** _ **sister's**_ **." One of them said impatiently. Two of the boys from that morning, the Chitose fans, were now peering closely at Chihaya's face. "Sugooooiiiii! You look really alike from here!"**

 **A little flush erupted on her cheek. The fans grinned wider.**

 **Raising his eyes to the heavens, Taichi probed one of them on the forehead. "Stop scaring her with your creepy smile."**

 **Renji helped, dragging the pouting boys back by their collars. "Don't being so rude to her. I apologise, Ayase-san."**

 **Chihaya quickly waved her hands, frenzied. "I-Its okay! I knew my sister was popular but I never thought—" she lifted her head to look at her best friend curiously. "Wait this means she's gotten more famous."**

" **She** _ **has**_ **been busy."**

 **For a second, her bright enthusiasm flickered back on and Taichi smiled at her own tiny grin. Releasing herself reluctantly from his hold, Chihaya bowed to the boys. "Hajimemashite. Thank you for supporting my sister."**

 **Judging by the way the fans sported wide eyes and open mouths and flushes, Taichi sort of suspected their loyalties were slowly shifting from the elder Ayase sibling to the younger one. Chihaya was very appealing like this, with the subdued aura and the calm and polite gestures and that smile.** _ **Just wait till you see her when she's normal.**_ **But hey, maybe they'd like that side of her too.** _ **He**_ **had fallen in love with every bit of her after all, so of course not** _ **everybody**_ **would find her weird.** _ **Yes, but**_ **I'm** _ **the biggest idiot on the planet.**_

 **Snapping out of his reverie, Taichi glanced at his watch as they introduced themselves to each other. Chihaya was smiling now, seemingly distracted for a few minutes. But they needed to get a move on if they wanted to be on time.**

" **Taichi..."**

 **His head snapped up to look at her. "Huh?"**

" **I said, shouldn't we leave?" Shifting back closer into him, Chihaya dropped her smile again, frowning. "What if we miss the train...?"**

 **There were groans from the fans, but Taichi only shot them a look. "We can still make it. But let's start walking. Are you guys going the same way?"**

" **Hai!" the Chitose fans chorused.**

 **Renji rolled his eyes. "No we're not. You two go ahead. It was nice meeting you, Ayase-san." He smiled sympathetically. "I hope your Sensei gets better soon."**

 **She glanced at Taichi quickly before managing a smile back. "Arigatou. It was nice meeting you too. I don't usually get to see Taichi's friends a lot."**

" **And that's** _ **my**_ **fault?"**

 **She grinned a little. "Never said it was. You should let me finish talking."**

 **Narrowing his eyes at her, but looking back at his friends, Taichi ran a hand through his hair. "See you guys tomorrow then? We'd better get going."**

" **Yeah, see you."**

" **Good bye, Ayase-saaaan!"**

" **Matane, Mashima! Nice meeting you, Chihaya-chan!"**

 **Taichi raised a brow at Kazama who grinned back angelically. Chihaya waved, smiling her usual smile again. They began to exit the campus, throwing a last wave at the four young men, three of them still waving. Stepping into the sidewalk, Taichi shook his head. "Sorry about that. I didn't think they'd go this weird on you."**

 **Chihaya grinned faintly at the ground. "But I like them. And here I expected all med students to be like you."**

" **Like me...?"**

 **She nodded, shooting him a dimmed version of her mischievous smile that broke his heart a little at the lack of lustre. "Fat brained, sober prunes— Eep!** _ **Taichi**_ **!" she giggled hysterically, squirming in his sudden grip, with skilful slender fingers tickling her middle. "S-stop! Lemme g-g—AAAAH! Stop stop stop, I'm sorry!"**

" _ **Who's**_ **a fat brained sober prune?"**

" **N-not you, not you!" she laughed, struggling, "P-please stop, I'll d-do anythin—"**

" **What an interesting proposition." He mused, hands ceasing the bittersweet torture. "How about, you buy me my coffee?"**

" **O-okay. Anything!"**

 **He released her, revelling in the brimming enthusiastic aura she was emanating once again, his lips curving into a smile, spirits lifting correspondingly.**

 **And Chihaya skipped away from him and spun around and stuck her tongue out. "Fat brained,** _ **gullible,**_ **sober** _ **—"**_

" **Oi!"**

 **But she had taken off running with a squeal.**

 **Sighing lightly at his own persisting lack of filter for his actions and words around her, Taichi followed at a slower pace.**

 **Listening to the familiar laugh was very soothing. But as she sped away, he knew it wouldn't last long. By the time he caught up with her, she would be down in the dumps again.**

 **The matter was a grave one anyway.**

 **He walked at a leisurely pace, always making sure the mop of chestnut hair was within his line of sight, and when she paused at a crossing, he slipped away to a nearby little croquette shop, before returning just in time to catch her glance behind with a frown and suspicious gazes all around. Keeping out of sight for now, they walked together, but apart.**

 **Seeing her again, at the turning to the station, he smiled at her scowl. The crease was already there between her brows. Chihaya stomped over. "** _ **Where**_ **did you disappear to?!"**

" **I was right behind you." He caught her incoming light punch in his palm. "You're really violent today."**

" **But you just vanished!"**

 **He rolled his eyes and tugged her towards the platform, swiping their cards and stepping down to wait for the train. "Of course not,** _ **baka**_ **. I was always right there. Not my fault you're observation skills are below par..."**

" **Hah." She crossed her arms smugly. "That's what you think. I knew you were right there. I even saw you a few times when** _ **you**_ **weren't paying attention." Then she frowned. "I was talking about the crossing, Taichi. Where'd you go then?"**

 **In response, he pulled out the warm packet of croquettes from his bag and waved it in her face. Chihaya's eyes widened and he saw her inhale deeply at the faint mouth-watering smell from the fried food. "I was busy saving what was left at the shop. They're not very shapely, we were late, but they're one of the best there is."**

" **Thank you!" eyes sparkling, she lunged for the packet, but he stepped out of the way deftly, making her stumble forward and clutch at air.**

" **What makes you think I'm just giving it away now? You tried to punch me."**

" **Sorry?" she jumped at the croquettes again, but he held it out of her reach.**

" **Saying sorry now won't work, Chihaya. Its too late."**

 **And for a second, time froze in her head as her mind, for no reason at all, replayed their conversation, and she only just paid attention to...to their** _ **seemingly**_ **innocent words.**

 **Going through it again, her blood chilled at the completely** _ **different**_ **meaning** __ **the words could have had, in an unrelated context. Maybe in an other conversation.**

 **Silly, to have noticed something as absurd as that, but she did.**

 **Blinking slightly, but heart beat faster, she leapt up for the packet again, a different fire fuelling her jump. Taichi stumbled back in response, surprised at her vigour, but managed to save the target.**

" **It's never too late!" she jumped, but failed. " I.** _ **Will**_ **." She spat out between jumps. " Have. Those. Croquettes."**

 **Taichi only held them up higher, swinging out of her reach when she got too close. "Nope. You're not getting them until I decide on it. Give up."**

" **Never!" she hopped again. "Gimme that! Taichi, I need them!"**

" **That hungry?"**

" **I'm— nhhh—** _ **starving**_ **." She grabbed his shirt to keep him in place and leapt up for the packet. "Ughhhhhhh. Taichiiiiii you're being an idiot."**

" **I already told you,** _ **not**_ **until I decide to give them to you." He grinned at her failed attempts, and then at her blowing away unruly strands of hair from her face. Chihaya was bright and brimming once again, passionate even about something like eating a snack.**

 **Only, he didn't know that she wasn't talking about the food anymore.**

 **She jumped again. "Then give me already!"**

" **No way. I worked hard to save these few pieces and I'm not just going to toss them to you."**

 **She paused, freezing, a million thoughts in her suddenly bright eyes as they shifted from the ground, to his face. Searching. He faltered, hand lowering uneasily at her silence. "...Chihaya..?"**

 **She took in a breath, swallowed, and then crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm not giving up." Chihaya shook her head, as if to clear it and her eyes burned with determination when they locked with his. "You can decide when to give, but I won't stop trying."**

 **Being a sensitive human being, he paused. His head cocked to the side confusingly. "Are you even still talking about the food?"**

 **Chihaya smiled wearily. "I don't know, Taichi."**

 **Eyebrows shooting up, now a little uncomfortable, he relented, handing the packet to her slowly, unsure amber eyes on her face.**

 **The train whizzed by, slowly coming to a stop, but Chihaya was staring at the packet of innocent croquettes he was holding out to her. Her lips curved, lungs burned a little.**

" **They're not donuts, but they were the best I could do." He rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably, fidgeting at the gravity surrounding her now. "Er...we should get on the train."**

 **But Chihaya only gingerly took the packet from him and gave him that softest smile and molten eyes he was still not used to receiving from her, something that made his pulse race, as he banished all thoughts of what the tender expression usually meant when exchanged.**

 **This wasn't a usual girl. At least, that was his excuse each time he caught her shining this look on him exclusively.**

" **I'll take good care of them." She promised.**

 **Alarmed, something picking at his consciousness, Taichi frowned. "Chihaya, you're supposed to** _ **eat**_ **them."**

" **I know." She grinned, eyes sparkling. She grabbed his collar and dragged him into the train easily, watching as the doors closed just in time. "I like croquettes better than donuts anyway."**

" **Since when?" he gave her a surprised look.**

" **Oh, its always been that way." Chihaya shrugged. Her eyes fixed on the warm packet of innocent fried food on her hands and her stomach grumbled, but she continued to grin at it fondly, heart beat racing and growling in hunger** _ **itself**_ **when he caught her as she stumbled with the lurching train. " Just took me a while to figure it out."**

 **Harada Sensei's wan smile was like a stab to the chest.**

 **Chihaya was seated on his bed, brows furrowed and hands wrapped around his larger ones. Kanade, Komano, Nishida and Arata were all there in the bedroom, standing to the side as Taichi and Chihaya had their fill.**

 **Arms crossed, Taichi was chewing on his lip absently. Tsuboguchi- san was standing right next to them with a sombre face. "Its not too serious."**

" **I don't know." Taichi sighed. "A chest pain, sensei?"**

" **Ahh...its just a little false alarm." Harada sensei chortled. "I'm as fit as a fiddle!"**

" **Fit people don't just faint..."**

" **It was just a little too much stress, Matsuge-kun." The old doctor sighed, patting Chihaya's hand when it tightened around his. " I didn't expect the visit from them so soon."**

" **You should've told us earlier!" Chihaya cried, tugging at her sensei's hand. "Why were you so secretive about—"**

" **You all had enough on your plates." Harada sensei said firmly. His eyes flickered between Taichi and Chihaya for a second, before darting to the others. He smiled kindly. "You were all pressured enough with college and everything. I didn't want to burden you."**

" **You should've told us anyway, Sensei." Taichi ran a hand through his hair, "You'd think we would want to know if there's danger to the place that's as good as home to us..."**

 **Chihaya winced, and exchanged a glance with him. Then she nodded in agreement. "That wasn't fair, Sensei. You don't have to shoulder everything by yourself."**

" **That's what I keep telling him." Tsuboguchi-san sighed wearily, cutting off Harada sensei who had begun to speak. "But at least now it's in the open."**

" **But what are we going to do about it...?"Kana chan piped in meekly, and all eyes shifted to her. "I mean...how do we just...?"**

 **A thick silence hung in the room, as each brain whirred to find an answer. Taichi leaned back against the wall, thinking hard bout the perfect way to sort this out. His eyes lifted, only to catch Chihaya's blank glance at him, and his neurons pushed harder to find a solution.**

 **Shiranami society was in danger.**

 **It wasn't sudden, apparently. Being so busy with...well, many things, none of them had noticed anything, and Harada Sensei had opted to keep shut about it. The problem was, the society had not many active members.**

 **Offensive Karuta was the style Harada sensei lived for. And his handful of students were all in love with the game but even among them, not everyone was able to show up regularly. On a large scale, their numbers were too small, and when students didn't come over everyday, it looked like the place was empty. Of course, Harada sensei knew it wasn't that way, but the management wanted a wider margin, more people, or the aid from them would be...cut off. And the senior doctor wouldn't be able to manage everything on his own, no matter how much he wished to.**

 **The thought of losing his second home was unbearable to the old man, no matter how stoic he endeavoured to remain. And the predicament had slowly but surely eaten at what Taichi had guessed earlier to be his slightly weak heart.**

 **There weren't many ways to solve this. People needed to have a passion for the game, something about it they liked. They wouldn't be able to just walk in and be blown away by the game just like that. He would understand. However, people like Chihaya and Arata wouldn't probably be able to digest why people were uninterested. But they had to do something to attract more members.**

 **Nishida cleared his throat, ripping through the heavy silence. "How about a little twist in what we did in high school? Dress Mashima up and—"**

" _ **No**_ **."**

 **Eight pairs of eyes snapped to the source of the sound. Chihaya felt a slow flush work up her neck at her own exclamation. Strictly avoiding everyone's eyes, she kept her face neutral, but the tips of her ears burned. " I—I mean...people should come and join because they like the** _ **game**_ **, not..not—"**

" **The poster boy?" Tsuboguchi San smiled, a tad slyly.**

 **Chihaya furiously kept a blush from her face. That wasn't the main reason she had refused... In fact, it was the sick green coloured twist in her stomach that made her blurt out. This was difficult, keeping her feelings to herself. "E-Exactly. That sort of thing won't last."**

" **She has a point." Taichi mused, straightening, completely oblivious to her flustered state for once, too lost in whirring thoughts. "No more of that...but a demo** _ **is**_ **a good idea."**

" **What if people don't appreciate it?" Komano questioned, locking eyes with Taichi's unfocused ones. "What makes you think people will just stay and watch?"**

" **No, I don't mean a simple usual demo. That won't work." Taichi shook his head.**

 **Out of habit, the original Mizusawa club leaned forward and their ears tunnelled, concentration hooked onto the words from their former President, as his words took the familiar calmly reassuring tone, which made it believable.**

 **Harada Sensei smiled when Taichi leaned back against the wall, arms crossed, eyes sparkling as the vibes from his teammates reached him and he stepped back out from the shadows. Confident.**

" **I'm talking something much bigger." He said. "Like a cultural fair."**

 **He paused to let them consider it before beginning again. "Karuta is a big part of Japan's tradition, after all. So if we expand our vision just a little bit, maybe we can rope people in. I was thinking...maybe a whole festival themed The Hyakunin Isshu. Stalls, a demo, little games."**

" **But that's not competitive Karuta..." Nishida scratched his chin.**

 **Taichi nodded easily. "I know...and that's where you're going to have to make a little dent in your style, Sensei."**

 **Harada Sensei considered him seriously, hands in his sleeves. "Go on..."**

" **You're going to have to expand the society to include** _ **other**_ **forms of Karuta." Taichi straightened again and began pacing, head whirling rapidly, eyes bright and alert.**

 **Chihaya ignored the little dance in her chest for no apparent reason**

" **Competitive Karuta isn't the only form we can introduce. The Hyakunin Isshu is actually very relaxing. We can introduce people to poems by holding...say, a form of meditation. Not as intense as Competitive Karuta, but a little subtler. People might be attracted to that." He paused in front of Kana chan. "We have an expert right here. Kana-chan, how about an introduction to the poems for the general public?"**

 **The change was immediate. Kanade gasped softly, a flush on her face. "That would be** _ **wonderful."**_

" **Good idea, Taichi." Arata smiled. "And we can hold demonstrations for the calmer type of Karuta, simply getting to know the cards as you said."**

" **I'll do that." Nishida offered. "Lets round up Hanano and Tsukuba."**

" **They're in third year, Nishida." Taichi reminded, frowning because he too had only just remembered that fact. "But let's ask them anyway." He muttered something to himself before looking at Tsuboguchi San. "Can we have people come up for stalls and such?"**

" **What do you have in mind?"**

 **Taichi paused. Now there he was a little empty. Wracking his brains, he came up blank. Instantly, he turned to Chihaya.**

 **She caught his gaze with a customary skip in her heartbeat, before grinning. "Karuta card shaped buiscuts. Cakes. Stalls selling card sets, Tapes. Oooh, chibi stickers and keychains of Shinobu-chan and Arata."**

" **W-wha—"**

" **Its an idea." Taichi agreed, laughing at Arata's sputtering. "That the basic theme. Let's talk to the rest of the Society members... can we get them all together for a day?" he asked Tsuboguchi san.**

 **The older guy shot him a wide smile and a thumbs up. "Consider it done. I'm going to drag them all over this Sunday."**

 **He smiled back. " Then that's that. Let's try our best, everyone."**

 **There were choruses of agreement all around the room. Harada Sensei smiled warmly as Komano and Kana chan immediately began talking rapidly to Tsuboguchi-san, with Nishida nodding and taking down something in his phone. His eyes slid over to the other three who were engaged in a similar conversation, with Chihaya jabbering away and Taichi trying to get her to slow down.**

 **The ache in his chest seemed silly now. Harada sensei chuckled at the warm buzz in the room, comforted, reassured beyond belief. He sighed and sank into his pillows, just as Chihaya flew at him, with the boys in tow and he felt a little sting in his eyes as he took them in.**

 **Three kids of his** _ **own**_ **.**

 **A little while later, full of tea and biscuits, Kana chan and Taichi proceeded to shoo everyone away so that their Sensei could get some rest. Tsuboguchi San was staying back, to keep an eye on the exasperated old doctor.**

 **As Nishida too walked out of the room, followed by Tsuboguchi-san and Kana chan, who waved at Harada Sensei, Taichi lingered back, heart pounding, uneasy.**

 **Fainted. That was a big fat lie. He knew it.**

" **Matsuge-kun?"**

 **Taichi swallowed, throat tight suddenly. He was having trouble breathing.**

 **Amber eyes bored into brown, piercing, rooting.**

" **Tell me that wasn't a heart attack."**

 **All he got was a long look, and then a resigned sigh.**

 **His lungs burned as he took in a sharp breath of air.**

" **Should've known better than to hide it from you, ne?" The old sensei chortled softly. There was a little sadness in his voice. But lots of fire. Fight.**

 **He turned those eyes upon the suddenly lost young man with wide eyes that stung but refused to relent.**

" **I'm not done yet, Matsuge-kun. I still have to see you become Meijin—"**

" _ **Sensei**_ **." His face was marred with anguish. A few faltering steps later, he was kneeling by the bed, blood roaring in his ears and making everything just a buzz. "Don't put that on me. I can't take it."**

" **Of course you can." He smiled. A hand ruffled the salmon pink messy hair, eyes crinkling through the smile that lit up his face. "I never said Meijin in Karuta, Taichi. There are other fields you have to excel at."**

 **Taichi blinked. Harda sensei chuckled. "Make sure Chihaya-chan gets to the top."**

 **He nodded immediately.**

 **The old man shook his head sternly. "No, I mean it. You may not know it, but she** _ **does**_ **need you to get there." And then he flicked his forehead. Taichi rubbed the spot, hissing. "Go now. And don't let her out of your sight. I mean it, Matsuge-kun."**

 **Collecting himself so he didn't look as crushed as he felt, Taichi managed a smile at his teacher. "You need to stay out of my love-life and get another hobby, old man.**

 **Leaving behind a chuckling Harada Sensei, Taichi swallowed a whole lot of worry and pain and distress.** _ **I'm going to get an ulcer.**_ **Shaking himself out of it, he plastered a smile on his face and moved toward his friends, trying for optimism.**

 **Sadly, with everything that was going on, he was running a little low.**


	7. Chapter 7

So...Chihaya hates needles? Taichi hates spiders. And oh look, an explanation from Kana-chan! Yaaaaay!

Don't quit on me just yet, guys. I promise it'll make sense later. Hopefully.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

" **So finally, our list narrows down to this."**

 **All eyes in the room fixed resolutely on the handsome young man in front of the big white board, with his attractive blue T-shirt and the jeans and the hair and grudging smile. Forty pairs of eyes all focused with rapt attention.**

" **Three demonstrations; One for the poems, led by Kana-chan, One for the meditative Isotope— Komano, that's you. And then our usual Competitive Karuta— Arata, Chihaya, that's on you." He consulted a notebook before facing the mass of society members. "You all know what group you're part of. Exchange numbers and work on it as much as you can. Er...any questions...?"**

 **People shook their heads and gestured for him to go on.**

 **Taichi flipped a page of the booklet and then chewed on his lip, slowly looking at Hiroshi Tsuboguchi," You're the treasurer..."**

 **The man nodded. "Funds have to be collected from among us." He shrugged. "May be a little tight."**

 **Taichi narrowed his eyes at his notebook of calculations, and a hand clenched loosely in his hair the back of his head, thinking. Then he snapped his head back up. " Hold on. Let me see if I can nudge dad a bit." He turned his eyes to the audience. "And anyone who** _ **can**_ **manage to pitch in an extra something** __ **or the other, please try to...?"**

 **His slightly apologetic and yet pleading smile seemed to do the trick, because a few hands raised into the sky and promises to try floated in the air. Taichi beamed in reply.**

 **Arata chuckled from where he was waiting with Harada Sensei and Chihaya, and muttered to the girl. "He's good."**

" **Huh?" she tore her eyes away from her salmon haired preoccupation, who was currently consulting Kana-chan on something. "What do you mean?"**

" **Charm." Arata grinned. "Look at them, they're drooling." He pointed discreetly to a bunch of the female species of the population in the room.**

 **Chihaya managed a tight smile. "Hmm..." the now familiar green twinge in her stomach almost made her frown. And then she watched one of the slightly drooling species get up to head over with a flip of black hair...and she acted without thinking.**

 **Again.**

" **Taichi!"**

 **Amber eyes snapped to her in alarm at her urgent tone. Locking on them, Chihaya faltered as she instantly forgot her brilliant plan to deter the predator.**

 **His head tilted to the side a little. "What's wrong?"**

" **U-Uhh... I-I—t-t-that is..."**

" _ **Stalls."**_ **Harada Sensei muttered in her ear helpfully.**

" **Stalls!" She amplified immediately, nodding. "About the stalls!"**

 **Taichi blinked out of his suspicion in slight surprise. "I almost forgot! Sales team, you ready?"**

 **A group of twenty people nodded, and the in charge shot him a thumbs up as well. "Don't you worry your pretty head. We got this."**

 **Shooting them a grateful smile, Taichi nodded. "So that makes ten stalls, including games. Now, all that's left is the decor. Nishida and I have got that, and the volunteers. " He flipped through his notebook for another few seconds. "That looks about it."**

 **Eyes on the occupants of the room, Taichi gave them a confident, calm smile, that spoke of reassurance. " The thirty first of the month after the next is our deadline." His voice rang clear and crisp in the quiet room. Taichi skimmed his eyes over every face, pinning them down, sharing his commitment and enthusiasm. "We have loads of time, but we can't afford to slack off. Everyone's busy, everyone has their own commitments...but if we try, we can make this work." His gaze turned to Harada Sensei who was giving him a warm smile. He swallowed. "We also have a lot to fight for, and save. Shiranami society is home to all of us, and we won't let it slip away without a fight, so make sure you give it everything you've got."**

 **Roars of agreement burst in reply.**

 **Taking a breath and shooting them all a cheeky smile, he raised his notepad like a glass. " Thanks a lot** _ **everyone**_ **for cooperating. Lets do our best. Yoroshiku!"**

" **Yoroshiku!" they chorused loudly in reply.**

 **The strict silence in the room shattered and people got up, talking, stretching and engaged in enthusiastic discussions. Chihaya cringed as, almost immediately, Taichi was drowning in a gaggle of females in the room. And even though his hand flew to the back of his neck, and feet stepped back a few steps deftly, all signs of unease, Chihaya wasn't very appeased.**

 **Arata was talking to a the three other people on their new team. But she couldn't concentrate. Yanking at her sleeves for no reason, she tried to listen in. His words escaped her, she couldn't pitch in. Her fingers patted her own knuckles.**

 **Chihaya itched to go and fish Taichi out but she couldn't. Did he** _ **want**_ **help? What if he wasn't that uneasy anyway? Why should he be? Maybe he even—** _ **Oh God no!—**_ **appreciated the attention.**

 **Someone tapped her on the shoulder.**

 **Chihaya whipped around to see a frowning Harada Sensei. "Chihaya-chan, what are you doing here?!"**

" **W-where else am I—"**

" **Go and rescue your friend!" The old doctor instructed with a stern gaze. "Shame on you not to have noticed! He's stuck!"**

 **A grin split across her face in reply.**

" **You wouldn't dare disobey a direct order from your sensei, would you?" he gave her a tiny conspiring smile.**

 **Chihaya shook her head and saluted. "No sir!"**

" **Scare them off for good measure."**

 **She almost squealed at the chance to vent her frustrations. But then settled for a quick nod and dashed off.**

 **Harada sensei released the laugh he had been keeping in, hands on his stomach. Tsuboguchi-san shot him a wry grin. "Having fun with them?"**

" **Indulge me." The old man chortled. merrily. " Its about time."**

 **Tsuboguchi San grinned wider and trained his eyes on the sight of Chihaya slowly but surely melting the crowd with her glare, and then Taichi's sagging sigh of relief when they were free. He didn't miss Chihaya's flush as the victimised boy thanked her with a weary smile. "You know what? You're right. It** _ **is**_ **about time."**

" **What?"**

" **An apartment. Finish your dinner first."**

" **No, wait." He shook his head, resetting to receive the information once again. Taichi stared at his mother. "Can you repeat that?"**

 **Rieko sighed. "An** _ **apartment,**_ **Taichi** _ **.**_ **Its closer to college."**

 **The young adult slowly returned to his food, in a daze. He absently stuck a piece of pepper into his mouth, before wincing at the taste. " So..." he clarified," You're kicking me out?"**

 **Mrs Mashima gave him a stern look. "Of course not. I just thought you'd want such an arrangement. After all, it is more convenient, is it not?" she frowned. "Do you not like the idea?"**

" **No, no." He said quickly. "I like it. Its just...you two will be alone..."**

" **We can take care of ourselves." Rika rolled her eyes. "Onii-chan just get out of here. Wouldn't it be amazing to have your own place?!"**

" **It would." He allowed, playing with his chopsticks. Amber eyes settled on the older woman opposite him. "Are you sure about this, mother? I'm not very comfortable with leaving you two alone...you know, what with Rika and her tendency to walk into cars."**

 **The girl shot him a dirty look, before all three pairs of eyes went to her crutches leaning against the chair. Two weeks later, they would be tossed away for good, but for now, they were a constant reminder to the little family of what had happened.**

 **Rika snapped out of her daze and tore her eyes away from the support sticks and onto her food. She stabbed rather viciously at a shrimp. "I know how to be careful now."**

" **Which is why you slipped from the stairs last week?"**

" **Onii-chan!"**

" **Taichi, don't upset her. Eat your food, both of you. There will be no more discussions for now."**

 **Subdued, the siblings retreated to their own plates.**

 **Helping his mother put away the dishes after assisting (okay, half-carrying to make up for his behaviours earlier) his sister to her room, he brought it up slowly.**

 **Rieko Mashima smiled at him.**

" **Taichi, your father is going to be around a lot more. You know that. So we'll be fine! You should go ahead and focus on your own life."**

" **I have a life here!" he protested, alarmed that she felt that way.**

" **I know, I know. But this will be easier for you...you can hang out with your friends and everything. Relax on your own. You can't stay home forever, Taichi." She shrugged, rinsing a white cup. "I've already gone and looked around a few places. And I like one in particular. Shall we go and have a look tomorrow?"**

 **He nodded slowly, sighing and going back to drying the plates.**

 _ **An apartment. Huh. What next, a car?**_

 **Apparently, yes.**

 **Arata let out a low whistle as the black metal glossed in the sun. "Sweeeeet."**

" **The engine is amazing." Komano stated, squinting into the open bonnet.**

" **It gets better." Taichi grinned. "Wait till you try driving. I swear its better than a Mitsubishi."**

" _ **No."**_ **Nishida narrowed his eyes.**

" **Oh yes."**

 **Arata bent to examine the wheels. "Look at them!"**

" **Alloy." Kazama chuckled. "Mashima, you—"**

" **I know, I know and I admit it, I** _ **am**_ **a lucky son of a biscuit. I actually feel sort of humbled. Dad read my mind on this."**

" **Matte finish." Nishida swiped a finger against the side in awe. "I love it."**

" **Hold on, check out the hands free." Taichi grinned, unlocking the car...and the boys disappeared inside.**

 **Chihaya raised her eyes to the heavens and heard Kana-chan chuckle next to her. "This might take a while. Let's head to the cafe."**

 **Laughing among themselves, Kanade, Chihaya and Rin moved into the nearby cafe where they were supposed to meet. The gentle brown haired girl sent her boyfriend a text, informing them where they were, and almost instantly got one in return, that the boys would take a while. They were going around for a drive. Or multiple drives.**

 **Porsches were irresistible after all.**

 **Sipping on the mug of hot chocolate, Chihaya giggled wildly at Rin relating an old tale from back home that involved Kazuto and a whole lot of pie.**

" **I didn't know he could eat so much!" Rin exclaimed. "I mean,** _ **eleven**_ **good sized ones?!"**

 **Kana chan wiped away a tear. " Oh my god, that was entertaining." She giggled as well, calming herself little by little. "Hey, is he back there right now?"**

" **Yup." Rin sighed, a fond smile on her face. "He's** _ **really**_ **attached to his Grandma..."**

 **A gleam appeared in Kana chan's eyes. "He's very funny isn't he...?"**

" **Hmm. He is." Rin nodded happily, spooning some icecream into her mouth.**

" **And he's also very cute."**

 **She slowed suspiciously. " Well, yes..."**

" **I wonder..."**

 **A blush erupted on Rin's face. "Kana-chaaaaaan!"**

 **The shorter girl erupted into soft laughter, hugging the flustered brunette tightly from the side in apology. "Gomenne! I just couldn't resist."**

 **Chihaya tilted her head cluelessly. "What? Why?"**

 **The other two straightened and fixed with suddenly sober looks. "You didn't get it?"**

" **Er..." Chihaya flushed a little under their gazes. " R-Rin- chan likes Kazu-kun?"**

 **Their faces cleared in surprise. Kana chan nodded proudlly. "Very good! How'd you figure it out?"**

 **Chihaya fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well, you were blushing and everything around him...a-and you always smiled." She smiled a little, warming up. "And you looked brighter, more vibrant." Chihaya giggled. "You light up when he smiles as you, Ri-chan. Its kind of obvious, now that I think about it."**

 **The other two tried to swallow their bemused expressions.**

" **Ch-Chihaya-chan." Kanade sputtered. "How did you know all that?"**

" **I just watched." She shrugged, then grinned faintly. "Actually, Taichi was the one who asked me to pay attention to how obvious it was when I asked him about this one day. "**

 **Rin went scarlet. "M-M-Mashima-kun knows?!"**

 **Chihaya nodded absently. " 'Course."**

" **Speaking of which...Chi-chan..." Kana chan said softly, earning herself a cringe from the girl. "How is it going?"**

 **Chihaya kept her eyes on the glass in front of her as repressed emotions bubbled to the surface.**

 **Longing, wistfulness, dejection.**

" **Not so good." She managed to mumble. "He's stubborn, you know."**

" **What exactly have you done to try?"**

 **Chihaya blinked, a little thrown. She looked up slowly at her friends. "N-Nothing much...he needs time, right? I wasn't going to push him and risk anything..."**

" **Risk what?" Kana chan frowned**

 **Chihaya swallowed an uncomfortable lump. "You know...risk annoying him or something. Maybe he'll grow tired of my persistence and...er..dislike me?"**

 **That sounded lame even to her.**

" **Chihaya-chan." Rin blinked bemusedly. "I'm sorry, but are you** _ **blind?"**_

" **That's what I've been asking around since forever." Kana chan muttered to the side.**

" **He's in love with you and I barely know him, but** _ **I**_ **can see it!" Rin continued incredulously. She leant forward eagerly, eyes intent on Chihaya's flushed face. "You do realize that don't you?!"**

" **I-I- I d-do, I think. S-sometimes I just w-worry..."**

" **You have** _ **nothing**_ **to worry about." She shook her head. Kana chan sighed as well. "The thing here is...he's had enough space and time. Okay?"**

" **W-what am I supposed to do?"**

" **Seduce him." Rin spat.**

 **Chihaya squeaked, a faint hot flush on her neck, the tips of her ears.**

 **Kana chan frowned a little. "I agree. You need to play offensive now, Chi-chan. You do realize he needs to be convinced you're in love with him. And sitting around doing nothing won't work."**

 **Cooling her blush, Chihaya fidgeted with her mug. "He still won't take me seriously. Stupid idiot's convinced that its i-impossible for me to feel the way I do..."**

" **That's not his fault." Kana chan chided.**

 **Chihaya winced. "No. B-but he just can't seem to grasp it...he wouldn't even let me say it..."**

" **Buchou has been around you for so long, so used to your eccentricity, he might find it strange, your maturity. But he's accepted it now, Chi-chan. Remember, only yesterday, he trusted you with the finance reports for our Cultural Fair. He did so quite easily. That means he's adjusted to it."**

" **S-so now...?"**

" **Now you attack. The turkey is ready to be taken out of the oven." Rin nodded.**

" **What?"**

" **Turkey. You know—never mind, that was stupid. Just...just work on luring him into your clutches."**

 **Chihaya shifted uncomfortably. "That sounds a little sinister..."**

" **What she means is, show him how you feel."**

" **Show him?"**

 **The two girls nodded, softening. "You care for him, don't you? Just stop holding back and do what your heart wants to."**

 **Chihaya sighed into her mug, thinking.**

 **If she did give into her urges, there wouldn't be many moments spent somewhere that wasn't within a five foot distance from her attractive best friend. But making a decision to really apply her Karuta style to this predicament, she gave her friends a smile.**

" **I could use some help."**

" **We're always here, Chi-chan." Kana chan soothed. Rin nodded encouragingly. "But you should do this on your own. Its...bigger than dealing with a silly crush. This is you and him only. But we're always here for you."**

 **Heart warmed, Chihaya smiled brightly. "Arigatou."**

 **Rin opened her mouth to speak, but then the door jingled open and their male friends walked in, all wearing bright grins and winded hair.**

" **You girls** _ **need**_ **to try her out!" Kazama informed them happily. "I think I'm on a high..."**

 **Rin sighed. "Its just a car..."**

 **Incredulous gasps escaped both Kazama and Nishida. Immediately setting on correcting her, much to the annoyance of Kana chan, they jabbered away.**

 **They were well into a month after that day at the society. Taichi had already moved into his fairly large apartment. Which sort of became Chihaya's 'hide out' as he called it, and she always argued that made her sound like some notorious dacoit...and he would give her a look that said that was** _ **exactly**_ **what he meant for it to sound like. The preparations for the fest were going very well, everybody doing all they could without putting their college work in danger.**

 **And that's when Chihaya remembered she had a visit from Harada Sensei today. To get a tetanus vaccine from her klutzy little scrape on an iron door the other day. She usually refused to go to hospitals. And** _ **hated**_ **needles with a passion. But Harada sensei was okay...until he brought out the pointy piece of surgical steel.**

 **She fidgeted, swallowing her hot chocolate in one huge gulp, hoping she looked calm when her hand was beginning to tremble. Maybe she could skip it? Not go.**

 **Her eyes flitted to Taichi, fingers cold, to see if he remembered. She prayed he didn't .**

 **God hated her.**

 **Amber eyes flashed, because they were already watching her, and she knew she was in trouble.**

 **He didn't say much. Their eyes locked and they both knew what was going on. Chihaya swallowed...and then shook her head rapidly. His eyes narrowed at her resistance.**

 **Getting up smoothly, Taichi smiled apologetically at the group. "I'm sorry. I have to leave now."**

" **Where are you going?"**

" **A cat has to be taken to the vet."**

" **Hey!" Chihaya protested.**

 **All eyes snapped to her. She shrank back. "The cat doesn't want to go."**

" **The cat will die of Tetanus, and I don't have to teach it how horrible that disease is, do I?"**

" **The cat would rather take the disease."**

 **Kazama scratched his chin. "There's no cat, is there?"**

" **Is this about your scrape the other day?! Chihaya-chan, why haven't you taken a shot yet?!"**

 **The girl cringed. Taichi raised a brow. Her resistance flared wildly again. "I don't want to go!"**

 **Kazama tutted. "Bad choice, Chihaya-chan." He fixed her with an intelligent look, different from his usually aloof expressions, and that made Chihaya pause and consider him. Taichi smirked at the tiny glance his former roommate sent his way.**

" **See, there's this bacterium called Clostridium tetani...a tiny microscopic organism that is smaller than the pores of your skin." Kazama pinched his fingers together to illustrate the small size.**

 **Taichi nodded seriously, adopting a grave face. Chihaya's eyes snapped to him as he spoke. "And these tiny things usually live everywhere, even on the road, but they're more intensely found on rusty metals or just metals in general...like** _ **iron,**_ **for instance."**

" **And when we get a cut or even the tiniest scrape from such a probable source of the bacterium, it escapes into our bloodstream from the open wound."**

" **That's all inconspicuous, though. The real problem comes after the incubation period."**

" **This disease is also called, '** _ **The lockjaw disease'**_ **did you know?"**

 **Chihaya's eyes widened considerably. Taichi only nodded. Slowly, he slipped out of his seat as Kazama spoke again, and sneaked to the back of her chair as the other soon-to-be-doctor spoke again. "In the initial stages, even though its only pain and fevers, slowly, the bacteria manifests inside your body."**

" **To large numbers, mind you. It slips into your nervous system, and your muscles start losing control. " Taichi said from behind her. Chihaya wanted to look back at him, but she felt her head rest against his abdomen. Her eyes however, remained fixed on Kazama, who had leaned forward and pressed the tips of his fingers together.**

" **And later, a little while later, you become hydrophobic. Your throat closes off." Kazama said quietly. Chihaya sputtered. She was vaguely aware of fingers lightly running up her neck, near her jaw, like spiders, and she suppressed a shiver. "Hydrophobic. You can't even swallow your own saliva, because you oesophagus collapses and your jaw..."**

 **Her teeth clenched together with a snap.**

" **Locked." Taichi muttered. Her jaws were locked strongly together by a pair of familiar fingers. "Never to open again. And then you foam at the mouth, your body dehydrates, you go mad."**

 **She couldn't move her jaw.**

" **...And you die." Kazama casually sipped his coffee.**

 **Chihaya gulped as the pressure disappeared and she could open her mouth again.**

 **But didn't her jaw feel a little...squeaky?**

" **I'll go! I'll go, I'll get the shot, just take me already!"**

 **Taichi stepped away and swept a hand towards the door seriously. "Go get in the car."**

 **She flew outside like a burst of wind.**

 **Exchanging a snicker and a low five with his former roommate, Taichi bid the spooked out team a hasty goodbye before following after the unsettled brunette.**

 **The entire group unfroze together, all eyes dazed and foggy.**

 **Kana chan shuddered. " That was horrible."**

 **Kazama only grinned. "Pays to be a med student. Some of it was a lie though. Did you see her face?"**

" **That looked awfully rehearsed." Arata smiled wearily, shuddering a little himself.**

" **That was how one of our professors began the very first class..." Kazama shrugged, grey eyes on the glass door. He watched the black Porsche smoothly purr away, and a collective sigh left the boys in sync.**

 **Rin rolled her eyes again.**

" **C-can we go any faster?"**

" **Well, yes, if you want me to get a speeding ticket."**

" **But what if my jaw locks up?!"**

" **Chihaya, the incubation period isn't over yet. That's why we're taking the** _ **vaccine**_ **."**

" **So I'll live?"**

" **Of course, dummy." Taichi spared her a glance and softened at her pale face, slightly apologetic. He patted her clenched hand. "Don't worry so much okay? You'll be fine."**

 **She sank into the seat, chewing her lip, frowning. Her fingers twisted together. "But I** _ **hate**_ **needles."**

" **You're** _ **nineteen**_ **, Chihaya..."**

" **So?" she shot. "You're nineteen too, and you run away screaming at the sight of spiders!"**

 **A light flush crept up his neck. Taichi shifted gears a tad hastily. "That's...ugh, fine. But you still have to get the shot."**

 **She pouted. And then frowned intensely as they switched lanes and neared her house. "D-does this mean I have to get a shot** _ **every time**_ **I cut my hand somewhere?"**

" **No, no." He slowed into a stop in front of the gate, "This is because its been a while since you've had the vaccine. You'll be** _ **fine,**_ **Chihaya** _ **.**_ **Its just Harada Sensei."**

" **Its Harada Sensei with a** _ **needle."**_

 **She shut up at his look and proceeded to** _ **slowly**_ **unbuckle her seat belt. Taichi sighed exasperatedly, getting out and walking over to the other side. Opening the door and practically dragging her out, he locked the car quickly and pushed a now actively resisting Chihaya into the house.**

 **So much for all his hard work. She was back in square one.**

 **Seeing Harada Sensei's sandals up front only made her squeal and try to escape. Huffing, grabbing her around the waist easily and swinging her into the house, Taichi kicked off his shoes. Her struggles and shouts and threats to kill him made the occupants of the house emerge from the kitchen.**

" **Taichi!" Chieko smiled pleasantly. "How are you?"**

 **He shot her a grin in reply, still easily holding down a struggling Chihaya. "I'm great, 'Ba-chan. Konbanwa, sensei."**

" **Matsuge kun." He acknowledged with a sigh. "Thank god you're here. Bring her into the kitchen."**

 **As if this was a normal event, Chieko and Harada sensei let the boy do the work, watching him deposit her on the kitchen floor ungraciously.**

" **Stay, Chihaya."**

 **She felt like a disobedient puppy. "No."**

" **Don't make this harder for sensei. You know he's not well."**

" **Don't guilt trip me." She snapped, getting up. "Sensei, can't I just swallow a pill or something?"**

" **Eh?" the doctor pulled out a few things from his bag, with his back to her. "Of course not. There's no pill or tonic. Now sit down, Chihaya-chan."**

 **Gingerly sitting down on the stool at Taichi's light shove, she watched the old man pull out the tiny bottle of medicine. Her hands turned cold. Seeing Taichi relax against the table next to her, and her mother offer to get him some tea, Chihaya focused on sensei again...and saw the packet that contained her Achilles's heel come out of the black bag.**

 **She bolted for the door.**

 **There were cries of surprise from inside the room, but as she tried the door of her house, it just rattled. Didn't open.**

 _ **Crap.**_

 **Footsteps behind her made Chihaya freeze up and slowly turn to look. By now, there were actually little tears in her eyes.**

 **Taichi hopped down the threshold and gave her a worried frown.**

" **Why are you so scared?"**

" **I don't know!" she mumbled, giving up on the door, and facing him with clenched hands and a white face. "I just am! Why should I like having something poke my veins and draw my blood?!"**

" **It'll keep you alive you idiot." He flicked her forehead.**

 **Pouting and nearing a whine, Chihaya punched his stomach, making him bend a little, more in surprise than in pain. "I don't like this."**

" **How about I get you something like...icecream or..or a Daddy Bear in reward?"**

 **She scowled at him, though the offer was tempting. "I'm not** _ **five."**_

" **Oh really?" he snapped, arms crossed. "Then explain why you're running away like one!"**

 **Chihaya narrowed her eyes, and pushed past him into the kitchen. " I'll show you who's five years old. Sensei! I'm ready!"**

 **Walking back into the Kitchen, Taichi winked at the older Ayase woman, and she ruffled his hair in reply, fighting a smile.**

 **Chihaya was sitting on the stool, her leg tapping the floor rapidly. But her head was whirling. The old doctor tied the plastic thing around her upper arm and she frowned in annoyance. The smell of antiseptic filled the room and there was a cotton ball rubbing against the spot that would soon be poked. But she was still frowning.**

 _ **Five year old?! But that's a huge ten steps back on the progress I've made! T- that's not good at all. Wait and watch, Taichi. Just because I'm afraid of a little needle—**_

 **The little needle seemed bigger and bigger as it neared. Harada sensei bent.**

 **She jerked back.**

 **Both the men hissed.**

" **Idiot!" Taichi bonked her head. "You could've gotten skewered!"**

" **S-sorry." She swallowed.** _ **Get a grip, Ayase Chihaya! You're old enough to fall in love! You can take a needle! You have something to prove here! Every step back is a huge disadvantage!**_

 **Steeling herself, she held out her arm. "Go on. I swear I won't move."**

 **Harada sensei exchanged a glance with Taichi and shook his head. The younger male sighed.**

" **Alright, get up." He told Chihaya. She frowned confusedly, but complied gingerly. Taichi slid her onto the table easily, and kept her locked in his arms from the side. There was no room for escape. If she backed up, it would only be into his torso and** _ **that**_ **felt like a wall so nowhere to go.**

 **Chihaya prayed her face wasn't red. The talk from earlier with her girl friends resonated in her ear,** _ **certain**_ **words revolving in her head, making her pulse throb.**

 **Harada sensei nodded, satisfied, and proceeded to pull her arm out. Chihaya dared not move as she stayed still, nestled against the warm chest, with the familiar scent shrouding her senses and calming her nerves like always.**

 **The effect was almost magical. She loved it, this proximity, because it really soothed the longing and wistfulness inside her heart, replacing it with a contending sense of belonging.**

 **A lot of her apprehension dulled into the background and she was distracted by the steady beating of a heart she felt against her shoulder and back, and the softness of the fabric of his shirt on her arm. As Harada Sensei let go of her hand, his fingers replaced them, holding tight. She was pressed into him by one sinewy arm, the other hand holding her poor forearm captive.**

 **She felt a twinge of betrayal through the haze of induced calm.**

" **You traitor." She muttered half heartedly, and felt his silent laugh in his chest. Her lips curled. But her eyes stayed on the needle that spewed a little of the vaccine as her beloved Sensei checked the flow.**

 **The surgical steel glinted in the light of the kitchen.**

 **Chihaya swallowed. Her heart beat doubled.**

 **The silver metal neared, swiftly, until it was positioned above, ready. Just drop a few inches and it would sink smoothly into her creamy skin, like it was butter, and the vaccine would pump into her system.**

 **But as the needle paused, she was distracted by a sigh from behind her, a soft sound that resonated against her own back, and a chin rested on her head.**

 **And suddenly she felt like she belonged to him.**

" **Hurry up already, sensei."**

 **She was too busy trying to get over the way she had stopped breathing at his movements, to register the sharp sting of the needle into her skin, and the plunger pressed slowly.**

 **Blinking away her dizzy thoughts giddily flying in her head at the way she was tucked into him warmly, the brunette watched blankly as the needle was slowly pulled out, and a cotton ball replaced it instantly.**

 **Taichi released her immediately, and she gasped softly at the sudden cold air against her skin. The contrast was so stark, she was stunned into silence momentarily.**

 **Harada sensei smiled at her. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"**

 **She shook her head.**

 **Fighting a sly grin, the old doctor went about repacking his bag. Taichi was talking to Chieko, smiling broadly at the woman.**

 **Chihaya, however was on another planet.**

 **Her mind whirled wildly as her skin tingled, struggling and yearning to get back in his arms** _ **somehow**_ **or the other, but she was distracted from acting on impulse by other, more serious thoughts in her head.**

 **That split second droplet of possessiveness she felt in his movements, though unintentional, were the most fulfilling things ever to touch her heart. And she wanted that for good, not just little stolen moments of content. But for that she would have to take a leap and set their currently lazy dynamic blazing forward.**

 **Her eyes narrowed at her arm, where the cotton boll was. She had braved one of the most terrifying things in her life. Time for the next.**

 **During her little reverie, Taichi had offered to drive Harada sensei back home. He left his mentor to walk out to the front door, saying goodbye to Ayase-san and came over to the girl still seated on the table.**

 **Swiping away the cotton ball, surprising her in the process, he pulled out the band aid Harada sensei had handed him a few seconds ago.**

 **Chihaya kept her eyes in her hand, ignoring the goose bumps on her skin when his fingers brushed her arm.**

" **I would say congratulations, but you don't want it, do you?" He asked softly.**

 **She shook her head, watching his fingers carefully place the band aid over the tiny hole in her skin and smoothen it in place. Raising her head, she caught him glassy eyed for a sacred moment, searching her face, and she realised there were very little inches between them. She could feel his faint breath on her face.**

 **Her skin tingled again, and for some reason, so did her lips. It would be so easy to lean over and take what her instinct wanted so badly... But she paused, unsure.**

 **She felt her heart pound in her ears.**

 **But then Taichi blinked, and the spell shattered. He took a step back, smiled. But it didn't reach his eyes. Her fingers itched to pull him back close and loose herself in the little bubble of tunnel vision and flaming skin and bubbling contentment and giddy happiness.**

 **A clicking together of the last puzzle piece, that's what he felt like; making the picture whole.**

 **He flicked her forehead. "Go and do your assignments or something. See you tomorrow."**

 **All she did was nod blankly. He gave her a softer smile and left, muttering as he went, "Don't grow up** _ **too**_ **much...its scary."**

 **Blinking in surprise, she turned just in time to catch the last of his jacket disappear out the curtains.**

 **With each stolen fragment of him she got, it was becoming harder to give him the space and time he might've needed. All she wanted right about now was the freedom to throw herself into him whenever she wanted, or to touch him freely without any insecurity, or discover layers of who he was one by one on a deeper level, so deep there shouldn't be anything that could ever threaten their bond.**

 **She wanted to belong. And possess.**

 **But her working towards that had been lazy till now. Not anymore. She sensed it, she knew he knew she had 'grown up' as they put it. At least a little.**

 _ **Don't worry, Taichi.**_ **She thought quietly, smiling wearily at the band aid.** _ **I've only grown up enough.**_

 **They had enough funds to throw** _ **two**_ **fairs.**

 **Taichi beamed at his reflection in the mirror, adjusting his jacket sleeves, phone cradled between his shoulder and ear. Tsuboguchi San's voice crackled over the other line happily.**

" _ **So that's plenty to spare on decor. Take it away, Matsuge kun!**_ **"**

" **Thanks a lot, Tsuboguchi San." Taichi grinned. He turned away from the glass and shifted his phone to the other ear, grabbing his bag and keys as he went. "We'll kick it up a notch. I'll see you in the evening."**

" _ **Yosh! Have a good day, boy!"**_

 **Taichi laughed once. "You too."**

 **He was on his way to pick up Arata and then Chihaya, and they were a using the Sunday to catch up on lagging work for the fair. It was raining outside, heavily at that, and Taichi was thankful for his jacket. Sliding out of the parking lot and into the wet streets, he set the wipers to work furiously to clear the windshield. At the first red light, he synced his phone with the hands free.**

 **Almost immediately, Chihaya was calling him.**

 **Alarmed slightly at her impeccable timing, Taichi waited to the light turned green, and drove along, before accepting the call. "Hello?"**

" **Taichi!" she sounded urgent. " Don't listen to her, she's ly— OWW!"**

 **He almost slammed the brakes in surprise. There was a shuffle, and then nothing.**

" **Chihaya?" He tried, pulling over for his own safety, and cranking up the volume of the call to listen for any signs of response.**

 **And Ayase Chitose's sweet voice floated over. "Taichi!" she drawled. "How lovely to hear from you."**

" **Chitose?" he asked confusedly. "What's going on?"**

" **Eh. My little sister is alright if that's what you're worried about, Romeo." She said slyly, making the young man cringe visibly. "But she's in a teeny tiny fix."**

 **He sighed, knowing this was the end of his plans for the day. Already making a mental note to call Arata, he prompted the girl further. "What happened?"**

" **See, Chihaya came with me today, for my little project here in Takumo."**

" **Huh?" he blinked, leaning back against the seat. "But she was supposed to—"**

" **Yes, she did say something about a fair...? But I really needed her help so I dragged her over. Anyway, she's a little sick and needs a ride back home. Can you pick her up please?"**

 **There were muffled sounds in the background. He had the sudden image of a gagged Chihaya and an evil Chitose in black garbs and a sinister smile. Weary, he shifted gears and swept back into the road smoothly. "Alright fine. I'm on my way."**

" **Thank you—"**

" **I know you're lying, Chitose." He warned, taking a U turn and stepping on the gas a little. "And this had better be worth it."**

" **I don't know what you're talking about!" She swore innocently. "Oh look, poor Chihaya is coughing her lungs out! We have to go. See you soon, Doc."**

 **And she hung up.**

 **Shaking his head, already a little apprehensive about the immediate future, he called his other childhood friend. The Fukui accent hit him after the first ring.**

" _ **Hello**_ **?"**

" **Arata? We have a small problem."**

 **...**

 **He saw Chihaya pacing wildly in front of the studio, in the drizzle.**

 **The upper half of her top was dotted with darker spots from the water, and her hair looked damp already. But she was whizzing back and forth so fast, he doubted the rain was satisfied about hitting her enough. She froze when he rolled into a stop in a corner and hopped out, locking the door and wincing at the slight rain on his face.**

 **Chihaya flew at him immediately.**

 **Yelping slightly, he stumbled, but managed to steady them both. Taichi frowned at the girl burying her face in his chest.**

" **I'm so sorry!" she moaned. "This was all a trap, Taichi! A huge trap! You have to get away."**

" **Hold on." He set her straight, "Are you really sick?"**

" **No! She was lying—"**

" **Get out of the rain first, you idiot." He snapped. They jogged back into the studio front porch, and Chihaya managed to blabber the story within that time.**

" **She kidnapped me in the morning!" she sputtered. "Kidnapped! She took away my phone! They needed an extra face today, and so she brought** _ **me**_ **, can you imagine?"**

 _ **Yes, you moron,**_ **he thought, but didn't say.**

" **And then I was being dressed up and photographed and** _ **then**_ **they find out that their male model is on leave today—"**

 **Taichi froze, suspicion creeping into his heart.**

 **Chihaya watched him apologetically, a little worried. "Exactly. They need you to replace him."**

" _ **Me?"**_

" **Yes, you, Taichi. Be a good boy and help me out."**

 **The teens whirled to face Chitose with her hands on her hips, dressed rather well, looking like a million dollars, but that part escaped the young man in front of her because he crossed his arms and glared.**

" **You tried to trick me."**

" **Kind of. I knew you'd come running if I made it seem like she's in trouble. And here you are even though you knew i was lying. " The elder Ayase sibling shrugged. Two other people from inside came out to flank her. The woman smiled like a cat who got the cream.**

 **Taichi raised his eyes to the heavens, praying for endurance.**

" **What do you want from me?"**

" **Just fill in for our usual guy today." She said hurriedly. "That fool cancelled last minute and we had no other choice. You were the first person I thought of actually. I mean, look at you!"**

" **If you're trying to flatter me, " he said dryly. "Its not working."**

" **Please?" Chitose gripped his hands in request. "Please do this tiny favour for me! Or— or do it for Chihaya!"**

" **I don't even want him to—"**

" **Okay, forget her, do it for me again." Chitose shot her sister a glare. "We'll do anything."**

 **An idea sparked in his head and he shifted his eyes to the name of the studio. Takeshi and Co.** _ **Not bad.**_

" **Anything?"**

" **Anything, Taichi. Don't leave me hanging here."**

 **His eyes glinted, and he smiled secretly. "Then let me talk to your manager. I'll tell him personally. Oh, and get her a towel or something." He snapped a look in Chihaya's direction and saw her face was red. He frowned a little worriedly. "Are you getting sick? You look flushed."**

 **She shook her head rapidly. Pacified, he wrenched his hands away from Chitose's and countered her cheeky grin with a glare. "Let me talk to your boss first. Then we'll see."**

 **Immediately, she spun around and instructed one of the two lackeys to fetch towels, and then beckoned them into the building.**

 **Following slowly, Chihaya slipped close to her best friend, revelling in his body heat that seemed to radiate even from such a distance. Or maybe that was because there** _ **was**_ **no distance. Taichi spared her a glance before pulling her in slightly, a hand on the small of her back as they walked swiftly towards the main office.**

 **Ignoring her swooping stomach, she focused on the warmth. "What are you going to do, Taichi? You should've just run away."**

" **Nah." He smiled suddenly. "I have an idea. Its for the fair...if this works, we might have a better chance."**

 **She brightened. "Really?"**

" **Hopefully." He nodded.**

 **Chihaya sighed in relief. "That's great. I was getting worried. But I'm so sorry she forced you into this!"**

" **If all goes well, its okay. I wonder how she managed to think of me so quick. Surely she knows other** _ **real**_ _ **models**_ **for this?"**

 **Chihaya suddenly went slightly red. "T-that's my fault. Sort of."**

" **Huh?"**

" **I stole my phone, to call you and tell you where I was, and they caught me and stopped me before I could do anything. Saw your contact photo. And they** _ **loved it.**_ **"**

 **He cringed.**

 **That photo was an accidental snap, where he had been sitting down on the grass casually in a park on one of their days out, a book in his hand, one leg propped up. But the highlight was the smile on his face, blinding, even though it was a soft one. He had been watching Chihaya argue with Nishida over which was better: Donuts or croquettes. Kazama and his handy little DSLR was a gift from the gods, his friends claimed, and thus this picture was snapped without his knowledge, until he saw it on Chihaya's phone and maybe sort of freaked out.**

 **Because if people knew what he had been looking at, things would be** _ **so**_ **obvious, he wanted to bang his head into a wall repeatedly at his lack of caution.**

 **He also found it sort of creepy, Kazama clicking photos without his knowledge.**

 **Chihaya smiled sheepishly, going redder. "A-and then when the manager asked who you w-were, Chitose told them—" she swallowed nervously and said in a tiny voice. " she told them...er...that we were dating..."**

 **His eyebrows shot up. "Really? Smart girl."**

 **Chihaya blinked, a little confused. "What? Why? I thought you'd be upset..."**

 **He smiled at her a little wearily. "This is the modelling industry Chihaya. And you're a beautiful female species, you're** _ **new**_ **, so you're bound to attract the attention of camera men, techies etc etc." He shrugged, not noticing her flush at the comment. " She won't be around you all the time. This was an effective way to keep you out of unwanted attention. Safe."**

 **Chihaya exhaled. "Wow. Onee-san** _ **is**_ **smart."**

" **I'm surprised too." He whispered conspiringly and she grinned. "But don't worry. Just let the lie stay for now, if you're comfortable with it."**

" **I'm fine!" She said quickly.** _ **In fact, I love the idea. "**_ **Are** _ **you**_ **okay?"**

 **He only nodded. Chitose turned to give them a smile. "See? I took care of her."**

" **You shouldn't have dragged her over in the first place." Taichi shot back, and his hand tightened around the younger sibling just a little. Chihaya swallowed a silly smile. "If something happens, its all your fault."**

" **Nothing is going to happen, Romeo. Get a grip. She's my** _ **sister,**_ **not just any girl."**

" **Glad you have that distinction at least now."**

 **Chitose pouted. "You have a sharp tongue."**

" **Only when I need to use it." And them he softened, giving her a smile. "But really, good move. That was smart thinking."**

 **Chitose beamed and spun back around. "Right. Well, sell it, kids."**

 **He tensed. Now there was a little problem. A look at Chihaya showed him she was already looking at him curiously and he bit back a sigh.**

" **We're going to have to make it look real. You get it?" he muttered.**

 **She nodded, and her face tinged pink. Palpitating at that reaction, he tried not to think too much, and wrapped an arm around her.**

 **He didn't want to be doing this...this acting. But Chitose had played well, and he wanted that to keep Chihaya out of trouble. So if it helps, let it. After all, he was just going with the flow these days. Drawing encouragement from her melting into his side, Taichi swallowed the twists in his chest for the millionth time that life, and prayed for strength.**

 **They were paying heavily for this.**

 **So, Takeshi and Co. Were shooting, filming and making advertisements on the Shiranami Society Karuta Cultural Fair.**

 **The society was stumped hen he announced it at their last meeting, and everyone had gone crazy with happiness. Taichi didn't reveal how he managed to do it, for** _ **free**_ **too** _ **,**_ **but he was being thanked by various people, even though he hadn't really done anything.**

 **Okay, so he** _ **had**_ **worked his butt of that whole day, and his respect for Chitose had skyrocketed after that, wondering how she managed to do this day after day after day.**

 **He officially hated cameras now. And beanies. Just** _ **no.**_

 **Their little lie had worked beautifully though, because Taichi and Chihaya were so used to being around each other that it wasn't hard to sell. Chitose said they had great natural Chemistry. He told her she was delusional.**

 **Right now, they were in the middle of making posters and writing lines for the demonstrations. Taichi was covered in paint, all because he had gotten into an argument with Chihaya over** _ **something**_ **and she had resorted to drowning him in oranges and purples and greens and now he looked like a weird disco ball. But bending over a large chart with a two others younger members of the society, he was so caught up in his work, he didn't notice the miasma in the room.**

 **Many people shivered, creeped out. Some even managed to find out the source and inched away.**

 **Chihaya was glaring at the drooling species from before, and there was a very dark aura emitting from the usually bright girl. Reason? They thought it was ridiculous that Taichi managed to look amazing even when he was covered in paint.**

 **Chihaya happened to overhear. And BAM, there goes her patience.**

" **Chi-chan, its okay." Kanade giggled nervously. "They don't mean any harm."**

 **All she got was silence. Kana-chan winced and turned to Rin.**

 **The taller girl removed the paper clip between her lips and casually slipped it onto a stack of posters. "I told you to seduce him already. No one else to blame if he's snatched away by someone else."**

 **Chihaya blinked, and then snapped to face the girl with wide eyes.**

 **Rin only calmly pulled another stack of papers towards her. "Don't look like that, I was just warning you."**

" **Rin-chan, don't!" Kana chan squeaked. She held onto Chihaya's arm in reassurance. "Chi-chan, you have nothing to worry about! Buchou won't let himself be snatched away by anyone! He's not like that!"**

 **Chihaya sputtered. "I never th-thought of that?!"**

" **You should've." Rin said quietly. "Eyes always on the prize, Chi-chan."**

" **Oh stop it!" Kana chan snapped. The other two looked at her in surprise at her outburst. The usually gentle girl was glaring. "Don't you dare make so little of his feelings! How can you even believe such nonsense Ayase Chihaya! One of the few things he's always ever put first was you for the majority of his life! Stop disrespecting that!"**

 **Rin backed away immediately with a secret triumphant smile in Chihaya's direction. The girl had a slight flush up her neck. Quick as lightning, Chihaya shook her head and dropped down next to the posters, the miasma in the room withdrawing. "Sorry. I got a little...carried away."**

 **A worried frown creased Kanade's face. She gently sat down beside the chestnut haired young woman who was fidgeting blankly with her work. "Chihaya chan...why is there so much darkness in your thoughts?"**

" **There is?" the girl frowned, sighing and tucking a strand of hair behind her ears.**

 **Rin looked at her cautiously. "Well, yes. You don't have to feel so bad..."**

" **Don't I?" Chihaya put down a stack of papers with a little more force than necessary. "I'm frustrated!"**

 **Rin smirked. "The sexual kind?"**

 **Kana chan bit back a smile at Chihaya's red face. "I take it that's a factor too." She swallowed a giggle and stepped away from that topic for now, because the poor girl looked like she might combust, "But you're talking about emotional frustration, aren't you?"**

" **Yes!" Chihaya grasped at it in relief. Her shoulders sagged, and she poked at the plastic cup of paper clips, making it rattle around. "This is going nowhere. I just have a feeling that I shouldn't be too bold and blurt everything out."**

" **Why?"**

" **Well, because that would make him go back inside his stupid little shell again! There's no way he'd believe me. It's going to destroy all my progress so far."**

" **You've made progress have you?" Rin raised a brow.**

 **Chihaya and Kana chan both sighed. Kanade took away half of the posters in Chihaya's hand and began arranging them. " Yes, she has. You wouldn't notice because you haven't seen them before. Buchou was always so closed off, resisting her unintentional pull over him because it could hurt Chihaya-chan." The young woman smiled a little. "I always admired that about him. And Chi-chan here always threw herself at him with no inhibitions at all, both emotionally and otherwise. He took a lot of the brunt, helping her out while keeping himself in check."**

 **Chihaya sneaked a peek at the said Superman, who was currently grinning at something one of his companions had said. She heard his soft laughter through the murmur of voices in the room, clearly, distinct. Her ears picked it out easily. Tearing her eyes away and fixing them back on her work, she listened to her friends.**

" **And now?" Rin enquired, leaning forward, stumped by the story. "Now what's he like?"**

" **Now he's stopped resisting. I suspect...he's figured out that working so hard at keeping himself in check was bad for his sanity. So maybe he's let those walls down. Look at them now! You can see how much closer they've got."**

 **And it was true, Chihaya thought. Now, so many months into their college days, she didn't feel him hesitate around her, or resist her random advances. No more hiding himself away, no more keeping her at arm's length. Now he let her get inside and look close.**

 **She could tell him right now, in fact, how she felt, maybe even kiss him and he'd let her. Maybe even surrender and say it back, and she'd finally get a real picture of what he harboured.**

 **But...**

" **So Chihaya chan has wormed herself back into his heart?"**

" **She was always there." Kana chan said reverentially. Chihaya felt her bears burn but her stomach fluttered daintily. "Now he's just letting her pull him in and do what she likes."**

" **But that's a good thing!" Rin threw down her stapler in excitement. Her eyes shone at Chihaya. "Now you can easily tell him how you feel. Snatch his heart and run away!"**

 **Chihaya laughed, but it sounded strained. Kana chan winced. "Its not that easy, is it Chihaya chan?"**

" **No, it isn't." The subdued girl mumbled. She pushed away the posters and sat back on her heels, rubbing an eye. " He might let me say it now, but he won't believe me."**

" **Beleive you?" Rin frowned.**

 **Kana chan nodded, and a sigh escaped her. "He's far too cautious with his heart to give it away again. She shattered it brutally the first time back in High school, after all."**

" **I didn't understand anything then!" Chihaya hissed, but she sounded sorry, rather than mad. " He just jumped to conclusions!"**

" **Well, cut him some slack." Kana chan said sternly, clipping papers together again. " I can only imagine how nerve wracking it must've been for him to against his beliefs, though wrong, and tell you how he felt."**

" **What beliefs?"**

" **He always made sure he never ever hurt Chihaya-chan. And he worked so hard for that, always putting her first and getting** _ **himself**_ **hurt in the process. But he was a little mistaken. Buchou believed he would trouble her if he acted on his feelings, so he reigned himself in. He always made sure he wouldn't do the things he** _ **believed**_ **would hurt her." There Kana chan smiled at Chihaya. "But he was a little mistaken. His beliefs were wrong. You were hurt by him pulling away, rather than moving forward."**

 **Chihaya chewed on her lip and looked back at her work. "You're right."**

" **So he confessed in High school?" Rin whispered, awed.**

 **Kanade nodded. "For once he thought ahout himself. He began playing Karuta for his own strength and not just to help Chi-chan get better." Kana chan grinned at Rin's wide eyes. "Yeah, that's why he played in the first place, to help her achieve her dream. Did you know he was an excellent Soccer player? Really good, even made it to the Nationals in middle school. But he threw it away in the blink of an eye to help fix up a Karuta club in High school. He was always pushing himself so that** _ **she**_ **could have a better sparring partner and hone** _ **her**_ **skills." Here the gentle girl the Chihaya a weary look. "Only, all he did for her seemed to escape Chihaya chan...she was so focused on the game..."**

" **You brute." Rin muttered, and then threw a paperclip at Chihaya, who shrank back guiltily.**

 **Kana chan nodded. "But she's paying for it now."**

" **Wait, go back. What happened when he fessed up in school?"**

" **Ah..." Kana chan bit her lip. "He did finally manage to think of himself and come clean...but...um.."**

 **Rin groaned, catching on. "** _ **Chihaya- chaaaaan!"**_

 **The girl winced, attempting to melt into the ground.**

 **Kana chan only shook her head as she reminisced. "He's one of a kind, Buchou. Even after she was so cruel, you know what he did?"**

" **I'm nervous to find out." Rin admitted, chewing on a nail.**

 **Kana chan slapped the hand away to spare her fingers. "He believed she was in love with Wataya-kun so he pushed her towards him."**

 **Rin stopped breathing. "W-Wataya kun?!"**

" **Hmm..." Kana nodded. "Why?"**

" **Nothing, its just...I never felt it...you know, no vibes..." She took a breath.**

" **Ah...yes. Buchou was always a little blinded by his own insecurities and experiences to look at this with an open mind. But I have to admit, I believed it too for a while, because I was following Buchou's thoughts so closely... Until of course it became apparent that— Chihaya chan, your phone's ringing."**

 **Snapping out of a daze, Chihaya shakily grabbed her phone. Her mind was whirling from the conversation. Her face was pale.**

 **She felt sick.**

 **Kanade and Rin exchanged slightly guilty looks. They hadn't paid attention to Chihaya's dimming aura at all, so caught up in talking.**

 **Glancing at the caller ID, Chihaya muted the call and shoved the phone in her bag.**

 **Rin frowned. "What's wrong? Why didn't you—?"**

 **But auburn eyes had widened. She peeked around Kana chan at her male best friend, whose own phone had, predictably, begun to ring.**

 **Chihaya prayed he wouldn't notice.**

 **But Taichi did. Wiping his hands on his already ruined tracks, he fished out his phone and looked surprised at the caller ID.**

 _ **Don't pick up! Don't, Taichi! Put it back down!**_

 **But he cradled the phone against his shoulder and resumed working, leaning over the chart. "Hello?"**

 **She couldn't hear what the other person said, but Taichi was slowing down, humming, and straightening. He never once glanced at her though. Rin and Kana chan watched them back and forth, interested.**

" **I understand, 'Ba-chan." Chihaya heard him mutter. "No, its no trouble...okay. Yeah, see you soon."**

 _ **Crap.**_

 **Taichi slowly pocketed his phone and got up, stretching casually. Distracted by his tall wiry frame, Chihaya didn't notice the annoying drooling species all flush together. But oblivious to everything, Taichi slid a hand into his other pocket, and she could imagine his fingers closing around the car keys.**

" **I have to step out for a while...no, I'll be back in the evening, don't worry. I'm getting this done today." He shot his companions a smile, they said something else, and then he was turning.**

 **Chihaya attempted to hide behind Kana chan. The girls giggles at her. "Chi-chan what are you doing?"**

" **Okaa-San wants me to go with her to check out an apartment for me and Onee-san... But I don't want to go!"**

" **She was the one who called you earlier?"**

 **Chihaya nodded rapidly, thankful for once that Taichi was interrupted by one of the drooling species. It gave her a little time. " I didn't pick up, so she called him instead— I should've** _ **known**_ **that would happen!" she whined.**

 **Extracting himself from the girls, Taichi shook his head a little and briskly walked over to where Chihaya was sitting down with Kanade and Rin.**

 **Approaching them, he faltered at the shining stars in Rin's eyes and her clasped hands and open mouth.**

" **Er..." he tore his eyes away from the sparkling ones of the tall brunette and shot Kana chan a confused smile before turning to Chihaya. "Come on, you lazy dummy. You've been summoned."**

" **I won't go!" She shook her head rapidly.**

 **Taichi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "I don't have time for this, Chihaya. Get up! She's waiting for you!"**

" **Since when are you her spokesperson?!"**

" **Since we figured you were daft." He shot. Rubbing his forehead with a finger, he sighed. "Come on, Chihaya. The sooner you get this done, the better."**

" **But I don't want to share an apartment with Chitose!"**

" **Well, you** _ **have**_ **to."**

" **She'll turn me into a slave!" Chihaya exclaimed, shrinking back into the wall.**

" **Do I look like I care?" Taichi snapped, "Don't make me lose my patience. Get you butt of the floor and follow me** _ **or else."**_

" **You don't scare me!" she challenged, crossing her arms.**

 **By now the entire room was watching them with wide grins. Aware of the fact, Taichi gave her a look that clearly said 'you asked for it' and turned to face the room at large. He put on a smile.**

" **How many of you know the story of a little girl—"he pointed at Chihaya,"—the crab, and the strawberry shortcake swimsui—"**

" **OKAY, I'LL GO! I'LL GO!"**

 **Laughter erupted into the room. Taking a cheeky bow, he grinned at Chihaya. "Excellent. Hurry up, then. We have to move."**

 **Nearly in stubborn tears, she huffed and got up, sinking her elbow into his ribs harshly as she passed, making him gasp lightly in pain. Wincing and rubbing his side, he waved to Kana chan. "See you girls later."**

" **Goodbye, Buchou. Tell me that story later, won't you?"**

 **He laughed quietly. "Sure." Eyes flicking to Rin and growing uneasy at her** _ **still**_ **prominent starry eyes and clasped hands, he inched away. "See you."**

 **Rin watched him disappear out the door with wide eyes. And then she bowed after him reverentially. Kana chan laughed heartily at the girl,who suddenly turned to her and took her hands in hers. "I ship them! Please take me under your wing, Kana-senpai!"**

 **Still laughing hard, Kanade only nodded, patting her head clumsily.**


	8. Chapter 8

Okay so this is mainly Chitose looking out for Chihaya. I just wanted this in here so that someone gives Chihaya valuable advice for later...words she could recall in the time of need...if the story ever flows that way, that is...

Anyway, Taichi's a little filter-less today...poor guy. But that's okay. He deserves it.

Read and Review? I need something to go on after all...

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

" **Care to talk instead of whining?"**

" **She's** _ **torturing me!"**_

" **Thank God, some words! That's progress! Now keep going!"**

 **She moaned into her hands in reply.**

" **Aaaaaand we're back in square one."**

 **A popcorn flew at him. Chihaya pouted. "Stop being mean and** _ **listen**_ **to me."**

" **I** _ **have**_ **been for the past half-hour." Taichi paused the movie and set down the remote. Turning to give her his full attention, he snatched the bowl away from her hands. "If you wanted to rant, you should've just told me, Chihaya. Why waste a good movie and precious time?"**

" **So I can just...vent?" She asked cautiously.**

 **He popped a popcorn into his mouth and nodded. "By all means."**

 **Wasting no time, Chihaya sprang up and began pacing, her words turning more colourful by the second, and Taichi suspected her hair would fall off if she kept tugging at it like that. He listened to Chitose's diabolical tyranny, fighting a laugh, and just used the time to let her blow off some steam while he listened to her voice after a whole week.**

 **To say he had missed it would be an understatement.**

 **Taichi had been off attending a study tour to a nearby city with Kazama, and it had lasted the whole of last week. He had missed their last minute prepping for the festival, which had not gone so well without him to direct it, and he was paying for it dearly. There were very few days left till the beginning of the three day event, and he was pushing himself hard to get his work done.**

 **But of course, there should always be time for** _ **this,**_ **or he would've gone insane.**

 **Listening to her growl and pace around like a mad woman was adsorbing the tension from his muscles and his mind like charcoal does hydrogen. Effective. Ignoring his buzzing phone, he nodded in the right places, and just ate the popcorn. There was no time for dinner anyway.**

 **Chihaya finally plopped back down in front of him, with a huff, panting slightly. She snatched the bowl back and stuffed a handful into her mouth tiredly.**

" **Are you done?" he enquired, brushing his hands on his pants carelessly. She nodded. Taichi got up to go to the kitchen. "I'll go get some lemonade.** _ **Don't**_ **set the place on fire."**

 **She stuck her tongue out at him in reply.**

 **Chihaya was here for a customary Friday evening movie. But since their time together had been next to none this week, the movie was lost, abandoned.**

 **He was pulling out the pre prepared jug of lemonade and two glasses, when Chihaya called from the living room, " Taichi, this movie is boring anyway. I'm going to put on some music instead."**

 **He paused. "Do you even know how to work the—"**

" **I got it,** _ **baka."**_

 **Shrugging to himself, he let her do what she wanted. Putting everything on a tray and balancing it precariously into the living room, he saw her get up and head over to take a few things off his hands.**

" **Your playlist was already paused and waiting." She said as she placed the jug down. "I'm just going to play that."**

 **Taichi snickered. "You mean you don't know how to work the system to play another file..."**

 **She flushed lightly, but her jaw was set stubbornly. "** _ **No,**_ **I just want to see your taste in music these days."**

" **Well, then you're not getting any 1D or Taylor or...or...Something Beiber, what's her name again?"**

" **Its a** _ **him**_ **Taichi."**

" **Meh." He shrugged, grinning at the pillow that flew his way. He knew who that was, and he admitted he sounded better now, but there was no way he would pass up the opportunity to irk the fiery girl sitting comfortably on his couch.**

 **She shot him a glare, and then pushed the play button on the remote, tossing it between them. Miyano Mamoru's voice floated from the speakers. Moonlight, the song was called.**

 **Chihaya folded her legs beneath her and scrunched her face, accepting the cold glass of lemonade he handed to her. "Now why does this song sound familiar? I know this anime..."**

" **Its Tokiya Ichinose's character song...but this one isn't mine. Rika probably messed with my phone..." Taichi informed, leaning over to grab a stack of papers he had left in the corner. He studiously ignored the fact that she looked ridiculously good in the most casual clothing and mussed up hair and set his mind to study-mode. Filing through his notes, he spared her a glance and regretted it, because there was that pesky skip in his pulse again. He brushed it off as exaggerated reactions because he hadn't seen her for a while. Things like that happened, right? "You might want to start on that History essay. We have a busy week ahead."**

 **Chihaya sighed. Twisting her hair into a messy bun, she set down her lemonade and hopped off the couch to go get her bag. She was dressed in her most comfortable clothes, yoga pants and a loose t shirt that once belonged to her sister. They were trying to catch up and work at the same time.**

 **Spending time like this, so comfortable and casual and yet, special, was the way Chihaya liked it. He was most unguarded when he was distracted by work, or when he was sleepy, she had figured out. And evenings like these, when everything felt like home, they chatted loosely, fought, and allowed themselves to binge on treats, but she was reigned in by his watchful eyes at all times.**

 **They worked in silence for a while. Continuous time spent studying with her best friend had increased Chihaya's endurance levels. Now she could go two hours without breaks. And even though that was nothing compared to Taichi and his workaholic tendencies, she was proud of herself. They often spent the time like this, with light music and even lighter small talk floating from in between stacks of assignments. Chihaya worked into the hour, wanting to get a good head start so that nothing deterred her from the festival in a few days. At times, when the paragraph became boring, she thought about the various things they still had to finish up for the fair, and she would frown at the size of the work.**

 **Looking up now, already an hour into their silent companionship, she registered that the song playing had shifted to Ed Sheeran. Chihaya snapped her eyes to Taichi to make a comment and irritate him, but the words died in her throat when she set her eyes on his form.**

 **Head tipped back on the backrest, Taichi was swiftly scanning a bundle of papers he held up above his face. She kept her silence, suddenly uneasy. Wouldn't his hand ache from holding itself up for so long? But more than that, she was distracted by the tightening around his eyes, with traces of purple she hadn't noticed before.**

 **Exhaustion.**

 **Now that she took a better look at him in the light, she noticed the paler skin and the tired eyes. He was reading, but his lids drooped ever so slightly, and she felt a sharp stab of** _ **something**_ **in her chest.**

 **She wanted him to go to sleep. Immediately.**

 **It must've been agitation, she decided. She was uncomfortable about the fact that he was pushing himself probably a little too hard; it didn't sit well with her at all. And maybe before, she would've hesitated to act on her impulses, to give him** _ **space,**_ **but now she was letting her heart do all the talking after all.**

 **Chihaya set down her papers and books on the table, and crawled over to the distracted boy, and snatched away his file.**

 **Taichi blinked.**

 **He lifted his head slowly to look at her blankly. Chihaya put down his file on the table too, and sighed. "You were sleeping."**

" **No, I was reading." He said confusedly. She noticed he was a little drowsy in speech and movements, a little slower. "Gimme my notes, Chihaya..."**

" **No." She said stubbornly, swatting his hands away when he reached for them. Taichi gasped at the stinging pain, more awake now, and cradled his injured hand to his chest, fixing her with a look that questioned her sanity. Chihaya only crossed her arms. "You're tired, Taichi. Why don't you just go to sleep?"**

 **His face cleared into a sarcastic expression. "Oh sure. And you'll drive yourself home will you? And the fair will manage itself?"**

 **She frowned. "No...okay you know what? Just take a nap."**

" **A nap."**

 **Chihaya nodded eagerly, inspired by her own idea. "Take an hour's rest. You'll feel more...** _ **refreshed**_ **, and you can work better into the night if you wish to." She saw him contemplate it, and hid a grin. "I'm just being strategic here..."**

 **His eyebrows shot up. "Strategic. You? Ha, there an impossible—"**

" **Oh shut** _ **up**_ **." She scowled, landing a slap on his arm. "Its a good idea, right?"**

 **The rational side of the young man peeked out and he nodded slowly. "I suppose..." then he signed and relaxed back against the couch, massaging his neck and closing his eyes. "Maybe you're right, for once."**

 **Chihaya watched him with a frown. With each passing second, her unease grew. She had the urge to do something, anything to take away his tensed posture. Maybe give him a massage? But she knew nothing about massages. So now what? Restless, and jittery, she wondered why she was so disturbed.**

 **He sighed lightly, and for no reason at all, the answer came to her.**

 **She was worried. And that was making her restless and nervous and she wanted him to relax and be okay, not tired. Her mood had already begun to shift with little fluctuations in his , and that was making her more susceptible to sensing his distress and feeling it on her own.**

 **A part of her warmed up and melted at the way they had unknowingly begun to mould together. She revelled in the connection.**

 **But he was still exhausted at the moment.**

 **Chihaya reached over and curled her fingers in his sleeve, making him snap his eyes open and look at her in surprise, and she pulled his head down, down, down onto her lap.**

 **He didn't resist at first, just blinked. "What are you up to...?"**

" **I'm just being generous."**

 **He paused. "What's the catch?"**

" **No catch." She promised. Her fingers took the liberty to curl softly in his hair and her thumb stroked the locks in a steady rhythm. Ignoring the tingles on her skin, and the warmth in her chest, she saw him close his eyes, but there was a frown on his face. His muscles weren't relaxing enough. There was something bothering him...**

" **Can I get a pillow?" he mumbled.**

 **Chihaya snatched one from the side and slipped it between his head and her lap. Falling back onto that, he relaxed, almost melted, and she smiled but her neck and ears felt hot. Taichi managed to open his eyes for a second. "Are you going to draw on my face or something?" he demanded.**

 **Chihaya suppressed a gleeful laugh. He had just given her the biggest idea ever! But filing it away for another instance, she ran a hand through his hair, pushing the locks away from his forehead. "No. Just trust me and go to sleep."**

" **Trust you." He mumbled sleepily, snorting softly as he did, turning to his side and getting comfortable anyway, already surrendering to sleep, and to his instinct. "That'll be the day..." he managed to mutter. And then all she heard was steady breathing.**

 **There was a stinging stab in her chest, threatening to burst her rib cage at his words, but Chihaya smiled, happily. Settling herself for an immovable one hour, she went back to her book with a satisfied curve to her lips. Her mind had relaxed, body too. This felt about right, taking care of her best friend for once, instead of the other way around. She wanted to do a better job, leave no stoned unturned, because she believed Taichi deserved the best sort of attention a person could give to another. Like the attention she had been receiving all her life from him. Time to reciprocate. They were inching closer to a special place slowly, painfully slowly, but they were moving, she knew. And that was excellent. That was uplifting and bright and it made her heart swell and her lips curve.**

 **Running a hand through the soft strands of hair, she fished out her phone to call her beloved sister and let her know she might be late. Tapping rather furiously on Chitose's contact photo, she put the cell to her ear and waited as it rang.**

 **Thinking of Chitose made her scowl for a second. Were all elder siblings so cruel?! She was having a talk with Rika soon.**

 **The elder Ayase sibling answered sleepily on the fifth ring. " 'llo?"**

" **Onee-chan, its me."**

" **Mi? I don't know a Mi, wrong number, sorr—"**

" _ **Onee-chan."**_ **Chihaya hissed, annoyed. Her blood boiled at the muffled laughter on the other side. "Stop it!"**

" **Who set** _ **your**_ **pants on fire?" Chitose snorted. "Whaddaya want, sis?"**

 **Chihaya scrunched her nose. Her hand paused its slow movement through Taichi's hair. "I'm going to be a little late today. "**

" **Eeehhhh?!" Chitose squealed. "So it finally happened?!"**

 **Chihaya faltered. "W-hat finally—" and then her face burst into flames as she caught on. "** _ **Onee-chan**_ **!" She hissed hotly. "You-you—ugh I can't even—"**

" **So it didn't happen." Chitose deflated, sounding bored now. "Meh. Should've known he was too much of a goody two shoes."**

 **Chihaya tried to cool her cheeks, pressing her empty glass of lemonade to her face. "Will you just listen?" she whispered, "I'm going to be a little late today."**

 **Chitose seemed to have lost her nonchalance because her voice was tinged with slight worry. "Why? What happened? And why are you whispering?"**

" **Taichi's asleep." Chihaya mumbled. Her hands resumed their journey through the soft strands on her lap. "I'm just going to let him sleep for a while. He's really tired."**

" **I see." Chitose said quietly. Chihaya was surprised at the lack of teasing or just general irritating comments from her sibling. There she was again, Chitose, playing the responsible elder sister card. It calmed the girl's head a little. "Well, I'm not home anyway, so take your time."**

" **Where are you?"**

 **There was a pause. "Kenji-kun wanted to show me this...er..."**

 **Chihaya felt her pulse skip a beat. "Onee-chan." She said softly. "You're coming home right?"**

" **Of course!" Chitose exclaimed. "Don't get any ideas! We're just...hanging out."**

 **She chose not to address that. A little uncomfortable, Chihaya sighed. "Fine. I'll see you later then...be careful."**

" **I'm inside a house, not in a forest." Chitose went back to her scoff. And then her voice softened. "You take care of him, okay? Do your best, Chihaya. Sometimes you need to show them how much you care or—" she broke off.**

 **Chihaya froze, her mind doing an abrupt 180. Maybe Chitose wasn't at Kenji-san's for what she thought after all..."Onee-chan...are you okay?"**

" **Of course I am!" Chitose said immediately. "Don't worry about me. I'll see you later okay?"**

" **Alright..."**

" **See you." She hung up.**

 **Chihaya stared at the phone in her hand, the screen slowly switching off. She felt an uneasy squirm in her heart, as she thought about her sister.**

 **Chitose wasn't always a very expressive person. Sometimes she was cold and downright bossy and selfish. But she was a good person inside, sensitive, and she put a lot of herself into everything she did, even if it didn't seem that way. But now, Chihaya heard her voice saying again, '** _ **Sometimes you need to show them how much you care or—'.**_

 **Was her sister having problems? Chihaya felt her jaw clench. Even if Chitose did, was** _ **she**_ **competent enough to help her through it?**

 **Sighing slightly again, she watched the soft strands of salmon pink hair, almost brown in that light, part under her wandering fingers, soft, like she was running her hands along a silky cushion.** _ **Show them, huh?**_ **Well, she was working on that.**

 **An hour and a half later, she was almost asleep herself, reading through her book with heavy eyes. That's when Taichi stirred, and she snapped awake. Straightening from her slump against the backrest, she peeked at his face cautiously.**

 **There was a single flutter of long lashes and then his eyes were open and staring straight at the TV. Chihaya took the chance to put down her book and the slight movement made him turn to look at her dazedly. His eyes were still clouded with sleep, but she saw him blink it away and just watching him wake up, all molten amber eyes and professionally sculpted jaw, a little incoherent and completely exposed for a few precious seconds was making her heart race for wildly.**

 **He watched her for a blank second before his eyes darted all around the place... and then he slapped a palm to his face. "How long did I sleep?"**

" **An hour and a half?" she bit her lip, not entirely happy with him getting up and shaking his head, as if to clear it. Was it crazy she wanted him to sleep some more for** _ **completely**_ **different reasons? "How do you feel?"**

 **His lips twitched as he ran a hand through his hair, lifting his papers again immediately returning to studying. "** _ **Refreshed**_ **."**

 **She scowled at him for a second for humouring her. " You ungrateful little—"**

 **But his light laughter cut her off, and Chihaya's complaints melted away. She fought a smile when he roped her in for a split second hug, and his lips pressed against her temple for one heart lurching single second, warming the region somewhere near her sternum. "Thank you for letting me get some rest. No, I mean it. It really helped." He took a sip of the now bitter lemonade, made a face, and then settled back, notes in his hand once again. " I was just trying to irk you."**

" **Well you succeeded." She stuck her tongue out at him. "Are you going back to studying?"**

" **Of course." Taichi gave her a weird look. "What's with** _ **that**_ **question?"**

" **Nothing." She shrugged quickly. "I just thought...since you're probably not going to have dinner tonight, I'd...um...make something."**

 **He paused. Slowly looking up from his notes again, Taichi blinked at her. "Don't you have to get home...?"**

" **I told Chitose I'd be a little late. She's out anyway."**

 **He relaxed for a second, but there was doubt on his face. "And what makes you think you can cook? I'm too young to die!"**

 **Chihaya threw the cushion, the one he had previously used, at his head. Taichi blocked it just in time. "Just shut up and lemme try, okay?! Stupid** _ **know it all..."**_ **she muttered darkly.**

 **Taichi put up his hands in surrender. "Do whatever you want with the kitchen but** _ **don't**_ **burn it down."**

 **Chihaya frowned, and she looked so genuinely upset, he immediately regretted his words. But her stubborn nature made her get up with fervour and yank at his hair harshly as she passed, instead of crying or something. He watched her pad softly into the kitchen, before leaning back against the couch and blowing out a breath.**

 **Taichi kicked himself slightly for making her look that dejected. His words really did have no filter these days, tumbling out at the worst instances. He reasoned with himself that it was a protective reflex. He couldn't make sense of her behaviour so he just said stupid stuff.**

 **Actually, he** _ **could**_ **make sense of why she was the way she was—he wasn't** _ **that**_ **oblivious, he could easily sense the shifting gears between them, deepening and coming closer, but he just wasn't ready to let himself believe it.**

 _ **Nope. NO way.**_

 **Waiting, uneasy about having made her upset with his own self preservation instincts, he fought the urge to go an apologise. He wasn't about to let it be that easy. But maybe he could make it up to her inconspicuously and cool his conscience in the process.**

 **He always found a way, after all.**

 **Waiting slightly apprehensively as she moved about in the kitchen—apparently comfortable in the environment— Taichi tried to focus entirely on Physiology. Since that came easy to him, he was flying through the notes...until there were none left. Muscles a little stiff, he dropped the last of the papers and got up, stretching, mind moving from medicine to a bigger area that Chihaya had managed to snag for herself in his brain.** _ **Ugh, she's everywhere!**_

 **He made his way to the kitchen, gathering their empty glasses, the bowl, jug and all as he went. Walking in, he saw her leaning against the counter, waiting next to a large pot of something.**

 **Chihaya looked up as he entered, and wiped her hands on the apron. For a second, he wondered if she had forgiven him, but then she sort of glared, and snatched the tray away from his hands and dumped it into the sink. Taichi cringed, but plastered on a suave smile.**

" **What's cooking?" he asked innocently, even putting his hands behind his back and widening his eyes. Chihaya abruptly turned away to the stove, so he didn't catch her smile.**

" **Rat poison." She said with fake frost in her voice. "Why? You want some?"**

" **Excellent! I've always wanted to try that!" He slipped next to her and waited as she glared at him some more. "How lucky I am to have gotten you to make it for dinner!"**

" **Oh good for you." She spat. "Maybe you'll get luckier and** _ **die**_ **!"**

" **I doubt it, since I'm not a rat." He mock frowned.**

 **Chihaya bit down hard on her lip to keep her grin to herself. Stupid Taichi was playing well; he knew she always broke when he acted stupid on purpose. That was the one thing she couldn't resist. But gathering the last of her wits, she gave him a stern look, with her hands on her hips. "Humans can die of Rat poison too, idiot."**

" **They can?" his jaw slacked. "Do rats die from human poison?"**

" **...I don't know..."**

" **Do humans die of tickles?"**

" **No they—** _ **Taichi, don't!"**_

 **As her squeals rang loudly all through the unit, making everything light up a million times brighter, Taichi knew he was forgiven, and he also knew that he was a goner.**

 **There was no escape. Ever. This would either make or break him. But he was grinning alongside her hysterical giggles bouncing off his walls and resonating in his ears, making the place feel alive. No wonder his apartment seemed lonely when she wasn't around.**

 **Begging and pleading and promising not to get upset again, she somehow managed to stop the torture and gasped for breath. As she clutched a stich in her side, Taichi lifted the lid of the pot...and the smell that hit him was actually, dare he say it,** _ **delicious.**_

" **This actually smells good." He mused, taking another deep breath. "Okay, definitely eatable. What did you do to yourself?!"**

" **Mom's been teaching me a little." She said haughtily and shoved him away so she could fiddle with the bubbling liquid. "And some people here thought I was incompetent..."**

" **Oooh. Big word."**

" **Do want this soup to end up over your head?"**

" **Touchy today, aren't we?" he hummed. Then unexpectedly, Chihaya felt him put an arm around her shoulders. Almost instantly, she shifted into him. "What's wrong, Chihaya?"**

" **Nothing..."**

 **He raised a brow, even though she was facing the pot and not him. "** _ **Really?**_ **We're** __ **doing that right now?"**

 **Chihaya puffed out her cheeks, spooning some soup into her mouth. " Needs salt."**

" **Are you** _ **stalling**_ **, woman?"**

" **I'm making soup." She said patiently. When he opened his mouth to speak again, she shoved a spoonful of the liquid into the opening instead and watched as he wrenched it away and swallowed. There were tears in his eyes.**

" **You burned my tongue!"**

" **Sorry." She said, not sounding sorry at all. "Is everything okay?"**

" **I can't feel my palette anymore."**

" **Your what?"**

" **My** _ **palette.**_ **You know, the—nevermind." He said hastily, seeing her confused expression. "Is it done yet?"**

" **Gimme a minute or two." Chihaya walked over to the fridge and rummaged around the little vegetable box, searching.**

 **Taichi slipped onto the counter, waiting, and wondering. Watching her carefully, he didn't see any obvious indications that she was upset, but there was** _ **something**_ **wrong. And he would find out why soon.**

 **As she threw little stuff in and stirred the bubbling broth, Taichi simply waited in silence, and it was fine at first until she caught his glance once, and then it was all dropping spoons and faltering moves and that only confirmed his suspicions that something was wrong.**

 **Except, not what he was thinking. The poor girl was just flustered.**

 **Now who's the dense one?**

 **Attempting to relay calm, he tried for small talk, settling for the stereotypical topic girls liked to discuss, even though it made him terribly uncomfortable. "You know, one of our friends has a crush on one of our other friends."**

 **Chihaya dropped the egg and it splattered on the counter.**

 **Taichi hopped down confusedly. "Are you alright?"**

" **F-fine. Sorry, I've got this." She grabbed a wet cloth and set to work, shooing him back to the counter. "W-who were you talking about?"**

" **Kazuto." He said casually, sliding back onto the counter. He saw her pause, and her shoulders sagged. "Rin's kind of obvious."**

" **She's known him for a long time...I don't think its just a crush."**

" **But the boy's oblivious."**

" **Is he?"**

" **Yup. No idea."**

" **S-so does he like Ri-chan back...?"**

" **...good question. Maybe. Maybe not. I haven't really seen him give out any...um...signals."**

" **So she's wasting her time?"**

" **I..er...don't know about that...man, this is awkward to talk about. How do girls do it?!"**

" **Yeah, why** _ **are**_ **we talking about this again?" she asked weakly. "I thought you didn't like to meddle in other people's love lives."**

" **I don't." He shrugged, eyes trained on her form hunched over the pot. " But you're jittery and upset for some reason and I had to try** _ **something**_ **."**

 **Chihaya softened, putting the lid back on the simmering soup for a minute, before removing her apron and facing him with crossed arms and a chewed-on lip.**

" **Two reasons." She relented. Holding up one finger, she took a breath, words shaky, but she spat it out. "I can't work properly when you keep looking at me."**

 **His head cocked to the side confusedly. "As in...like right before? Is** _ **that**_ **why you were—?" He frowned. "Why?"**

 _ **Really?**_ **Chihaya swallowed and shrugged. "I'm trying something new and you were already sceptical about it... so I got nervous."**

 **He bought the lie for once. "Okay. And second reason?"**

 **Chihaya blinked down at the floor. She turned slowly to turn down the flame, give the soup a final stir and then proceeded to take it away from the stove. The question hung in the air, but Taichi hopped down swiftly to help, taking the pot from her hands and moving to the table while she brought out the bowls and the spoons and whatnot. Distracted, but quiet, they settled down to eat, and had even muttered 'Ittadakimasu' and began to dig in for a good few minutes before the boy lost his patience and he probed her again.**

" **Chihaya?"**

 **She swallowed, and then leaned back against the chair. "Chitose seems to be having problems."**

" **Oh." He retreated. "Is it...personal?"**

" **There's no** _ **personal**_ **from you." Chihaya waved a haphazard hand. "I think she's breaking up with her boyfriend."**

 **Not exactly very comfortable discussing another person's private life so freely, Taichi fidgeted, but let her say it anyway; maybe she would feel better after?**

 **Chihaya poked at her bowl forlornly. "When I called her up, it seemed like she was with him already...and I thought—" her cheeks reddened suddenly and his pulse skipped in response. "—I-I mistook it f-for—"**

 **Cottoning on, he hid a faint grin. "I get it. Go on." He said softly.**

 **Shooting him a grateful smile, she continued. " But then she said something else and it seemed like...like he was going to call it quits..."**

" **What did she say? "Taichi frowned.**

 **Chihaya paused. How was she supposed to relate** _ **that**_ **to him again?**

" **She said...she said that sometimes, you needed to show them how much you care..." and then she hastily grabbed another branch. "You know Chitose, she can be really cold and bossy sometimes. She's not very..."**

" **Expressive." He nodded, eyes clearing. "I see. So the boyfriend feels that she doesn't care?"**

" **Probably." Chihaya muttered, shoving another spoonful of the soup into her mouth. "I think its more than that. They've been having a rough time...work getting in the way and everything. Maybe its just not working anymore. My sister isn't the most understanding person in the world..."**

 **He frowned down at his bowl for a second, before letting it go and then smiling at her a tad softer than normal. "You're all wise and worldly, aren't you, making deep observations?"**

 **She flushed a little and his heart lurched again.** _ **Oh wonderful. And I was doing so well.**_ **Chihaya quickly ducked her head into her bowl. "I was just saying what I figured out...quit making fun of me already."**

" **Like I said, Touchy today, Ayase."**

" **You mean book worm."**

" **I wasn't making fun of you, I was just stating something." He said firmly. A warm smile flickered on his face, making Chihaya pause her breathing for a second. "I'm actually happy about that. You've gotten terribly insightful, Chihaya. That's great."**

 **A little pink, she glanced back at her bowl. "B-but if I'm changing too much, won't I be a different person?"**

 **The underlying question reverberated in her head strongly. So loud she suspected he could hear it.** _ **What if I've changed so much that I'm not the same person you loved?**_

 **Taichi only smiled, warm and reassuring and slightly chiding. She felt him flick her forehead across the table and warmth exploded in her chest at the familiar action.**

" **Fool." He grinned. "Of course you're still you! All that's changed is that you've lifted your head from the tatami and started looking around. Trust me,** _ **nothing**_ **bad can come out of that. You're growing up and paying attention to people around you. Everyone can see what a kind and caring person you are now. This is just you being the real you, Chihaya. You're not** _ **changing,**_ **just...polishing yourself."**

 **She sucked in a breath.**

 **That answered a lot of her buried queries and little insecurities. Seeing him appreciate the fact that she was opening her eyes to the rest of the world answered the biggest question in her head. Her brain cooled down, sank into a pit of cold water and hissed pleasantly.**

 **Now she felt better.**

 **Grinning at the single human being who meant** _ **so**_ **much to her, Chihaya kicked him under the table.**

" **Arigatou."**

" **You have a weird way of showing your gratitude." He hissed, leaning down to rub his injured ankle. "Normal human females would've just said thank you and maybe given me something** _ **nicer**_ **than a kick! But oh no," he muttered darkly "** _ **I**_ **had to get stuck with the half-alien!"**

 **She giggled, stomach fluttering at his scowl. "The kick was for drinking up all the soup without letting me know how it was." Her smile faltered slightly and turned accusing, "Did you even like it?"**

 **Forgetting about his throbbing ankle, Taichi nodded, wide eyed. "Of course I did! I wouldn't have swallowed everything otherwise,** _ **baka**_ **. You did great!"**

 **She smiled.**

 **He raised his glass. "The soup was a treat to my taste buds."**

 **Chihaya beamed.**

" **Kudos to Chieko 'Ba-chan for making a butterfly out of the ugliest caterpillar on the tree—OUCH!"**

" **You** _ **begged**_ **for that one, Mashima Taichi! And I'm not done yet! Hey, sit down!"**

 **The old lady and her grumpy Persian cat in the neighbouring unit looked up from their knitting at the very faint sounds of muffled yelling and exclamations of apology from next door. The old woman smiled at her cat, who blinked back blankly. " It sounds fun over there doesn't it? Youth."**

 **The cat spared her a long look before putting its head pack on its paws, boredom on its face, clearly saying** _ **Justh knith, hooman. I have betther things thu doo than sail on your ship...**_

 **It wasn't very fun, pulling up in front of her apartment, because Chihaya was nervous as hell.**

" **Will you relax?" Taichi killed the engine for a while, knowing she wasn't about to hop out immediately. "It's just Chitose, Chihaya."**

" **B-but she's never actually had such a...problem before."**

" **I bet she has. You were just oblivious."**

 **She winced. "Yeesh. Stab me right in the throat, why don't you?!"**

 **He shot her a weary grin, twisting to face the pale faced young woman. "Just a statement...again."**

 **Chihaya frowned, poking at the dash board. "It's different this time. We're alone together, and Onee-chan's never been so serious about any of her other boyfriends..."**

 **He sobered immediately. Now a little worried about the older woman, he frowned too. "Really?"**

 **Chihaya nodded. " They've been together since...hmm...almost a year. She must be really upset."**

 **Taichi fixed her with a calm look. "This is assuming they** _ **have**_ **broken up. Maybe its not that at all."**

" **M-maybe." She allowed, shrugging.**

 **A moment's silence prevailed in the car, before a Taichi sighed softly.**

" **Just give her some support, Chihaya. I bet that's all she needs." He smiled at her when she looked up hopefully. "She's not expecting you to have a solution or something..."**

" **But I feel like I** _ **should.**_ **She's my sister..."**

 **He shook his head. "You have zero experience. It would be stupid to try and offer advice. Just sit down with her and let her talk."**

 **Chihaya looked thoughtful. "Wait...** _ **you**_ **have experience."**

 **He raised his eyes to the roof, and shifted his body away from her. "That wasn't even** _ **serious.**_ **You saw how I was after breaking it off."**

" **Awfully impassive." She shuddered.**

 **Taichi narrowed his eyes at her for a second. "I'm sorry, should I have shed a few tears and run back to her instead?"**

 **Stomach twisting uncomfortably, Chihaya rapidly shook her head immediately. "No."**

 **He rolled his eyes. "I didn't even** _ **like**_ **her much. I'm just as inexperienced as you are, karuta-baka. Chitose just needs company. Go and sit down with her and make her some dinner or something."**

 **Chihaya brightened at that. "That's an idea. I bet I have some ramen at home!"**

" **She likes Ramen?" he muttered confusedly.**

 **Brimming with enthusiasm and determination once again, Chihaya nodded. "Everyone has their own comfort food, after all, Mr Iced Coffee—"**

 **He cringed.**

"— **and Ramen is Chitose's and I know just what to do!"**

 **Chihaya unbuckled her seatbelt hastily, and reached behind to grab her bag. "Wish me luck."**

" **You won't need it." He said firmly. "Just lend her your ears, that's probably all she needs, Chihaya."**

 **Slowing down, as she unlocked the door, Chihaya felt the unmistakable hook in her stomach. That non-existent chord again.**

 **It was attached to the car seat, or maybe to him itself, and it always materialised when their time together was ending. One end was harshly hooked into her stomach, and the other was always somewhere near him, extending as the distance between them expanded, stretching, stretching as they became streets apart, leaving a rather uncomfortable feeling in her chest and tummy.**

 **Until the time came again when he was within her line of sight, and the cord would loosen and relax and her stomach would feel okay again. And her face would stretch into a happy grin.**

 **But right now, it was here again, and Chihaya prepared herself for hours of phantom heaviness inside, sometimes up in her thorax, sometimes down in her abdomen.**

 **Frowning a little at the remerging feeling, she pursed her lips and fell back into the seat, giving him a look.**

 **Taichi remained oblivious to the lasso he had around her gut, and blinked confusedly. "What's wrong? Do you need to go shopping for ingredients or something...?"**

 **Suddenly reminded of Chitose, Chihaya shook herself out of it for the time being and smiled a little. "No, I have everything, I think. I had fun today!"**

 **He made a face. "And I had lots of pain. My ankle, my ears, my stomach—you have a mean right hook."**

" **You taught me, Kung fu Panda." She snorted. "Remember?"**

" **That was a long time ago." He grinned as he reminisced. "And I wasn't doing Kung fu, it was Judo."**

" **Judo Panda?"**

" **I'm a human."**

" _ **Are**_ **you?" she feigned surprise. "I always thought you were a Taichi." She grinned at his eye-roll. " A different species."**

 **Taichi only sighed.**

 **There was a flash of lightning, making both of them start and glance up at the sky through the window.**

" **It looks like its gonna pour." Taichi mumbled.**

 **Chihaya watched the sky flash again, illuminating the dome above for a split second. She liked watching it. Rain made her excited. She felt more in tune with herself for some reason, more...happy, cozy. It was one of her favourite seasons, and watching the raindrops patter against her window, wrapped in a blanket with the poems floating in the air was a private moment of utter contentment, a feeling she only got in one single other place...which was somewhere currently around the driver's seat.**

 **And she wanted to see what would happen if she merged both of those together. Maybe some day, but not now.**

 **Turning to Taichi, she smiled warmly. "Drive safe."**

 **He scoffed. "I'm always careful."**

 _ **Yes you are. "**_ **Does it annoy you if I keep saying it?"**

" **Yes."**

" **Then I'm doing it. DRIIIIVE SAAAAFEE—and don't stay up for too long, okay?"**

" **Yes, mother."**

 **She attempted to scowl at him. There was another rumble in the sky, and Chihaya felt her head already turn mellow at the incoming whoosh of rain, the smell of it hitting the sand. She grinned, a little dazedly at that, and impulsively pressed a kiss to the unsuspecting young man's cheek.**

 **Dangerously close to his mouth.**

 **He gasped lightly at the wild lurch in his chest.**

 **Chihaya grinned at the happy bubbles in her own chest, the heaviness somewhere in her stomach at the feel of unexpectedly soft skin under her lips.**

" **See you later, Judo Panda."**

 **He managed to nod and watched her step out of the car and skip into her apartment with a spring in her step and a final grin and wave thrown his way.**

 **Rain fell in torrents just as Taichi eased the car into his parking slot, and Chihaya walked about in the kitchen, slaving away at some perfect Ramen while Chitose waited with a blank face. Buckets and buckets of water poured from the sky, and people ran to take cover and save themselves from an early bath. The chord stretching from the fancier apartment to the littler one materialised once, flashing in the lightning from above, and its occupants at either end drowned themselves in their tasks, ignoring the nagging feeling of slight emptiness somewhere deep inside, with Taichi shoving it away with a reluctant glare as if it was bothersome, and Chihaya accepting it warmly, but gently putting it aside for the night.**

 **The rain was whooshing outside, making a racket; howling wind and patter of drops against windows, roofs, tin sheets. Honking of cars and splashing of speeding tires on the film of water on the road. Everyone was busy.**

 **But inside the little apartment the sisters shared, sounds muffled as if plugged by a pair of socks in your ears.**

 **Chihaya plastered a smile on her face as she set down the hot pot of Ramen on the table, and waved a hand. "Ta-da! Dig in, Onee-chan!"**

" **What about you?" Chitose asked blankly, picking up her chopsticks. "Aren't you hungry?"**

 **Chihaya shook her head, settling down opposite her sister gingerly. "I ate already."**

 **For a second, the blank look on the elder sibling's face was replaced by a faint teasing grin. "I see...so that's how far you've gotten. Dinner."**

 **Chihaya jolted, her ears burning. "Onee-chan, it's not what you think! We have dinner together all the time!"**

" **Ah...but things are a little different now, ne?"**

" **It feels the same to me." Chihaya blinked. "What's so different? Its still Taichi."**

" **And that's where you're lucky, sis. Its always better if you're comfortable around him. " Chitose sighed, blowing on her bowl. The steam lifted in front of her face, obscuring her face a little, so Chihaya missed her tight eyes despite the light tone she had adopted.**

 **Sensing a thick silence approaching, Chihaya quickly switched to another topic. "You know what? Our festival's going to be a blast! Make sure you come at least one day, okay?"**

 **Chitose swallowed before nodding. "I will. This fair...how long is it?"**

" **Three days." Chihaya said immediately, smiling. "We're putting up posters from tomorrow. There's gonna be an ad in the papers too! And of course, your studio buddies have to come." She giggled. "Smart move, wasn't it?"**

" **Yeah, yeah, your boyfriend's a genius." Chitose rolled her eyes, oblivious to her sister's flush. "Speaking of whom...how is he?"**

" **He's better, I think." Chihaya said quietly, watching her sister slowly lose all the light again and dim into a shell. "O-onee-chan...are you...alright?"**

 **Chitose took her time, swallowing a large mouthful of ramen, almost on purpose to avoid answering the question. As the steam clouded before her face again, Chihaya's anxiety grew and she resisted the urge to swipe it away so she could gauge her sister's expression.**

 **But the only thing that gave anything away was the still present tightening of her darker auburn eyes, and Chihaya felt her hands go clammy.**

 **Taking a sip of water and pushing away her bowl a little, Chitose set down her chopsticks. Her eyes remained trained on the light steam ascending from the hot broth. " I didn't break up with Kenji-kun."**

 **Chihaya almost smiled and sighed in relief but her movements paused when Chitose spoke again.**

" **...But I might've made everything a big mess."**

 **The younger girl sat silently, waiting, as her sister stared diligently at the bowl in front of her. Chitose sounded quiet but crisp. "When you grow up, Chihaya, a lot of things change. If you don't really progress with time, you're going to lag behind, and things will fall apart before you know it. Nothing is easy anymore. Its not just you and yourself. People around you won't just stick with you just because they love you unconditionally— that's something only parents are capable of. If you want other relationships...you have to learn to work for them.**

 **You need to expand your priorities. If you want someone special, you need to put them first as far as you can. And that's mandatory because otherwise, they pull away. We're all humans after all. Everybody needs reassurance once in a while that they're cared for, loved. And for people you hold close to your heart, you need to let them know how much they mean to you.** _ **You**_ **might know fully well how important someone is to you...but if you don't show it, they're naturally going to think— as absurd as it is— that you simply don't care** _ **enough.**_ **And there's nothing you can do about if they close themselves off permanently."**

 **Chihaya swallowed a huge lump in her throat. Her nose stung as an indication on incoming tears. "O-Onee-chan.." she whispered. "Is that— did this happen to you a-and—"**

" **Yes it did." Chitose said, rather calmly. She picked up her chopsticks again, slowly, and pulled the bowl towards herself. A sigh escaped her. The beautiful face was partly hidden behind her hair, so Chihaya couldn't see the clenched jaw and wet auburn orbs.**

 **Chitose took a deep shaky breath. But she would say it. She would** _ **not**_ **let her sister do something as stupid as her. Not when there was such a huge chance for her to find what every woman wants in her life. She wouldn't lose that under Chitose's watch, oh** _ **no.**_

" **When you grow up," she began again, her voice cracking a little but she swiftly cleared her throat. "When you grow up, there are tons of other things in your life. Your studies, you job. What you want to do with yourself. You begin to find yourself, and along the way some of us are lucky enough to find that other person too. But its not always easy. No matter how well you gel together or how** _ **meant to be**_ **it is, things always get in the way. Both of you are only humans, after all. Insecurities, tensions, strain from different aspects of life...all these things work at clawing away the bond you might've begun to form...and the victory of your relationship over harsh realities will only be if you learn to** _ **give,**_ **Chihaya, instead of take.**

 **I screwed up. Royally, at that. He pampered me, made me feel like a queen, and I took that for granted." She smiled a little. Lifting her sparkling eyes to her stunned, pale sister, she reached for the younger girls hand.**

 **Seeking warmth.**

" **I know how much he means to me." She muttered. "I always knew. But I never showed him. I never gave as much as he did. And at first he was fine with that, because he knew I cared but then I took advantage of his trust. I continued to be a selfish, conceited bitch. He saw through that, he made me feel like a good, sensitive** _ **woman,**_ **but instead of growing up and manifesting those qualities, I remained the child I was. Still selfish, still self absorbed. We fought a lot these last two months because, you know how busy I was, and Kenji-kun always had meetings. We both grew busy with our jobs. And I forgot that it wasn't just me anymore. I began to expect him to still stay with me even after I became snotty, and mean at times with stress from work. We had trouble meting up and spending time. He was busy, so was I. And when we did spend time, I channelled all my frustrations with life onto him, and** _ **still**_ **expected him to stay by me. I had no right to do that.**

 **Because he's a person too. And this relationship thing always only works both ways, Chihaya. You need to give. Not just take. I never gave him enough. And he tried, really tried to be happy with what I did manage to toss him, but in the end, I guess he needed a break. He felt like I had lost respect for him. And I can't blame him, I** _ **did**_ **take his affections for granted.**

 **Never ever do that. Ever. Be selfless. If you know he's special, give him everything you have. Be understanding, make his problems your own. Don't do what I did...don't ever be that stupid."**

 **Chihaya watched with wide eyes as Chitose swiftly wiped at a single tear, before poking around her bowl of Ramen again, which had cooled down by now. Her hand left her younger sister's slowly, and when she peeked, Chihaya was pale and wide eyed. And in tears.**

 **Breaking out of her moments of pain, Chitose flinched at her unmoving companion. Maybe she had said too much? Was it too big for Chihaya's still developing mind to take?**

 **But the younger sibling was frozen because she actually** _ **understood**_ **what her sister had been talking about. She could imagine. She could see how it would've destroyed a beautiful blooming companionship.**

 **Chihaya blinked when Chitose patted her hand uneasily. "Oi, airhead. You alive?"**

" **I-I'm just a little surprised, Onee-chan." The younger woman exhaled softly, looking down at the table. She laughed shakily. "I didn't even notice you were going through so much..."**

" **You had other things on you mind." Chitose said haphazardly. "Don't sweat it, I'm fine now."**

" **Are you?"**

 **The elder girl smiled into her bowl. "I made a mistake. I learned my lesson. He's giving me another chance soon, Chihaya. Its not over. I'm not letting this slip away ever again."**

 **Chihaya sighed in relief. "I'm glad to hear that!"**

 **Chitose nodded. "I know how to make things right the next time...and I may be slow in changing but we're not giving up on ourselves." She looked up at her sister. "You especially, need to be sensitive. Taichi is training to be a bloody** _ **doctor**_ **and it doesn't get more gruelling than that. He's going to be busy."**

" **I know." Chihaya muttered. "He was away last week as well."**

" **Already?!" Chitose blinked in surprise. "Wow. So you know it's going to be hectic from now..."**

" **I do. But he's off saving lives, Onee-chan." A bright admiring smile lit her entire face up and Chitose watched in surprise. Because there was wisdom on her younger sister's face and** _ **that**_ **was as foreign as it gets. "My problems will never ever be as big as that! And I already know his workaholic tendencies. I've seen it through high school after all." Her eyes rolled. "Besides, I learned** _ **my**_ **lesson a long while ago. There's no way I'm taking him for granted** _ **ever. But...**_ **but thanks. For telling me all that. For sharing. I know you were trying to protect me from- from what you're going through and I appreciate that." A warm, sparkly eyed smile lit up her white face. "Arigatou, Onee-chan. I'll keep it in mind. And see? You're already thinking about people you love...you tried to protect me even though speaking about this was so hard for you. "**

 **Chitose sat, stunned as Chihaya shot her a blindingly incandescent smile before standing up and heading into the kitchen to make them some tea.**

 **The elder sibling suddenly felt unbelievably immature in comparison to her little sister. The same little sister who used to be the biggest airhead on Earth, but right now stood polished and steady and calm, drawing Chitose and her jumbled mind towards her. But** _ **Chihaya? Mature**_ **? That wasn't a combination she would've ever even dreamed of...and yet here it was in the flesh. She knew what had caused her little sister to change so drastically. She had been there after all, and now that she thought about it, maybe she needn't have tried to protect Chihaya.**

 **She seemed to have a good idea of what she had right in front of her. And Chitose smiled wearily into her bowl of Ramen, heart at ease, congratulating a certain someone in her head for accomplishing the impossible— albeit unintentionally— and making Chihaya look up from those bloody cards of hers.** _ **You and your genuine feelings are doing wonders, Mashima Taichi. Don't stop just yet.**_


	9. Chapter 9

UPDATE! MANGA REVEIW!

Okay so...manga's driving me CRAZY. Do you guys know what happened to me?

There I was, reading the chapter 173, I think. Arata won the individual tournaments and Komano just blurted out his feelings for Kana chan and she's talking about _seaweed salt_ and then Chihaya suddenly just— she remembers Arata confessing. That heart wrenching scene every Taichi supporter pales at. And then she's rushing off, to find the megane-baka and I can't _breathe_ because I'm so _scared_ andthen _—_

My internet crashes.

It just quits on me. I was suspended in between a groan and a gasp from before but there was no more internet. No more manga.

And then I was caught up in this fic...so I sorta forgot about it.

Until _now_ when I remembered and checked and— did you guys _see that?_

Those moments! Those painfully obvious moments when I really thought it was over. We were done for.

Arata going red and supporting characters talking about passion of youth and crap as they watched the Wataya prodigy and the airhead interact...

But then Chihaya shone through. She gave him a reply alright, but not the one I was dreading. I felt so much relief right then that I wanted to grab the girl and hug her. Chihaya came out with her usual neither here nor there answer. About Karuta. And Arata was disappointed I think, but he told her he's going to be closer...and as long as they have Karuta, they'll cross paths again so she doesn't have to tell him how she feels right now. And he left.

And then there was that picture of Chihaya staring after him with the flowing hair and wind and hand clenched to her chest and I almost cried because it looked like...like she—I can't even say it.

And reluctantly I moved to the next chapter, because I couldn't _not_ read it now... and there he was within the first few pages.

Taichi. ^_^

And it was exactly as I imagined it to be. Chihaya was dealing with insecurities regarding her future studies and the Queen match...whether she should put one thing on hold for the other for a year...and she's cleaning the club room when he walks in and BAM! They're working together again and being funny and just...themselves. I couldn't stop the warmth in my heart. It was amazing, their friendship.

And then, later, as they were sitting together in the Karaoke bar, (long story, read the manga) Chihaya thinks about Taichi not quitting Karuta... and Arata's words again: they'll always cross paths as long as they keep playing.

That obviously means there's going to be more tangled up feelings, but in this last chapter, Taichi-Chihaya relationship looked wonderful. Perfect.

Oh, Kana chan looked so _adorable_ with the new hairstyle! Again, go read it to find out.

And predictably, Chihaya told Taichi all about her earlier predicament...the indecision. And he gave her the perfect answer, which was again, vague, but judging by her reaction, she loved it.

They're at Chihaya's place right now, watching a special program on TV featuring the Meijin and Queen—a program Taichi reminded her about in response to her confiding in him .

I'm blissfully eating icecream. Grinning. Like an idiot.

Because I'm not losing hope for them after that little chapter. No way. Not yet.

Chihaya is taking her time with everything. And for once, I'm thankful to Suetsugu sensei because for some reason, I feel like both the boys are on an equal footing here, and in the end, we can't predict anything and the development is going to be slow and steady and genuine. And there lies the truth.

So I'm going to keep hoping. And I'll hope _strong._

On with the story. Phew! Thanks for reading all that and listening to me rant.

Jill makes a reappearance. Remember her? Will it get ugly?

Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru.

 **Stepping into his house, his real one, where his mom and sister now were, he froze at the speakers blaring—was that really—?**

'— _Something's gotta give now..._

 _Cuz I'm dying just to make you see..._

 _That I need you here with me now..._

 _Cuz you got that, one—"_

 **He slapped his hands over his ears. "RIKA!"**

 **There was a startled squeal and then One Direction stopped, mercifully. Taichi cautiously removed his hands and glared up at the staircase, where sure enough, his now perfectly fine little sister was timidly stepping out.**

" **Ehehehe..." she gave him a sheepish wave. "Okaeri, Onii-chan."**

" **Explain yourself, young lady."**

 **She cringed. "I didn't know you were coming or I would've switched it off!"**

" **You** _ **knew**_ **I was going to be here any second...don't lie, Rika. Were to trying to make my ears bleed?!"**

 **She shot him a pout. "They're not that bad..."**

 **He opened his mouth to correct her, but just then, Rieko Mashima stepped out of the kitchen and smiled. "To each their own, Taichi. Okaeri. Come in and sit down while she gets ready."**

 **Still not getting over his surprise at his mother's new** _ **open mindedness,**_ **he removed his shoes, shooting his sister a glance. She was already rushing back inside. Taichi sighed and muttered. "Tadaima."**

 **Rika had asked him to teach her how to play** _ **soccer**_ **of all things, but refused to explain** _ **why**_ **. He had been nipping in at times and they'd gone over the basic stuff. Today was goal keeping. Taichi had a** _ **million**_ **different things to do for the quickly approaching festival, but he managed to spare her an hour or two. A precious hour or two that he paid for dearly later but he still showed up.**

 **Rika bounded down the stairs as he sipped his tea calmly, listening to his mother talk. Apparently his father would show up sometime soon that day, and he hoped it would be before he left. The younger girl tugged at his arm impatiently so he abandoned his tea, tossed her the ball and followed her into the backyard where there was a temporary goal post set up for the day.**

 **Fiddling with the ball and checking to see if he still had his touch, Taichi found himself messing with it and reminiscing, with a smile when he still had perfect control over the black and white sphere of joy. Rika watched him shoot perfectly into the goal, once, twice, thrice and then she smiled a little too. "Show off."**

 **He snorted and sent the ball flying into the net again. " To impress** _ **you**_ **? Not likely, sister."**

 **Rolling her eyes, she slipped on a pair of gloves, his old pair that he had managed to keep safe for memories' sake. Pulling her hair back into a pony tail, Rika clapped her hands together, testing them. She glanced up at her big brother. "I'm ready."**

 **Taichi gestured for her to back up and stand in front if the goalpost. "Alright. Knees apart. A little more, Rika. Lean forward. Hands up and ready...Good. I'll start slow alright? Just keep your eyes on the ball."**

 **Gently kicking the ball into the net, he watched Rika unsuccessfully try to grab it, and sighed.**

 **This would be a long day.**

 **They were at it for hours. Taichi didn't exactly enjoy these little baby kicks. He did miss playing soccer and not being able to send the ball zipping like a bullet into the net was a** _ **little**_ **unsettling, but he pushed it away. He would have to vent his restlessness later in the gym. Rika was sweating and covered in dust, her shorts all dirty. He suspected her hands were smarting from the few balls she** _ **had**_ **managed to defend...by slapping it away with absolute terror on her face.**

 **She was completely new to something rough like this. Rika Mashima was a stickler for elegance and poise almost all the time. He simply couldn't understand what possessed her to work like a maniac...at something she wasn't entirely comfortable with.**

 **Panting, the girl doubled over, hands on her knees. "How am I doing?"**

" **No bad." He said, wincing. Okay, so she needed a lot of work but she also needed encouragement. "Rika, saving the goal post means you have throw yourself at the incoming ball, not shrink away from it. That's your problem."**

 **She sighed, weary, and straightened, wiping her forehead on her sleeve. "That's kind of hard. I don't want to get my face smashed."**

" **I won't aim that high. Okay?"**

" **Its still sorta hard..." she frowned, plopping down on the ground, just like that. Taichi watched, surprised. She just willingly got herself more dirty. "How do you do it, Onii-chan?"**

 **He contemplated it, walking over to the littler girl. "I usually imagine the goal post is a lost little puppy. Makes me want to keep the ball away."**

" **A** _ **puppy?"**_

" _ **Yes**_ **, I'm a puppy person; a dog person in general but that's not the point. You need to imagine something like that...might help."**

 **Rika thought hard for a minute. "How about a human?"**

 **Taichi shrugged. "Whatever works."**

 **The girl nodded. "Gran."**

 **Face clearing, he grinned at her faintly. "Nice. Now get up, we have to try again."**

 **Rika huffed and nodded, and he pulled her up. Seeing her wince at his grip on her hands, Taichi suddenly felt uneasy. "Why are you doing this?"**

" **Doing what?" she asked, clenching and unclenching her fingers in an attempt to loosen them up.**

 **Taichi frowned. "This. Sudden soccer fetish. Tell me the truth, Rika. What's going on?"**

 **She paused. Licked her lips. And her breathing turned a tad quicker but she kept her eyes on the ground. "It's just a little whim... You know. I just wanted to give it a try."**

" **Its not. Don't** _ **lie**_ **to me, sister. Spit it out." He said sternly.**

 **Rika winced. "You can't order me around."**

 **He blinked, realising his harsh tone and remedying it. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried, Rika. Your hand hurts, doesn't it?"**

 **She pouted, taking off the gloves. Her palms were tinged bright pink, and she massaged them gingerly. "Nothing I can't handle."**

" **But you don't have to do this...you obviously don't like the game much...so what's going on?"**

 **She refused to look at him, but he caught the red face. The** _ **red**_ **face.**

" **Oh my** _ **God."**_ **He breathed, stumbling back and slapping a hand to his face. "Please tell me this isn't for a** _ **boy!"**_

 **Rika snapped her head up, looking alarmed. "Will you be quiet?! Mom's inside!"**

" **So it is?! Rika, what the** _ **hell?"**_ **he dropped the ball sharply and glared. "What do you think you're doing?"**

 **She glared at him, and to his horror, her eyes were sparkling with little tears. "Oh sure, shout at me. Maybe it** _ **is**_ **for a boy. We have nothing in common but I wanted to make an effort to understand the things he does! Is that so** _ **wrong?!"**_

 **He bit his cheek, surprised. Feeling very, very bad, Taichi cooled down instantly. "N-No. But this boy is...special enough for you to go against your nature? Let's face it Rika you hate dirt."**

" **Yes he is." She aid stubbornly, cheeks burning and eyes watery. But she glared at her brother. "Do you know how many girls our grade play soccer? We're complete opposites! If I don't have** _ **something**_ **in common with him—" she cut off, growing increasingly red.**

 **Taichi tried to grab his bearings. Really. "So let me put this in simpler words. You have a** _ **crush**_ **." He said weakly.**

 **Rika went so red, he was afraid she might faint. Her scowl gave way to a nervous frown. But she nodded slightly.**

 **Exhaling, the elder sibling rubbed the back of his neck. "And he's a soccer player. So you're trying to learn the game so you can get his attention?"**

 **She went back to scowling. "That makes me sound pathetic!"**

 **Taichi softened. Abruptly pulling her into a loose hug, he smiled a little at the whole thing.**

 **She was almost doing the same thing he had once done.**

" **It's not pathetic." He said softly, watching her pout at the other glove still on her hand. He pulled it away. "Its okay to want to share interests...you have the right idea, you need to have something in common...but not always, Rika. Besides, you're still young!"**

" **I knew you'd say that." She grumbled at her hand.**

" **I have to. I'm your** _ **brother,**_ **I have half a mind to find out who this kid is and have a nice long chat with him. But I won't." He added quickly, noticing Rika's alarmed expression. "I won't do anything of that sort...just as long as you promise not to change yourself for** _ **anyone**_ **." He shook his head at her light protest. "No, he's** _ **not**_ **worth it just yet. Hell, you're not even old enough to have thought so deep in the first place, but I won't blame you." He prodded her red cheek. "Chin up. Rika Mashima never crumbles so easily. Not for some** _ **boy."**_

" **I'm not crumbling..." she mumbled hesitantly. Taichi rolled his eyes.**

" **No? Then why are you so worried about not being good enough?" he grimaced at her little gasp—and he knew he had touched a nerve. "Isn't that why you're trying so hard?"**

" **How do you know?" she muttered, looking at him with wide eyes.**

 **Taichi shrugged, and smiled. "I'm a wise old man."**

 **The girl frowned back at her pink hand. She wiggled her fingers, as if testing them out. "I didn't want to play...but then I thought, I had to do** _ **something**_ **. If you're not trying, or being earnest..." she shook her head, clearing it. Rika looked back up at her elder brother and he felt the little prickles of protectiveness flare inside at her wet eyes and frown.** _ **I'm definitely finding out who this kid is.**_ **The girl bit her lip. "Am I being stupid?"**

" **No." He said firmly, putting an arm around her neck and pulling her into his abdomen. "You're just being a...human. That's okay. Its okay that you're trying but if you don't feel like you have at least** _ **some**_ **liking for soccer, drop it. You need to be yourself. I'm sure he'll appreciate your effort one day if he's** _ **meant to,**_ **but for now** _ **,**_ **don't feel so inferior to other girls who you think stand a better chance. Hey, maybe he doesn't even** _ **like**_ **sporty girls that way. I bet you they're probably just friends. I bet you he'd really like you if you're just yourself."**

 **Rika took a moment to eat his words. And then she sighed, sagged into him and threw her glove on the ground.**

 **Taichi beamed.**

" **I guess it was futile anyway. Soccer." She clarified. "But I had to try."**

" **And you tried hard...okay, here, I'll say it** _ **:**_ **I'm proud of you."**

 **A grin split across her face. "Sorry, what was that? I didn't hear you."**

" **Nope. I said it once. Never again." He grinned back. Ruffling her hair wildly, making the girl shriek, he pulled away from her. "That's the end of that. Can we go back inside?"**

" **Gladly." Rika breathed, starting forward gracefully. Taichi followed, thinking about a nice cool shower. Rika eyed him from the side. "Onii-chan."**

" **Yeah?"**

" **Thanks." She turned away, a little pink.**

" **I'm sorry, what was that?" he grinned, "I didn't hear you."**

" **I'm not saying it again." She stuck her tongue out at him in a terribly un-Rika fashion, but it made him smile. She returned it. "If I ever need help...I can just come and find you right?"**

" **Of course." He aid immediately. "Keep your head high, okay?"**

 **She nodded firmly in reply. Together, the siblings re-entered their kitchen with happy sighs at the cool house. They didn't notice the figure sitting on the chair with a cup of tea in his hand.**

" **Can someone explain** _ **why**_ **my kids are so dusty?"**

" **Dad!" Forgetting she was muddy, Rika launched herself at her father, who caught her happily, not fretting about the brown stains on his suit now. The man grinned at Taichi over her head and the young man returned it.**

 **Showers could wait.**

 **There were times when Chihaya wanted to grab Taichi by his stupidly handsome face. The straight nose and sharp jaws and wonderfully thick and long eyelashes adding a hypnotic outline to the already inviting pair of amber eyes...**

 **And smash it into a wall.**

 **Like now.**

 **Maybe a broken nose would make him a lot less appealing and she'd finally have some** _ **PEACE!**_

 **Shaking her head rapidly to push away murderous thoughts, Chihaya blatantly ignored the high pitched squeals and exaggerated giggles around them and worked furiously on stapling together the poster, catalogue and little map they were handing out to people, safe behind her little stall. The first day of the festival and they were only an hour into the opening. Chihaya and Arata had a demo in the afternoon, and she was supposed to get ready for that, but they had run out of these little stapled handouts and they needed to get a little more people inside, so she volunteered to help because Taichi was starting to look a little stressed out. Most of the things had been on his perfectly broad shoulders, the idiot having taken** _ **everything**_ **from Harada sensei's hands and into his own, sending the old man scurrying into a corner from a bared-teeth glare when he tried to protest. Taichi had been awfully careful about their Karuta sensei lately.**

 **That made her think there was something going on that she didn't know...but Chihaya resolved to find it out later.**

 **And her best friend was looking pushed to the edge. Since he had a busy first few months in college, Taichi had been compensating his inability to help out properly with the procedures for the fair during the day time by working at night. Pinning up posters, doing charts etc, etc was all finished in the later hours. And often, Chihaya had tiptoed into his apartment early in the morning, (she happened to know the passcode, just to check up on him because** _ **everyone**_ **had been a little worried) and saw him fast asleep over the little coffee table with paper and pens and files all over the place...and Taichi was usually organised to the dot. Many mornings those months had begun that way, with her shaking him awake and managing to load some caffeine into his system, which took some time because he was usually very disoriented because of the lack of sleep. She would've found it funny, Taichi mismatching socks, but her grins were usually weary and tinged with concern. Because she was beginning to get really worried about his unthinking workaholism. Sometimes he had absolutely no thought that if he didn't give his body some rest, he would probably collapse or something. She had tried jabbing at his male ego, asking him if he wanted to faint one day like a** _ **girl,**_ **and that seemed to have worked for a few days but then he went back to ignoring everything she said like a pro. Sometimes she was frustrated, but mostly just worried. He drove them both to college after that, all alert eyes and pale faced as the coffee did its wonders by the time they had to get to class.**

 **He didn't do it** _ **all**_ **the time, he argued, just when he had things to get done. But Chihaya always wondered, wouldn't he only get more busy with med school later? Harada Sensei told her they had postings or something...sometimes at night. What then?**

 **She suddenly realised, now that she was a little more intricately woven into the boy's everyday, he would eventually** _ **need**_ **someone to take care of him if he keeps this ignorance up.**

 **Funny how he was so attentive to** _ **everything**_ **else; just look at how much attention he paid to her! So much that a single unnamed flicker in her mood and** _ **wham,**_ **there comes the suspicious glance and the eventual enquiry, all within seconds.**

 **She was going to do it, gently pull away the wrong sock and hand him the matching one, because making him drop his obsession to push himself to the limit wasn't going to work. All she could do was help make it easier. No matter what crap he tried to pull to push her away. It felt** _ **right,**_ **giving him a fragment of what he gave her. It felt right and it made her happy.**

 **Back to the festival, they had already opened up, but things were slow and the members of the society were looking nervous at the lack of people filing in. Harada Sensei reassured them that it was because it was so early; people would eventually come out of their homes a little later.**

 **But then someone had come up the oh so brilliant idea to make the Taichi and Chihaya the unofficial mascots to attract people** _ **somehow**_ **and dressed them up and shoved them into the streets.**

 **Thus her best friend's wonderful crisp black shirt and jeans and the million dollar smile and hair which was attracting a lot of attention and also** _ **giving her a headache.**_ **It didn't exactly help that he had shot up another few centimetres, and the essence of his face had morphed into a sort of harder, sculpted look, with just a tinge of lingering teenage softness.**

 **He was gorgeous, scarily so. It was illegal to look so sophisticated and heart stopping at the same time.**

 **She didn't like it...**

 **...that other people noticed this particular detail as well.**

 **And then there was the fact that he always had an air of level headedness and the polite smile. He drew people to him like ants to a large chunk of cake.**

 **The only thing which kept her hanging onto sanity from the stress of that was, his smile always lit up brighter and warmer when she pulled it towards herself. And in that split second, he was just Taichi again,** _ **her**_ **best friend, and not just some people magnet. Or rather, female magnet.**

 **But right now, she was edging towards the imaginary bullet gun.**

 **A high pitched giggle made her stop and look up. Taichi was handing out a flyer to a young woman who was already twirling her hair around a finger and batting her eyelashes.**

 **Disgusted, and feeling slightly nauseous, Chihaya went back to stapling the flyers together with more vigour than normal.** _ **Stupid, stupid Taichi!**_ **She peeked up again and saw him clearly uncomfortable, but even though that soothed her nerves a little, it wasn't much help. Couldn't they just take a** _ **hint?!**_

 **Not that** _ **she**_ **hadn't been attracting attention. Oh, no. Shoved into a white sleeveless lace top and this wonderful brown leggings and boots and lip gloss and half ponytail, she was drawing a hell of a lot of male** _ **and female**_ **eyes to herself. Only, Chihaya had on a denim jacket, because Taichi refused to let her come along without it, stating that winter was around the corner and she would get sick.**

 **(Right.)**

 **But strangely, her admirers didn't linger and attempt flirtation as much as the girls. Why, she didn't know. (We do though, Chihaya.)**

 **Girls were apparently more immune to glares from the same sex than boys.**

 **As another giggle reached her ears, sounding far away now, Chihaya gritted her teeth and stabbed the stapler into the paper viciously, dangerously close to her fingers.**

 **And there was a light slap on her hand.**

 **She felt her pulse quicken and eyes widen slightly at the sudden warmth behind her, phantom softness of the black shirt against her denim covered arm, the familiar expensive cologne, that even more familiar warmth settling around her like a mist almost immediately. Insulation from** _ **everything.**_ **She very nearly sighed and closed the little gap between her head and what she knew from stolen moments to be a warm, firm chest. She** _ **wanted**_ **to feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat under her palm again.**

 **He wanted to whack her around the head, apparently.**

" **You idiot!" Taichi hissed. "We aren't giving them your fingers too!"**

" **Oh." She mumbled, a little dazed, making sense of what he was upset about. "Sorry?"**

" **Move over. I'll do it. Go stand by and rope people in."**

 **She stiffened at the mention of people, turning a little cold. "Right... of course. Like you've been doing?"**

 **He gently pulled her away from the papers and stepped in himself, giving her a look. "Well, yes."**

 **Her eyes widened. Then narrowed. Chihaya glowered. "You want me to** _ **sweet talk**_ **them into attending the festival like you did?"**

 **He paused his work and fixed the silently seething woman with a bewildered look. "Sweet talking? What in the world are you talking about?"**

" **Like you haven't** _ **noticed**_ **." She hissed. Venom dripped from her voice, miasma emanating from her being and her hands clawed and inched toward his neck, as if to strangle him, making the spooked young man stumble back. " You saw how they were drooling at your feet and** _ **you were smiling!"**_ **She growled. Her fingers closed around his collar, eyes flashing. "You want me to seduce people in too,** _ **Romeo**_ **? "**

 **She really had snapped.**

 **Taichi felt his jaw kiss the floor.**

 **He hadn't even known she knew the word 'seduce'. Suddenly he had the strangest instinct to put as much distance between them as possible.**

 **But that aside, he felt the beginnings of annoyance and slight anger flare in his veins. Everything had been making him** _ **really**_ **tired and listening to her accuse him of something that hadn't even crossed miles near his mind, was making him lose his patience. For some reason, he wanted to strangle her. As** _ **if**_ **there was a chance he'd even properly** _ **look**_ **at another female ever again, and that was** _ **all her fault**_ **! And here she was accusing him of—**

 **A nerve popped on his forehead.**

 **Yanking her fingers away from his collar, he kept his grip on them strong. His filter flew away to Atlanta. "You can keep your delusions to yourself." He hissed back, hands tight around hers. Chihaya glared. " I was being perfectly** _ **polite,**_ **baka, not** _ **flirty**_ **. There's a difference! If you can't even see things properly, don't bother talking about it!"**

 **She growled as he dropped her hands and went back to his work, taking a deep breath. But his jaw was still clenched. Chihaya fisted her tingling fingers and crossed her arms stiffly. "I'm going to do it."**

" **Do what you want." He said, voice clipped. His hands were flying fast across the papers.**

 **Chihaya only resisted the urge to strangle him once again and stalked outside the stall, a few flyers in her hands. Seething silently, she waited, a foot tapping the ground. But then, as minutes ticked by, she figured she wouldn't attract people with a scowl plastered on her face. So taking a deep breath and shoving her irritation aside, Chihaya relaxed her shoulders and tried for a smile.**

 **She peeked at Taichi and saw him watching the distance with a guarded look on his face.**

 **He had rolled back his sleeves again, when she had specifically told him** _ **not to,**_ **because it looked a whole lot better on many levels. She struggled to describe it, something very, very appealing, but unsettling at the same time because her stomach was fluttering restlessly. She couldn't find the word for him, with the glossy black shirt and the light brown hair and golden eyes on** _ **that face.**_

 _ **The word you're looking for is 'hot'.**_ **Her inner voice snickered quietly. Chihaya sputtered inside her head, scattered for a single second as the truth of her sub consciousness hit her.**

 **Now, the word a** _ **normal**_ **red blooded female would've used would be downright sexy. But she was half fainting at the word 'hot' so this was out of the question.**

 **And then reluctantly, wearily, he turned to look at her, a flash of surprise across his face to find her eyes on him already. Her heart skipped a beat.**

" **Don't be stupid." He warned quietly. She blinked. "** _ **Don't**_ **do what you want, I didn't mean it, Chihaya." He corrected his earlier biting statement.**

 **That was when the girl noticed a group of people, three men coming their way; probably what he had been looking at a few seconds before.**

 **A grin spread across her lips but she swallowed it quickly seeing him narrow his eyes at her smile. "I still don't care." He hissed, but she wasn't fooled because his eyes darted to the nearing group of people a tad nervously once. "I just don't want any trouble. Be** _ **polite**_ **, not..." he shut up as their potential customers neared earshot, and resigned himself to frowning uneasily at the papers, one last glance thrown her way.**

 **Hiding a very smug smile, for some reason she felt victorious and excited and sort of drunk, she smiled widely at the three men.**

" **Ohayoooo!"**

 **She saw Taichi exhale in relief out of the corner of her eye.**

 **About half an hour later, Tsuboguchi-San jogged outside to tell the weary teenagers they could head back inside; the attempt was successful. Only, by then, both of them were ready to tear each other's throats out.**

 **Kana chan frowned confusedly at the shift in the air between her two friends as they followed Tsuboguchi San back in. Taichi was sporting a blank look which translated into repressed annoyance and anger; only his eyes shot daggers at his target. Chihaya was an open book, openly glaring.**

" **Ano...Ayase." Komano frowned nervously. "Shouldn't you get ready for your show...?"**

" **Of course." She sniffed, dropping the box she had been carrying. Abruptly glaring at Taichi, she spat, "Now that we have** _ **plenty**_ **of people coming through, the show should be packed!"**

 **Kana chan saw Taichi bristle in response. He glared back just as venomously, but directed his words to Arata. " You might want to be careful, Arata. Certain people** __ **can be a little** _ **ungrateful."**_

" _ **Some idiots**_ **are just plain oblivious!"**

" **And some others are** _ **blind."**_ **He hissed back.**

 **The entire room watched, surprised at the poison coated knives the two of them were throwing straight at each other with narrowed eyes and the silent growls.**

 **Arata was the first to grab his awareness. "Er...Chihaya, let's go. The others are waiting..."**

" **Yeah, do us all a favour and do something useful** _ **."**_

" **Do** _ **yourself**_ **a favour and open your eyes!"**

" **Idiot."**

" **Stubborn bonehead!"**

 **Taichi narrowed his eyes at her before shaking his head and turning away to Nishida. "Come on, we have things to do."**

 **She merely glared steadily at him for a second, starting as if to say something, but then backed off, settling for sticking her tongue out at his retreating back before spinning around quickly and darting out of the room through the other door, tugging at Arata's sleeve as she went.**

 **Kana chan exchanged a confused glance with Rin. "What just happened?"**

" **They'll get over it." Arata's waved a hand, moving to follow the pissed off girl. "See you guys later."**

" **Good luck!" the girls chorused.**

 **He smiled and jogged outside.**

 **Day one was** _ **busy.**_ **As much as it pleased everyone, they were rushing around due to lack of hands on deck. Sumire and Tsukuba had managed to show up all out of breath by the afternoon and immediately set to work, with the girl assisting Taichi and Tsukuba sticking with Kanade and helping her through the shows. People responded to the meditative isotope well, which took a lot of the edge out of Taichi's earlier frustrations. And the people who had watched Competitive Karuta demos were hyped simply by the fervour with which Arata and Chihaya played.**

 **The said girl threw herself into Karuta, just like everyone had told her to. And her genuine passion was a light, a beacon, attracting lots of potential players, exciting people with her vigour and Arata's calm but swift movements. Taichi nipped in once to watch, and when he saw that the entire audience was enraptured, he left with a huge smile. Nothing to do here; just let them work their magic. He had selected the two of them for this part of the fair for the same reason, their talent and passion for the game.**

 **It would be impossible not to notice and fall for.**

 **By the evening, he was completely wiped out, but packing up was taking a little longer than he expected. Thanking the crew from Takahashi and Co and sending them away to return tomorrow, Taichi sighed, rubbing his eyes.**

 **They felt gritty and prickly. Irritable.**

 **But meh. More boxes to put aside and label for tomorrow.**

 **Late into the evening, most of the members had gone back home at his insistence. Tsuboguchi San, Arata, and the rest of the original Mizusawa club were left, with Rin and Kazuto along. They were putting stuff away and locking up, all tired, but ploughing on, encouraged by the response they had gotten.**

 **Chihaya was by the register, her eyes skimming over the name of ten other people who had signed up for the club today. She was happy, but also uneasy. Fingers brushing against Kazuto-kun's familiar handwriting, she bit her lip.**

 **Feeling a presence next to her, Chihaya looked up to find Arata staring at the names as well.**

" **This is good." He said quietly. "Lots of progress."**

 **She nodded, turning back to the register. "But is it enough...?"**

" **We have two more days to go, Chihaya. Don't lose hope just yet. Tomorrow we'll have to work twice as hard, but we'll make sure there are more names on here. Don't worry."**

 **She grinned at him lightly in reply. "You're right! There's still time! Let's work even harder!"**

 **But then she faltered, her eyes flicking to Taichi. She caught him at a perfectly exposed fleeting moment of fatigue, leaning against the wall for a split second long, massaging his neck with a frown and tightened eyes, but the same instant, he immediately shot forwards to take a carton out of Rin-chan's hands when she walked in.**

 **Work harder? Chihaya frowned back at the register, not wanting to watch.**

 **They all parted ways outside the main gates. Harada Sensei gave them all bright warm encouragements for the next day. Kana chan and Komano left first, taking Sumire chan along with them. Rin and Kazuto were next. Nishida and Tsukuba went last, while Taichi offered to drop Tsuboguchi San home on the way, of course, Arata and Chihaya already with him.**

 **Dropping off the current Meijin at his dorm, and then Hiroshi at home, declining his offers to head for a drink ("I'm not old enough yet, Tsuboguchi-san...") the car was filled with subtle forms of stony silence, because they were both just too tired to pretend they were mad anymore. Even though the original irritation had faded, being stubborn human beings, they settled for rather chilly 'Goodnight's and half hearted parting insults before he drove back home and staggered into his apartment with painful eyes and an incoming migraine.**

 **His phone buzzed just as Taichi plopped down face first onto his bed, still fully clothed. Squinting in the darkness, he saw his screen light up with a message from Chihaya.**

 _ **Eat. And brush your teeth before you sleep or you'll be grumpier than ever tomorrow. -.-**_

 **And smiling a little at the text, before reminding himself he was supposed to be mad at her, Taichi dragged himself off the bed** _ **very**_ **reluctantly, even groaning to himself, and stumbled into the kitchen to swallow some...had that been bread? And then brushed his teeth (because that was something he couldn't ever forget to do. He was horrified he almost hadn't done it...that was a peculiar quirk he had developed since his coffee addic— affinity became more prominent; an obsession with keeping his teeth clean. And true to what she had accused him of, he** _ **was**_ **rather irritable the morning after the night he somehow** _ **had**_ **forgotten to brush...) Taichi plopped back down on the bed again, not bothering with his clothes. He wanted a shower but there was no way he'd last another five minutes.**

 **Infact, he didn't last one.**

 **Waking up to more light in his room than he remembered, he frowned and buried his face back in the pillow, wanting some more darkness.** _ **No. Not the sun just yet.**_

" **Taichi, wake up."**

 **He sighed at the hand on his shoulder, and one in his hair. She sounded soft and urgent, and the familiar soothing scent of something like vanilla, raspberry and strawberry, he didn't know which, was very close, all over actually, with something even silkier, strands of hair, tickling the side of his face. And even though this felt familiar by now, with the number of times she had done it, his stomach still tingled, and somewhere in his chest, something soared and threatened to burst.**

 **Trying not to groan, he lifted his head and let his eyes adjust painfully. A full on migraine seemed to be knocking at his skull. Taichi pushed himself up, feeling her shift to let him do so. Sitting cross legged, with her presence sharp to his right side, he rubbed an eye and blinked away the lingering sleep.**

 **Chihaya smiled at him, a tad gingerly, chin in her hand. "Ohayo."**

" ' **hayo." He mumbled back, a little confused. He had a nagging feeling there was something he was forgetting.**

 _ **Oh yeah, I'm mad at her.**_

 **Slapping himself awake internally, Taichi attempted a chilly look. "What are you doing here?"**

" **I knew you'd probably need some help." She shrugged, then caught onto his attempts at being unfriendly, catching the tensed shoulders and jaw. "How do you feel?"**

" **Fantastic." He said dryly.**

" **Are you still mad at me?"**

" **Nope." He mumbled.**

 **Chihaya threw her arms around his neck from the side making him lean back in surprise.**

" **Gomen." She mumbled into his collar. Nuzzling her face into his neck, Chihaya mumbled again. "Gomen, gomen, gomen. I was wrong."**

" **Ha." He managed to scoff through breathless lungs and a rapid pulse. " You believe me now? Took you long enough."**

" **Don't be so difficult." She pouted, and then, purely on impulse and the flickering heat in her stomach, she pressed a** _ **long,**_ **lingering kiss on his cheek, muttering against his skin, "I was just jealous."**

 **Taichi held his breath. There was a fierce swooping sensation in his stomach that was flushing away coherent, sensible thoughts. What in the** _ **world**_ **was she trying to do, push him over the edge?!** _ **Get off NOW if you want me to stay decent, you fool.**_

 **But the reality was, he was torn between actually wanting to get her off, and liking it.**

" _ **Jealous?!"**_ **he managed to sputter, half incoherent by then with the blood roaring in his ears and heart pounding so loud, it reverberated in his skull like a gong. "Why on earth would you have to get** _ **jealous?"**_

" **I have an answer for that. But you just have to let me say it." She said immediately, pulling back just a little with bright eyes and a hopeful look. Air rushed back into his lungs as soon as her lips left his skin, and he was left feeling a mixture of bothersome disappointment, relief, and an overwhelming urge to flush her down the toilet or something.**

 _ **I**_ _ **mean**_ **,** _ **really? At least respect my personal space unless you want to get attacked!**_ **Not that that would happen but the sentiments were there. The worst he could probably do was kiss her or something because by then he'd faint or quit breathing or do something equally emasculating and embarrass himself.**

" **No." He replied instantly, feeling her sigh back into the crook of his neck. Goosebumps erupted on his skin.**

 **Keeping his sanity firmly in mind, Taichi pulled her off of him and dumped her back on the bed. Sorta felt like pulling a kitten away from his chest where it was resting, with the claws still latched onto his shirt...** _ **why**_ **he kept associating her with cats, he didn't know.** _ **Maybe I've finally lost it.**_

 **Chihaya pouted, and crossed her arms. "You need to be willing for a compromise."**

" **Get off my bed and then we'll talk."**

 **She narrowed her eyes. "Why? Scared I'll** _ **seduce**_ **you too?"**

 **He choked. And then promptly rolled off his bed and fell face first onto the floor. Mostly just to put distance between them again.**

 **Chihaya started, surprised, and crawled over to peek at him from the edge of the large bed. The bruised boy was sitting up, thankful for the pain because his head was clearing.**

" **Taichi, are you trying to get yourself killed?" she frowned.**

" **Are** _ **you**_ **trying to kill me?!" his voice was an octave higher than it was supposed to be. He swiftly cleared it and fixed her with a glare. " You need to watch your mouth, woman!"** _ **And keep it AWAY from me.**_

" **What's gotten you in such a fix?" she put her chin in her hand, sprawled on the bed, flat on her stomach. Confused. Miffed. "...horribly rude so early in the morning..."**

 **He gaped, slack jawed. His filter was still back in Atlanta, where it had gone the last day. "Are you** _ **serious?"**_

 **She nodded rapidly.**

 _ **Okay then, have it your way.**_ **He glared. "Chihaya, see this?" a hand pointed to himself. "Do you see** _ **marble? NO**_ **. Its all flesh and blood, okay? Not** _ **stone**_ **, for the millionth time!"**

 **The only replies he got were dramatically widening eyes and a nice attractive flush up her neck. Strangely satisfied with her frozen posture, he crossed his arms. "I'm glad you understand. Now get** _ **off**_ **my bed, never use the word 'seduce' while sitting on it** _ **ever**_ **and DO NOT forget I'm human."**

 **Hoping for a quick nod and a mad dash to get away from his room in response, Taichi felt his heart sink at the slow smile that crept up her face. Her cheeks were still tinged red, but Chihaya was grinning, and looking rather happy. Annoyingly so because he was still a muddled** _ **mess!**_ **She pressed her lips together, eyes sparkling, but still faintly tinged red in the face. "I'm sorry."**

 **Was that** _ **heat**_ **at the tip of his ears? "You're forgiven. Go away."**

 **She seemed to be holding back a laugh at his flustered state. "You're being ungrateful, you idiot. I just came over to check up on you because—"**

" **I'm fine. Or I** _ **was."**_ **He** __ **mumbled** _ **.**_

 **She dropped her amusement flatly, switching over to age old concern. Taichi sobered just as she did too, pushing away the previous dangerously open conversation they had been having. "You looked really tired yesterday." She accused.**

" **I'm** _ **fine**_ **. I slept a full eight hours, see? Its seven in the morning."**

 **She chewed on her lip, distractedly, but it made him contemplate the flushing her down the toilet idea again. "Did you have dinner last night?" she shot abruptly.**

 **A faint flash of something spongy and bread-like being swallowed entered his mind and he nodded. "Yup."**

" **What did you eat?"**

" **A full course meal. With Choco chip ice-cream for dessert. "**

" _ **Taichi**_ **."**

" _**Chihaya."**_ **He matched her glare with his own. "Drop it. We need to go now, or we'll be late."**

 **She struggled with herself for a moment, dangerously close to fretting, but then sighed and reluctantly began to get up. Watching her, Taichi sagged in relief. Things seemed to be escalating at a rather alarming rate. What had happened to his** _ **privacy?!**_

 **As she worked with unfaltering and slightly heart clenching familiarity in the kitchen, obviously producing some coffee even though she had been so against the idea at first, Taichi kept his head strictly** _ **blank,**_ **refusing all of his over-analytial tendencies and abnormally reckless emotions. No, he wasn't going to think about it. There would be no dwelling, no pondering, absolutely no—**

 **But** _ **seduce, really?**_ **Since** _ **when?**_ **And how? And why hadn't he ever paid attention to the change before?!**

 _ **Snap out of it. It's just a word.**_

 **A word she seemed to** _ **know!**_

 **People would look at him weirdly if they ever found out that he was freaking out because a girl knew a certain word but this wasn't just** _ **some**_ **girl and that wasn't just** _ **some**_ **word; even worse, she was acting on whatever was possessing her, being all** _ **insightful**_ **and actually looking like she knew what she was talking about and even like there was something she knew that he didn't.**

 **Which was** _ **very**_ **unsettling.**

' _ **I have the answer for that. But you just have to let me say it.'**_

 **He shook his head, pulling on a dark grey sweater, redirecting his thoughts.** _ **VNTRs. Variable Number of Tandem Repeats. Minisats. Repeats of the genetic code. Basic principle of DNA finger printing, greatest help to Forensic science since-...**_

 **He knew something was wrong when she frowned at his attire. Chihaya almost never did that.**

 **Taichi paused at the table, unsure. "Is there something wrong...?'**

 **She only put her chin in her hands, seated on the chair, looking a tad weary. But she grinned. "Nothing. Just that we might have a relapse of yesterday's episode today. Sit down. "**

 **He obliged, instantly pulling his mug of coffee towards himself. "Why's that?"**

" **Oh, you know. That sweater." She said, her haphazard tone tainted by the nervous swallowing. Quickly changing topics, Chihaya plastered on a smile. "Eat up. I love your waffle maker."**

" **You made me buy it." He reminded, muttering into his cup. His suspicious eyes rested on her. "Now why don't you tell me what's** _ **really wrong?"**_

" _ **Kami-sama,**_ **what are you, Edward Cullen?"**

 **He set down his cup a tad forcefully, looking very offended. "** _ **Excuse me—"**_

" **Sorry, sorry." She put up her hands, hiding a grin. "Forgot you were touchy about that."**

" **Don't ever,** _ **ever**_ **again." He pointed his fork at her, looking miffed. "Now spit it out."**

 **Chihaya pouted as he ate. She stabbed at her own waffle. " I'm just worried this isn't working...we had what, six people join up, yesterday?"**

 **Taichi tensed, his appetite diminishing drastically. His heart was down in his stomach already, so there was no room for waffles. "I know. I was kinda worried about that too." Sighing and picking at the plate, he forked another small bite into his mouth, just for something to do.**

 **Chihaya twirled her own fork in her hand. "Are we working for nothing?" she mumbled to it. "What if this is all just..."**

" **That won't happen."**

 **She looked up abruptly from her plate into his determined face. "We can't let that happen. It** _ **won't.**_ **Things will be better today, just you watch."**

 **She found herself grinning at his optimism. Taichi suddenly frowned at her accusingly. "You're supposed to be the Optimist here, Karuta-baka. What are you doing?"**

" **I'm not allowed to feel unsure?" she shot, just for the heck of it.**

 **Taichi narrowed his eyes. "Of course you are...but later. You need to keep it up for everyone else...people look to you for that, Chihaya. Don't let them down."**

 **She softened, and quirked her head to the side. "Do you?"**

 **Taichi blinked, then looked at her as if she was stupid. "Duh. I'm a supposed 'pessimist' remember? I'd probably shrivel up in my dark thoughts if not for you, Chihaya-sama." He mock bowed, making her muffle her giggle behind her hand. "Please keep up your usefulness."**

 **Chihaya grinned, suddenly boosted. "I will! Now eat up, we have fish to catch !"**

" **Fish?" he snorted, drowning the rest of his coffee, and then frowned at the empty cup. A rather childishly hopeful spark lit his eyes as he looked at Chihaya. "Can I have some—"**

" **No."**

"— **water...?" he finished dejectedly, sighing. "Why does everything feel upside down?"**

 **She shot him an alarmed look, dropping her fork. "Are you dizzy?! God, I** _ **knew**_ **this would happen! I'm going to call Mrs Pressure and—"**

" **Shut up, I'm not** _ **dizzy."**_ **He rolled his eyes, reaching over to snatch his phone out of her hands, where she'd already made to call his mother. " That's not what I meant,** _ **baka**_ **."**

" **Then what is it?" she relaxed a little, still frowning. "You could've given me a warning..."**

" **It's nothing." He said firmly, and cut her off as she began to speak. "—No, shut up and eat. We have to go fishing, remember?"**

" **But you didn't tell me what you meant!"**

" **I didn't mean anything...it's just a statement."**

" **But you never say anything without** _ **reason."**_

" **Well, I did now. I'm not going to explain, Chihaya."**

" _ **Why?"**_

 **He raised his eyes to the heavens. "Because you need at least half a brain to understand what I'm saying...and you only have a quarter."**

 **She narrowed her eyes at him but silently stuffed a large portion of food into her mouth.**

 **And then landed a sharp kick on his shin under the table.**

 **Taichi dropped his head in the wooden surface in pain, reaching down to feel his leg, thinking that his earlier statement was a waste of time and precious breath. Chihaya stuck her tongue out at him, looking like an angry—** _ **oh for God's sake!—**_ **kitten again.**

 **They had to rush a little in the end to get to the fair on time, but making it just fine, both of them split up to help out at various places. The second day produced more people than before and it was hectic but with each passing visitor, the grins on the team's faces grew and the warmth in their reception increased. Happy with how things were turning out, Taichi peeked in the register and saw around eleven to fifteen more names jotted down and he had to bite down on his lip to keep in a grin. The strain of the day felt like** _ **nothing**_ **now, and he quickly ran back outside to check around.**

 **Kana-chan was doing her thing now, the soft voice floating faintly from the speakers inside and Taichi slowed as he listened, marvelling at the way she had progressed so wonderfully in her forte. He moved over to the stalls again, to help out, when he spotted Arata and Chihaya talking to some—**

 **Rika.**

 **Eyebrows shooting up, he jogged over immediately. Chihaya straightened and turned first.**

" **Look who's here!" she grinned. "She's brought a friend."**

 **Taichi slowed, eyes widening slightly at the taller, slightly tanned boy next to his sister, with a shoulder bag and tidy brown hair and slightly icy blue eyes. Instantly, his eyes snapped to Rika and in that split second eye contact, she pleaded with him.**

 **What for, he didn't know yet. But he had a pretty good idea.**

 **Guarded, Taichi smiled at the two of them. "Glad you made it, Rika."**

" **I wasn't going to." She said, going slightly pink. "But Takanashi-kun saw the flyer you left at home and he wanted to come...so I brought him..."**

" **I see." Taichi smiled, warmly, but it didn't reach his eyes.**

" **Yorishiku Onegaishimasu." The boy bowed low. "It's nice to finally meet you, Mashima-san. Rika always speaks highly of you. I've been hoping to get a chance to see you." He straightened and gave Taichi an admiring gaze. "She told me about your history with Soccer.** _ **Nationals?!**_ **That's like a dream."**

 **Taichi tensed, feeling Chihaya's quiet eyes on him. Of late, whenever soccer came up, she would go all silent and thoughtful and he knew she was feeling a tad guilty. But switching to Karuta was** _ **his**_ **choice** _ **.**_

" **It's nice to meet you too." The young adult blew out a breath. He silently sized up the boy who was looking up at him with shining eyes. Lots of things,** _ **paranoid thoughts**_ **floated in his head. At the risk of sounding conceited, was this kid just pretending to be friends with Rika so he could warm up to him and get pointers or something? Did he know about her feelings and was he just leading her own? What if he was a player?**

 _ **He's sixteen, not a serial killer. Calm down.**_

 **Struggling with not poking his nose in his sister's problems too much—she had her own life— he smiled again. "Nationals was just a result of hard work. But Karuta was my calling, apparently. You should check it out. Concentration helps with the goal after all."**

 **The kid was hanging on to his every word. " I see! I** _ **had**_ **heard that this...** _ **Karuta**_ **was good for focus. Which is why I wanted to check it out." Then he grinned at Rika. "I'm glad I found the flyer in your drawer."**

 **Rika blushed and stammered while Taichi tensed, eyebrows disappearing into his hair.** _ **Really? Could you get more obvious, Rika?! And what the HELL was he doing in your room?!**_

 **His eyes must've reflected his thoughts because Rika looked at him and promptly blanched. The boy looked a little unsure himself.**

 **Arata patted his shoulder inconspicuously and muttered quietly. "Loosen up. Don't scare the kid."**

" **Not very easy to do. I'm having paranoid thoughts." He muttered back, listening to his childhood friend chuckle quietly. "Check out the stalls." He told the two young teens, attempting a smile. "Have fun. And we have another demo for competitive Karuta in a few hours if you're interested..."**

 **Takanashi-kun perked up. "That sounds fun!" he grinned at Rika. "Whaddaya say? Let's stick around?"**

 **Rika only nodded happily. Taichi forced back a rather silly frown and churning stomach. Oh Sweet Gods above,** _ **look at her face.**_ **She was half** _ **swooning.**_ **It unsettled him. Very very much. Why though? So what if she's seriously into someone?**

 _ **What if she ends up like me?**_

 **He almost gasped at the twist in his chest at his own thoughts. That was why. He didn't want her to go through even a fragment of what he had. No, there was too much protective fire. Heartbreak was** _ **vicious.**_ **He couldn't even bear to think about Rika feeling the same** _ **crappy**_ **things he did...that would explain his uneasiness.**

 **He was scared for her. Right now, he wanted to tuck her away and tell her everything, how dangerous it was, what could happen; how much it could affect you, especially if you fell too hard. He remembered how he had struggled with himself as a person, how many conflicts he had had internally. How long it took to straighten himself out. He couldn't even imagine that happening to—**

 _ **Not her too.**_ **He swallowed. A single drop of sweat trickled along his temple.** _ **Kami-sama, please, not her too. I might just go and buy a chainsaw and set to work if he even—**_

 **Lightly, he felt Chihaya move closer and grab his arm and squeeze lightly. She was smiling brightly at the two teens. "Why don't you two run along? Oh, call if you need one of us to help. Ri-chan has my number right?"**

" **Right!"**

 **Chihaya grinned. "Stay busy. Our demo's right after lunch so stick around and watch!"**

" **We will." The boy smiled politely.**

" **Hold on, how are you going home?" Taichi frowned at Rika. "I'm going to be late, Rika, but—"**

" **We'll take the sub, Onii-chan." She sighed. "Don't worry."**

" **Right. Well, leave before four, alright? And call me when you're leaving and when you get home, okay?"**

" **She will." Takanashi-kun smiled calmly. "Don't worry, Mashima-san. I'll make sure she reaches home safe."**

 _ **Polite. Chivalric. Huh. But no softening just yet, boy. "**_ **Good to know." Taichi nodded, and for a split second, fixed the young boy with a glinting gaze. "Make sure you don't hurt my sister."**

 **Rika went so many shades of red, it was impossible. "Onii-chan!"**

" **Just a warning. " Taichi shrugged, raising a cool brow at the boy's faint punk cheeks. "You up for that?"**

" **Yup." The boy nodded, rather calmly. But his cheeks were still pink. "You can count on me."**

" **Good. Now go on, run." He spared a glowering Rika one stern glance that made her sober up as she was reminded who the elder sibling was here. "Call me. And no funny business."**

 **Promptly going pink again and sputtering, Rika grabbed her companion by the arm and proceeded to drag him off hastily. "W-we'll be going now. N-nice meeting you Wataya-san. Chi-chan, later."**

 **Chihaya waved enthusiastically as the younger boy bowed to them too and let Rika pull him away. Arata bowed back.**

 **Taichi slapped a hand to his face and groaned lightly. He instantly felt Arata pat his back, and Chihaya grab his arm again, smiling.**

" **Aww come on. Don't worry so much! He seems like a good kid." Arata grinned.**

 **Chihaya nodded. "He was very polite."**

" **He seemed to value her opinions."**

" **And he was very cute. Ri-chan has good taste."**

 **Taichi sent her a flat look and she shut up. "Paedophile." He muttered, making her eyes widen and a punch land painfully on his shoulder.**

 **Rubbing the spot, while Arata smiled, his eyes flicked to the backs of his sister and her crush, walking a** _ **little too close toget—**_

 _ **Oh stop it. Just let her enjoy the day.**_

" **Taichi, realaaaaaax." Chihaya dragged him off in the opposite direction. "Come on, let's go and get some cookies. And maybe even an Arata sticker—"**

" _ **Please**_ **don't"**

"— **and then go back to work."**

 **Grinning faintly at Arata's red face, he beckoned his friend forward and the three of them went off to find the cookie stall...**

 **...and the sticker shop.**

 **Arata wasn't very amused with Chihaya slapping a chibi of himself on his forehead.**

 **Okay so it was snowing.**

 **Taichi paused at the entrance of Shiranami society, suddenly worrying about the layer of snow of his car, a stark contrast to the black. Close to Christmas, things were looking** _ **very**_ **promising for the society. Their festival had resulted in a large number of new entrees for Karuta.**

 **He smiled a little, thinking about how it had worked out. The second day saw Chieko, Rieko and Reiko all gathering together to visit the fair and they seemed very entranced by Kana-chan's meditative form. Interested, they returned the next day.**

 **With hoards of women.**

 **Taichi had gone wide eyed, recognising his mother's colleagues and smiling and nodding dazedly at each one of them as they greeted him. Chihaya was having the same sort of time, only she was growing more and more excited by the second; so much, he could almost see her atoms vibrating frantically.**

 **If she kept that up, he suspected she would sublime.**

 **So fearing for her solid state of being, Taichi dragged her away and let Kana-chan work her magic on the ladies.**

 **As a result, they had around twenty people join up. So in total, after the while ordeal, there was a blooming number of forty seven new members.**

 **Keeping the team in control was difficult when he was so happy himself. Harada Sensei was in tears, even though he was trying hard to hide it, because they were now a strong society of around 90 members. They** _ **flew**_ **past the borderline the authorities had set. Taichi had felt particularly smug when he and Tsuboguchi- San instantly handed over the proof to the two haughty officials. In fact, he shared Chihaya's sentiments when she pulled a face at the retreating backs of the disgruntled officials; and then beamed at her when she smiled at him cheekily and proposed a huge celebration party.**

 **They deserved it. Every single one of them.**

 **In the end, it was past eleven when they broke everything up and decided to go home. Harada Sensei, ever grateful, had given him a warm hug and a watery smile and the whole room had erupted into an applause for his leadership, which made him shrink back and cringe uncharacteristically. He hadn't really done anything, just came up with the idea, and swiftly brushing off all credit and handing it to each one of them, Taichi slipped away from the limelight with a relieved sigh.**

 **That was all a month ago. Now, in the snow, hands stuffed in his coat pockets, he reminisced, smiled and wondered how he'd get his car out. They had been inside for way too long.**

 **Sounds of footsteps behind him made Taichi look back. Chihaya was speeding forward with wide eyes, bundled in the fashionable red coat that must've once belonged to Chitose. She came to an abrupt stop next to him, cheeks flushed. He pointedly fixed his eyes on the car. "Are we stuck, Taichi?"**

" **Not really...but yeah, kind of."**

" **What answer is that?"**

" **A vague one."**

" **Since when do you answer vague?"**

" **Since when do you ask so many questions?"**

 **She pouted and he looked away again. "Well, you've been too quiet lately. Answering questions is the only way you'll talk."**

" **That's not true! I talk plenty."**

" **When was the last time we had a decent conversation?" she accused, shifting her weight to one leg and crossing her arms. "You've been Hellen Keller for a week now."**

 **He swallowed uneasily, but plastered a surprised look on his face. "You know her?!"**

 **Chihaya blinked, affronted. "Of course I know—oh no, not this time, you manipulative genius. I'm not falling for it!"**

" **Falling for what?!"**

" **Distractions." She scowled. "You're taking advantage of my scatterbrained...er...brain!"**

" **Well, you do have the attention span of a five year old." He shrugged, hiding a grin at her flush.**

 **In response, he received a sharp sting to the back of his head. Taichi spun to frown in pain at Arata, a happy Kazama by his side.**

" **Quit bullying her and answer the question. I've been wanting to ask you as well." He said in the usual cool, calm voice. Taichi scowled at Chihaya sticking her tongue out at him.**

" **Nothing's wrong! Sheesh! Can't a guy just shut up for a while?" He defended, turning to look at his car again, repressing another jitter in his stomach at the dangerously bright gleam he had just caught in Kazama's eye.**

 _ **Oh God, no. Please don't—**_

" **I think I get it." Kazama muttered on cue.**

 **Chihaya snapped to him just as Taichi squeezed his eyes shut and prayed frantically.** _ **Please no, don't do it, Kazama, I'll do anyth—**_

" **Jill's coming to Japan, after all!"**

 _ **Well, HELLO Hell.**_

" **Jill?" Chihaya questioned, blinking. "Who's Jill?"**

" **Jillian Yuki. Half-jap like me. Only, she's way better at speaking Japanese than I am.." Kazama grumbled. Shooting a horrified Taichi a look, he hid a sly smile as he looked back into Chihaya's innocently confused face and decided to kick things up a notch.**

 **It was getting slow anyway. Chi-chan needs a boost.**

" **Jill was a temporary batchmate of ours. Really smart—"**

" **Not** _ **that**_ **smart," Taichi bit out.**

"— **and a real looker."**

" _ **Not**_ **."**

" **Also very sweet and feminine. You know, a proper lady."**

" **She wasn't—"**

 **But Chihaya, who was beginning to squirm at the uncomfortable gut feeling cut Taichi off. " So she's coming here?"**

" **Yeah." Kazama nodded seriously, and then shot Taichi a rather wicked look. "She couldn't stay away from her beloved Mashima-kun for long—"**

" **Okay, stop."**

"— **broke her heart when he jumped back. You left her very very sad, Mashima. Cruel boy."**

" **Kazama." Taichi spat through clenched hands and teeth. "Stop it. "**

 **Because even though he had tried to ignore it, Chihaya had gone very wide eyed and sort of...**

 **...pale.**

 **Wanting to wring Kazama's neck, Taichi took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead wearily. "You make sound as if she was my** _ **girlfriend,**_ **which she** _ **was NOT."**_ **Shooting the grinning boy a dark glare, he risked a peek at Chihaya. " Er... She was just a classmate, you know, for a month or so—"**

" **But she was really into you!"**

"— **not important—"**

" **And she even asked you out, if I remember."**

 **By now Chihaya had her jaw on the floor. Arata was watching her quietly, the girl as open as a book.**

 **Taichi winced at the blank look in the midnight blue eyes. The whole thing was messed up. The fine lines they had between them was getting mushed up together into a confusing mess again. He didn't, couldn't stand that.**

 **Muttering about getting the car out, Taichi jogged outside, away from the impending messed up feelings that would resurface soon.**

 **Kazama chuckled softly, his childish cheesy grin fading to a more serious, mature smile. Wise, sharp. Chihaya watched, head reeling as he switched to Dr. Kazama mode. But the girl wasn't exactly in a good place right now.**

 _ **Jillian. Even the name sounds pretty.**_ **She had the sudden urge to throw something at her best friend.**

 **Negative dejection swirled in her stomach in response to Kazama's words and her aura dimmed. Again. She didn't like this feeling of despair. Chihaya thrived on happiness, she was giddily gleeful almost all the time, brimming over with enthusiasm.**

 **And she felt this anxiety taint her carefree nature.**

 **Kazama abruply chuckled, tapping her nose to get her attention. " Mashima-kun was ruthless to her."**

" **W-what?" she blinked, realising her eyes were a little wet.**

" **He shot her down almost immediately. Jill took a blow, after that." He chuckled again. " She was really upset, because he wouldn't even look at her properly. They talk sometimes, but while she's attempting to get close, he's cruelly polite. It would've been fun to watch...if Jill wasn't my cousin."**

 **Arata started. "Your** _ **cousin?"**_

" **Yup." Kazama nodded sadly. "But she's like my own little sister."**

" **So-so you want your sister t-to end up with your good friend?" Chihaya took a step back, and Kazama thought he saw betrayal flash in her eyes for a second. He almost chuckled again.**

" **Of course. Mashima is the sort of guy** _ **every**_ **level headed guy would want for their sister. Plus, I know him really well too."**

 **Chihaya blanched, an image of Taichi being chased down by many big brothers with their gorgeous little sisters flashing through her head. "W-w-what?! S-So is that why she's coming back? T-to—"**

" **Sort of. That and to see my mum. She's a little sick. But anyway," Kazama brushed off the way Arata and Chihaya both softened. " I bet Mashima's dreading it."**

 **Chihaya seemed to relax a little at that. "I-I see. A-and when is she getting here?"**

" **The day after." Kazama grinned, and then saw the black Porche pull up smoothly in front, up and running. Purring. He but back a sigh. "Oh, look he's ready. Let's go, already."**

 **Arata complied, walking over almost immediately with his hands in his pockets and a blank look. Chihaya hesitated.**

 **Her head was swirling.**

" **You know why I did that, just now, Chihaya-chan?" Kazama asked quietly, making her look up at him with wide eyes. He grinned. The girl could actually be** _ **really**_ **distracting. "It's so that you wouldn't get caught off- guard. Mashima is too modest and oblivious to tell you that you have competition. But I want you to grip strong, okay?"**

 **She sucked in a breath, the betrayal giving way to warmth.**

 **Kazama grinned and gave her a fist bump. " Chihayafuru for the win! " and then stepped out into the fallen snow, leaving behind a stunned young woman.**

 _ **Grip strong, huh? I'm on it.**_

 **Snapping out of her daze at the impatient honking from the car, she grinned and stepped out, slipping quickly into the backseat, pacifying herself.**

 **Satan decided to butt in early.**

 **Jill had only been in Japan for a day before she showed up right outside the society, where Taichi, Chihaya and Kana-chan were stepping out after practise, Komano taking a minute longer.**

 **Rubbing a hand against his chin, Taichi contemplated Chihaya's earlier question.**

 _ **Why do birds fly?**_

 **Kana-chan's face was scrunched up as she tried to come up with an answer. "I imagine it is to adapt. Being a weaker species to us terrestrial animals, they might not have survived on the land."**

 **Taichi nodded. "Yeah. So they adapted to the skies through evolution. You know, from Archaeopteryx to our everyday pigeon."**

" **Archy-what?" Chihaya blinked.**

" **Archaeopteryx. Its a fossil. I'll show you a picture later." He rolled his eyes.**

" **Oooh! As soon as we get home?!"**

" **Sure. Although, if you'd paid attention in science class..."**

 **Kana chan only smiled as Chihaya proceeded to tell him that some things are just impossible. Archaeopteryx far from her mind, the gentle brown haired girl was latched onto how the word** _ **home**_ **transpiring from the conversation had meant a common place to the two of them. Neither seemed to notice that, though, and she rather liked it that they were blissfully unaware. Keeping her beaming smile at bay, Kana chan shook her head fondly when their argument escalated playfully and Chihaya scooped some snow off the ground and splattered it flat onto his coat with a pout, much to his quiet amusement.**

" **Yup. You just lost yourself a donut." He shook his head.**

 **Horrified, panicking, Chihaya splattered some more snow on him, on his head this time, smothering the wet crystals with her hand and daring to look hopeful.**

 **He choked back a laugh and pulled her off of him. "You think changing spots would've worked, idiot?! That's a coffee you destroyed too. Now all that's left is the hot chocolate for later, don't ruin—"**

 _ **Splat**_ **.**

 **Kana-chan was reduced to giggling uncontrollably as Taichi wiped the last of snow from his face, looking white. Chihaya stood, tossing a snowball in her hand, looking strangely happy for someone who just lost three treats.**

" **Stupid." She grinned. "I know that I'll still get all three." She said confidently. "You're all bark and no bite."**

 **His eyes flashed with amusement. "Maybe I've been too lenient lately." He mused, then looked at Kanade for confirmation. "Haven't I, Kana-chan?"**

" **You have." She replied seriously, exchanging a silent laugh with the young man because Chihaya's smile slipped and her confidence faltered. "In fact, Chi-chan needs to be taught a lesson."**

 **Taichi nodded at once. He handed his little bag and keys to the girl, eyes flashing. Kana chan grinned. "Hold these please."**

 **Chihaya gulped. The snowball in her hand went splat on the ground limply.**

 **The next thing she felt was a bigger, sharper sting of wet, sloshy mess of ice on her face.**

 **Ignoring Kana-chan's laughter, she wiped her face. "You'll pay for that, Taichi! This is wa—mmmmpphhh!"**

 **She got another mouthful of snow.**

 **Komano came back into the front yard a few minutes later to see a thoroughly soaked Chihaya and even more dripping wet Taichi, both shivering slightly. "I see you've been busy." He smirked. "You look a little wet, Mashima, Ayase."**

 **He received a face full of ice for his troubles. God save the King.**

 **Grinning to themselves, Chihaya attempting to sneak more snow into her best friend's coat, much to his exasperation, they moved outside, into the sidewalk, towards the car that would take them home.**

 **And then Taichi almost screamed.**

 **Kazama saluted once before amber eyes settled on the tall, gorgeous blonde next to him.**

 **The suddenly sweating young man felt his friends stop around him and Kana chan waved to Kazama, oblivious to the danger lurking in the air.**

 **Kazama would've returned the greeting, but the green eyed beauty had caught sight of them and her face split into a huge smile.**

" **Mashima-kun!"**

 _ **Crap.**_

 **Apparently she had no such qualms because there was a blur of fuchsia and then she was wrapped around him tightly like a snake.**

 _ **God help me.**_

" **Jillian." He managed to say weakly as a manner of greeting, keeping his eyes firmly away from—well, just away. "I forgot you were arriving today."**

 **She pulled back, but her arms remained around his neck. A pout graced her full lips and any sane person would've been entranced immediately. She was just** _ **that**_ **striking. "I suspected you did." She accused lightly. "I was expecting to see you at the airport, but all I got was Youhei. How have you been, Mashima-kun?" She smiled coyly. "The prep was boring without you."**

 **Very aware of tense female figures next to him, Taichi firmly, but gently enough, unwrapped the girl's arms from around himself and stepped back to get some air for himself.** _ **Really? Personal space, lady.**_ **Only one person invaded it without question and unfortunately for Jill, she wasn't that individual. "I've been fine, thank you, Jillian. I'm sure the prep course was interesting, regardless." He shot her a polite smile. "How are you?"**

 **Kazama trained his eyes on a dumbstruck Chihaya, who had lost the flush in her cheeks. Her eyes were sort of glazed over as she stared at his cousin, and he felt a little bad, wishing she would pay attention to how cruelly polite Taichi was being, instead of so obviously spiralling into negative thoughts, looking absolutely star struck at the new arrival.**

 **Yeah, his cousin was a looker alright.**

 **Jillian giggled, a dainty hand covering her mouth. "So formal, as always, Mashima-kun. " she enunciated his name with shyness. " I'm very good now that I'm here, thank you." She smiled. "Its so good to see you again!"**

 **Taichi smiled back, but it was plastered. "You too."**

 **Chihaya felt Kana chan poke her side as their conversation flowed, and she swallowed at turned to look at her best girlfriend and Komano.**

 **There was balloon in her chest, filling up at a rapid rate, leaving a small lump in her throat. She wet her lips.**

 **Kana chan smiled reassuringly, while Komano adjusted his glasses, glinting. She knew they were offering support, but she was, frankly, a little lost.**

 **The blonde hair** _ **glowed,**_ **her smile was the most radiant thing she'd seen in ages, and the tall frame was accompanied by killer heels that did amazing justice to a pair of long, beautiful legs. And her eyes** _ **sparkled**_ **. There was elegance in everything she did, every little movement.**

 **And to be frank, Chihaya wasn't feeling very good about herself at the moment.**

 **Not at all.**

 **Intact, a plastic surgery was in order.**

 **Swallowing the squirm in her stomach again, she waited for their conversation to just get over. And then Aphrodite herself turned to them with a curiously interested smile, polite. "Are these** _ **your**_ **friends?"**

 **Ha. She sounded if** _ **she**_ **was his constant companion and they were the kids he'd met at the arcade one day. Choking back her vicious miasma that threatened to escape, Chihaya reminded herself that this was her friend's cousin and she had to be nice.**

" **Yes, they are." Taichi suddenly looked relieved. " Komano, Kanade and Chihaya. We went to high school together."**

" **I see!" her eyes lit up. "Its so nice to meet you. I'm Jillian. Or maybe I should say Yuki Jillian."**

" **Nice to meet you too." Kana chan smiled back softly, while Chihaya settled for a bow, copying Komano. She straightened to find a pair of amber eyes on her flashing with unease and momentary concern, but he looked away quickly. It made her heart skip a silly beat.**

" **So, I'd love to catch up! And get to know your friends some more, Mashima-kun. How about we get some coffee?"**

 **Clearly unwilling, but too polite to refuse her flatly, he looked at his friends uneasily. "Er...sure...if they don't mind?"**

" **Actually, we have to get going." Chihaya was surprised at her own voice so calm and steady when she was a mess inside. She felt his eyes on her, burning, but she looked at the blindingly bright female in front of him, looked at them together and made up her mind.**

" **...I have to get started on my assignments; I've been a notorious procrastinator lately. And Kana chan, you have a date."**

 **As if she was snapping out of a trance, Kanade nodded dazedly. "I almost forgot. We'll see you later then, Yuki-San. Buchou..." Taichi was giving her a wide eyed, clear message of panic on different things, but she was a little helpless. She conveyed her apology as best as she could.**

 **Realizing he was being abandoned, Taichi glanced at Chihaya who was abnormally quiet and dim eyed.**

 **And he nearly winced from the clench in his chest when she caught his gaze and tried to cover up with a too-bright smile.**

 **His determination returned. He didn't know why she was so obviously upset...but a huge part of him that he had been trying to subdue, the part that believed her when she told him 'she had an answer to his question' had already made up theories.**

 **Of insecurity, heartbreak, rejection.**

 **And he nearly went crazy with the dense flames of protectiveness inside.**

 **No way was she getting those** _ **horrifying thoughts**_ **because of him.**

 **So what if he lost a little dignity? So what if this would result in his worst fears? Giving into her words and her claims would mean trouble for himself, because if she** _ **ever**_ **decided later on that she had made a mistake with him, he would have to go through a shitload of hell all over again, and this time it would be worse because they had built up too many memories, he had free fallen way too deep, and even what would be an illusion of her being a part of him would make him go crazy when taken away.**

 **But she shouldn't** __ **feel the dejection and hurt he had such experience in. Not because of him and his selfishness.** _ **Never.**_ **She didn't deserve it. She was too innocent. He didn't want that sort of darkness tainting her.**

 **And there in that street with his old friends and new, with a huge part of his life watching him with wide, innocent auburn eyes that were so open to him, like a book, he took a decision.**

 _ **I was doomed from the beginning anyway.**_

" **Alright." He said quietly, tearing his eyes away from Chihaya. "But I'm still dropping you guys off, I did promise after all."**

 **None of them actually protested and he beamed at that. Taichi smiled apologetically at Jill. " Do you think you can go ahead without me to the coffee shop? Kazama will take you, to The Hillside, and I'll met you guys there!"**

 **A little spurred by his sudden enthusiasm, she nodded happily. "Of course! I'm so sorry you guys can't come though...but there's still time, right?!" she beamed at their nods. "Right then, see you soon, Mashima-kun...don't take too long." She added a tad shyly and grabbed Kazama's arm, looking every bit like a supermodel. "See you!"**

" **Bye guys!" Kazama yelled.**

 **The group waved back as they walked away and as soon as they were far enough, Taichi sagged and slapped a hand to his face. "Well, this is just** _ **great."**_

 **They had begun walking back to the car slowly, and Chihaya took the time to snap out of her zombie land. "Why? What's so wrong?"**

 **He chose to give her a flat look, and she pouted and looked away, but even that lacked her usual genuineness and enthusiasm and he wanted to bash his head against the wall for unintentionally causing the lack of lustre by being an idiot.**

 **Kana Chan provided a distraction by suddenly clearing her throat. She was glaring at Komano. "I believe we had a date."**

" **Er...yes...we do...?"**

" **Then why are we still here, Tsukue-kun?" Her eyes gleamed.**

 **Taichi bit his lip to keep in a mad desire to laugh. "Someone's in trouble." He teased.**

 **Komano glared at him. "Yeah? You think you're in the clear?"**

 **Shutting up. Taichi backed off, scratching his head a little. "Um...do you lovebirds need a ride?"**

" **No, we're fine." Komano waved him off. Bravely grabbing Kana chan's hand and making her flush a little, he waved. "We're going a different way anyhow. You two get going."**

" **H-hai." Kanade stumbled. "We'll see you tomorrow." And she locked eyes with a pair of amber pools for a second, silently wishing him luck. Taichi nodded in acknowledgement.**

 **Waving them off, and going as far as to tease them** _ **again,**_ **the** __ **merciless childhood friends duo redirected themselves to the car with grins at the blushes on their closest friends' faces.**

 **Chihaya didn't say much during the ride, fiddling with the stereo all the while, but as he neared the familiar lane, she frowned confusedly. "Taichi, my place is** _ **that**_ **way."**

" **Really?" he rolled his eyes. "I had no idea. Thank you for telling me the way to a place I could get to even in my sleep."**

 **She tried not to smile at that. "Where are you taking me?"**

" **The woods. To slit your throat and feed you to the wolves."**

" _ **T-Taichi!"**_

" **Home, baka. As in the fancier apartment with better security. I** _ **swear,**_ **your sister is really irresponsible, going off like that all of a sudden."**

" **Oh yeah..." she bit her tongue. "I'd forgotten she was gone. But am I supposed to wait for you to come back then?"**

" **Obviously. Unless...you want to come with..?"**

" **No." She said immediately and then flushed a little at his concerned glance. "I have to do my assignment..."**

 **He remained silent, watching her shrink back into her little ball, trying to escape his reach.** _ **Yeah, right, nice try. I do that, Chihaya. Not you.**_

 **Taichi sighed, rolling to a stop before his apartment. "Your things were upstairs anyway. Go get started, I'll be back as soon as possible."**

 **All she did was nod, and unbuckle her seatbelt, the imaginary hook back in place, reappearing in her stomach. Only this time, it was a little stronger than usual.**

" **Don't blow the place up." He warned like every time, making her scowl half heartedly. "And I expect you to stay right inside. Don't go anywhere, alright?"**

 **She smiled. "I won't, Paranoid Jackson, leave already."**

 **He scoffed lightly. "I will when you get out, Madame Mood Swings."**

 **Feeling a tad brave and evil, at the risk of making herself look bad, she mimicked Jill from earlier and mock batted her eyelashes at him, looking shy...not. "Don't take too long** _ **Mashima-kun.**_ **"**

 **Apparently, he liked it, because he was choking back a laugh and threw her jacket in her face to take with her. "You're evil."** _ **And observant, apparently**_ **. " Get out already."**

 **She shot him a stuck out tongue before shutting the door and skipping long strides inside, the guard greeting her warmly, and her returning it with usual cheer. He watched her for a second, saluted the old guard who gave him a thumbs up to show he got it covered, and then sped off to The Hillside to get this over with.**

 **When he came back, there was thunder and lightning lighting up the sky and he knew that wasn't a good sign.**

 **Scrolling through his phone for the weather forecast, Taichi took the elevator directly from the basement and up to the seventh floor, where his unit was. The network sucked, and he waited impatiently for the elevator ding for two different reasons: WiFi and Chihaya, both of which were behind the door to his little apartment.**

 **The whole coffee with the Devil thing had gone surprisingly well. He was jittery and unsettled with the way he had left his best friend, but Jillian was oblivious, keeping up a rather mundane stream of topics flowing, until he pointed out that it was late. He dropped her and Kazama off and then drove back as fast as he could without breaking the speed limit, so that he could get rid of the feeling in his gut that something was going to be decided tonight.**

 **Sorta felt like D-day but that was just his recently rampaging imagination.**

 **As soon as he quietly opened the door and stepped inside stealthily, thanking God for his heater, locking up behind him, there was a loud rumble of thunder that seemed to shake the building.**

 **He got over his initial shock and walked over to his room, where sure enough, Chihaya was watching the sky light up with flashes of lightning through the large glass door to the balcony, transfixed, but not with the usual wide eyed innocence. Intact, she was sitting in the dark, looking almost contemplative, with her papers and bag abandoned on the foot of his bed.**

 **He watched her for a second, letting himself actually enjoy the silver highlight the forks of lightning in the sky gave her silky brown hair, before flipping the switch, and making light flood into the room.**

 **Chihaya squinted, then one hand covered her eyes as she turned in his general direction. "Okaeri."**

 **He grinned. "I'm not who you think I am."**

 **She still kept her hand over her eyes. "No?"**

" **Nope. I'm a serial killer."**

" **You're awfully into** _ **death**_ **today. First the woods and wolves and now this." she mused. "Just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't recognise you, Taichi."**

" **I'm telling you, I'm** _ **not**_ **Taichi. I'm...an apprentice...of Hannibal Lector."**

" **I have no clue who that is." She pouted.**

 **Chihaya felt the bed dip where he was crawling over. " He's my long lost uncle." His voice neared, tinged with a little sarcasm at her ignorance, and for some reason, her lips curved into a grin. Her pulse skyrocketed as the bed dipped closer to her and Chihaya twisted fully to face him, with a hand still over her eyes. Blind, her other senses heightened, and she heard his steady soft breathing clearly, revelled in the slowly nearing cologne, too slow for her taste, actually. She bit back a laugh when he lifted the hand just enough so that she was still shielding her eyes from the light, but her gaze was intercepted by a pair of bright molten amber eyes.**

 **That was all she could see.**

" **He told me to find you." He continued in a raspy whisper that made her shiver, entranced as she was. Faint breath tinged with,** _ **surprise**_ _ **surprise**_ **, minty chocolate dusted her face. " And hang you by the neck on this fan." His eyes widened. "...** _ **Alive**_ **."**

 **She squealed in momentary horror, and lurched back, away from the amused young man, shuddering.**

" **You creep!" She threw a pillow at him, which landed flat on his face. "What's gotten into you?"**

" **You froze my brain with all the snow from before." He said seriously, pulling back his sleeves, as if he meant business. Chihaya felt her eyes widen when he inched closer. "In fact, you broke it. And now all I can think about is blood.** _ **Your blood."**_

 **She** __ **squealed louder this time when he lunged, honestly terrified, even though she knew it was an act, and actually shivered when he threw her on the bed and mercilessly took her breath away with precisely placed tickles. Chihaya was half laughing, and half in tears from childish belief that she somehow** _ **had**_ **managed to freeze his brain, and her own mind was cooking up images of his fingers** _ **clawing**_ **and drawing blood instead of skimming harmlessly across her skin.**

" **S-Stop! I'll surrender."**

" _ **Blood**_ **."**

" _ **T-**_ **Taichi, you idiot! Stop s-scaring me!"**

" **I said,** _ **blooooood**_ **." Then taking pity on her flushed cheeks beneath him, he paused for a while as she gasped. "I would've said** _ **brains**_ **but it would've been non profitable." He grinned. "You've only got a little of that."**

 **She managed to gulp enough air into her lungs to glare and smack his chest from where he hovered above, straddling her easily. In the comfort of usual silliness, excessive awareness of positions was forgotten. "Why are you so mean today?" She accused lightly, then attempted a sneer. "Did you date go bad?"**

" **Wasn't a date." He mumbled, some part of him drinking in the sight of her hair spread all over his pillow in soft silky strands, accompanying the pale skin but flushed cheeks and wide eyes trained on his face with lots of emotions, a little guarded, but sparkling like usual for the most part; the image branded into the back of his mind so that he could pull it out and torture himself later. Sadistic, his brain was.**

 **Thunder rumbled outside again and this time, his glass window actually vibrated, making Taichi look away in alarm. Chihaya however, kept her eyes on his face. And shivered for a different reason that had nothing to do with the cold.**

 **Eyes snapping back to her face, he looked familiarly concerned. "Are you cold? Shall I crank up the heater?"**

 **Chihaya shook her head, disappointed when he crawled off her. "I'm good. What's with the weather?"**

" **Hailstorm." He informed, tugging at the ends of his hair, eyes outside the window. She watched another fork of lightning light the room even more, and saw the reflection of inky black sky with flashes if light in his eyes. It was strangely fascinating. He turned those molten pools of gold upon her worriedly. "How am I supposed to get you home now?"**

 **She felt her heart skip a beat. "I don't know..." and then sighed. "Maybe I can just stay here with my hospitable best friend..."**

" **And his hot tub. Go on, say it. I know you want to." He said dryly.**

 **Never the one to turn down a perfect offer, she grinned. "And his hot tub. Thank God you're filthy rich."**

 **He stuck his tongue out at her very** _ **maturely. "**_ **Call Chitose. I wonder...is she alright? She's not travelling back tonight is she?"**

" **Noooo." Chihaya waved a hand, feeling for her phone in her pants and the bed, and when she couldn't find it, snatched his cell out of his picket instead. The reason he didn't even blink was because things like that happened on a regular basis. She stole his phone from his pocket almost everyday without any inhibitions.**

 _ **We need boundaries.**_ **He thought futilely, knowing very well it wouldn't last. They were the way they were because of Chihaya's freedom with him.**

 **And it pacified** _ **everybody**_ **that he was the only one she was** _ **this**_ **careless around. Contrary to popular belief, she had a little sense when it came to behaving around other guys.**

 **A** _ **little.**_

 **And really,** _ **boundaries?**_ **They had only just been playing around like puppies on the bed. It was too late.**

 **He rolled his eyes when Chitose didn't seem to protest at** _ **all**_ **. Chihaya looked satisfied with that, and instead of handing the phone back, she played around with it, simply fiddling. He watched her and the sky alternatively. Because looking at her for too long was making his ribs ache.**

" **Are you going through my** _ **contacts?"**_ **he accused suddenly, catching a glimpse of it from the reflection of the screen in her eyes.**

 **Chihaya glanced up nonchalantly. "If I am?"**

" _ **Why**_ **?"**

 **She just shrugged. " I was looking at everyone's contact photos." Then suddenly she twisted the phone to show him a profile.**

 _ **Jillian.**_

" **Why doesn't she have a picture?" Chihaya questioned innocently, but he picked up the quietness in her voice.**

" **Because I don't want one." He offered. What the heck would he need her photo for?**

 **But apparently, Chihaya's thoughts were a lot different from his own. She nodded slowly and shrank back, fiddling with the phone again. And she kept her head bowed as she sent the next words like a harsh crack through the silence. "... she's pretty enough to remember without one."**

 **Taichi blinked.**

" **Of course, that's true." She laughed a little nervously. " I wouldn't need a photo to remember a face like that either."**

 **He reached over, making her look up in surprise, and took the phone away from her fingers...and felt her forehead. "No, you're not feverish."**

 **She slapped his hand away with a scowl. "Quit it."**

" **Sorry. I just couldn't make out why you're acting** _ **deranged**_ **all of a sudden." He snapped. "Honestly, Chihaya." He softened and poked her forehead to make her look at him. "What's wrong?"**

 **Sitting there like that, cross legged and facing each other with her favourite rain/hail in the background and thunder and lightning making the sky** _ **and his eyes**_ **light up like nothing she'd ever seen before, Chihaya** _ **wanted**_ **to tell him what was on her mind. She wanted to tell him how pathetically jealous she was getting, how she was drowning in a lot of different, new, scarily powerful feelings that she had no idea how to navigate through without him. She wanted to let him know what was swallowing her up since the day so many months back when she realised the truth.**

 **It was suffocating, having him there but not able to reach him. He knocked the wind right out of her with a touch, and gave it back just as easily with a smile. She was powerless to stop the magic.**

 **Taichi was her best friend above everything. She did feel very strongly for him, she felt very passionately** _ **,**_ **but these were new to her, and a scatterbrained dense idiot like herself needed guidance. When the one person who could give her that was the cause of her problems, she had no idea what to do. He was there, ready to help, ready to put the air in her lungs, but she couldn't exactly accept his helping hand.**

 **At least, not until she came up with an idea.**

 **Taichi waited. And when she opened her mouth reluctantly, he gave her a warm, encouraging smile, and she knew she had no reason to be nervous. No reason to hold back and hide things from him. Because if anyone could offer her help despite whatever he was going through, it was him, and she realised with a sting behind her eyelids that she had never actually thanked him for it, or known how** _ **hard**_ **it is to put aside yourself and take the fall for another.**

 **A warm rush of affection made her stomach flutter wildly, and her cheeks flushed. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, or cry, she didn't know...**

 **...the power went out.**

 **The light in the room switched off and another louder rumble thunder shook the glass again. Forks of lightning illuminated his form before her, silver highlights on his face and profile making him look unreal. Otherworldly. She forgot her words. Her thoughts.**

 **The wind inside was knocked out again.**

 **But Taichi fumbled for his phone, oblivious. "Crap. I think this is a little more serious than they let on."**

" **W-what?" she stammered. "Why?"**

" **Its not supposed to hail, Chihaya, it's winter and we usually have** _ **snow.**_ **Stupid Global Warming."**

" **Is that the reason?" she murmured weakly.**

 **Chihaya saw his outline shrug in the darkness. "I just like to blame everything on it. Its a reflex." His phone screen lit up and his face glowed into sight before her, frowning worriedly. "Its going to be a bad storm. The generator must be busted too. Are you okay?"**

 **She nodded silently. Taichi sighed, and gave her a smile. "Stay put. I'm going to go unplug stuff around the house, we don't want anything burning up from the thunder outside. Do you want something from the kitchen?"**

 **She wanted him to stay. Her voice was still soft and quiet, almost lost in the rumble outside. "No, I'm fine. Careful with the wires. I don't want you crispy for the rest of the night."**

 **He rolled his eyes, then gave her a pat on the head and scrambled off to do what he had intended.**

 **And she waited, listening carefully to the sounds inside the house, where he was moving about. Assignment forgotten, she plopped down on the soft mattress, on top of the comforter. The lingering heat from the heater was beginning to feel stale against her bare toes. Chihaya watched the sky again, entranced, mind running various things over, but she was too busy admiring nature to care.**

 _ **Global Warming, Taichi had said. Was this Mother Nature being angry at us? Are the beautiful forks of lightning her feelings of fury?**_

 **Her eyelids eventually drooped, felt heavy. The sound of footsteps returning to the room jogged her consciousness a little.**

 **Taichi climbed back onto bed again, cautiously quiet this time.**

" **I'm not asleep yet." She mumbled a hand reaching out for him, even though her eyes were on the sky outside. "Make some noise, this is boring."**

 **She could imagine his face clearing at her words. Chihaya felt the fabric of his t-shirt against her outstretched hand, and her fingers curled around it, near his stomach. "Lie down with me for a while" She commanded quietly.**

 **He hesitated, she knew. And she felt it like a sting. "Taichi."**

" **Hmm..?"**

" **Instead of worrying about the thousand reasons you shouldn't, why don't you just focus on one reason you should?" she suggested quietly.**

 **There was another beat's silence and then he was laying down on his back beside her.**

 **Silence in the room was comfortable, faint whooshing of hail outside mixed with thunder and flashes of light was the only thing actually audible. But she picked out his breathing, steady and right** _ **there**_ **next to her in the darkness. She knew that if she turned around and looked, he would be an outline in he darkness. If she reached out a hand and touched, she would feel the warmth even if she couldn't see it right then.**

" **Fun fact." He murmured. "Hail hits you so hard sometimes, you get bruises. People have died."**

" **How is that** _ **fun?"**_ **she muttered back just as quietly, a fork of lightning illuminating the ceiling, throwing strange shadows across it.**

 **She had to do it now.**

" **Taichi...listen. I'm..."**

" **Hungry?" he nudged her side.**

" _ **No**_ **...okay, a little. But that's not what I meant to say." She sighed. Turning around to face him, with the sky to her back, Chihaya swallowed a lump.**

 **He radiated warmth. All she had to do was reach out a few inches and his skin would be under her palms and she would be happy. Satisfied. But greedy for more at the same time. The stale left over heat could be replaced by something richer, firmer, something that could warm up her insides just as well. It was tantalising, that short distance between them. A huge line she wanted to cross, but couldn't do so without him giving her an inch. Hence the knot in her throat.**

 **Taichi was staring at the ceiling, dangerously quiet. Chihaya blanched, but mustered enough courage to whisper: "I need you to be my best friend for a while."**

" **I'm** __ **your best friend** _ **all**_ **the time." He muttered.**

" **That's not all you are. Which is why I need to see you play that role for me for a little while."**

 **She heard him sigh. "Go on. Talk."**

 **She wondered if his heart was pounding as loudly as hers as she breached the topic, uncharacteristically carefully. "You know I'm stupid."**

" **You're not." He said firmly.**

 **She laughed shakily into the sheets, wishing it was his shoulder instead. "We both know I am a little. But here's the thing... I went and- and got myself into some big trouble."**

" **That's not news either." He said quietly.**

" **No, but this is different kind of trouble, Taichi. I went and got myself—I mean, I've been trapped."**

" **By an octopus?" he suggested weakly.**

" **No, by a person." She whispered. Thunder rumbled again. "I never realised I cared for him so much, until reality slapped me harshly right in the face." She waited, almost fainting from the tears pooling behind her lids and the lump in her throat making breathing a big difficulty. But she rasped on. "The worst part is, he doesn't even believe me when I try to tell him how much I care. And I've been feeling so** _ **negative**_ **and despaired ever since..." her voice cracked. "I don't know what to do."**

 **Taichi swallowed. Squeezed his eyes shut. Prayed.**

 **And jumped.**

" **Sounds like an idiot." He murmured, soft enough for her to hear and swallow a light intake of breath. "Ditch him."**

" **Not so easy." She breathed, head and heart pounding together. "I honestly want him too much."**

 **He waited, mouth dry. "And is that your problem? He's being an ass?"**

" **No." She whispered. "He has every right to not believe me. I was** _ **such an idiot**_ **before." The vehemence in her hushed words was like a knot in his chest. She must've been crying. "Th-There wasn't much I could do to convince him, because I've been nothing but a bad friend and an oblivious fool for so long...but I tired and I thought—I thought I was getting somewhere."**

 **He twisted then, turning to face her. They were both lying on their sides, facing the other and flashes of lightning illuminated his face, and it looked pale and wan, eyes wide and guarded. Weary. Scared.**

 **But bright. Burning. Intense.**

 **She shivered again. " D-Do you know what went wrong then?" she murmured shakily. "I saw another girl. Someone** _ **perfect**_ **for someone like him."**

" **Perfect how?" he muttered back.**

 **Chihaya smiled a little, and her hand reached out to curl in his shirt again, by his waist. There were very few inches between their faces; if he dipped his head, his nose would be buried in her hair. But he held back, testing his limits before he finally** _ **would**_ **break pathetically. She looked up at him and the centimetres between their faces became too little.**

 _ **Neither**_ **cared, for once.**

" **She's the most amazingly beautiful woman I've ever seen." She murmured earnestly. "Really. But it wasn't just that. She was smart, a** _ **medical**_ _ **student**_ **! And she was so elegant and graceful and** _ **mature**_ **and wise and coy and feminine—that's the sort of woman he should end up** _ **marrying**_ **! They were perfect for each other." She shook her head a little, eyes trained on his collar now. " I felt a little...inadequate. With his lack of response and belief in my feelings and now this...wasn't I fighting a losing battle?"**

 **There was silence for a long, long while. Chihaya didn't dare raise her eyes to his, vision blurred by tears anyway, and the hard lump in her throat was suffocating.**

 **It was silly, to be crying because there was someone gorgeous waiting on the line. But that wasn't it. She felt a little stupid herself in comparison. What did she have except Karuta and over bubbling craziness? Taichi deserved** _ **more;**_ **he deserved** _ **perfection.**_ **She was anything** _ **but**_ **graceful** __ **and** __ **collected** _ **.**_ **Girls like Jillian were coy, feminine, elegant and sweet. She would take care of him like a proper woman would, while Chihaya could barely relax around him, worrying she wasn't doing enough. They would be able to make him happy. She could see the perfection in getting them together.**

 **But then there was a sigh. And his head dipped and lips grazed her cheek, brushing away a stray tear softly.**

 **Heat pooled in her stomach. Chest soared painfully. Her lungs burned and her eyes stung some more. But his lips never left her skin.**

" **Have you ever thought," he murmured, "That maybe your definition of perfection isn't the same as his?"**

 **She couldn't breathe anymore. Her fingers clenched in his shirt when the softly murmuring mouth moved to her jaw, goosebumbs erupting all over her skin, making her toes curl. Her head pounded, heart beat furiously in search of oxygen, but she couldn't breathe again; the wind knocked clearly out of her lungs. His voice was faint in her ears, but she listened.**

" **I bet that other girl wasn't the one who woke up extra early to check up on him and make him coffee in the morning for all these months. I bet you she doesn't know he's obsessed with brushing." He smiled against her cheek and she shivered. Accordingly, burning fingers ran along the side of her face. "I don't think she's the one he can be comfortable around, enough to sing along to crappy country songs and gorge on chocolate cake—I bet all girls like her do is take a tiny bite instead of stuffing a whole cookie into their throats...I** _ **bet**_ **" he paused, "he likes it that way, wide mouth and short nails and everything in between."**

 **She froze completely, almost wide eyed now as she went back to a year ago, a different time, a simpler place. And words she had never really forgotten, never really pushed away, came flooding back.**

 **She wanted to cry.**

 **He laughed suddenly, shakily. " I think you're being stupid." There was that tell tale waver in his voice, that gave away his nervousness, but he was making a brave jump, a bold move. She felt his lips skim her jaw again, and rested at her cheek, making her feel faint with lack of breath. Thunder rumbled outside, loud and noisy and attention seeking but she was lost, floating somewhere she didn't know existed, half wondering if this was a dream, half drugged from the touch, from the scent of cologne and the chocolatey breath and the** _ **words.**_

 **Taichi paused to swallow, and she understood this wasn't very easy for him. " I think he loves you for all the right reasons, way too much to even look at someone else. I don't think this** _ **other**_ **woman is the person he lights up for, Chihaya. Give him some credit." He said softly, shakily. "And I bet you he's sorry he doesn't believe you, sorry to have put you through this pain and that it won't happen again. But he has his reasons."**

" **I understand." She muttered back, voice cracking. "Its okay."**

" **Then go find him and tell him how you feel once again." He pressed his lips to her cheek softly. "But after a little while. No rushing." He added hastily, and then, because he wasn't superhuman, his lips pressed against the corner of her mouth and his words tumbled out in a breathless husky timbre. "She's got** _ **nothing**_ **on you anyway."**

 **Chihaya would've fainted if he hadn't pulled away just then.**

 **The fire in her stomach wanted the previous contact back, but his words were what left her a little smack dabbed and dazed.**

 **And giddy.**

 **She was sure there was a smile on her face; but her lungs weren't fully functional just yet. Outside, lightning flashed again, and she eyed the outline of the face above her with a soaring heart and tingling skin. She tried to process his words, and fought off a soft smile. The silence that followed wasn't very tensed; in fact, it was amazingly cool. As if this was something that should've happened a long time ago, a conversation overdue. She wasn't about to be nervous. And neither was he, by the looks of it. There** _ **was**_ **a thing called growing up in the end.**

 **Although, he wasn't very keen on ending a conversation with her on such a grave note.**

" **But** _ **for**_ **NOW ," Taichi said a bit louder, interrupting mother nature's rant. "Your dreams of a hot tub are, frankly, doomed."**

 **Her attention snapped like a pathetic elastic band.**

 **She gaped. "** _ **What?!**_ **Why?"**

" **Because I don't think the power's coming back soon." He said smugly. "That's what you get for having ulterior motives behind a seemingly innocent sleep over."**

 **He saw her puff her cheeks and blow the air out. "** _ **Fine.**_ **But as soon as it comes back...!"**

" **By then it'll be morning." He mused. " Which also means no heater. I'm kind of starting to get chilly."**

" **And I'm hungry." She waited for the loud roll of thunder to pass before saying again. "I suppose pizza is out of the question."**

 **He snorted. "No pizza guy is suicidal enough to come out in** _ **this**_ **weather."**

" **I would've gone if I was the pizza guy." She grumbled. Crossing her arms and scowling. "People deserve some pizza. Pizza guys need to have a slogan : Through rain or shine or hail—"**

" **Chihaya, that's a** _ **postman's**_ **motto..."**

" **I honestly** _ **don't**_ **care."**

" **To tell you the truth, neither do I." He patted his stomach, frowning. "How about some instant Ramen?"**

" _ **Anything."**_

 **He brightened. "Come on, get up then. You can boil the water. And I'll get the forks."**

" **Why do I feel like I'm the one doing all the work in that equation?"**

" **Because all it needs is hot water and you can be a polite little guest by offering to do it."**

 **She stared at him for a second before nodding slowly. "Right. I suppose..." and then she grinned. "Or I could just—** _ **Last one to the kitchen lights the stove!"**_

" **Oi—mmmphh!"**

 **Smothering him with a pillow for time, she dashed off into the house without another thought. He wrenched away the fluffy cushion. "Chihaya! Its dark, you'll trip, idiot!"**

" **I'm alive!" she called back.**

" **I don't care." He called back sarcastically. "I'm worried you'll crack the floor if you fall down!"**

 **There was silence and then she was marching back into the room, with— lightning flashed, lighting up her form—was that** _ **ice?**_

 **Needless to say, he dragged her away from the bed and into the kitchen and gave her an earful for being stupid enough to think about** _ **ice**_ **when it was already getting so cold inside slowly. And they argued, she boiled the water anyway for the Ramen in punishment and they ate in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and the stool, Taichi complaining about green house gases and Chihaya trying to remember what CFCs were.**

 **Despite the heavy conversation before, their interaction flowed smoothly, almost as if it was natural to talk about the things that terrified both of them so long, as if it was normal to almost faint from an almost-kiss. As if it happened everyday.**

 **And now, watching her shove a cookie full into her mouth just to prove a point, and raise her eyebrows at him for comment, he bit back a laugh at the puffed out cheeks and gave her a thumbs up, pulling her closer once she'd swallowed—with some difficulty at that, I mean, a** _ **whole**_ _ **cookie**_ **?!— and brushing away crumbs from her face, declining her offer to challenge him to a cookie stuffing competition. When he finally took a bored bite of the baked goodness, she accused him of eating like a girl.**

 **You can guess what happened next.**

 **They went back to bed with slightly aching tummies, and Chihaya buried her face in his stomach before he could draw a line to their interactions, and that went out the window as well. But he kept his hands off, and seeing her hair spread over his shirt with droopy eyes and incoherent mumblings, he realised the reason it flowed so smoothly was because some things were just supposed to be. And their transition would be slow, but going back didn't seem like a luxury anymore.**

 **And he was fine with it. She might've snatched his heart. He might he willing to selflessly give into her. But the key to the lock would stay with him.**

 **At least until time comes.**

 **For now, he shushed her random questions about E. Coli of all things and let her doze off on him before slowly extracting himself from under her and finally,** _ **finally,**_ **crashing on the couch and falling fast asleep; half confused, half apprehensive, but fully content at the moment.**

Boy that was hard to write. I mean, really. I wanted to write this so bad, because the scene's been inside my head for SO DAMN long but I'm afraid...have I done them justice?"

What? No, its not over yet! Of course not. Hey, falling in love is easy. Its making the relationship lasts that counts. And besides, you head the man, he ain't givin' away them keys just yet.

Which means little more problems to sort. Taichi's been through high school hell in terms of his heart. He's not bouncing back so easily. That's not fair to him. She needs to have some punishment too.

Sorry, but I just don't see it being easy. Like I said, we had a lot in common, and if I was him, I wouldn't ever have been so selfless and readily put myself in a position of getting even more and bigger hurtful feelings. But that's Taichi.

Lock is with her. Key's still with him. She's going to have to earn it.

She will. This is my take on how.

Next time, sweethearts. Cheerio. Leave a review if you liked it.


	10. Chapter 10

Rather short but I'm busy as fudge. Enjoy. Lemme know how it is...

Arata, you **bold** man.

Oh, on the bright side...

YAMADA SENPAI IS BAAAACCKKKK! WOOHOOIII

*ahem*

Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru.

 **The top shelf was a very smug son of a biscuit.**

 **Chihaya growled to herself as she jumped again, trying to grab the wretched container of sugar so that she could just get on with the tea. But while the water boiled away, she was stuck trying to get down the sweetening agent placed strategically on the topmost shelf so that Harada Sensei didn't sneak in and have his way with it.**

 **They were in the Shiranami Society lounge room, and she was in the little adjoining kitchen, trying to make some hot drinks. The chatter from the little space was calming and familiar to her ears; a medley she enjoyed listening to, the sounds of her extended family.**

 **She jumped again, but her fingers swiped the air.**

 **Back in the lounge, Kana-chan frowned at the sight. "Someone needs to go and help her. Someone** _ **tall."**_ **She shot her companion a glance. "Buchou, don't just sit there..."**

 **Taichi grinned into his book. " I'm having fun listening to her curse. Its strangely relaxing."**

" **Mashima-senpai is turning into a sadist." Sumire-chan pouted. She poked his arm and tried not to flush at the firm muscles that greeted her finger. "G-Go and help her!"**

 **He looked up from the book and into the kitchen. She was jumping again, not thinking about using a chair. A little worry did flash in his chest, what if she clambered onto the counter and slipped? Sure, she was changing a little but aspects like these hadn't really changed at all...in fact, only yesterday, he had seen her fall down a tree in the park, trying to climb through the snow to get a hat back for some kid. Even though it hadn't ended in a trip to the ER, she had a bruise on her arm as a reminder. He sighed, and then closed his book, noticing Sumire and Kanade's identical grins and shooting them both a glare. "Don't get too excited, I'm just going to—"**

 **But the shrill ringing of his phone interrupted them. Fishing it out, frowning, he stifled a little groan at the caller ID.**

 **Dr. Ryuken Tanako. His mentor of sorts, a middle aged man with a passion for good students. But once he started talking, it took him a while to stop and this call would undoubtedly last a while and probably result in a trip to some place for another camp.**

 **Not fun, much.**

 **But he bit his lip and looked at the girls as he got up. "Looks like you're not getting your show. I have to take this...but just give her a chair or something before she falls down?"**

 **Sumire chan pouted even more. "Hmph. Fine."**

 **He smiled gratefully and patted her head as he passed. Kana chan sighed. "And we were so close."**

" **I know..." the younger girl said wistfully. "It's so exciting to watch them now! But they're so** _ **slow**_ **I can feel my skin wrinkling from waiting around!"**

" **Let them take their own time and pace, Sumire-chan." Kana chan chided. "That's not our place to meddle."**

 **Sumire chan looked back at their former Captain. She was about to reply with a sarcastic comment but her words were overtaken by a gasp from her mouth and widening of her own eyes trained unwaveringly on the kitchen entrance.**

 **Kana chan reluctantly followed her gaze...and her own eyebrows shot up.**

 **Chihaya had been jumping around alone, but now her saviour had come in the form of The Meijin.**

 **Sumire stifled a squeal against her balled up fist. "** _ **Ohmygosh!**_ **He's attacking when Mashima-senpai isn't** _ **here!"**_ **she hissed. Then squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't watch!"**

 **Kanade tried to pry the girls eyes open, glancing uneasily at the two childhood friends talking in the kitchen. Chihaya looked a little pink. Arata was smiling. " 'Mire-chan open you eyes and—** _ **what?!"**_ **she broke off with a hiss too, unable to help herself.**

 **As her kohai peeked slowly from between her fingers, Kanade almost fainted at the turn the scene had taken.**

 **Arata glanced at the jar on the shelf, then back at Chihaya. She nodded rapidly. And the next thing they knew, he reached up for it, but apparently choosing another option to get the damn sugar, he picked up the now flushed girl by the waist and gave her a boost.**

 **Steam erupted from Sumire-chan's red ears. Her eyes gleamed.**

 **Kanade licked her lips, unsuccessfully trying to calm her galloping heart. That wasn't very** _ **friendly,**_ **it was...**

 **She couldn't help it. She covered her eyes for a second too, before getting a grip and shaking her head furiously to clear it.**

 **Back in the kitchen, Arata set down a pink-faced Chihaya and shot her a smile at the colour on her cheeks. She clutched the jar to her chest, almost protectively. "A-Arigatou, Arata."**

" **Anytime." He smiled. When he didn't move, she snapped out of it and quickly turned to the kettle, pulling out the tea leaves.**

 **The kitchen was small enough as it is, but having him there, very close, and watching her move was a little uncomfortable. She suddenly wished for more air.**

 **But it wasn't in the good, breathless sense. For one, the flush on her cheeks wasn't the happy one which made her eyes sparkle.**

" **How's college?" she asked lightly to keep a conversation. Silence usually bothered her...unless it was during Karuta or when she was studying with Taichi. Even when she was working alone, she had to have at least some music on in the background. "You have a huge project coming up right?"**

" **I do." Arata nodded slowly, midnight blue eyes never leaving her face. "And college is fine, Chihaya. I love it. Only..."**

 **She glanced up from the kettle when he trailed off, and gave him an enquiring smile. "Only what?"**

" **I don't get to see you as often." He sighed. "You've been busy the whole year, Chihaya."**

 **She bit her lip. That was true. Chihaya had been so caught up in her college work and Taichi, and then the fair and then** _ **more Taichi—**_ **she grinned inside her head, not that that was a** _ **bad**_ **thing. She loved the amount of time she spent on him,** _ **and**_ **with him— but in all that, it was true she hadn't really had time with Arata. At least, not alone.**

 **When Taichi had been back in London, Arata was her only distraction. She focused on being happy about getting her old friend back so close. And there had been that time when she had tried out her feelings and emotions around the boy, but it simply hadn't worked. After that, they had never really spent any time with each other.**

 **She smiled apologetically. " I know...I'm sorry, Arata. I've been a little...er...caught up but I'm more free now** _ **!"**_ **She** __ **brightened** _ **.**_ **"Maybe we can hang out later tomorrow."**

 **Even as she suggested it, Chihaya bit her lip. Tomorrow was a Wednesday, one of the four evenings a week she spent with Taichi, and all the other evenings were occupied by either college work or Karuta or just at home. But cutting off on one of the** _ **Sacred**_ _ **Evenings**_ **, as she'd taken to calling it much to Kana Chan's amusement, meant one day less with her best friend. And he'd been busy all of last week too so they hadn't met up at all.**

 **But she shook her head. There had to be some sacrifices made.**

 **Arata smiled at her, a tad teasingly. "You know, one flimsy evening won't be enough. You have many to make up for." He laughed when she flinched guiltily. "Don't worry, okay? How about this? We'll go Christmas shopping tomorrow."**

 **Her face lit up in excitement. Christmas was around three weeks away, and she liked the idea immensely. "That's a great idea!"**

 **He smiled again, but this time, his gaze was intense on her face. Arata took a step closer, and her eyes widened when he brushed a lock of hair from her shoulder.**

 **The space between them was too small. She felt her heart beat increase, but just enough to keep her on her toes. She felt alert, alarms in her head. Not the colourful swoon-worthy rapid pulse, but something different and dull.**

" **And I hope its just going to be the two of us." He said, dropping his hand, but never dropping her eyes. Chihaya swallowed. "The reason I came to Tokyo was to spend time with you, Chihaya; I've had so little in the past. If you have no objections... I'd like to work on my intentions."**

 **She didn't know what to say. Her lungs weren't breathing anymore, she was only staring dumb into his face, the intense blue eyed gaze. But then she must've nodded in a daze because his smile became softer, and he leaned away.**

 **She took a deep breath, calming her mind.**

" **That's good to know. I'll pick you up tomorrow evening?" He grinned.**

 **She was, frankly, a little unsettled, but smiled nevertheless, shaking it off. It was** _ **Christmas,**_ **and Arata! Of course it would be fine! "Okay! I'll see you tomorrow."**

 **With a last smile, he gestured towards the kettle. "It's been on for too long."**

 **Chihaya's eyes widened dramatically and he exited the kitchen laughing as she fumbled, frantically trying to save the doomed tea.**

 **Meanwhile, as Kana-chan fanned a fainted Sumire-chan who's eyes were swirling, Taichi walked back in and dropped down next to them in defeat.**

 **Kana chan stopped her motions, so thankful he was back, but the crisis was over for now. "Buchou! What's wrong?"**

" **What's wrong with** _ **her?"**_ **he nodded in their kohai's direction. "Is she sick?"**

" **...sick at heart..." Sumire mumbled faintly.**

 **Taichi raised a brow. But Kanade shook him off. "She's just being dramatic. You tell me what's wrong, Buchou. It's never a good sign these days when you get phone calls..." she mumbled.**

 **He actually smiled wearily at that and Kana chan took a moment to appreciate her good friend's amazingly handsome looks. " That's sort of true isn't it? Well, this time its not** _ **London,**_ **but somewhere in the country."**

 **She made a face. "** _ **Again?**_ **But you just went last week!"**

" **I know." He sighed. " But this Doctor is a big friend of my Dad's and I can't really say no. I'm dragging Kazama with me by the way."**

" **He won't be happy." She pursed her lips and shot the young man in question a look.**

 **Taichi shrugged. " It's putting green on his extra credits so he should be thankful.** _ **I**_ **should be thankful." Then he muttered, more to himself than to her, as if to convince his mind. "I** _ **am**_ **thankful."**

 **She grinned a little at that, not really happy about everything. Taichi was getting busier while Arata was getting bolder. That didn't look very good.**

 **After they left that night, Chihaya dragged him inside her apartment when he dropped her off.**

" **I have something to tell you." She said seriously, handing him a cup of coffee, and bit back a smile when his face lit up at the drink. They were sitting on the rug, cross legged and facing each other.**

 **He grinned back at her. "Funny...me too." Then he chose to sip his drink. "You go first."**

" **Courteous, aren't we?" she narrowed her eyes. "I suspect your news is bad?"**

 **He only shrugged. She sighed, and picked at the loose threads on the carpet, now not at all happy about breaking the news. And then she was mad at herself for feeling that way. "I can't make it tomorrow, you know, for...whatever it is that we do..."**

 **He nodded. "What happened?"**

 **She hesitated. Outside, it was snowing again, silent flakes floating down from the sky, but she focused on his soft golden eyes and face half hidden by the cup. She didn't want to say it. But she wouldn't lie to him. "I'm going Christmas shopping. W-with Arata."**

 **He looked a tad surprised. Something inside her burst and words tumbled out in a panic. " Its because I've been so busy! I haven't seen him at all and he said he wanted to hang out so I—"**

" **Woah." He held up a hand, smiling confusedly. "You don't have to explain anything to me—"**

" **But I want to!" she insisted, throat clogged as he became momentarily unreachable again. Or was that just her being paranoid? "I don't want to cut off our evening but it just—"**

" **Chihaya, stop it." He chided gently. Placing the cup on the ground with a warm, soft smile, he pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead, touch lingering.**

 **Instant butterflies erupted in her stomach and her chest warmed. But why did his smile look a little...resigned?**

" **Don't make it seem... obligatory with your explanations." He said softly, smiling with a selfless warmth that made her heart squeeze. " What are you so antsy about? Go have fun. And make sure my gift is perfect,** _ **or else."**_

 **Swallowing her jitters and still twisting chest, she tried to smile challengingly. "Or else what?"**

" _ **Your**_ **gift next year will** _ **suck."**_ **He smugly sipped his coffee. " I know that Creepy Snowman hoodies are limited editions releasing next November. Maybe I just** _ **won't buy it."**_

 **She gasped, clutching a hand to her heart. "Don't." She choked, clawing at him dramatically. "Do not poison...my dreams.."**

 **He drowned the rest of his drink calmly, grinning, and pulled her in to wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Then make it good this time."**

 **She pouted at the rug. "I have a budget."**

" **I said make it** _ **good,**_ **not** _ **expensive**_ **." He flicked the side of her head. "Don't spend** _ **all**_ **your savings on me." He teased. "Your gift is hardly worth anything."**

 **She gasped and punched his tight stomach, making him double over from shock rather than pain. She cradled her hand to her chest. "Great, now my hand is broken!"**

" **Drama Queen." He mumbled, taking the 'broken' limb for examination. "It's** _ **fine."**_

 **She huffed and snatched it back from him, and then negated the loss of contact by leaning back into his torso, resting her head on his collar. "Before I forget, what were you going to tell me?"**

 **His cheerful mood vanished with a pop. Grim faced, he pushed her off gently and turned her to face him. Tracing the same creamy skin and curvy mouth and the small nose with his eyes, he rested his gaze in her auburn ones and found a nice chunk of wisdom and maturity staring back at him from in between hundreds of old innocence and lots of warmth. She encouraged him to go on. He took a deep breath.**

" **I have another camp to attend." He muttered and her face fell instantly. "I can't wriggle out of it, its Dr Ryuken again..."**

" **I'm going to sic my dog on him." Chihaya growled.**

" **You don't** _ **have**_ **a dog." Taichi gave her a weird look. "Unless there's something you want to tell me..?"**

" **No, I was talking about my** _ **imaginary**_ **Rottweiler." She waved it away impatiently. A frown swallowed her face. "How long is it?"**

" **Two weeks." He smiled sadly. "Hokkaido this time."**

 **Chihaya looked really upset. "But you just left last week! What's the hurry?"**

 **And his heart drummed in his ears at her obvious frown.**

 **This right here was a major problem. He tried not to let his words show on his face. If he was going to continue with Med School, there would be many weeks like these in the future; postings and camps and exams and whatnot. He couldn't just cut it all off if he wanted to** _ **pass,**_ **and so that meant he wouldn't exactly be around** _ **all**_ **the time.**

 **So then what would happen to them?**

 **She was doing it happily now: watching him closely and taking surprisingly good care of him, all with a sportive smile.**

 **But how long until she runs dry of this enthusiasm? With his reluctance to give in completely even now, and these obstacles in the way, how long until she decided it wasn't worth it and gave up?**

 **His heart lurched at the thought. Painfully. And he knew he had been a fool to let her coax him out even this little bit because look at how much it hurt to** _ **think**_ **it would all die in a few months?**

 **Suddenly paling, he tried to keep it off his face.** _ **Idiot. Such an idiot.**_ **But he** _ **had**_ **decided he would give her what she wanted after all, decided to never let her feel the pain he knew so much about, even if her feelings were fickle.**

 **Its just that...it was hard. If you knew a path was full of broken glass and thorns to rip you bare feet, would you chose to walk it willingly just because you heard a rumour that there was a pot of gold at the end of the way?**

 **He was doing that right now. His feet had grazed the tip of the shards and it was bleeding lightly so he knew what would come. But still, if she wanted to try with him, let her. There would be no upsetting Chihaya because he was too flimsy to take a risk.**

 _ **You better bless me, Superman.**_

 **He tried for a smile. "Hey, its just two weeks! You know...its only going to get worse. I'll have to go away every now and then later on. Med School isn't easy, Chihaya. You know what it's like, you've seen enough of my mornings to know." He sighed, fingering his abandoned cup, so he didn't notice her face clear up. "I won't be around** _ **all**_ **the time, so don't—don't count on that okay? Sometimes when you need me, I might not be here."**

 **There, he said it. Voiced his fears.**

 **He might not be there at crucial moments. At times when she might need him the most. But if she wanted them to go any further, she'd have to accept that.**

 **Med School wasn't something he was giving up on. It was his career, his dream. And her, even though she was a huge part of his life, she had brought him loads of pain among other beautiful memories, so he would be careful with her.**

 **The second** _ **she**_ **decided she didn't want this, he would drop it too. Because there was no way he could take even an ounce more. Never again.**

 **People asked him to fight for her like some valiant Knight. But the princess usually** _ **liked**_ **the Knight romantically so it worked for** _ **them**_ **. If only his case was so easy. Some things are meant to happen, and they will. Others...well, no matter how much you try...**

 **Chihaya grabbed his ears and pulled.**

" **OW!"**

" **Baka, Taichi." She slapped his cheek lightly with her palm. " I'm not the cure for cancer or a CT scan or something." She rolled her eyes while he gaped. " You're off training to save lives, not lazing around and ditching me on purpose. My problems can wait."**

 **He only stared at her, mesmerised. Chihaya frowned and taped his head. "Hellooooo? Snap out of it. You're insulting my selflessness and sensibility."**

" **You grew up." He mumbled.**

 **She tossed him a smug look. "Yes I did. But its not just about growing up." She sighed. "I'm not going to be a whiny girl with problems the size of China. I** _ **won't**_ **. I'm going to make sure you survive Med School unscathed even despite your workaholism, idiot, just watch."**

 **He wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe that she really was as understanding as she seemed, as flexible and versatile and open minded. Enough to understand and accept the busy life he had chosen for himself, and stick with him. His father had always said, only a doctor can understand another doctor's life completely. For someone like his mother to come along, someone calm and understanding and devoted, his dad had been lucky.**

 **But was Chihaya like** _ **that?**_ **The girl who saw nothing but the game...was she** _ **that**_ **into him?**

 **He wanted to believe it.**

 **But he couldn't.**

 **Because his leg still stung from where he had just grazed the shards of broken glass and thorns in his way.**

 **So he tried for a bright smile. "You're a miracle." He said, slightly shaky. Her cheeks bloomed red, but she grinned. Taichi softened, realising he wasn't acknowledging her efforts. So what if it wasn't for the long run? She was trying now and he melted completely at her determined eyes and bright optimistic face.**

 **She bit her lip. "Will you call?"**

" **Sure." He promised. "It's just so close to Christmas..." and then sighing, giving into her pout and his lurching stomach, he brushed his fingers along her jaw slowly, letting himself enjoy the flush that crept up her neck and warmed under his touch, and then leaned forward to press a punishing** _ **lingering**_ **kiss to the corner of her mouth.**

 **Her insides clenched. Heart sputtered, but the corner of her lips curved up against his.**

 **A soft sigh escaped him and he gathered this wits that had pathetically scattered at the feel of warm skin under his mouth and he pulled away, reluctantly.**

 **She was staring at him with a wistful smile and a soft voice. "When do you leave?"**

" **Friday morning..." he mumbled, keeping his eyes strictly on hers. She looked so inviting, right** _ **there**_ **and not pushing him away.**

 **It was addicting.**

 _ **And poisonous in wrong doses.**_ **Taichi suddenly grinned, breaking the spell. "So! Do you sic this...imaginary Rottweiler on everyone?"**

" **Haven't you felt him tear your limbs apart?" she asked innocently. "I did sic him on you last night for stealing my icecream."**

" **Hey,** _ **you**_ **stole** _ **mine**_ **first."**

" **Doesn't matter to him." She sniffed. "My Doggie is amazingly loyal."**

" **You named him—" and them he laughed lightly. "Of course you did. But keep him** _ **away**_ **from me alright?"**

" **No promises." She grinned slowly and her voice dropped to a conspiring whisper. "Careful when you sleep tonight."**

 **He mock gasped and made a scramble for the door. "I'm going to leave** _ **now**_ **! Lock my windows and doors."**

" **That won't stop him." She wiggled her fingers with a feral grin on her face. " Run for your life, Taichi."**

 **A little spooked, a shiver ran up his spine. "** _ **Kami**_ **-** _ **sama**_ **, you** _ **creepy**_ **woman! You and your dog can stay away."**

 **She made a face at him in reply.**

 **He returned the favour before closing the door. "See you later, Karuta-baka."**

" **Byyyeeeee, Taichi." She waved at the closed door, knowing he had heard but hadn't seen her frowning face, all cheer evaporating as his presence left the room. Indeed, it** _ **would**_ **be 'later' when he saw her again: two weeks later. She mumbled to the finished cup of coffee, heart heavy. "See you soon."**

Aaaaaand done. Whew.

Hit the review button and save me from drowning in insecurities...

Loads of love (because I won't be updating for a while...EXAMS people!)

Loyyu chan.


	11. Chapter 11

So, I know I'm late. But I have exams and this is my hard work late into the nights. Please tell me what you think.

Arata getting _**bolder.**_ Dayum _ **.**_

Taichi = choco cake. 😋

Don't hate me. Oh, and thanks to Yamada senpai again, for the words and the push and the suggestion! But unfortunately, my shift button is busted. So no line breaks...ugh. Anyway, People, she's working on this AU story that is already exciting as holy hell and you need to go read it if you haven't yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru.

 **In the weeks that followed, Chihaya found herself doing a lot more than Christmas shopping with Arata.**

 **Mind out of the gutter people,** _ **please.**_ **With Taichi's latest trip to Hokkaido (with Kazama's reluctant accompaniment) Chihaya was facing a rather particularly annoying dry spell—withdrawal symptoms of sorts. It was like she was forced to go without her addiction, let's compare him to chocolate cake for now, for a whole entire week, and then someone decided to feed her a bite of the heavenly treat, just** _ **one bite**_ **, before yanking it away again, for a good two weeks more, leaving her hanging, dazed, restless and wistful, the taste lingering in her mouth and poisoning her life, sharp longing in her chest every time she walked past a chocolate cake in the streets ( equivalent to his rather brief but still warm phone calls.)**

 **And to keep herself occupied, she agreed to the various little outings Arata had asked her to. She hoped to smother some of the emptiness in her heart but it wasn't** _ **that**_ **helpful; even though she had good times, her face would light up like the Tokyo tower whenever she got a swift call from her best friend.**

 **Because listening to his soft tone on the other side was strangely heart warming. She liked it, that he made sure to call at least once a day. Sometimes it was to ask her rather random things like yesterday: "Black or Green?" ( she was expecting something back from Hokkaido) or just to ask her what she was doing or how her day was. A few instances were there when he would not call all day and she wouldn't have been able to reach his phone either but just as she settled down for sleep, there would be that buzzing of her cell and his photo would pop up on her screen and her heart would leap while a dazed, crazy smile split her face, and she would listen to him mumble something,** _ **anything**_ **in that sleepy voice tainted harshly with exhaustion that she had come to be so familiar with, always asking her how her day went and then a silly question and she'd answer and he'd laugh at her predictability and hang up with a teasing warning about not setting the city on fire. All the while with her wishing she could've been there to help him out of exhaustion the next morning.**

 **Her heart never failed to soar at the warmth in his tone and the soft smile in his voice when he said goodbye before hanging up, leaving her empty for the next 24 hours or so.**

 **Because she could picture it now, in the softness of his smile and the broken walls around his eyes giving her a glimpse of what she wanted to coax out of him. Just simple joy, lots of adoration...and another emotion she wanted so badly to claim was there but she was afraid of jinxing it. If he went back in his shell now, she wouldn't be able to take it. She** _ **breathed in**_ **this level of his heart she had managed to penetrate through. And she wanted to go further, even though she knew she would choke in an instant if he pulled away.**

 **But she would keep coming back. If anything, Ayase Chihaya was a stubborn girl.**

 **But anyway, she spent her time keeping busy with Arata. Their outings were mainly all Christmas related and she was done with her shopping for gifts for everyone. It was a first, Chihaya doing Christmas shopping early. Kana-chan was getting a** _ **beautiful**_ **new kimono, Sumire chan was getting a variety of hair products she had had her eyes on, Komano was getting a pair of earmuffs because his were slightly old, Nishida an all you can eat coupon at a convention in a few days, Tsukuba a pair of thick woollen socks. Rin was getting a CD she wanted, Kazuto and Kazama were both getting gift coupons because she had** _ **no**_ **idea what to get them. Chitose was getting a muffler, Arata was getting a book she and Taichi had already bought for him together (something large and thick and boring but to him, it would be like treasure. Taichi assured her he would tear up a little upon receiving it...she didn't understand her two best friends' attachment to pieces of paper) Her parents were getting a dinner reservation for Christmas from her and her sister together. Harada sensei was getting a new knee support bandage from all of them as one, and Tsuboguchi-san was going to a golf course soon. All that's left was a gift for Taichi.**

 **And there she faltered** _ **.**_

 **So far, in all the Christmases and Birthdays they'd spent together, she had never actually had trouble finding a gift for him. Everything she seemed to pick made him light up without fail and he loved every single one of them: from books to a shirt to a new CD, she nailed it each time. It was easy, since she knew him so well. But now, she felt the pressure to make it...** _ **significant.**_

 **A second confession was in order after all; he** _ **had**_ **told her to 'find him and tell him how you feel again'. So she had a silly little plan...**

 **...and a gorgeous scarf as backup, but the other gesture had to be the highlight, she hoped.**

 **Chihaya was actually a little crafty, good with the colours and cartoons. So putting that into good use, she was going for a card.**

 **Now, the prototype was ready. It was a surprisingly accurate chibi of the two of them, with her on the ground reaching up to grab the large heart he was dangling teasingly out of her reach from the upper opposite corner of the page.**

 **A rather accurate description of their current state, she thought; his reluctance to give her his heart.**

 **But then Kana chan had stumbled upon it and gushed for** _ **so long**_ **, Chihaya almost fainted, but then the gentle girl had pointed out rather seriously that...**

 **...Ayase Chihaya already** _ **had**_ **his heart, since day one. He just wasn't keen on giving her** _ **the key**_ **yet** _ **.**_

 **And struck by the truth, she had gone a little pink and insanely happy about the fact that she already** _ **had**_ **him, but just needed the tool to** _ **open**_ **him. And thus the second and final card, with a chibi Chihaya looking flustered on the ground, holding a heart shaped lock and trying to grab something above, and a rather smug looking chibi Taichi on the upper right hand corner, flat on his stomach in the air, with a golden key dangling from his hand teasingly, just out of her reach.**

 **It was complete and precise, with just these lines on the back of the card:**

 _I'm working for it and_ _I want it. And I'm not giving up. You can try running but can't run forever._

 _Gimme the key, Taichi. Merry Christmas._

 **Simple and crisp and down to business with no sugar coating or eloquence. Very** _ **Chihaya**_ **like. And she wanted it to be that way. The time for being uncomfortable about coming forth with her feelings was over. They have to talk about this and move like mature adults. And she would. She already knew how she'd keep her chin up and face determined when she'd confront him.**

 **Except...her heart still stuttered, blood rose to her ears and palms went clammy just a little at the prospect of confessing again. What if he didn't...give it to her?**

 **But as soon as the doubt flashed, the answer came too.** _ **I'll keep trying until I get it.**_

 **With a rather determined smirk she fixed her muffler in the mirror.** _ **There's no escape for you, Taichi. I'll bring you out of your delusions, just you watch.**_

 **She glanced at the clock.**

 _ **Crap**_ **.**

 **Abandoning her hair clips altogether, she made a mad dash for the door, yelling as she went. "Onee-San, I'm off! See you tonight!"**

" **Yeah, yeah." Came a muffled, uncaring reply from somewhere inside. "Don't forget the eggs."**

" **I won't!"**

 **Arata was waiting for her at the station, wrapped up in a grey coat, with flakes of snow in his hair. She snickered on seeing him. "Dandruff problems, Arata?"**

 **He jolted. "What?!" a hand brushed at his hair and his face sobered upon finding melting snow on his fingers. He gave her a dry look. "Very funny. Come on, we have to get to Rin's place soon."**

 **She only smiled happily and bounced along, wondering what would happen. Rin-chan had invited them all over for some meeting. Apparently, it was a** _ **secret.**_

 **Not. Everyone knew Kazuto-kun's Birthday was on New Year's eve so it was probably a planning for a surprise party or something.**

 **Chihaya sighed to herself, stepping into the train, settling down on a seat. She wished Taichi would just call already, it was almost late afternoon. But then, she decided it would be better it he calls later when she was a little more free. If they spoke now, it would be rushed and too brief.**

 **Tomorrow was Christmas eve. She wanted to know whether he was showing up today or not, and it was making her uneasy. The last she talked to him, he had no idea when he was returning himself. In fact, he asked if he could borrow Doggie for a while.**

 **She said he was already there at 's place, probably ripping his limbs apart.**

 **They travelled in compatible silence. Chihaya did chatter a little at first, keeping up a steady flow of conversation but it wasn't as easy.**

 **Arata preferred silence. He did smile and indulge in her various random topics for a while until he ran out of things to say. There was no bickering, because he never actually said anything snarky back to her so all their conversations were friendly and meaningless chatter at most. But when she ran out of things to say, it died a natural simple death. It wasn't uncomfortable, she knew how Arata was, but it was just that.**

 **With Taichi, there was no** _ **need**_ **for her to think of new stuff. They could talk about a** _ **rock**_ **, which would escalate to a huge banter, again decelerate to a side topic, which might go on forever or just end at some point, but she never was** _ **aware**_ **of the silence like right now. With Taichi, there was always a buzzing connection, alive and kicking and waiting to be used in an instant's decision. There was no need for warm ups.**

 **She worried her lip. The train was slowing down near their stop and she was feeling a little jittery. Arata offered her a hand to move out, so they don't lose each other in the crowd, and she took it gingerly. While his touch was warm, her fingers remained unresponsive and listless.**

 **Together they hailed a cab to Rin's place.**

" **I'm going to have to start saving for a car or at least a bike." Arata sighed as they got out and climbed the stairs to Rin's place. " This whole cab thing is highway robbery."**

" **You're right. I'm broke as it is." Chihaya agreed. "Maybe Chitose and I should start thinking about scooter too. Can't rely on Taichi all the time..."**

" **Not that he'd let you drive at night." Arata pointed out. "Actually, not that he'd let you drive** _ **at all."**_

 **She scowled mockingly and Arata laughed. "Just kidding, Chihaya. But if you want, you should start saving up now."**

" **I already am. Except... All my part time job savings are gone with this Christmas shopping I've done." She sighed, trudging slowly up their third flight of stairs. "The cafe is really stingy. I should've demanded more."**

" **Nah. They wouldn't have given you a penny extra." He shook his head. "If they'd already decided on a wage then that's all you're getting. There are more people out there waiting for your position after all."**

" **Ughhhh..." she sagged. "Why is life so** _ **difficult?"**_

 **Arata laughed again at her dramatics. "Say, when's Taichi coming back? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve already!"**

" **I know!" she scowled. "I just wish at least** _ **he**_ **knew when he was coming back. Kazama-kun must be pissed..."**

 **Arata only smiled in reply. A moment's silence prevailed as they claimed the last flight up. Chihaya's mind was swirling with thoughts of murdering Dr Tanaka but then Arata glanced over.**

" **You know, Chihaya..."**

 **She looked up at him, curious.**

" **...I just wanted to say...ask, actually..." he hesitated, slowing down. "How are things with you and...Taichi?"**

 **Her eyes widened. She stumbled on her feet and clutched the railing for support. Uncomfortable bats swooped in her stomach and she gave him a feeble smile. "Getting somewhere, I hope. He needs some time."**

" **I understand...but Chihaya, I know how you feel about him...and yet, I'm confused..."**

" **About what?" she frowned.**

" **...my feelings. For you." He clarified.**

 **Her face felt hot all of a sudden. "W-what? Why are you telling me—"**

" **You need to understand that as long as you're not officially dating him, I intend to clarify my feelings towards you " he said straight forwardly. They had stopped walking, but she barely noticed, too caught up in trying to make sense of how he could be so...impassive about it and talk so robotically without so much as a flush. She probably looked like a tomato. And not for the first time, she found herself admiring his maturity.**

" **A-Arata, I d-don't know what to—"**

" **You don't have to say anything. I was just...making sure we're on the same page." He pacified, throwing up his palms in reassurance. He brushed a lock of hair away from her cheek and she felt her stomach churn at that a little. "Just so that you know what I'm doing."**

 **She honestly didn't know what to think. How was she supposed to juggle this too? What exactly** _ **was**_ **this? So Arata still had feelings for her...but that was—and all the time they spent together, did it mean—?**

 **She was confused.**

 **But the Meijin smiled and tugged her towards the apartment they were here for. Ringing the doorbell twice, they waited for Rin to show up in a thick silence, or at least, it felt thick to her. Arata seemed at ease.**

 **She needed to talk to someone. Preferably—**

 **The door opened and Rin beamed. "Hey!"**

" **Rin-chan! "**

" **Chihaya-chan! Wayata-kun!" she matched Chihaya's tone. "Come on in. You just missed the Nishida and Kazama, they left to get some snacks. Komano-kun and Kana-chan will be here in a—"**

 **But Chihaya had frozen. Her heart suddenly stopped for a long second. "Kazama-kun's here?"**

 **Rin gave her a dazzling smile. "He's not the only one. " she giggled at Chihaya's increasingly widening eyes and sharp gasp and happy curve of her mouth. "Go inside."**

 **Without another word, she stumbled into the house with her heart nearly bursting out of her chest.**

 **Was this a trick? A lie?**

 **But there he was, leaning comfortably against the dining table, almost as if he was waiting. And she** _ **felt**_ **his warm grin all the way down to her toes through golden pools before she saw it.**

" **Taichi!" her voice was an octave higher than usual. She flew at the young man who caught her expertly, not bothered at all by the rather tight grip around his neck.**

 **And the second he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her in and laughed into her hair, she melted into him, puzzle pieces clicking together and the universe was setting itself straight again. Everything was right.**

 **Blood roared in her ears, there was the pounding of her heart, but she also felt his rapid pulse under her palm where she pushed back a little to look at him properly.**

 **As expected, there were bags under his eyes, but he'd had worse. And she couldn't help the happiness bubbling in her chest, giddy, with the warmth from him seeping into her through the clothes.**

 **She hadn't realised she'd been cold from the day he left...not until now when she got the warm blanket back.**

 **And the world was ten times brighter. There was a sparkle in her eye that came to life after being dormant for all this while. Chihaya hungrily drank in the molten pools of gold, searching for what she wanted to find in them. She saw pure sort of happiness, lots of adoration, amusement. Mischief...**

 **...And there it was, still** _ **there,**_ **the thing she wanted him to tell her he felt so she could float away to the stars in a happy daze. It softened his eyes, shone through the collapsed walls.**

" **I'll just welcome myself home then, since you've gone mute." He rolled his eyes, arms still wrapped around her middle "Ta—"**

 **She slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes sparkling. There was a huge grin on her face.**

 **She missed his voice too, of all things. It was strangely calming, but exciting at the same time.**

" **Okaeri." She interrupted him firmly. And then the words were too many in her head, jumbled and shoving against each other to come out, her ability to organise them scattered under the warm fingertips on her waist.**

 **He was smiling. She grinned back, maybe looking dazed but whatever.**

 **Apparently, he had no words either. A hand brushed the nape of her neck, making her shiver and lips pressed to her forehead softly, for a long three seconds. Her eyes fluttered shut and her cells danced, on fire, alive. And she head him mutter softly, "Tadaima."**

 **She grinned up at him again.** _ **Home.**_ **That's about right.**

 **Taichi looked like he was about to say something, something to irk her judging by the sparkle of mischief in his eye, but instead, quickly let go and stepped away, much to her disappointment. But when she turned, it was just in time to see Arata and Rin emerge from the front.**

" **Taichi!" Arata rolled his eyes. "Do you enjoy keeping us in the dark so much?"**

 **The doctor to be grinned. "Woops. I might've forgotten to mention the date."**

 **Chihaya started. In the midst of giddy happiness and a rapid pulse, she'd forgotten he had just appeared out of nowhere. Accordingly, she landed a punch on his arm from behind, making him jump. A scowl graced her features. "** _ **Baka.**_ **You could've left a** _ **message.**_ **I was worried you wouldn't make it for Christmas eve!"**

 **Rubbing his injury, Taichi rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you I** _ **forgot.**_ **It was very sudden. Kazama and I were supposed to stay till tomorrow but for some reason, Tanaka-san decided to let us off early." He gave her a swift look, and Chihaya knew they were both thinking about the doctor's sudden leniency...and Doggie. "We just hopped on the first flight back."**

 **Arata clapped him on the back as Rin went in to the kitchen to make some tea. " Well, its a good thing. We honestly thought you wouldn't make it. The party's going to be huge this year."**

 **Taichi nodded, a gleam in his eye. "Kazuto won't know what hit him."**

 **They spent the evening discussing various ideas and operations for the combined New year+Birthday party. Thankfully, the birthday boy was at Fukui till after Christmas, so they had a good chance of making it a huge surprise.**

 **Christmas celebrations would be held at Kazama's place, apparently. His mom wanted to do this for him, and he didn't have the heart to let her down. That was in two days but it was a low key affair; not as huge as their plans for new year at Shiranami.**

 **Deciding to set Rin chan herself as the chaperone, they planned it all out, how to rope Kazama in, and what to do with him then. It was fun, relaxing, to put his mind into something else, Taichi thought. The last few weeks had been a little hectic, and he really needed a break.** _ **Thank God for Christmas.**_

 **As he drove back with Arata and Chihaya and a sleeping Kazama into their area, Taichi could actually feel his eyes get heavy.**

 **He pulled over to the side, making his companions look up in confusion.**

" **What's wrong?" Arata frowned.**

 **Taichi only rubbed his eyes a little and flipped the lid of the cooler, his fingers closing around a cold bottle of water. The sleepiness vanished for a minute. "I'm kind of sleepy. Just give me a minute."**

" **Do you want me to drive?" Arata offered quietly, watching him swallow a mouthful of ice cold water. "Taichi, you look beat."**

" **I'm okay now." He said, and indeed, his eyes did look a little brighter. For a second, he pressed the bottle to his cheek and the cold wrenched away the remaining drowsiness. But he knew well that it was temporary. "Okay, I'm done. Sorry about that."**

 **They slid back into the road again, and Chihaya frowned from the backseat. "Dad always told me talking helps..."**

" **Uh-huh."**

 **She sighed. "Taichi."**

" **Yeah?"**

" **How was camp?"**

" **Oh, you know, fun."**

" **But what do you do?" she leaned forward in her seat, and he glimpsed her genuinely curious face in the mirror, alight with slight wonder. "I've always wanted to know what it is that you do there."**

 **He shifted gears and thought his answers through. "I don't know if you'll be able to hear it for long..."**

 **She thrust her chin out. "Try me."**

 **He narrowed his eyes at her though the rear view mirror again. " You asked for this."**

" **Just tell me already." She huffed.**

 **Taichi focused on the road for a second, "Well, we went about holding check ups for the locals there at first."**

" **For free?"**

" **Yeah."**

 **Her eyes softened. "Wow. That's really nice on 's part!"**

" **It is." He agreed with a small smile as he reminisced. "He cares a lot about people. And Hokkaido was actually his home town so he has a soft spot for the locals." And then Taichi grinned. "We ran into his high school sweetheart one day."**

 **Both Chihaya and Arata went 'oooooh', but Taichi shrugged. "She was married to some man, they lived nearby. It was kind if awkward at first, I guess. Kazama had a laugh." He tossed their sleeping companion a dry look. "But she was pretty cool."**

" **Then what did you do?" Arata asked.**

 **Taichi eased into Kazama's lane. "We went shopping for a while once or twice."**

" **I** _ **knew**_ **it!" Chihaya clapped her hands, "I knew you'd bring souvenirs!"**

 **He bit back a grin. "Never said there was one for you, Chihaya."**

" _ **Eh?!"**_

" **Arata's however is in the back. You did want some ramen."**

" **Sheesh." Arata laughed, reaching back and pulling out a cover. "You and your memory!"**

 **Taichi grinned at him cheekily through the mirror. "Enjoy."**

" **Hey! You can't just get away with it so—"**

" **Aaaah.** _ **Flavoured**_ **. Thanks, Taichi."**

" **Anytime."**

" **Are you two** _ **ganging up on me?**_ **I'll kill you!"**

" **What else did you do?"**

" **Hm...just the usual stuff. Cut up some bodies, bandaged some people, went about spreading awareness of Tetanus and Cholera and the likes."**

" _ **I hate you both."**_

 **Arata exchanged a mild grin with an amused Taichi through the mirror. "Why's that, Chihaya?"**

" **You two are the world's** _ **worst**_ **friends** _ **ever."**_ **She growled. "Especially** _ **you,"**_ **here she poked her best friend on the shoulder making him bite back a laugh. " Cutting open** _ **bodies,**_ **is that what you were doing?!"**

" **Hey, I'm training to be a** _ **doctor."**_

" **You could've put it in a better way!" she exclaimed. "Like- like using the word surgery or something."**

" **Ah...but this** _ **wasn't**_ **a surgery." He shook his head, one hand on the gear. He heard Arata muffle a laugh, "This was just...cutting up bodies."**

" _ **Taichi!"**_

" **Honesty is the best policy." He said firmly.**

" **It makes you sound like an axe murderer,** _ **cutting up bodies."**_ **She shuddered. "How do you do it?"**

" **We have instruments—"**

" _ **No,**_ **I mean, how do you..." she struggled for the words.**

" **Stomach it?" Arata suggested.**

 **Chihaya nodded rapidly. "Yeah!"**

 **Taichi took a minute. "It's not always pleasant..." he began." But you have to be strangely detached to do it. And confident; shaky hands won't help anybody."**

 **Chihaya blew out a breath. " Don't you get** _ **scared?"**_

 **He thought for a minute. "You don't want me to answer that..."**

" **Why not? Come on, tell us already."**

 **Taichi sighed and began to slow down as they neared Kazama's house. "Well, we get loads of practise by the time we graduate...and that training isn't very scary because we're...um...** _ **operating**_ **on...** _ **dead**_ **. . .bo—"**

" _ **Whoa**_ **! Okay!" she threw up a hand, looking sort of queasy. " I shouldn't have asked."**

" **Told you." He muttered, coming to a stop in front of the large mansion. Chihaya and Arata sported matching awed looks. Taichi pulled the hand break and brought false cheer to his voice "Who wants to wake up the Sleeping Beauty?!"**

 **Apparently, no one did because Kazama was a downright grouch when woken up from slumber. They managed to shove him out and watched him stumble inside, still drowsy, and then backed up into the main road again.**

 **Arata went next. He promised to call them the next day and then parted with a smile and a wave, until the black car was out of sight.**

 **And then he sighed.**

 **The last two-three weeks had been wonderful, he told himself. Chihaya was readily spending time with him; shopping and trying out new cafés in the city. They had a good time, or so he thought. Only, Chihaya's distracted behaviour became apparent after a while and even though it was supposed to sting (because he knew why she was acting that way) all he felt was a weary sort of fondness.**

 **And the truth of the matter was slowly seeking into his mind. But he didn't want to believe it. He wasn't ready yet. All this time he had convinced himself that he had been in love with the girl, even moving so far away from home to be with her. But now it looked sort of...**

 **...wrong.**

 **Hearing her say the words, that she knew and realised that her heart had already been someone else's since long before, it did make him hurt a little. He moped, he felt bad, yes. But now, in the light if recent events and his rather calm reactions, he was beginning to understand that maybe...maybe it wasn't** _ **heartbreak**_ **that he felt. Maybe it was just loss.**

 **He was losing at something to his best friend. And his competitive nature didn't enjoy it.**

 **Thinking it out loud was rather relieving. The answer was clear as crystal before his intelligent mind. But there was a veil of stubbornness hiding it.**

 **Yes, he had liked her,** _ **of course**_ **he had a crush on her since long back. But was it so strong that he spiralled into depression or something?** _ **No.**_ **Did he even feel** _ **that**_ **bad that she did not reciprocate his feelings?** _ **Not really.**_

 **But did he feel slapped in the face when it was, in the end,** _ **Taichi?**_

 _ **Yes**_ **.**

 **Buy that didn't make him a horrible person, Arata mused. He was just too competitive, always had been. And it was that streak which made him stubbornly hold on the delusion that he was in love with Chihaya. He loved them** _ **both**_ **a whole lot more than anyone ever imagined, but he knew, somewhere beneath his obstinacy, that he was happy that they were happy.**

 **It wasn't just Chihaya or just Taichi who had brought colour to his world. It was the both of them together and the memories they made as a team, as friends. Which is why, he knew that in the end, he'd be just fine.**

 **Its just that...for now, he wasn't so keen on giving up on the idea that he was in love with Chihaya. He had made a huge decision in his life, seemingly for her, and the flaming competitiveness in him refused to back down without knowing for sure that he had been wrong since the beginning.**

 **So he would still pursue his ideas. At least until things became clearer.**

 **For now, he had presents to wrap and a train to catch the next morning back home.**

* * *

" **So** _ **this**_ **is why you kept asking me—but I said** _ **green."**_

 **Taichi rolled his eyes. "Maybe. But you like black better and you only said green because you felt, in a stupid moment of superstition, that black was bad luck."**

 **She gaped at him, taking off the wonderful large hat he had brought her from Hokkaido, black laced with straw intricately. "How did you** _ **know?!"**_

" **Many, many years of experience." He sighed. "You didn't** _ **seriously**_ **believe I didn't get you anything, did you?"**

" **Nah..."**

 **He smirked. "Oh. Because I almost** _ **hadn't**_ **. But then I knew you'd probably rip my ears off so I dragged myself back to the store and—"**

 **She cut him off with a scoff, placing the hat on the dashboard gingerly. "Well** _ **excuse me—"**_

" **I'm kidding." He amended quickly, earning himself a glare. "You're so gullible."**

" **I would hit you, but one: you're driving and two: I missed you enough to overlook your idiocy for the day." She held up two fingers.**

" **Well, aren't you generous." He supplied dryly. " Are you done with the shopping?"**

" **Yup!" she grinned at him. "Arata and I finished it together** _ **ages**_ **ago." And then a smug look spread across her face. She poked him repeatedly in the ribs, making him squirm. "But you're in trouble, eh? You have to do everything in the latest** **minute of all last minutes!** _ **Christmas**_ _ **eve."**_

 **He swatted her hand away and shifted gears. "FYI, Chihaya, I finished my shopping** _ **before**_ **I left. And did the rest of it back in Hokkaido."**

" _ **What?!"**_

 **He was the one looking smug now. "I sort of knew I'd be busy till the last second."**

" **Always one step ahead." She muttered to herself and picked up the hat again. "Is this my Christmas gift?"**

 **He spared her a glance, small face wide eyed and waiting under the large hat, her skin sort of glowing in the dusk. He fixed his eyes back on the road firmly. "Not really."**

 **A grin split across her face. "Did I mention you're the** _ **best**_ **friend in the whole wide—"**

" **A few minutes ago, you claimed to hate me." He remarked. "Bipolar much?"**

 **She pouted and crossed her arms across her chest. " I was just kiddng."**

" **Well I'm hurt." He shook his head. "We're over, Chihaya. No more friendship between me and you."**

" **Quit it, Drama Queen." She landed a punch on his knee this time, no qualms about him driving this time. " Are you taking me home?"**

" **No. To the woods to—"**

" **You did that once already." She scowled and shuddered. " Slit my throat and feed me to the wolves, yada yada yada."**

 **He bit back a laugh at her disgruntled expression. "You want me to change the story?"**

 **She shot him a mildly curious look. "I'm listening."**

" **Okay, so I'm taking you to the woods to show you the frozen lake, so we can go skating! And then maybe, if we're lucky, we can see the sunset bouncing off the ice. And if were** _ **really**_ **lucky, we might be able to see the snowy owls peep out from their trees, watching carefully. Or the family of foxes retiring for the night, or just watch the cloudless sky, see the millions of stars..."**

 **Admittedly, her heart skipped a beat. "That sounds really ni—"**

" **And** _ **then,**_ **I slit your throat and feed you to the wolves."**

 **She pursed her lips.**

 **Taichi was clearly enjoying it. He rolled into a stop in front of her apartment. "We're here!"**

 **She just stared. And then sighed, almost resignedly. "You just had to ruin it. That story was almost romantic."**

" **One: what do you know about** _ **romance?**_ **And two: I'm making up for time I lost these days by irritating you endlessly every second. Its my** _ **job."**_

" **Well, get another one." She snapped.**

 **He bit his lip, wondering if he'd pushed too far. "Don't be mad..."**

" **I'm going back to hating you." She stuck her tongue out and made for the door. "Have fun rotting in hell."**

" **Ouch." He muttered, and then swiftly unbuckled his seatbelt and held her back by the middle when she almost opened the door. "I was** _ **kidding.**_ **Its Christmas, Chihaya, cheer up!"**

 **She already had, with him literally pulling her back into his chest now as she struggled half heartedly. "I** _ **hate**_ **you."**

" **No you don't." She could imagine him rolling his eyes. "Shut up and stay still."**

" _ **No**_ **."**

" **Chihaya..."**

" _ **No."**_

" **Don't make me do it in the car."**

 **A tingle of excitement ran through her spine. "You wouldn't."**

" **I would. I'll tickle the living daylights out of you if you don't stop struggling."**

 **Putting on a show of hesitation and reluctance, she relaxed back into his chest, hiding a grin. "** _ **Fine."**_

 **He sighed, and she felt it against her back. "You're a handful."**

" **Thank you."**

" **Am I forgiven?"**

" **Nope."**

" **Please?"**

" **Nope."**

" **Santa's not going to appreciate you making me beg."**

" **Santa's not real."**

 **He faked a wounded gasp. "How** _ **could**_ **you?!"**

 **Chihaya elbowed him. "Fine, you're forgiven."**

" **Good. So does that mean I can go back to annoying you?"**

" **Later." She twisted to face him and swiftly knotted her hands in his hair and pressed her lips to his jaw. "But I have to go now or Onee-san will kill me."**

 **He released her immediately, the kiss and the contact was fuelling a lot of repressed tensions, coupled with the fact that he hadn't seen her or felt her worm into him for a good twenty days. "In that case, get out."**

" **Will I see you tomorrow?"**

" **On** _ **Christmas**_ _ **Eve**_ **?" He scoffed. "** _ **No."**_

 **She frowned. "See you at the party then, Taichi. I'll call you later."**

" **Bye."**

" **Seeeeeee ya."**

 **Shaking off his restlessness, Taichi sped off towards his unit, before going home for the next two days. His Dad was here already, and he was kind of itching to go back to the livelier, warmer place he called** _ **home.**_

 **Rika was going to flip when she sees the watch she'd get the next day.**

* * *

 **Christmas was a time for cheer!**

 **Except, when there's an annoying younger sister who's** _ **yanking**_ **your hair at seven in the** _ **morning**_ **on a** _ **holiday,**_ **AFTER making you stay up half the night wrapping presents because she was TOO LAZY, Christmas cheer could go shove it for a few minutes.**

" **Rika." He growled into his pillow. "Don't make me curse on Christmas morning..."**

" **Get** _ **up,**_ **its SEVEN!"**

" **Go away." He pulled her hand away from his hair and sighed into the pillow as his scalp relaxed.**

 **Rika jumped onto the bed and shook his shoulders instead. "Onii-chaaaaaaaan—"**

" **Oh my GOD!" He groaned. "WHY?!"**

" **Why what?"**

" **Why give me a little sister, when I could've been the only child..." He mumbled, peeking at her face to see her roll her eyes and smirk.**

" **You love me." She poked his cheek. "But you still have to get up. Mom's waiting. Dad's up too."**

" **Did you torture him as well?" he croaked, and reluctantly pushed himself up and sat on the bed, running a hand through his even messier hair.**

 **Rika watched him with a shrug and a soft smile. "I may or may not have woken him up at five."**

 **He gave her a look. "You** _ **are**_ **crazy."**

 **She shrugged. "But he refused to get up and put me to sleep next to him instead. So there, you're getting two hours extra."**

" **You ARE crazy." He repeated. And then stretched a little. Maybe it was her smile, maybe the snow outside, or maybe the smell of coffee wafting up to his room and his father's deep voice murmuring downstairs, but his lips curved up into a smile and the sun lit up inside his chest.**

 **Christmas.**

" **Come along, brat." He scooped her up with one arm and carried her down ungracefully, both of them tumbling and laughing lightly, Rika's pyjama clad legs not touching the ground just yet. Downstairs, the smell of coffee hit him even stronger and he swallowed, forgetting about brushing for once. Everyone deserved a day off.**

 **Greeting his parents and grabbing his mug of coffee, Taichi eyed the large, lit up tree in the hall, blending perfectly with the decorations Rika had so painstakingly draped all over the place. They had spent the last day doing just that. It was true that he had to drive around a lot and sacrifice sweet, sweet sleep, but spending time with Rika after so long was amazing, though he'd never say that out loud. They were very easy together, comfortable. He actually** _ **did**_ **love his little sister even though, again, he'd never say it out loud. Ugh. No. But she knew, the little devil.**

 **Sure enough, she fell over in excitement when she got her watch, a branded limited edition of some name he couldn't pronounce even now. And she also latched onto him and gave him a sloppy kiss as reward. They spent time under the tree, all four of them, just talking and sipping on hot chocolate.**

 **He tried to ignore the fact that this was the first Christmas together since...well, since forever.**

 **Rika's phone rang at one point and she went a little pink as she accepted the call making Taichi narrow his eyes at her from opposite her seat at the table. Their father watched amusedly. Stumbling over her goodbyes, the teenager sank back into her chair, looking like a cherry.**

" **Who was that?" her dad asked mildly.**

" **A friend." She muttered, eyes darting to her brothers face...who was fighting back a laugh. She scowled at him and he attempted to straighten. "Onii-chan knows him. He goes to my school." She clarified.**

" **It's a** _ **him."**_ **her dad mused. "Nice."**

" **Dad..."**

" **What?" he asked innocently. "I was just making a statement...to myself. Its a** _ **him,**_ **as in a** _ **male,**_ **and he's obviously not just a** _ **friend**_ **if you're all blushing and everything...you know. Just a statement that says a lot of stuff. Like, be careful."**

 **Taichi laughed quietly into his mug as Rika went from pink to red, but then** _ **his own phone**_ **rang** _ **.**_ **His** **sister, wanting to escape from the table, sprang up. "I'll go get it for you." And she hurried off to the tree where he had dropped it earlier.**

 **Taichi bit back a grin at her scampering off. He was only beginning to raise the mug back to his lips when Rika let out an exclamation. "Onii-chan!"**

 **He paused, alarmed. "What happened?!"**

" **Its Chihaya chan!" she grinned widely, skipping over.**

 **His eyebrows shot up and he glanced at the clock and it was almost nine. "Huh." He mused.**

 **His father smiled at him. "Is she late?"**

" **Early, is more like it. Its almost impossible to get her to wake up before nine on a holiday." He held out a hand for the phone as his sister neared, and then frowned at her cheeky grin. "Stop smiling, its just Chihaya, not the Queen of England."**

 **She ignored him and pressed the phone into his hand, and he swiped the call accepted. "Hello?"**

" _ **Taichi!"**_ **she squeaked. "** _ **Merry**_ _ **Christmas**_ **."**

 **He frowned the high pitched voice. "Merry Christmas. What's going on?"**

" _ **Nothing!"**_ **she said quickly, and he rolled his eyes, taking a sip of hot chocolate to pass time while she attempted uselessly to lie. "** _ **I'm just wrapping presents!"**_

" **NOW?" he asked dryly.**

" _ **Well, ye—ugh, who am I kidding?!"**_ **her voice returned to normal and she mumbled. "** _ **Chitose put a plastic spider on my shoulder and I've only just shaken it off. Did I sound weird?"**_

" **Like a rubber duck."**

" _ **You're mean so early in the morning."**_ **She hummed happily. "** _ **It's refreshing. What's going on there?"**_

" **Well** _ **,"**_ **He cast his eyes around the room at his family. Three pairs of smiling eyes met his own. "Dad's drinking all my coffee, Mom's cooking and Rika's...um..." he blinked at the way his sister was staring at him expectantly, she had been since the beginning of the phone call. "...I don't know what she's up to but she finds my face stare-worthy, apparently." He tossed a napkin at her while Chihaya laughed on the other line.**

" _ **Can I talk to her?"**_

" **I don't see how this will end well for me, but** _ **sure**_ **," he sighed and held out the phone to his sister and smiled a little. "Its for you."**

" ' **Llo? Chihaya-chan, Merry Christmas!"**

 **The phone went from his sister to his mother to his father before coming back to him. The enthusiasm from the lively chirping from the other line was putting smiles on everyone's faces. And then she was talking about a mishap in the party preparations.**

" _ **Kazama-kun called me."**_ **She sighed on the other line. "** _ **Apparently he messed up the cake order and now we're... cake-less."**_

" **And we'll** _ **stay**_ **cake-less." Taichi frowned. "There's no way we can buy one on Christmas morning!"**

" _ **But what's Christmas without CAKE?!"**_ **she sounded panicky. "** _ **It'll be like...like Karuta without cards! Or...or Arata without glasses! Oh, or SUMIRE CHAN WITHOUT HER MASCARA!"**_

 **He cringed, and then tossed his mother a smile when she put a plate of pancakes in front of him, apologetic for being on the phone. She only ruffled his hair in response, surprising him a tad. Rika swiped the sauce before he could get to it, and they narrowed their eyes at each other for a second, before he retreated and focused on Chihaya. " Don't** _ **panic.**_ **We'll come up with something..."**

" _ **Ooooh."**_ **He could imagine her eyes lighting up and her jumping to her feet as the idea struck. "** _ **How about we bake?!"**_

" **For fifty guests?"**

 **He could also imagine her slumping and falling back into the couch, or wherever it was that she was seated. "** _ **Why do you have to kill my dreams?"**_

" **I'm just being realistic." And then he paused as another suggestion crept into his mind. " But that's not a bad idea...How about this...we each bake a cake and bring it together in the evening? Instead of one person doing it altogether? Saves time."**

 **She didn't even pause to consider it. "** _ **And it'll be fun to have multiple flavours! I'll call everyone up. What about you, do you know how to bake?"**_

" **Nope." His mind flashed to images of burnt cookies and soggy tarts. "But my mom can...if she's willing. Are you mum?" He shot the question at his mother who smiled instantly.**

" **Of course!" she said. "Just stop by the convenience store and grab me some cake mix."**

 **He kicked his sister under the table lightly. "How about a drive?"**

 **She grinned and nodded swiftly.**

" **Great. So that's one down. Does Chitose know how to bake?"**

" _ **Nope."**_ **Chihaya sighed. "** _ **But I can ask my mom as soon as she comes back."**_

 **Her parents were off to visit a sick relative and they'd be back only in a few hours. Taichi made a mental note to visit them that day. "Okay... but I think she'll be too tired. Just call everyone up and ask around. Send me the details later, alright?"**

" _ **Yessir."**_

 **He cracked a smile. "See you later."**

" _ **Oh! Wait! You don't have to come all the way to pick me up tonight!"**_ **She relieved him of that task. "** _ **Kana-chan said she'd come around in the evening. Her mother's dropping her so..."**_

" **Excellent!" he smiled into his fork. "Now I can use that time productively!"**

" _ **Yeah, yeah."**_ **She sounded sour and he bit back a laugh. "** _ **See you in the evening, ."**_

" **Bye." He snickered and ended the call before the argument escalated.** _ **Now**_ **it felt like Christmas morning.**

" **Do you** _ **have**_ **to irk her all the time?" his mother frowned disapprovingly.**

 **Taichi only grinned. "Nothing makes my day like a disgruntled Chihaya."**

" **Doesn't she get tired of you?" Rika wondered, blinking. "I know I would."**

" **Its been nearly ten years." He rolled his eyes and focused on his breakfast. "She** _ **enjoys**_ **irritating me and I just return the favour."**

" **So that's how you roll..."**

 **He shrugged. "Now let me eat in peace. I'm going to need all the strength I can get for the evening."**

" **Why's that?"**

" **Gut feeling." He swallowed. "Eat up and go get ready. We're taking a drive to get some of that cake mix."**

 **In the evening, the entire city twinkled in soft glow of lights all around. It wasn't too harsh or sharp...just** _ **light**_ **and dimmed. Warm. There was softly falling snow everywhere, soundlessly hitting the floor and resting on coats and hats and gloves as people moved about. Chihaya wanted to stay and take it all in, but Oe-san drove on, into the little lane to Kazama's house, following the directions Kana chan was rattling off.**

 **They stopped slowly as they neared the mansion all decked up with snow and decorations. Chihaya stepped out precariously, with the cake in her hand, and Kana Chan shut the door of the car after her. Waving her mother goodbye, the shorter girl adjusted her loose hair and opened the gate for the brunette, whose arms were full.**

 **Kazama met them at the front door with a huge grin. "Hey girls!"**

" **Kazama-kun, Merry Christmas again." Kana chan smiled. Chihaya was looking around wide eyed. "Damn, this like a castle. And I thought Taichi had a fancy house."**

 **Kazama only laughed. "Come on in. And thanks, Chihaya-chan. Let me take that from you."**

 **They walked into a large living room, and Kazama led them downstairs, towards the den. It was** _ **humongous.**_ **And elegantly decorated. There were around Six trees, all colourful and lit up, and the food table was looooooong. Chihaya spun around, her short skirt twirling around her as she took in the surroundings. "This looks** _ **amazing."**_

" **All my mom's idea. And Jill helped." He grinned at her momentary falter.**

 **Chihaya bit her lip, but she only felt a ghost of her old fears. In fact, now that she was more...confident, she wanted to get to know the girl. " How is she?"**

" **Oh, good. You'll see her later today." Kazama fixed his eyes on a faraway spot. "I gotta go now. Enjoy until the rest of them arrive. I'll be back soon."**

 **The girls waved him off. Komano and Nishida showed up just then, with Arata and Kazuto in tow. They moved about, helping where necessary and making small talk with Kazama's rather frail looking mother. Soon, people began to filter in, from their society and college.**

 **Chihaya recognised several med students of Todai she had met as a result of hanging around her best friend, and all if them went up to her and expressed a friendly approach she wasn't expecting. She found out that med students, though brainy, we actually lots of fun.**

 **Not that she should've doubted it, what with Taichi being a med student but still...**

 **As the room filled in and lights dimmed and the songs began to play, Chihaya caught a glimpse of herself in a glass door. Her red and white short plaid skirt and off shoulder white top was accompanied by a red belt. And her hair hung in loose waves instead of the usual straight strands, adding volume. She looked good, but her mind suddenly flashed to Jillian.**

 **And then she caught a glimpse of messy brown hair through the mirror and almost snapped her neck, whipping around.**

 **But he was lost in the crowd.**

 **Chihaya frowned. Could she have imagined it? Maybe he was running late. Rin chan was yet to arrive as well after all...but she'd been so** _ **sure**_ **she had seen that head! She stood on her tiptoes to scan around, but then gave up at the sting in her toes.** _ **Damn it. Am I seeing things?**_ **Maybe she needed a drink. Sighing to herself, Chihaya attempted to squeeze out and landed by the door, taking a deep breath.**

 **Arata joined her a second later, offering her a cup of punch. "Here you go."**

 **She must've looked very surprised. "Thank you, Arata!" drowning the drink easily, she crumpled the disposable cup and tossed it into the already half filed bin nearby. "What are you doing here?"**

" **I could ask you the same thing." Arata grinned. "I needed some air."**

 **She debated that for a while. Air sounded really nice. But what about...?** _ **I might've been imagining it. Besides, I need to get a grip.**_

 **She pushed Arata out herself, both of them taking deep breaths on stepping outside. The door swung shut behind them and in the dim light, the sounds of the party muffled. Chihaya glanced around at the deserted space, slightly conscious of her companion's gaze on her.**

" **When did you arrive, Arata?" She enquired, to break the silence.**

 **He shrugged. "Around five...? My train was late. And thanks for the gift, by the way."**

 **She suddenly grinned at him. "Did you like it?"**

 **He laughed breathlessly, shaking his head. "I** _ **loved**_ **it."**

 **She smiled, happy to have nailed it for once. It was thanks to Taichi, but that could wait. She wanted to feel awesome for a second. "And thanks for yours too."**

 **He smiled back. "You're welcome." And then his eyes turned a tad serious. "You look really beautiful tonight, Chihaya. Did I tell you that?"**

 **Her cheeks bloomed red and she laughed nervously, shuffling. "T-Thanks, Arata. Y-You too."**

 **He smiled again, but then there were footsteps to his right and they both turned to stare at Kana chan and Rin emerging, Tsukuba in tow. They slowed with smiles when they spotted the pair, Kanade's eyes rather sharp on Chihaya. She had the urge to flinch.**

 **They exchanged pleasantries, before Tsukuba wanted a drink and pulled open the door, but then paused, his face thoughtful.**

 **And then he pointed at the spot above where Chihaya and Arata were standing. "Heads up." The door swung shut behind him and the party became a muffled reality again.**

 **Chihaya felt her cheeks drain of all colour as they fixed on the innocently shining mistletoe hanging precisely above their heads.**

 **Blood roared in her ears and she felt a little dizzy, Kana Chan's exclamation sounding rather distant. How was it that she always got herself into such messes?**

" **Well." Arata mused, looking back at her. Chihaya would've blushed, but she was rather numb at the moment. "This is...convenient."**

 **She didn't answer, just swallowed, almost at the point of fainting.** _ **What do I do?**_

 **Kana chan looked shaky. She nudged Rin chan, who was stunned into silence, inside. But her eyes were burning as they locked with Chihaya's. "We'll give you some...er...space. See you inside." Her eyes flashed, and then they were gone too, with momentary music blaring out, before muffling again.**

 **Arata took a breath and to Chihaya's surprise, took her hand.**

 **And tugged her closer so she tumbled over her heels into his chest.**

 **She didn't know what was happening. Too shocked to even think, all she knew was that her mind was numb. Some tiny part of her was screaming to get away, but it sounded far away in the haze of disbelief.** _ **What was happening?**_

 **Midnight blue eyes pierced her own. She shivered, finding they lacked a certain warmth an sparkle she was so accustomed to seeing in another pair of golden pools. "Are you ready?"**

 **Her eyes widened a fraction and something akin to panic bubbled in her chest weakly. "Wh-what? W-why?"**

" **We were caught beneath that." He pointed at the plant, glancing at it for a second. "You know what it means...if we break tradition, its bad luck..."**

 **She couldn't breathe. When she remained silent. Arata tugged her closer, his breath fanning her cheek, fingers on her chin.**

 **And it all felt so** _ **wrong.**_

 **The far away, distant protests in her mind suddenly became unbearably loud, as if his touch had burst the bubble muffling them in the first place. Her head cleared. Realization of her situation crept in and her eyes widened.**

 **But she was too confused and surprised to move.**

 **For a heart stopping second, his head dipped and she bit back a gasp, because all she felt was** _ **dread,**_ **that this was** _ **wrong,**_ **that she had to stop it before he made things all bad.**

 **This was** _ **not right. Damn traditions to hell.**_

 **But just as her eyes sparkled with a slight fury and defiance, she felt him sigh, inches from her lips, and then, miraculously, pull back.**

 **And step away with a rueful smile and shake of his head.**

 **Chihaya leaned back against the door, her knees weak with relief. Arata watched her with a light in his eyes. "I'm so sorry." He murmured.**

 **She looked at him, pleading for an explanation.**

" **I can't do it. I wouldn't have done it anyway. Its just...wrong." he let out a strangled laugh and collapsed against the door like her, making her brows furrow in slight worry.**

 **Realisation hit him like a monster truck, slamming straight into his heart and the weight of it nearly sent him stumbling. He had been gripping at his obstinacy again, but the feel of her rapid pulse and frozen posture and shallow breath in his ear had wrenched his grip away. Arata stared at the ground resolutely, trying to keep himself in one piece. Despite all his stubbornness and competitiveness, he couldn't deny the truth.**

 **It wasn't him. And it wasn't her either. He'd leave it at that.**

" **I'm sorry." He repeated breathlessly, looking back up at her with a sincerity she never knew him to posses. "I was blinded by stubbornness, Chihaya, thinking I was in love with you...but I'm not. I can't do this. Not to you or Taichi. I realize my delusions now."**

 **All she felt was overwhelming relief and her eyes cleared from mild anger to gratitude. For a long minute she stood, watching him gather himself and she felt a lot of things but mainly thankful that he hadn't carried out the action. She didn't know what she would've done if...Even now, the sharp pang of guilt was churning her stomach.**

 **But she flung her arms around him and mumbled a thanks into his shoulder, breathless herself.**

 **He only laughed a little and pulled her off, telling her to go back inside while he took some time off to clear his head. Chihaya watched him walk away with her lip between her teeth. That was awkward and scary and it made her want to scream, but she was thankful for his words and actions.**

 **Now she felt relieved. And happy, lighter. She let him disappear from her line of sight before sighing and turning back to the door of the party.**

 **And she glimpsed the messy head for a flash again, just a second, before it disappeared. She shook her head and smiled. Where was her phone? Time to find out what was taking him so long to get there.**

 **The truth was, after that little shaky episode, she wanted to hear his voice, rich and soft in her ear and be carried away by the butterflies that would erupt in her stomach.**

 **So why was her gut screaming at her?**

* * *

So! There you have it. The next chap is gonna be taxing for me so I kinda have to feel like you want it...you know what I mean. Hit that button!

Love you

Loyyu chan.


	12. Chapter 12

Right. So, I'm shaking in my non-existent boots.

I'm terrified.

I almost didn't post this because I'm so, SO scared and I bet you understand why.

I don't have anything else to say. Go on and read.

I just hope I've done justice to them, to my story, to your expectations. But I'm so damn scared...

For a better reading experience, listen to this song on repeat until you finish: **LISTEN, its awesome: 'Raabta' from this Hindi movie Agent Vinod. But you better search for a luric video or sonething cuz i think there are background sounds of guns and all which I dont have in my downloaded file but its there in YouTube I think...make sure its the filtered song.** I know, I know. Why Hindi? But I stumbled upon it and it was amazing and that's how I wrote the story so I reckon that's how you should read. I promise it'll be worth the effort.

Please do that.

So...um...onward, then. God, help me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru.

* * *

 **Sometimes life isn't very** _ **nice.**_ **It's rude and bitchy and sinister and its** _ **always**_ **testing you. Some people pull out better than the others because they're stronger, while some people have trouble dusting themselves off and pushing forward again, often pride being the only fuel, and that was unhealthy.**

 **Unfortunately, Taichi fell into the second category.**

 **You'd think,** _ **life being bitchy to Mashima Taichi? Really? Have you SEEN that git?**_

 **But sometimes a person could have hundreds of things you've been drooling for, and yet, never be** _ **happy.**_ **You might call them greedy, selfish, that they're taking their blessings for granted, but really, if you asked, you'd learn they'd throw it all away in a heartbeat just for some peace of mind. For something bigger and heavier than a mansion or good looks or a fat brain or a magnificent car...**

 **For the millionth time, he wondered why they never bothered to discover a painkiller for** _ **mental**_ **agony.**

 **Not that that was true. Taichi set down the icy cup of coffee-flavoured goodness on his table, and mused. He knew pain was just a feeling, it was all in your head. But that was** _ **physical**_ **pain. How did one cure mental pain anyway? Numb it? But for how long?**

 **That's what he was so readily doing now, anyway; numbing.**

 **Because this was easier, being blank. So,** _ **so**_ **much easier. And he rather liked it. Being blank was safe; neither happy, nor sad, in the middle and he liked it. It was secure and relieving and just what he needed but—**

 **How long before it died?**

 **If anything, he was glad he wasn't running away. Oh no. That's not it at all. He was facing it, bravely holding it back until he simply couldn't anymore. Even though this time, the tidal wave of hurt and resentment and self loathing for his idiocy, for his** _ **stupid, stupid**_ **heart and brain's lack of resistance to a certain someone's charms, was a freaking** _ **tsunami.**_ **It was big. It was bad. Worse than anything he'd ever felt before because this time, he had a lot more losses to feel.**

 **This time, he had experienced hope at it's fullest no matter how much he tried to shut it down because she had** _ **seemed**_ **like she meant it. This time, he had let himself believe, even just a little, that there was a chance that** _ **maybe**_ **she felt something akin to his gasket of love inside. This time, he had fallen a little too deep, a little too hard, with her persistence and her confidence in her feelings.**

 **But he had been a right fool to think that—Even after all the evidence from their crappy** **high school days—Just because she** _ **thought**_ **she liked him—And he had** _ **believed**_ **her for a foolish,** _ **foolish**_ **little span of time that** _ **felt**_ **like ages.**

 **Because now he knew what it would be like if she really did feel the way he did. He had a taste of what they would've been, how he would've** _ **lived,**_ **and not existed. How** _ **beautiful**_ **it would've been, travelling the road together...**

 **That had never happened before, when he was younger. He hadn't known how you could slowly be pulled under by the crushing realization that you** _ **loved**_ **someone who actually** _ **cared**_ _ **just**_ _ **as**_ _ **much**_ **about** _ **you**_ **. That was it, the final piece making his life** _ **everything**_ **anyone could ever want. No, not the car or the looks or the house. Just** _ **her.**_

 **But** _ **of course,**_ **this was his life we're talking about, and to think he finally got a break was downright laughable.**

 **Just when he was beginning to entertain the idea of her words and feelings being the truth, just when he was borderline happy, everything toppled over aga—**

 _ **No it didn't.**_ **He scowled to himself.** _ **I stopped before that.**_

 **Oh right, numbing.**

 **When the tsunami came threatening to crash down on what was left on his heart and optimism and belief in—in love, he had put up the fiercest wall he had ever conjured, a dam, protecting his fragile self from drowning— no,** _ **being**_ _ **destroyed**_ **— by the waves of hurt and anger at himself.**

 **An attempt at survival before everything crashed down and he gave up on this entirely.**

 **He didn't want that. God, as lame as it sounded, he didn't want to be afraid of or lose faith in love. He wanted to feel it, to experience how it was above everything else, how the magic everyone spoke of really did thrum happily all around him. He didn't want darkness; he wanted to hold on to that light only something as universal and innocent as love could bring.**

 **He wanted to kick himself for being a fool and believing her even a little, for falling all over again, harder and deeper than he should've. For putting himself through pain again. But he couldn't because he wasn't there yet.**

 **The dam holding back the tidal wave of hurt was strong for now, so he was blank, numb, not really assessing the situation, just...** _ **there.**_ **If it crashed down, he dreaded to think what that would do to him. He was** _ **terrified**_ **of what he'd become...**

 **...because Chihaya had done it this time. If she hadn't entirely crushed him before—he had only just been a kid then— she was going to destroy him now, as soon as the dam broke.** _ **Now**_ **, when he was older by a few years, and wiser. Maybe 20 wasn't** _ **that**_ **old to be spouting such philosophy, but he had always been wiser than his age called for, and he knew what he was talking about.**

 **Sometimes he had a feeling that he was a thirty year old stuck in a twenty year old body...** _ **because**_ **he was destined to die sooner than normal. That way, by the time his body reached fifty, his mind would've reached eighty and he'd have experienced the maturity of a lifetime and God wouldn't have to feel bad about taking him away at such an early age.**

 **Taichi gulped down another sip of cold coffee. His thoughts were becoming rather disturbing.**

 **I mean, who was he to complain? He had everything, after all... Everything** _ **except**_ **a chance at love and he knew he should live with that but he couldn't help thinking someone hated him up there.**

 **Each time life knocked him down in this department, he struggled to his feet and pushed forward because he knew there was no point in giving up. He was a hard worker and he put himself out there, made himself vulnerable even though his insecurities made that decision nearly impossible. But each time he got up and ran again, his lung capacity weakened, breathing became more difficult, it** _ **ate away at him,**_ **but he kept trying. He had done it, against his better judgement. And for a while things had looked up. His cautiousness was dimming bit by bit because he was slightly drunk with happiness at the prospect of a possible good future.**

 **And then came the gunshot. Now he didn't know what to think or do or feel.**

 **So he decided to play numb for a while.**

 **But again, for how long?**

 **The dam already groaned from the strain whenever she called or left him a text, as if everything was the way it used to be. He didn't understand her for once. You don't just kiss someone and then blow up somebody else's phone; that's total bu—** _ **ahem**_ **.**

 **He played with his glass, wanting to feel angry. Angry at her for doing this to him, pushing it** _ **too**_ **far this time. How** _ **dare**_ **she play around and then toss him away so** _ **easily?**_ **How dare she** _ **not**_ **understand even a little of what he was going through?! Time and time again, he'd told her he wasn't made of stone, that she had** _ **every potential to break him now,**_ **but she had promised and coaxed him out with her blinding smiles and softly shining auburn eyes that spoke of something he had wanted to see in them since forever.**

 **But maybe it had been a reflection of his own emotions he had been seeing in her eyes after all. Like with Richard Parker in The Life of Pi.**

 **And just like that his attempt at working unto a temper faded because he just** _ **couldn't.**_ **She was** _ **innocent,**_ **new to this, and probably confused out of her mind, poor thing. For someone so blindingly oblivious to everything but a game, she must've been finding it so hard to cope with her conflicting emotions regarding** _ **other**_ **things. Yes, she had grown up and changed but maybe he had been wrong to think she had grown enough to handle** _ **this**_ **. Maybe he had expected too much without even realizing it.**

 **He let himself get carried away.**

 **But he felt the acute weight of the dam burning into him as he struggled to keep away the hurt, and he knew, he knew** _ **fiercely**_ **:** _ **never again.**_

 **The incident had been simple. The Christmas party had been going awfully well until of course he'd bumped into Renji and the gentle boy's face, marred with confusion, had related the episode happening right outside the doors which he had happened to see as he passed. Poor Renji was confused because he could've sworn Taichi and Chihaya were together but when he voiced that, his fellow med student had only laughed and denied easily.**

 **He had put up the dam at that instant, and its been there never since.**

 **He knew somehow that she had to be given a chance to explain if it ever came to a confrontation( which he felt it would). His rationality told him there must be a reason, an explanation. Maybe it hadn't been what it seemed like. Maybe it was all just a misunderstanding. He wouldn't break before knowing the truth; that was just stupid. He had at least that much sense left. Maturity, see?**

 **But the majority part of him was after all just a wounded 20 year old who was almost shaking with anticipation of the avalanche he would be buried under soon enough. He was frightened he wouldn't make it out in one piece.**

 **But unlike what you might think, he wasn't self destructing now because** _ **come on.**_ **Enough already. He was sleeping rather well, thank you, and his stomach never complained about lack of food. He relaxed with his sister, his friends, heck even with Chihaya herself.**

 **Because this time he was so fiercely protective of himself, the dam was holding up well and he was numb inside. Just...blank.**

 **So he felt no pain. Which meant he was normal with everyone. Only, Chihaya had picked up on it and questioned him multiple times if there was** _ **something**_ **bothering him, but he was always successful at shaking her off, blaming it on upcoming exams. She didn't look like she believed him, but she was beginning to, he hoped.**

 **Naturally, now so close to New Year's, they had Kazuto's Birthday and New Year parties to organise so it was keeping him busy. He kept his mind strictly occupied so that he didn't falter and start letting himself feel.**

 **So far it was working, but he knew that he would crack one day. And that day would be soon. That day, he would probably hurt Chihaya beyond repair with his words and his inner turmoil if it ever got out. Harsh sentences he wouldn't mean might rip from his throat to wound her, to cause her at least a little of his pain. His mind and body might turn defensive. Because this time, it was final. She had done it; as soon as the dam cracked, she would've successfully pushed him over the edge.**

 **But he couldn't bear that thought. He didn't want to hurt her in any way, shape or form, even after all that happened. Because she wasn't doing this to him; he did it to himself.** _ **He**_ **went and got himself in a vulnerable position, granted it had been for her sake but still. It was wrong to blame her for his idiocy.**

 **It was stupid to have fallen for her anyway.**

 **(Oh no.)**

 **Taichi abandoned his coffee for the first time in his life. Comfort food wasn't very comforting at the moment. He needed work.**

 **Out came his textbooks and a few seconds later, he was drowning in them. Forgetting everything else. Just drowning so he could stay afloat for a little while longer.**

* * *

 **Kazuto cried.**

 **Chihaya was surprised, but there they were, the two big fat droplets of tears at the corners of his eyes when Rin had cleverly pulled him into the Society and they had all leapt at him screaming at the top of their lungs and flourishing banners and an extensively decorated large room.**

 **The cake cutting went smoothly, and everyone had made sure to point out that all this had been** _ **Rin's**_ **idea in the first place and the grinning boy had pulled her into such a tight hug, Chihaya suspected her ribs had cracked. But she also saw the momentary suspended state of soft warmth and tenderness on the girl's face, before she blushed. She caught it because she knew the feeling very well.**

 **As the New Year's eve party danced along, Chihaya felt her eyes skim the crowd again for her best friend.**

 **And her gut tightened uncomfortably.**

 **All this time, she had sensed something was off about him, even though he seemed normal enough, and normally, Taichi's acting and masking was something she had learnt to decipher, but this time it seemed more...grave.**

 **And guilt struck her hard every time. Her heart ached with dread.**

 **Ever since that Christmas party, he had been that way, always there, but oh so unreachable...and she was scared to death. When she questioned him and rapped at his doors, he refused to let her in, just plain refused, always brushing off her concerns with a curve of his lips. It sure** _ **looked**_ **like his smile. It felt as warm.**

 **But it didn't feel like it.**

 _ **Something**_ **was off. She could sense it.**

 **And deep down she had a feeling, her incessant guilt and worry building up theories that—**

 **Maybe he saw. Maybe he knew. Maybe he misunderstood and now—**

 **But he wasn't pulling away, exactly. He was still hanging out with her like usual, bickering, studying. Except, everything seemed practised. Not as warm and from the heart like her usual interactions with him. And she had begun to notice the slight tightening around his eyes when she touched him, even during an accidental brush of the hands.**

 **Which is why she hadn't given him the card yet. It was right there in her bag, weighing her down, but as soon as she noticed the first signs of his retreat into this new,** _ **transparent**_ **wall, she hesitated to give it to him.**

 **But now, she wanted to. It was a new year. And she planned to tell him** **how she still felt again, like he had suggested so many days ago. Her stomach clenched as she remembered the hailstorm and the whispered words in the darkness. She remembered the touch of his mouth against her jaw, and her skin tingled deliciously.**

 **Determination sparked in her eyes. Whatever this new problem was, she would get past it. She wouldn't** _ **ever**_ **give up. Not him. Not again.**

 **She sighed a little when he stepped in to view, fidgeting with his tie, looking a tad weary. They had been commanded by Rin to dress semi-formally, and this actual sight of her ridiculously attractive best friend in a black suit was** _ **too much.**_ **With that tie and the dishevelled hair and actually pulled back sleeves, he wasn't exactly** _ **strictly**_ **doing justice to it, but she would be the biggest liar on earth if she said that wasn't** _ **hot.**_ **Apart from the fact that it clearly flaunted his flawless genes, he made something as serious as a tux look comfortable and dominated over, commanding the attire as his own, crumpling the sleeves without any qualms. It was another level of attractiveness altogether.**

 **She glanced down at her satin white gown, the skirt bunching a good few inches above her knees, and the elbow length net sleeves and black satin bow around her waist. It looked elegant, sophisticated.**

 **It was her sister's. She doubted she was** _ **killing**_ **it like Taichi was doing to his attire.**

 **Pushing away a wayward strand of straight hair from her face, where locks of her bangs had escaped from the clip, she watched him loosen his tie and walk straight at them.**

 **What? Oh, yeah, Kana-chan was with her right there. Ahem.**

" **Buchou!" Kanade grinned.**

 **His lips twitched in response. "Ladies. Have you seen Kazama** _ **anywhere?**_ **He's being stupid."**

" **Why?" Chihaya blinked, unwillingly tearing her eyes away from him to the rest of the room, searching. "What happened?"**

 **Taichi smirked. "Apparently, some people here want to** _ **get to know**_ **him, but he's running away."**

 **Kana chan laughed, but Chihaya cocked her head to the side. "Get to know him?"**

 **Taichi sighed, and gave her a blank look. "To meet him. Date him, you know** _ **that**_ **sort of getting to know somebody."**

" **Oh!" she grinned. "Why is he running away then?!"**

" **Beats me." Taichi muttered, eyes scanning around. He ran a hand through his hair absently, fingers curling at the back for a second, messing up the locks even more. "I'm going to keep looking now. Catch you later."**

" **Bye." They chorused and he gave them a small smile before slipping away.**

 **Kana-chan eyed Chihaya's immediate slump carefully. "Okay, spill."**

 **The brunette pouted, but her eyes conveyed her upset mind. "Something's been off with him since Christmas. And I don't know what."**

 **Well, when you put it that way it sounds obvious enough.**

" **Oh really?" Kana chan drawled, making the girl look over in surprise at her dry tone. "Chi-chan, isn't it funny that right after you almost get kissed by a certain someone, Buchou seems a little** _ **off?**_ **Do I have to spell it out?"**

" **He knows doesn't he?" she breathed, feeling a tad nauseous. So her glimpses of his head hadn't been delusions after all. So she** _ **wasn't**_ **crazy just yet. Yay. "What am I going to do?"**

 **The shorter woman gave her a soft smile, but inside, her own anxiety bubbled up and over. "Just find him and talk to him frankly. Tell him nothing's happened. I'm sure he'll listen."**

 **Empty words, they were. She knew very well that things might not go good, but Chihaya's hands were already shaking as she clasped them together. What she needed now was encouragement, no matter how futile.**

 **They navigated the party together, talking to people and smiling around and laughing, keeping up the spirit in the room. Chihaya was a nervous wreck on the inside but she was doing a good job of hiding it. The entire room was packed, with the newest members of the society present as well. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Harada Sensei had retired for the night into a quiet corner, but he was smiling at everyone. Tsuboguchi San was...well, drunk, and he was loudly telling his friends a story with a woman by his side, whom Chihaya guessed to be his girlfriend, judging by their clasped hands and the exasperated look on the young woman's face. Their club members were scattered around, each with their own** _ **preoccupations.**_ **Kazuto had not allowed Rin to move from his side that evening and Chihaya had a good, excited almost-squeal with Kana chan at the disbelief on Rin's face. Kazama had finally indulged one of the people waiting to meet him, and he was looking a little more comfy with her. You'd think his aloofness would indicate a confident young man underneath but to be honest, when the opposite sex showed interest in** _ **him,**_ **he freaked. He was fine with being the first to flirt, but if someone approached him, he was a wreck. Chihaya found it very confusing.**

 **Arata was somewhere around. He had given her a smile and a wave and that was all she heard from him. Though it felt funny, she sensed he needed his time and distance...well, that** _ **and**_ **she didn't really know what to say to him so she kept away.**

 **Nishida and Tsukuba and Sumire were by the snack table, with the juniors hanging onto Yusei's every word as he seemed to be explaining something about the slice of cake he was holding up. But catching Chihaya's eye, the younger girl began to manoeuvre her way over.**

" **Ayase-senpai." She barked, her hair flying out behind her as she stalked over. Her eyes glinted and Chihaya took a step back nervously. "What are you still doing here?"**

 **Stalling?**

" **I-um...I'm actually not very sure—"**

" **If you don't do it today, I** _ **swear**_ **I'll hurt you." She bared her teeth.**

 **Kanade glanced at her disapprovingly. "'Mire-chan, stop it. You just prepare yourself, Chihaya-chan."**

 **Nodding, taking a deep calming breath, Chihaya began to say something but then her eyes caught someone behind Kanade and a smile formed on her face. "Tsukue-kun!"**

 **Kana-chan smiled as she turned to greet her boyfriend. He was smiling too, but when their eyes locked, she knew he had been listening in on everything. There was a gravity lining his smile. "Ayase." He sighed. "Do you realize it's only an hour till midnight?"**

 **Judging by her slacking jaw and wide eyes, she hadn't known. Chihaya rapidly glanced around, trying to locate a clock, and her eyes widened even more. "** _ **WHAT?!"**_

 **Komano rolled his eyes. " Try the roof."**

" **Eh?" she blinked. All three of them gave her blank stares...**

 **...and then her heart kicked into overdrive.**

 **Paling, Chihaya nodded, a hand on her little purse. "I-I'll see you guys l-later...And thanks, Tsukue-kun."**

" **Break a leg." He muttered back.**

 **Kana-chan gave her a bright smile. "Go, Chi-chan. We'll be down here."**

 **Sumire, surprising everyone, suddenly pulled the her senior into a tight hug. Chihaya wrapped her arms around the small frame slowly, holding her breath. Sumire-chan whispered in her ear. "Just jump, okay? Don't think too much."**

 **She nodded into her kohai's shoulder. Releasing her, the younger girl sheepishly tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and gave her a soft smile and shoved her lightly "Go."**

 **She dashed to the roof. Taking the stairs two steps at a time, Chihaya made her way over to the door, cheeks flushed but she felt the bitingly chilly wind on her arms and legs. There was a nice, shiny moon up in the sky. Perfect setting and everything but she couldn't help but be nervous.**

 _ **Don't think.**_

 **Cautiously, she stepped into the roof, and caught sight of him immediately, sitting over the railing with his long legs dangling into the dark fall below. For a second, she was worried, but then she knew they would be okay. The railing was wide enough so they wouldn't fall off easily. And there was a sunshade a feet below but in the dark, it must feel like a bottomless pit. The moon tortured her, draping a silvery sheen over the black material of his dress, and making his hair look like something else from back there. She couldn't see his face yet, but she knew that if she did, she might just palpitate and faint. Amber eyes in silver highlights were not good for her heart.**

 **He was finishing up a phone call, a bottle of iced tea sat on the railing next to him, droplets of condensation making a rather large wet stain on the spot so she knew he'd been there for a while. Even though the sounds from the party were faint, it was audible but it blended into the other noises of the night. She realised it was actually very silent. His quiets hums and little laughs and reassurances floated over in the frosty breeze. And Chihaya suddenly had an idea.**

 **She removed her heels, and her feet hit the bare concrete, cool against her skin. But she made her way to him, quiet as a mouse, just as she heard him say, "Yeah, Yeah, I promise, Rika...YES. Now shut up and go find your—" but he was cut off by a squeak that her sharp ears heard faintly, and then the call ended. Taichi sighed and slipped the phone into his pocket...and she pounced.**

 **His heart stopped in terror for a second. She felt it under her palm.**

 **They careened forwards, but she swung them back in just the same moment. She was giggling into his hair, but Taichi sounded breathless and cross. "Oh.** **My** _ **. God! Chihaya**_ **!"**

 **She chose not to respond to his rapid pulse. Taichi had his fingers clenched on the edge of the railing so tight his knuckles were white, the other hand on his forehead as he tried to stop the mild trembling. He heard his heart pounding in his ears from the split second shock of nearly falling to his death. For a few seconds, he tried to calm the hammering pulse. Adrenaline rushed like mad in his veins.** _ **Its okay, I'm alive.**_

 **But now it wasn't stopping, and not because he had almost been pushed off a three storeyed building.**

 **Chihaya still kept her arms wrapped around his neck from behind, the lower half of her face in his hair. "Yo."**

" **Yes, that's clearly what you say to people you try to murder." He muttered. "What are you doing?"**

" **Trying to spring a surprise." Her voice was muffled by his thick locks of brown. "I wouldn't have let you fall."**

 **He rolled his eyes, even though she couldn't see it. "Not that, I mean, what are you doing** _ **here?**_ **"**

" **I came to see you." She mumbled, and completely buried her face in his hair for a second, enjoying the warmth of his back pressed to her front, the feel of his heart under one palm, the nape of his neck under the other fingertips. But his shoulders were tensed. She rocked them slightly back and forth. "Why are you here?"**

" **I had to call a few people." He answered noncommittally. A second's silence prevailed as they both searched for words, each head and heart too full to form coherent thoughts. They gazed at the round moon in silence for a while. A breeze picked up and played with their hair, and he felt her arms tighten around him.**

 **Instantly, he snapped out of it.**

 **Tugging at her hand to release him, he pulled her down to sit next to him on the railing. He shouldn't be wanting her company, he should've sent her back down. But instead, his chest already tightened at the thought of the impending wedge between them that would arrive when they talked and his suspicions would be proved true.**

 **But she sat close, close enough for their hips to be pressed together, so she felt the warmth radiating off of him. She sat backwards, facing the door, with concrete under her feet. He sat facing the moon, with nothing but air and darkness under his shoes. But his blazer was off already and he had wrapped her in it tightly, looking disapproving, but a kiss dropped to her temple. She didn't bat an eye, but her pulse skipped a beat at the light contact, and just let him button the top, thoroughly relaxing in the heady scent of cologne that was floating around her from the warm material.**

 **He was acting normal. As intimate as before. He hadn't drawn back at all, but she** _ **knew**_ **something was wrong and she was terrified of how amazing his acting skills were this time. He didn't give any indication that he was upset. If she hadn't paid attention to him the way she did, she never would've noticed.**

" **Tsuboguchi San must've had a hard time getting the snow off this roof." She muttered, inwardly cringing for beating around the bush. Taichi hummed an agreement, glancing around at her observation, and she wondered whether he was cold. That was stupid, of course he was. Maybe they should've moved downstairs, but she appreciated the isolation the spot offered, and besides, he looked comfortable enough. But then again, she could be misreading him...it could all be an act.**

" **He's lucky it didn't snow at all today." He mumbled back in response to her earlier statement. "If it had, all his efforts would've been wasted."**

" **And we wouldn't be sitting here."**

" **Nope."**

" **Are you cold?"**

" **Nope." Then his lips twitched. "I have my thermos vest."**

 **Her own mouth curved. "The one I got you last Christmas?"**

" **Yup." He shot her a glance, a tinge of amusement and acknowledgement in them, and she forgot to inhale for a second. "You're getting real thoughtful with the gifts. Unlike the silly Snowmaru wristband you gave me once upon a time."**

 **She scowled and punched his stomach. "That was a limited edition!"**

" **I never said I didn't appreciate the sentiment." He chuckled, and she huffed. "But thanks for the scarf by the way."**

 **And then her heartbeat tripled. Casually, they had strolled into the area untouched since five days ago, without even realising it. Chihaya looked back down at her purse on her lap, and took a deep breath.**

 **A lungful of his cologne and the natural warmth seeped into her brain and she felt it like a drug, calming her over worked nerves and fumbling hands. She felt strangely confident, eyes half lidded almost. Her hand reached in and pulled out the little card, aware of his curious eyes on her face.**

 **She exhaled, and it misted in the air. Since they were bare, her legs felt chilly and goosebumps erupted over her skin from the cold. But her fingers held out the little card to him, and he took it, confusion etched all over his face. "What's this?"**

" **The rest of my Christmas present." She admitted, then reached around him to grab the bottle of iced tea, making his hands come up around her to prevent a fall. The disapproval at her reckless movements when they were dangling three storeys high wasn't lost on his face, but he released her as soon as she straightened, and Chihaya understood why she was so cold. His fingers slowly opened the card to see in the night.**

 **Moonlight glinted off the colours of the drawing, and for a second, he said nothing, but held it closer to his face for examination. And then his lips curved.**

 **She tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach by inhaling again.**

" **Did you do this yourself?" he enquired quietly, and she nodded into the blazer. Taichi grinned faintly. "Its actually pretty amazing. Who knew you could draw?"**

" **I manage." She mumbled. Her anticipation only grew as he skirted around the subject. Was he going to ignore it altogether? But that wouldn't be very nice.**

 **He ran a finger over the little message, and his smile faded a little, eyes turned grave. The background noises of the party had long since faded from her ears, and her entire body was cold; solely aware of his steady breathing next to her and the warmth where they touched. Strangely though, she wasn't as nervous as she had been downstairs. Or maybe it wasn't so strange; usually, just his presence was enough to calm her nerves and tonight was no exception.**

 **But that silence seemed deafening.**

 **Finally he opened his mouth. " I don't—no, wait. Thanks." He waved the card and gave her a smile but she almost fell over from the blankness in his eyes. Like there was no light. "This is...I don't know what to say...but you've nailed it."**

 **A small smile crept up her face and she twisted the neck of the bottle. "You're welcome. Only...you know I don't say things I don't mean..."**

" **Brutal honesty is one of your best traits." He muttered.**

 **She stared at the bottle, then took a sip and made a face, but returned to the subject. " I also don't** _ **write**_ **what I don't mean..."**

 **She had to wait a while before she head him exhale. In reality, she was terrified, the rapid pulse and clammy hands were just the beginning of her nervousness. To think they were finally having this conversation, that something or the other would go down tonight, was scary. She only hoped no one else decided to pop up to take a breather on the roof. That would ruin everything.**

 **Taichi, opened the card again, and stared at it, his voice as quiet as the moon. " I honestly don't know what to say. Why didn't you give this to me before?"**

 **She swallowed, her chest felt too tight. "I-I was going to...but then it just didn't f-feel right..."**

" **Why?"**

 **She blanched. His eyes were trained on her face now, still heart wrenchingly blank and she felt a little panicked, ready to do something,** _ **anything**_ **to make him look alive again so she could breathe easy. This was downright scary...because she felt like she was doing this alone. It was kind of amazing, she thought, how he was so near, so real against her side , but she couldn't feel the warmth because there was no light in his eyes. With those blank orbs trained on her face, she felt cold.**

' _ **Why**_ **?' Such a simple question. She knew what she had to do. Not once in her life had she ever had to lie to him, and that was because she knew that no matter what move she pulled, he would never actually judge her without hearing her out first. He wasn't one to jump to conclusions usually. But...when it came to this, to Arata, he did have a tendency to make wrong judgements because here, his insecurities flared to the maximum, and his sense of rationality was clouded.** _ **That**_ **was why she was so worried.**

 **And yet, she wouldn't lie. Not to him.**

 **Chihaya took a deep breath, and shivered a little under the coat. "B-Because something happened that wasn't supposed to happen."**

 **Instantly, she felt him withdraw even more, a shadow falling across his already blank gaze. Going over her words once again, she cursed herself for what that must've sounded like. Thoughts had to be carefully phrased.**

 **She was treading on** _ **very**_ **delicate waters here, and any mess up would be way too big a loss.** _ **Too**_ **big.**

 **She set down the bottle with a light tap and stared resolutely at the door, determination burning in her eyes. " That didn't sound right. I'm not going to lie to you, Taichi, you know I can't. I'll just be...brutally honest." She flicked her gaze to him and caught his still guarded eyes and flinched, dropping them and looking away. She was on her own then.**

 _ **Fine.**_

" **When I was thinking about taking a break that day, Arata wanted to get some air too and I accompanied him outdoors and we were just standing around and talking and not even** _ **noticing**_ **the blasted thing hanging—"**

" **What blasted thing?"**

 **She snapped her head over to look, rather hungrily into the flicker of surprise in his eyes, and the small emotion made them feel normal and alive again. She tried not to cry. "T-There was a mistletoe hanging over the door, outside, do you—"**

" **Yeah, I remember." His eyes cleared and he blinked for a second. Something shifted, and he looked like he just found the missing piece to a puzzle. She almost fainted at the way his expression cleared ever so slowly, but when he turned back to her, his eyes were still guarded. "So that's what happened."**

 **She swallowed and nodded, fiddling with the button on the blazer. "Tsukuba-kun was the one who pointed it o-out. And I didn't understand what was going on because—" now her voice shook, with guilt, dread and at her own folly. Her eyes stung. "Arata was already—I didn't expect it! If I had known I would've—!" she broke off because her voice was cracking too much, and rubbed the tip of her nose because it was stinging horribly from holding back tears. She couldn't breathe again, an elephant was sitting on her chest and suffocating her. She was never very good at holding back her sorrows. But this time she didn't deserve to cry.**

 **Chihaya heard him sigh lightly, and felt him shift, so he could watch her face properly. "Why are** _ **you**_ **crying?" he muttered, and her eyes snapped back to his, only to see them slowly flickering back to normal, but there was a sort of dejection in them, like he had given up. "If anything, you should be happy you got kissed under a—"**

 **Her temper flared in an instant. "** _ **Excuse me?**_ **Haven't you been listening? I didn't** _ **want**_ **to be kissed under the stupid plant!"**

" **So you wanted it to be somewhere else?" he muttered, confused. "I thought mistletoes were supposed to be romantic and everyth—"**

" **Oh my GOD!" she groaned at the sky, and then smacked his shoulder. "Taichi, stop being silly! I was just trying to say that it was the wrong person, not the wrong** _ **setting!"**_

 **He blinked, looking taken aback. And the genuineness of his surprise made her chest twist into a tight, uncomfortable knot. Her spirits dropped again, and she reached for his hand.**

 **Even in the cold breeze, his fingers were warm enough, just the tips were cold and slightly clammy and she realised that maybe she wasn't the only one having a hard time with this. The lingering guarded, defeated look in his eyes didn't settle her now uneasy stomach. She wanted them to smile at her with the usual boundless warmth he gave, with a touch of that pure something which made her heart leap each time she saw it. She knew how to find it now because she knew where to look. " Let me sum this up in simple words." She said slowly, as if talking to a five year old and annoyance flickered over his face for a second. " One, I did** _ **not**_ **want Arata to...um...do whatever it is that we're talking about." She mumbled in a rush, looking a tad embarrassed. And then she clutched his hand tighter when he tried to pull it away. "** _ **Two**_ **, he didn't do it anyway, just apologised and left."**

 **Now he looked even more confused. "** _ **Why?"**_

 **Chihaya lifted her shoulders in a delicate shrug. "Dunno. He did say something but I'm not sure what he meant... The point is, he knows how I feel and he said he wouldn't do that to me."**

" **He knows how you feel." He repeated dryly, and gently pulled his hand away. She felt the sting all the way down to her toes. " Do** _ **you**_ **know how you feel?"**

" **Yes." She croaked thickly. "But I'm yet to make it clear because** _ **someone**_ **is too defensive!"**

 **A cold glare darted her way. "You know, I should hate you."**

 **She glared right back, but her eyes watered. "Then why** _ **don't**_ **you?"**

 **His own eyes narrowed. She felt the tension in the air like a thick blanket, and she couldn't breathe. " You think I don't** _ **want**_ **to? That would've made everything so much easier! But instead, I'm** _ **stuck**_ **on—" he clamped his mouth shut, looking even more cross at himself. " This hasn't been easy for me in** _ **forever.**_ **And I'm tired. I give up. I've had enough of false hope and subsequent disappointments** _ **for a life time.**_ **"**

 **Her eyes widened. "B-but nothing happened, I told you—"**

" **That's not what this is about." He rolled his eyes. " What am I, seven? I'm not** _ **jealous**_ **— God, no— you can do whatever you want, but just...I don't think I can stand the strain anymore without booking a room at the asylum." He swallowed and pinned her with a bleak gaze. " Its not jealousy, its like...** _ **dejection**_ **and that's** _ **worse**_ **. I have zero confidence when it comes to you, Chihaya.** _ **Zero.**_ **And maybe I was starting to build something up but just a tiny misunderstanding had me realize what damage I'd do to myself if I kept this up. Its not that something** _ **happened,**_ **not at all. Its that you almost let it and I thought maybe you're still confused. Maybe I was right, and I was a fool to believe you. That's how stupidly unsure I am about this, about** _ **us.**_ **You can't blame me for that. I won't let you. You don't know what I've been going through for so many years. You** _ **can't**_ **judge me for being defensive."**

 **She swallowed so hard at the lump in her throat it was painful. Her eyes were burning now, vision blurred as she stared at the door. Everything was crumbling into dust. She couldn't** _ **breathe**_ **and her breaths were too short and her head was swimming and she wanted to throw up. It felt like he was being** _ **ripped**_ **away from her in a second and that pain throbbed from her chest down to her stomach. Her head was almost spinning. Never before had she felt like he had slipped so far out of reach, not even when he left for London, seemingly forever. This was different, this was raw and scary and real and it struck her painfully in the chest that there might just be no chance, that maybe...maybe it was over.**

 **A hand covered her mouth when a strangled gasp attempted to leave her throat at the admission.**

 **He glanced back at her, jaw still clenched, but then his eyes widened at the sparkling droplets of salty water brimming in her eyes.**

 **Almost instantly, all his righteous anger and frustrations melted, and a sick feeling replaced them in his stomach.**

 **Horrified, feeling like a world class grasshole, he reached for her hand. "Hey, don't** _ **cry,**_ **I'm sorry—"**

" **No, stop." She said shakily and sprang up, swiftly pulling away the blazer and tossing it onto him. She looked absolutely furious for once. Her hands were clenched at her sides, pale faced, but eyes blazing with anger and hurt and he really felt like throwing himself off that flimsy railing for putting those emotions there. He felt nauseous.**

 **Chihaya began pacing, not bothering about the cold. She tried to breathe despite the large heffalump on her chest, all she wanted was to curl up and cry, but this was Ayase Chihaya. And she didn't go down without a fight...so he'd get a bloody good one. "Stop trying to protect me." She spat. " Why can't you just be selfish for once?! I understand what I've put you through, because you're doing that to me** _ **right now!"**_ **She crossed her trembling arms across her chest, not noticing his widened eyes. "** _ **Don't**_ **apologise, Taichi, because I don't deserve it. But if you think a few harsh words are going to stop me then you've got the** _ **wrong idea."**_

 **He watched her tremble, from the cold or from her raging emotions, he didn't know. And he was sort of frozen to his seat, twisting to stare with wide, surprised eyes.**

 **This was the second time she lost control, but this seemed more real than the first.**

 **Burning, shaky auburn eyes forced themselves into his, setting the last of his walls on fire, and leaving them crumbling to ashes.**

 **Her words were firm, but trembling. "You need to get it in your head that I'm serious, I'm** _ **sure**_ **and I know what I want and who I want it with. You can't make those decisions for me and I won't let you!" she bent closer and he held his breath at the glistening tracks of tears on her face. His stomach twisted painfully at the hurt in her eyes.**

 **And he felt like an idiot.**

" **Whether you believe it or not," she hissed, a finger poking his chest, her breath washing over his face, sending his pulse into overdrive and stomach swooping. "I** _ **love**_ **you. And I'm not about to back off because you're trying to 'save yourself' since there's** _ **nothing**_ **to fight against. All you have to do is** _ **believe**_ **me."**

" **That's not easy." He heard himself breathe, but even that cracked. " You know that's not easy for me. Look at what happened just these days after—"**

" **Then watch me do it all over again." She hissed firmly. Her eyes flashed, molten pools of auburn, swimming with tears. "I'm going to keep fighting like I said, you can keep trying to push me away all you like, but I won't give up." She narrowed her eyes and her fingers clenched in his collar as she tugged him closer and muttered furiously, eyes alight and hair tumbling into her face and over her shoulder, all the while making his heart skip painful beats, "I don't care if I get hurt over and over because you're** _ **worth it.**_ **You** _ **deserve**_ **to be fought for and I swear to God I** _ **will**_ **do it. You can try stopping me."**

 **She pushed him away and stumbled back, eyes still blazing, but now there were fresh tears on her face. Her nails dug into her palm while she watched him collect himself.**

 **Taichi could feel the dam cracking, breaking, and no matter how hard he tried to pull it up, he couldn't, the splinters and stones dug into his back and the weight of the tsunami was too much, too strong, until he clenched his eyes shut and felt his knees tremble and dread filled him when they gave way and he dropped like a twig.**

 **But there was no whoosh of the roaring waters. No suffocation, no drowning, or dying. When he looked up, it was only just a blank space, the area behind the now broken dam wet, but almost as if the entire tsunami had...evaporated in a matter of seconds. He blinked, confused...until he wasn't anymore.**

 **Maybe it was her words, maybe the fact that Chihaya didn't know how to hide her emotions and everything that came out of her mouth was the simple truth. Maybe because this was the first time the blunt words had tumbled from her mouth and maybe that was all he had ever needed after all. Maybe it was the fact that she was so worked up and crying and upset about it. Maybe it was the way she seemed to mean it when she told him he was worth it.** _ **Something**_ **clicked, and his head cleared, felt lighter than it had in a really long time.**

 **For once, he wasn't forcing himself to be blank; his mind just was. Like a clean slate. Like another chance. All his insecurities and fears and stupid over thinking tendencies were right there in a corner, he could see, but something he saw in her eyes was making him do this, go blank and actually start over. He tried to summon fear, summon his doubts, but they wouldn't come, because all he could see then was her guarded, tensed shoulders and tear streaked face and blazing auburn eyes that were undoubtedly tinted with hope.**

 **And he supposed that's where he lost. That's where he caved. Because he knew what it was like to have hope be crushed, and he would rather jump off that railing than be the reason for her to feel that sort of mind consuming dejection.**

 **She asked him to stop protecting her but he couldn't. Not when the threat was so grave. Not when the danger was to her peace of mind. He knew what it was like, and he knew he didn't want her to go through it, ever.**

 **Because as beautiful as hope is, it was dangerous. One precise crash...and it could destroy you.**

 **There was a lurch in his chest against the thought, his heart already scrambling to pick itself up and pull her into his chest and keep her shielded from the looming danger of a broken heart or crushed hope.**

 **Which is probably why he smiled faintly. And breathed out shakily. "Get back in the coat, its freezing."**

 **Her eyes blazed in defiance, but he could see her hands shivering. He gave her a stern glare. "Chihaya, I'm serious. Do you want to catch Pneumonia?"**

" **I want** _ **answers."**_ **She growled.**

" **I'm not giving them until you get back here and get** _ **warm."**_

 **With a bristle and another growl, she stomped over, ignoring his immediate tiny smile and snatched the jacket away from his outstretched hand, plopping back down next to him, just as close as before. But she maintained her glare.**

 **Taichi opened his mouth, then closed it. And then settled for fixing the blazer around her properly, slowly, taking his time.**

 **It wasn't that he was all okay and ready to believe her and give in. No, not at all. If anything, he was even more scared, even more anxious and apprehensive about what might be next. He was still terrified of what would happen to him if...**

 **And yet, his mind flashed to the hurt he had seen on her face, the truth in her tears and the innocence in her words and her actions. Because this was Chihaya, and she didn't fake. He had** _ **seen**_ **something he had always wanted to see, heard the words from her mouth, witnessed her shred apart like he imagined it to be, because in that whirlwind of emotion, he saw himself somewhere. He saw his own reflection feeling the despair of a broken heart and trampled hope. And he had known then that he would never be able to do to her what she had unwittingly, unknowingly done to him and what he did to himself.**

 **Which was why, when he finished buttoning her up, he glanced discreetly at his watch, and then nudged the girl glaring at the door who was still crying. "Oi, stop it." He chided softly and she sniffed. "I told you, I'm sorry."**

" **I told you I didn't** _ **want it."**_ **She mumbled, and he was surprised to her the unmistakable tremble in her voice now, shaky and broken as she wiped her eyes and anger gave way to sorrow. She put a hand to her mouth to stifle a shuddering breath, and his hands went cold at the lack of fight on her face, the slump in her shoulders.**

 **There was no more thinking around. He was a goner anyway, and all he could do now was hope and pray and pray again that she wouldn't push him over the edge.**

 **He begged for mercy from the Gods, and tugged her closer and wrapped her, blazer and all, in his arms, tight enough to swear she couldn't breathe. Tight enough to cement the fact in his head that he had jumped, and there was no going up. He was falling, and would continue to, hoping he never hit the bottom to his death.**

 **For a while she was tensed and shaky from holding back her tears but then soon enough, she relaxed and cried for a few seconds. Fresh tears dripped onto his dress shirt and the intoxication from her familiar shampoo and the soft warmth of her pressed to him was making him dizzy.**

 **She sighed lightly into his collar, and felt the touch of his lips to her head in response. She shivered when he trailed it down to her temple. And then lower.**

 **His mouth pressed to her ear. " You wanted the key, Chihaya?"**

 **She swallowed and nodded into his neck. He fought back a shiver. And then pulled her away, a few stands of her hair still hanging onto his shirt. At least the tears had stopped, her face was still pale but her eyes were slightly red-rimmed, and he resisted the urge to cringe guiltily. He brushed away the hair on her forehead, to see her face properly, and the second their eyes locked and stayed, he reached for her hand.**

 **Pulling it out, Taichi pressed an imaginary something into the palm of her hand and closed her fingers around it. Chihaya watched, barely breathing, and then looked up at him in wonder.**

" **There you go. " he mumbled, staring at the closed hand, almost as if he was hesitating. "I've given it to you. But just..." He swallowed, hoping his voice didn't crack. "** _ **Please**_ **be careful with it."**

 **But it did waver anyway, and she looked at him in surprise, residual tears frozen at the shaky composure of her best friend. But her hands shook slightly, when she grabbed his hands and attempted to push it back into his palm. "Don't give it to me to make me feel better. I want to** _ **earn**_ **it, Taichi, not—"**

" **Shut up." He muttered, closing her fingers and pushing it towards her again. When he looked up, her eyes glistened in the moonlight, all pale cheeks and worried brows, but he saw her hesitation. He read the innocence and the sincerity. For once, since the slate was blank, he let go of his insecurities and entertained the fact that maybe...maybe she did feel the way she claimed.**

 **A smile broke out on his face, and one hand went to her neck, fingers curling in the soft strands at the nape, thumb along her jaw, brushing the ear. And he gave her a gap, and a tiny, tired grin before pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose.**

" **Don't think too much." He murmured, and she almost lost it in the breeze. " You've already earned it. I was just being a jerk. But make sure you're careful with what you have."**

 **All she could see right now were molten pools of gold with little streaks of silver in between, full of so much warmth and adoration, she couldn't stop the giddiness from getting to her brain. The hand holding her neck had managed to tip her head back a little, enough to give him access. And the rest of her breath was stolen cruelly when his lips hovered over hers, dangerously close. Her eyes fluttered shut, and his murmur was right over the slightly chapped skin, brushing ever so lightly, " I'm being honest. I'm not giving it to you to make you feel better." He promised quietly, then took a breath. " I'm giving it to you because I love you to** _ **bits**_ **and I'm tired of fighting it. Just...don't destroy me."**

 **Butterflies exploded in her stomach, disbelief curling with dizzying happiness into a huge ball. Hearing him say it was a huge difference, listening to the words fall from his mouth, in his voice, in that tone, was something she knew she could get used to. Or maybe never get used to.**

 **And then** _ **finally**_ **, her pulse sputtered when he claimed her mouth and her non-existent breath.**

 **Maybe it was midnight already, she didn't know. Because the moment her lips disappeared between his, all she felt was the pounding heart and soaring in her chest making it impossible to breathe. It was like floating to another place, all she knew was the damp, heated touch of his mouth on hers and the fingers running along her cheek, like soft silk. Her head was spinning, blood roared in her ears but she couldn't think, didn't want to, and just fell victim to the soft kiss, almost feeling like her first, but so, so much better. There was warmth and tenderness in his touch, in the ever so light brush of his knuckles along her cheek, and she felt blood rush to the spot.**

 **But then he pulled away just a little and she opened her eyes, her vision swam. She felt a soft laugh against her mouth, the vibrations against her chest. " Relax." He muttered. "You're too tense."**

 **She tried to loosen her shoulders. Sparkling golden pools met hers for a second before he pressed her mouth to his again.**

 **This time, both his hands were holding her face, and the touch of his lips was hungrier, a tad feverish, and she felt the air leave her brain immediately. Vaguely, she was aware of fingers gently knotting in her hair, and pulling her impossibly closer, but what swept her away the endless passion behind that one touch, each caress a different story, another precious moment. She didn't know how long this lasted. Everything else was an unwanted blur anyway, only the burning of his fingers against her skin, the soft, gentle but firm motion of his mouth over hers, causing heat to pool slowly at the base of her stomach. She squirmed, pressed closer, and her hands knotted in his hair, never wanting to let go, never ever wanting this to end, ignoring her now rapidly spinning head. She felt his fingers move to her neck, and then one hand down to wrap around her waist, and the last of the little kisses drew out, lingering, hesitant to leave. Her hand tangled again in his hair and she refused to let go, prolonging the last little touch as much as she could. But he pulled away, gently at that, and left her forehead against his, revelling in the sweet fruity scent, the soft skin under his fingertips.**

 **Chihaya closed her eyes and sighed contently, trying to quell the fire in her stomach. Her lids fluttered open when she felt his fingers against her cheek.**

 **Wide auburn eyes clashed with amber and she smiled, a bright, incandescent smile, so innocent and pure and trusting, that he almost gave in and kissed her again. Almost. He settled for her forehead instead, pressing a long, long touch of the mouth to the spot, before pulling away.**

 **And she fell right into his chest. "I'm dizzy."**

" **Are you?" He bit back a grin. "Hi, Dizzy. I'm—"**

" **Don't** **you** _ **dare."**_ **Her threat was too breathless to be taken seriously.**

 **Adrenaline still pumped in both their systems like crazy, all dilated eyes and skyrocketing pulse even though the moment was over. He grinned at her faintly and let her sit up properly, before saying, "Happy New year."**

 **She blinked, looking taken aback. Now the sounds of the party slowly reached her ears and she heard people screaming.** _ **Of course,**_ **that's where she was. Kind of embarrassed, a little flush crept up her neck.**

 **She had forgotten where she was and what she was wearing.**

 **Almost as if he read her thoughts, Taichi abandoned his seat and swung over to the safe side, making his way to the door. "Come on. You've been out in the cold for nearly an hour."**

 **She really did try to snap out of her haze and grabbed his hand tightly when he offered it, which proved to be good because either her legs were numb from the cold, or being kissed like that had paralysed her.**

 **Personally, she thought the cold had nothing to do with it because she was warm from head to toe...but anyway, her legs weren't the steadiest ones in the vicinity.**

 **He frowned at her wobbly stature, and then moved to help, muttering something that sounded dangerously like 'I told you so' under his breath. And she was actually very happy when his steadying hands gripped her forearms—**

 **And jerked her back into the other side of the railing.**

 **A squeal left her lips and her heart leapt to her throat at the thought of falling all the way down to the ground floor, but then her pulse shot forward like a bullet and her legs came to life. In the split second she almost died (not), her hand had gripped his tie like it was a life line...which it was in a sense.**

 **But she was alive. Pale faced and trembling from the shock, Chihaya could feel his suppressed grin, but didn't resist when he pulled her away from the treacherous, stupid,** _ **stupid**_ **railing and she merely buried her face in his chest for a second, letting life flow back in.**

 **At least her legs were working now.**

" **I'm not sorry." He informed from somewhere above, but she didn't really care at the moment, wrapped up in an apologetic hug, his words and actions were contrasting. "Did you really think I was going to leave without getting you back?"**

 _ **Ah**_ **...Chihaya winced into his tie. She had brought this upon herself. "I forgot..." she grumbled. "But I almost** _ **died!"**_

 **He smirked into her hair, and she felt it all the way down to her toes, an internal shiver. "I wouldn't have let you fall." He mimicked, " At least you can walk again. All you needed was a shot of adrenaline."**

 **She muttered darkly under her breath as he pulled away and gave her an amused glance, before grabbing the bottle of iced tea. No littering, after all. " Let's go back inside."**

 **Giving in only because the blazer was beginning to lose the warmth, she followed him closely, waiting as he shut the door. They made their way down the steps slowly, and she would be the biggest liar on earth if she said her head wasn't all over the place from giddy happiness bubbling in her chest, intoxicating her by the second, and she felt sort of drunk. Bubbly and light. She took off the coat and handed it back and watched him pull it on carelessly, a little flushed about now as the situation sank in and—**

 **Wait.**

" **Taichi, stop." She twisted abruptly, making him clutch the railing in surprise to avoid walking into her. Her eyes were wide. "I forgot something."**

 **He frowned. "But you didn't bring anything up. The card is in my pocket, you have your purse—"**

" **No, not that." She shook her head and a light flush crept up her neck. She trained her eyes on the ground for a second while he watched, surprised at her glowing cheeks, thinking that was something he could get used to. Her eyes lifted again, and she looked resolute. "It's a brand new year right? So I was thinking..."**

 **He leaned against the railing, waiting, arms crossed and her train of thought derailed pathetically.**

" **You were thinking what?" he prompted, thoroughly confused.**

" **T-T-That m-maybe you'd like to go with me t-to the...mall?" she finished in a small voice.**

" **The mall?" he frowned confusedly. "What's at the—Oh."**

 **Realization crept upon him stealthily, and a sly grin threatened to break out on his face at her flushed cheeks. "** _ **Ayase**_ _ **Chihaya**_ **, did you just—"**

" _ **Yes**_ **, yes, I just asked you out so please say you'll go so I can stop being nervous for once tonight!" she blurted in a rush.**

 **He pretended to ponder over it, worrying his lip and peering at the floor.**

 **She smacked his shoulder. "Taichi!"**

" **Okay, okay." He grinned. "Fine. I'll go."**

 **Exhaling deeply, she pressed a hand to her forehead and glared at him through her lashes. "Do you have to make it so hard?"**

 **He raised a brow. And she backtracked immediately. She shouldn't be the one to talk about him making things tough.**

 **He flicked her forehead and smiled a little. "But you know what this means, don't you? You can't go around kissing people—"**

" **I told you I** _ **didn't**_ **—"**

" **Right, but its the idea—"**

" **I never** _ **had**_ **any such ideas!"**

" **Not even** _ **once?"**_

" **No!" she scowled. "You're doing this on purpose aren't you?!"**

" **Yup. I'm kidding." He hopped down a step and took her glaring face in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers. This time she was ready, and met his lips with a giddy smile, already reaching up on her toes to wrap an arm around his neck. In the short span of time, her head spun with lack of oxygen, even though her heart was beating a mile a minute, and her stomach felt light and weightless, like she was falling from the sky. It was too short, achingly sweet, and when he pulled back she almost whined. Staring happily into a pair of golden pools, the tips of her ears on fire, she felt almost giddy with the unguarded abundance of affection she saw. Her heart soared in her chest.**

 **But then he set her back down on the step and frowned. " Don't expect me to do that downstairs. And keep your hands** _ **off.**_ **"**

 **She puffed her cheeks out, deflating. "Whyyy?"**

" **Because I said so." He probed her forehead, expression softening. " Because I have no idea how to present this...development to the others. They might be...surprised. And...er..."**

" **What?"**

" **I'm sort of worried about...Arata. You know..." he muttered. A rather uncomfortable silence over came them.**

 **Relieving her of her squirming by pushing her gently towards the rest of their way down, he followed, a little buzzed in the head...**

 **He had** _ **no**_ **idea what just happened.**

 **Maybe tomorrow morning he'd wake up and it would all be just a dream.**

 **A pretty freaking** _ **good**_ **dream.**

 **They descended in silence mainly, the sounds of the party becoming louder and louder as they neared, until the music vibrated under their feet. But at the last few steps, Chihaya dug her heels into the tiles, making him almost step into her. Again.**

" **What's going on?" Peering over her shoulder, he saw a large yellow sign placed in front of the beginning of the stars to the roof, barricading the way to and from the roof. He blinked. "Who put that here?"**

 **Chihaya shrugged, bewildered, and let him brush past to push it out of the way enough for them to slip by. They stepped to the other side and peered at it. A big, 'Caution: Wet' sign.**

" **How did it get here?" Chihaya mumbled, mystified, poking it, as if to see if it was real. Taichi rolled his eyes at that.**

 **As if on cue, footsteps sounded behind them and the duo turned to see the rest of their little group, minus Tsukuba and Arata, make their way over.**

 **Kana-chan was looking like she might burst. Her hands were clenched tightly, pressed to her chest. "Ch-Chihaya chan!" her voice sounded squeaky. "Buchou!"**

" **Nice of you to finally join us. "Nishida smirked, making Taichi think that this was going to be** _ **so difficult.**_ **"Where were you?"**

" **Like you don't know." Taichi settled for adopting a cool, unshakable demeanour. "Who put this thing here?" he gestured towards the big yellow sign. " It wasn't there on my way up."**

" **We did." Komano adjusted his glasses and Taichi caught him trying to hide a smile. He wanted to groan. Like now.** _ **So difficult.**_ **"Thought you could use some privacy."**

 **The young doctor in training fidgeted and rubbed the back of his neck. "Er...how...thoughtful."**

" **You're welcome." Kazuto grinned. Rin was by his side again, looking happily flushed and Taichi wondered what that was about, but then it sort of became apparent.**

 **A beat's silence prevailed, in which Kana chan continued to look like she would burst, Kazuto and Nishida were both grinning, Komano was trying to hide a smile, all of them looking like they knew everything, but were waiting expectantly for...**

 _ **What? An announcement? Well, you're not getting it.**_

 **Sumire-chan snapped.**

" **I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" she threw herself at Chihaya, who squealed and stumbled back, her face a little red. "JUST TELL US ALREADY!"**

 **Taichi chose to remain silent. A wise decision because Chihaya set herself straight and stuttered, "W-What do you want to know?"**

" **I-Is it done?" Kanade asked quietly, eyes shining.**

" **You make it sound like we were setting up a deal with the Devil." Taichi muttered, and then he cast Chihaya a glance. She was sporting a happy smile, with shining bright eyes and incandescence in her demeanour. Her gaze flitted to him, and he sighed, tearing his eyes away, fixing them on Kana-chan herself. "Fine. I'll do it." He took a discreet breath—**

 **But Chihaya stopped him with a hand to his sleeve. "No, wait!" she shook her head rapidly. " Lemme." There was a tiny flush creeping up her neck, but nothing short of giddy happiness in her slightly breathless voice as she revealed quietly. "We have a...um...this thing...its like a...an appointment—"**

 **Taichi choked back a laugh, and everyone else groaned.**

" **No, that won't do. You need to say the word!" Rin insisted, grinning.**

 **Chihaya took a step back, " T-The word?"**

" **Yup. You have to say it." Kazuto took a step forward.**

" **We're not letting you get away without saying it." Nishida cracked his knuckles and advanced.**

" **You're cornered, Ayase-senpai."**

" **Say it, Chi-chan." Kana-chan's eyes gleamed.**

 **Chihaya backed slowly, a little more freaked out than needed. Taichi caught Komano's gaze, who rolled his eyes. "Spit it out, Ayase. Or the cake will run out."**

" **A date!" she blurted, eyes wide. Probably at the prospect of no cake. "We have a date!"**

 **The words hung in the air for a second, charged, crackling in the silence. Six pairs of eyes fixed on the two of them, and in a split second, they all exploded.**

 **Squeals filled the air, mixed with exclamations high sounded suspiciously like ," Finally!" It didn't stop for a good minute, a bedlam in which he was much too securely tied. Taichi exchanged a glance with a surprised Chihaya, and shrugged at her confused look.**

 **But then as they cooled down and he was being patted and clapped on the back, and hugged by an ecstatic Kana-chan, he understood they were just happy.**

 **Insanely happy.**

 **And he grinned a little, grudgingly, as they dragged them off to the party for more cake as promised. He acknowledged the slowly thawing ice inside when Chihaya stuck to his side for the rest of the night, unwaveringly loyal, and accepted the smiles sent his way, happy auburn eyes dancing wildly with what he** _ **still**_ **couldn't believe was written there.**

 **Maybe they'd take a while, but he'd taken the jump today, and he was falling.**

 **Who knew probable destruction could be so pleasant? Screw the future for a moment,** _ **this**_ **right here mattered.**

 **The warmth of the slender fingers already twined between his was his present.**

 **And there was no other way he'd have it.**

* * *

...well.

I'll see you guys later. That is, if I can bring myself to write again. I can't believe I'm posting this...probably because I have half a glass of coffee in me and I'm buzzed from that.

Had you put that song on loop?

I'm fudging terrified.

Loyyu-chan.


	13. Chapter 13

Stop.

Put this song on loop. **All of these stars** : **Ed Sheeran.** If you don't wanna do that, read at the risk of being bored. This whole chapter was a result of that song. I want you to honour it if you can.

Well, heya people. I'm back for now. But I'll be gone just as quick too.

For the wonderful readers still looking out for my humble attempts at writing for someone I love, here's an apology, and a chapter.

Paula, sweetheart, this one's for you.

Yamada-senpai...thank you for everything; for understanding. And where did you disappear to again?

Manga update: Taichi's at the Ayase household and its obvious he's a hit there. Chihaya's mom is making him something to eat and when that special program appears on TV, we find out Taichi's a part of it...if anyone remembers, he was there when they did a shooting in an old chapter.

Anyway, Chitose seems to appreciate his good looks, and at least _someone_ does, thank God. He's explaining the objective of that segment — to find out the Meijin and Queen's strength. Apparently, Shinobu's hearing is normal, but her focal point doesn't move at all from the centre when she's swiping cards. It's actually pretty freaky. She knows the positions of the cards so well, she swiped without looking at them.

Damn.

And the Meijin has exceptional hearing. So much, he hears the sound-before-the-sound clearly. But his age is beginning to catch up with him, even though it wasn't much.

Anyway, Chihaya was having an internal battle if you remember. Her mother wanted her to got to college, but she's convinced she's a little stupid for a that and wants to focus on Karuta for a year.

Watching the segment on TV, she decides she wants to do Karuta some more. While her mother disapproves, and falls into a moment of maternal stress— she just wanted her children to be happy but they've both chosen such unstable career choices— her daughters blanch, while Taichi turns thoughtful. And diffusing the tension in the room, he happily moves onto wash the dishes, all the while making a comment to Chihaya' mother about how Chihaya had the same exceptional hearing the Meijin did, as they just saw, and that this ability only peaked at a certain age. That age for her, was now. Once older, she'd naturally lose this strength.

And saying that, he thanked them for their hospitality, pretending he hadn't just caused a stir, and left. Not overstaying his welcome. Not meddling. But with a single, clean strike, he'd changed a lot— because Chihaya suddenly promised her mother she'd work hard for both college and Karuta, _both_ of it. Komano sensei's Guide To Getting Things Done was what helped her get her point across and it's featured there which I found pretty useful actually. Check out this chapter to know more.

Anyway, her mother seems to have been moved enough. And then she's dashing outside to stop Taichi and thank him for everything.

Yeah, okay.

Now if only she'd realise it wasn't everyday you find someone like that in your life. And even if you do, it's not everyday someone like that slowly falls in love with you from day one. Stupid Chihaya.

She doesn't know what she's got.

But I'm a little moved, actually. I only just saw The Second Verse, the second movie, and I realise...maybe by the end, like in the movie, she won't end up with anyone.

Because the manga is about beautiful friendship and working towards your dreams...not just romance. And to my surprise, I'm thankful it's so. Everything's about romance these days...having something like this right here was beautiful and I love Suetsugu-sensei for it.

Rant done. Onward to the story. Play the song people, play the song— nothing bad comes out of Ed murmuring in your ears except maybe permanent goosebumps and a faltering heart. Go on.

* * *

" **So where are we going again?"**

" **To the woods. To slit your throat and—"**

" _ **Chihaya."**_

" **We're going to the mall, dummy." Auburn eyes rolled. She picked at a loose thread on her skirt. "Ne, Taichi?"**

 **He glanced over before turning back to the road. "This better not be another lame joke."**

 **She scowled a little. "My jokes aren't** _ **lame.**_ **Your sense of humour is."**

" **Riiiight. Because we just haven't heard the one about traffic lights and changing. That's so** _ **old,**_ **I bet it's a older than a** _ **Homo habilis**_ **by now."**

" **Nerd." She mumbled.**

 **He bit back a grin. "What was that?"**

" **I said, I'm dating a nerd, so GOD help me." A huff escaped her lips, even though she really wanted to grin. He noticed, and rolled his eyes. She had been saying it again and again for a while now, maybe just to irk him. But she stuck to the word' date' like superglue. Chihaya eyed him suddenly. "Did you even sleep yesterday?"**

" **Why wouldn't I?" he asked cautiously. "I only got up at ten today, so yeah...didn't** _ **you**_ **?"**

 **She nodded, happily. "Like a baby. And guess what?" A bright smile erupted on her face. "Chitose and her boyfriend are together again."**

 **He smiled. "Did she come back last night...?"**

" **Yup." Chihaya nodded, and then sat up straight, "Taichi, we're here."**

 **He eyed the road. "I know...why are you so wound up?"**

 **She shrugged. "No reason."**

 **The question was at the tip of his tongue,** _ **are you nervous?**_ **But he swallowed it back and took them down to the parking lot. Chihaya watched the pillars pass with wide eyes, taking in the dim lighting of the basement.**

 **Unknown to him, her stomach turned.**

 **They hopped out quick enough and proceeded to the lift. Chihaya looked like she wanted to bounce around on the balls of her feet, but she didn't. As they ascended, Taichi settled against the mirror around them, arms crossed. "So what's the plan?"**

 **She swallowed, fixing her eyes on the lift lights instead of him.** _ **Do you HAVE to lean, Taichi?!**_ **"I thought... we could go and check out the sports store. We both need new tracks."**

 **He nodded, calmly watching her look around the lift, like it was something amazing. Something was funny. The whole place was air conditioned, but there was a drop of sweat on her temple. She was repeatedly tugging her hair behind her ears even though it was fine where it was, her eyes kept darting around, flickering to him, once in a while, but then quickly moving away when she caught his gaze.**

 **What was this, jitters? Cold feet? He tried not to think about that.** _ **Positive thoughts, Mashima. Remember last night. Positive thoughts.**_

 **The floor dinged, but it wasn't theirs. More people filed in and she moved back into his side, making him straighten. The elevator was silent— something neither of them particularly liked. When the right floor was opened to them, they got out with relief. That felt like the most unsettling few minutes of his life to Taichi, and he didn't understand why.**

 **Chihaya eyed the shops around. A costume boutique with loads of new arrivals, a large electronics section, a jewellery shop. To the extreme right was a branch of Swenson's and the smell of fresh cones was wafting all the way over.**

 **But her eyes found the sports shop and she tugged at his sleeve. "There it is. Let's go?"**

 **He did a double take. Did she just** _ **ask him**_ **to go with her? Where was the spontaneous command? The wrench on his arm?**

 **More importantly, why were they heading slowly to a boring sports shop when there was a perfectly open Costume store right** _ **there?**_

 **But he followed quietly, not wanting to make it seem as if he was doubting her moves. He needed to watch some more before he confirmed anything.**

 **They stepped into the store and he wished they hadn't. Apart from the fact that she was being very polite to everyone, and very calm in her movements and just...nice, there was something entirely off about the whole thing.**

 **She settled for a pair of black tracks while her eyes clearly lingered on the bright red ones, they went next to the E-shop to see if there was something either of them needed, and then to the CD store to browse. But there were no exclamations of excitement. Even when they stumbled across a whole section of Snowmaru DVDs. No exuberant eyes or wide, gleeful smiles.**

 **She kept tugging at her skirt, her hands twitched, and she smiled at him and talked to him and everything but it all looked...**

 **...un-Chihaya-ish.**

 **Suspicions confirmed, he didn't protest when she suggested they grab a bite outside.**

 **But as they neared the car and he put the bags inside, she sighed a little and he snapped.**

 **Taichi closed the back door, and leaned sideways against the same, eyes probing against her startled gaze. "You better start talking now."**

" **W-what do you mean?" she tugged another strand of hair behind her ear. He followed the movement carefully.**

" **Don't play dumb with me, Chihaya." He warned quietly. " Tell me what's wrong."**

" **I really d-don't know what you're talking about." She mumbled to the floor. "** _ **Really**_ **."**

 **Her reluctance to open up startled him. Being harsh and demanding wasn't working today, was it?**

 **He tugged her closer and she looked up immediately in surprise. " Then we'll have to call this off."**

" **What?! Why?!"**

" **Because I'm being cheated." He said firmly. "I thought I'd be spending the day with Chihaya not some robotic version who's nowhere near as good as the original thing."**

 **She opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. The frustration crept up her neck as a flush, her eyes flashed and she almost glared at him. He simply raised a brow for an explanation.**

" **Fine." She snapped lightly. "I was doing it on purpose."**

 **Good, she's finally talking. "Why?"**

 **Chihaya seemed to be struggling. For once, he didn't know what was wrong with her. If they were going to work this out, she would have to open her mouth and tell him. But her fists clenched and unclenched, and some internal turmoil swirled around in her eyes, weighing her down and he softened his stance.**

 **She pushed back the same lock of hair behind her ears and took a breath. Paused. And paused.**

 **He almost rolled his eyes. Wondering what it was that was so special that she couldn't even talk about it easily, making her step closer, he freed the hair repeatedly hidden behind her ear and took her face in the same movement. Judging by the way her eyes widened, lighting up when he lowered his head, she must've been expecting a kiss, but** _ **in a basement? No, sorry.**_

 **She sighed anyway when his lips pressed to her forehead, and her eyes fluttered shut. Forgetting about her dilemma for a moment, her fingers clenched in his shirt at the waist, and the tension rolled off her shoulders and dissipated into the air.**

" **Whenever you're ready..." he muttered against her skin.**

 **Chihaya sighed. " I was being weird, wasn't I?"**

" **By your standards, yes." He pulled back enough to look at her face. "Is there something wrong with this...arrangement?" the words rolled on his tongue and he forced them out with rather strange calm. " Cold feet and the likes?"**

 **Her eyes widened and she did a double take. "Cold fee—** _ **baka!"**_ **a painful smack landed on his shoulder and she glared brightly. " I was trying to be a polished human being. This is important! I can't act like myself and expect us to look respectable, can I?"**

 **He understood immediately and a scowl graced his features. Taichi flicked her forehead and she rubbed the spot, both of them glaring now. "I never thought you'd be** _ **this**_ **stupid." He spat. " If I wanted a** _ **respectable**_ **date, whatever that is, I would've asked someone else."**

 **She was reduced to a pout. "But I thought I was acting the way a proper young woman should."**

 **He softened too. This time he probed her forehead softly. " I don't want a date with a** _ **proper young woman.**_ **The only reason I showed up was because I was told** _ **Chihaya**_ **would be here, not someone** _ **else.**_ **Who gave you this stupid idea anyway?"**

 **She squirmed. "I sort of saw this show on TV...you know, about what I should do and behave like...so I thought, I mean you should have a proper girl hanging on your arm or people won't take us seriously."**

" **And we care about what people think since when, again?" He sighed. "You know what? You're too nervous because this is the first time. But there are some ground rules I'll let you know about okay? Follow that if you want something to, well,** _ **follow**_ **."**

 **She nodded immediately, looking up with brighter eyes. The weight lifted off his chest. "One: Never ever pull a stunt like this again. Two: Don't let anyone, even TV shows, tell you what to do. You're a big girl, you can make decisions for yourself." He said sternly. "** _ **Three:**_ **Don't ever,** _ **ever,**_ **think about changing who you are. Nothing's worth it, Chihaya, trust me. Last night,** _ **you**_ **asked me to the mall, not someone else;** _ **you did**_ **. And now I feel sort of cheated: it's like being promised a triple sundae and being given a chocolate bar instead. Not fun."**

 **She lowered her face into his chest. "I messed up."**

" **Big time." He shot, but there was a small smile tugging at his lips. As she pulled away, he tipped her chin up and lightly kissed the corner of her mouth. Her stomach flipped deliciously, and she didn't bother to stop an incoming smile. Oblivious to her inner giddiness, Taichi continued. "But I appreciate your effort, really."**

" **You do?"**

" **Oh,yeah. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside, if that's what you're thinking. This has to be the most thoughtful thing you've done...although it was unnecessary."**

 **She chewed on her cheek, looking up at him with bright eyes. "How do I fix this?"**

 **A slow smile spread across his face. "There's still lots of time. And I haven't had my date with Chihaya yet, if she's around somewhere..."**

" **Oh she's here." She straightened, and grinned. "Here and ready to go."**

" **Then let's go get that flashy red track suit and raid Swenson's before lunch like true rebels."**

" **Yessir."**

 **To think the first half of their date was boring would be impossible after the second. As soon as they exchanged her boring old track for the bright red one, they moved instantly to the Costume store. Needless to say, it was a whirlwind of changing rooms and** _ **muffled**_ **laughter from Taichi because** _ **someone**_ **had to look sensible; that had always been their balance after all. His words had successfully released the personality Chihaya had been trying to hide inside, but that was the best thing that had happened to them the whole day.**

 **It wasn't a practical or sensible shopping trip at all. He knew they had no use for the fake noses and wigs; and he sure as hell didn't want anything to do with those damned Snowmaru CDs. They splurged, bought each other stuff that was of no use** _ **at all,**_ **but each bag and little plastic cover held memories. Stopping in the jewellery shop was a waste of time, he knew. Sure, Chihaya was growing up, but she wasn't someone you'd take to buy a pair of earrings for just yet. Or take out to a fancy dinner. She was the kind you take to the thrift shop and buy a pair of earphones. Maybe one day she'd slowly switch from the Gag shop to The Jeweller's but he didn't mind either as long as the zeal and blinding sparkle in her eyes didn't dim. For now, they were perfectly content with detachable elf ears as a souvenir of this...first date.**

 **Of course, Ice cream was a different matter. They probably spent more time there than anywhere else, simply sitting down to give their legs some rest and just talking. It was easy, and comfortable and light. Fun.**

 **Like any other day at the mall with your best friend...except, the knowledge that now you could walk around with your hands twined together without any qualms was making their hearts lighter and happier.**

 **They didn't stop with the mall, though.**

 **Determined to make up for lost time in the morning, Chihaya dragged him around town, window shopping, but he ended up buying them the packet of water balloons anyway. And they took crappy quality photos in those little booths, which she had insisted on. And the cheap little necklace she had fawned over in a little gift shop was now resting in his pocket, unknown to her, but it was nothing compared to the innumerable happy memories they had crammed into their heads.**

 **Indulging her for the day, he agreed to forgo a healthy lunch and they settled for more ice cream and little snacks from the roadside. Now, as the first day of the new year ended, they were strolling through the park idly, completely wiped out from the over exertion thanks to her enthusiasm.**

 **Sipping the last of her hot chocolate, Chihaya sighed happily. The amount of time they'd spent was taking it's toll on them** _ **both,**_ **and she felt the buzzing enthusiasm simmer down with a content, dopey smile. Glancing at her quiet companion, who was already reigned in, looking just as calm, she grinned. Taichi looked like he did any other day they spent together, but there was a tell-tale half smile playing on his lips, eyes a shade lighter. Her heart fluttered at that, knowing that whatever today was, it was great.**

 **Now she felt so silly to have thought about acting like someone she wasn't earlier that morning. There had been absolutely no need for that momentary insecurity at all. He sent it flying away permanently with the way things went the second half.**

 **To be honest, she had had no idea how to make this date happen. She was inexperienced, and even though she knew how to be around him when they were alone, going out in public was another matter altogether. She couldn't very well act like they used to, because that didn't cut it any more, but she didn't know what to do to signify their shift in gears either. It was confusing as hell. Chitose had wisely said that it's always hard to transact from being best friends to something more, but in their case, they had dragged out this 'something more' underneath the best-friend skin for long enough. She supposed that's why it wasn't** _ **too**_ **confusing once she started acting on her impulses. Grabbing his hand and randomly kissing his cheek were just privileges she wanted earlier, but didn't have. And now she was free to do that too.**

 **Come to think of it, it was simple. They had fun, they indulged in silly conversations and he did whack her around the head when she attempted to sneak back into the CD shop the fifth time that day. In the end, they were still just Taichi and Chihaya off on a day out to be themselves with that one other person who was an intricately woven part of them.**

 **Slightly giddy with simple joy, she grabbed his empty cup too, and skipped to the nearby trashcan to toss it away. Humming a tune in her head, she bounced back to him with her usual incandescent smile, which was a touch softer today: coloured by a hue only certain realisations or experiences or companies or feelings could bring...and they all traced back to him.**

" **Ready to go back?" he glanced at his watch, and frowned. "It's almost six."**

 **She shrugged, too float-y and light to answer. He took it as a 'yes' and steered her back to the car. Chihaya didn't protest, and just to annoy him, she tried out the Snowmaru CD in the car, ignoring his complaints and dark mutterings.**

 **When they reached the lane closest to her place, she paused. Switching off the music, she crossed her arms. "Can I be blunt with you?"**

" **Aren't you always?" he blinked. "What's wrong?"**

" **I don't wanna go home just yet."**

" **Okay then." He shrugged. " But I'm not agreeing to any more trips outside. Why don't we just go back to my place?"**

 **She brightened. "Brilliant." And then her lips quirked. "You know, it's been long since I've been there."**

 **Distracted by one of those stupid drivers so compulsory on the roads, Taichi frowned at the car in front of him, muttering without thinking, "Really? How long?"**

" **Well," she sighed dramatically. " Not since last** _ **year,**_ **actually."**

 **Breaking out of his preoccupation with the traffic, he shot her a dry look. "I walked right into that one."**

" **Yes you did." She said smugly, settling back into her seat. "Point for me."**

 **Shaking his head and muttering under him breath, albeit with a tiny smile threatening his lips, they drove all the way to his apartment.**

 **After shooing away his neighbouring old lady's Persian cat which was lounging lazily in his parking space, they hopped in the lift and started the long wait upstairs. He told her how the thirty seventh floor looked really appealing, and how he was beginning to think maybe he'd jump upstairs a year or two later, if the flat was still free, that is. She spent the rest of their time complaining about the height.**

" **Wont you get dizzy?" she pointed out, shrugging out of her coat and tossing it over a chair. "It's so high! You might get...what do you call it again? Attitude sickness?"**

 **He choked a little on his glass of water in the kitchen, laughing quietly. "** _ **Altitude,**_ **dummy** _ **."**_

" **I knew that." She muttered back, skipping in beside him and scrounging the fridge for some of the bottled lemonade she loved. It would be in there somewhere. He never actually drank it, preferring the fresh juice to the sharp sting of the bottled ones but it was always there in his fridge...same way she had a container of roasted coffee powder back in hers even though neither she nor her sister actually bothered to make and drink the stuff.**

 **Finding the object of her long search, she uncapped it triumphantly. "Besides, what if there's no power and the generator's busted?"**

" **The lifts always work, stupid,** _ **and**_ **it's not like a power cut lasts for more than ten minutes before the backup generator kicks in."**

" **What if the back up generator's busted?" She raised her brows. "What if, there's absolutely no power at all?"**

" **Then I'll sleep in my car." He rolled his eyes, and led them into the living room.**

" **What if you car battery runs out?"**

" **I'll hail a cab and go home."**

" **What if I'm with you?"**

" **I'll still hail a cab, drop you off, and then go home."**

" **What if—"**

" **Shut up." He threw a cushion at her, and put up the recliner couch to full length. "And sit down. Were going to watch a movie and you're going to be** _ **quiet."**_

" **Okay." She said simply, plopping down. "Where are the blankets and—"**

" **I thought I said** _ **quiet."**_

 **She pouted. "You were serious about that?"**

" _ **Yes**_ **. Shut up for a minute while I get the blankets** _ **which I was going to do anyway."**_

 **She stuck her tongue out at him as he left, but then happily sipped on her drink, pulling her legs up to her chest, a little chilly. They ached a little, and she felt the exhaustion in her shoulders. The entire day had been super busy, as fun as it was, and her muscled wanted some rest. But bringing the day to an end had seemed...impossible to do, which was why she was here now. As simple enough as the day had been, it was special, lodged firmly in her chest, and to think it should end with having to say goodbye to him didn't appease her heart much. Now, movie or not, at least the day was being claimed to the maximum, and that was all she wanted.**

 **Thank god the next day was a Sunday.**

 **He came back with the essentials, dumped the blanket on her from behind and cranked up the heater. As she struggled to find her way out of the soft quilt she was buried under, he searched for DVDs.**

" **Horror or Action?" he frowned...** _ **should've gotten some better ones today at the mall.**_

" **Romcom." She replied.**

 **Her voice was muffled so he turned around to look confusedly, "I don't have any—what are you doing?"**

" **I'm stuck." She admitted from under the blankets.**

 **Settling on Jackie Chan and freeing her from the clutches of the quilt, they spent the rest of their evening watching wicked kung fu moves.**

 **Only, he really was tired. Taichi rubbed his neck multiple times, fidgeted on the pillows, but his body was too wired and pushed for relaxation. His head was just as buzzed, and watching one of his secret idols fly around on screen wasn't as distracting as he expected. He didn't know what was happening anymore.**

 **And not just on the screen either. Fact is, he didn't know what had happened the whole day.**

 **Or maybe he did. But disbelief still coiled around his memories tightly, refusing to let go. They made his experiences today hazy, each laugh or grin or excited tug on his arm from her painted in a different colour, making them seem like something from an old, secretly treasured dream. And now, the buzz from the TV and the warmth of the quilt lulling his senses, everything seemed like a REM induced memory anyway. His limbs definitely felt like lead, and he didn't like the slow slip his head was doing into unconsciousness. This was what happened when he was too tired, but also too wired for straight off sleeping. This slow descend into darkness was unsettling and upsetting to his awareness.**

 **The touch on his fingers seemed like something through a haze as well. Some part of him knew it should be Chihaya playing with his hand, but disbelief gripped tighter in his sleep induced moment of vulnerability and reality was like a muddy sediment somewhere deep down; he was swimming in the supernatant. What was real, and what was not, he didn't know.**

 **And right now, he didn't care either. Because either way, it had been amazing, wrenching his heart and putting it somewhere near his throat. Whatever had happened or he thought had happened, was worth whatever would come. Be it disappointment or a jolt of happiness.**

 **The last thought he had before slipping away was that he should've gotten her home...but if it was a dream anyway, what was the difference? So he let go and accepted a bit of quiet darkness to settle himself.**

 **When he came to, light was breaking into the room from the crack in the curtains and it was a tad too warm.**

 **No bothering to push off the blanket, disoriented, his eyes shut, he registered he was sleeping on the couch. And the events from yesterday came crashing down in a tidal wave and for a moment, he was suspended in a state of breathless shock.**

 **The pictures became sharper and the sound quality clearer, but the actual disbelief from yesterday still lingered, poisoning his mind.**

 **Had it happened or had it not? Was it still before new years when he was drowning in a bout of negativity? Had everything been a stupid, torturous dream after all? Something his brain cooked up because he was too pessimistic?**

 **But everything was so detailed and vibrant in his head...how could it have been a dream? Flashes of the New year's eve came back to him and toyed with the beating of his heart. He saw her tear filled eyes again, then the Costume shop at the mall, then the middle aged man walking his dog in the park, and Chihaya's mumble about always wanting a Rott sounded in his ears. He could still feel her hand in his, with her swinging it in a small happy arc as they walked until her stopped her.**

 **His imagination couldn't be that creative even in sleep...could it?**

 **Did he want to find out?**

 _ **Please let me fall back asleep. Please.**_

 **Because waking up completely and finding out that this was all just a dream would be...a knife to his gut. A blow to his already bruised pride and tenacity.**

 **But he couldn't put it off forever. The time to face the music would come eventually, and sooner would be better than later.**

 **But before he opened his eyes, there was an incoherent mumble from somewhere to his left, and his heart stopped.**

 **It wasn't because the sound was so achingly familiar, or because his sense of smell had finally awakened and gave him a headful of her scent. It was because despite everything, when life came back to his fingers, he felt the light touch of slightly smaller ones straight through them.**

 **Eyes wide, blood rushing to his head and roaring in his ears, he glanced across and his heart thudded painfully against his ribcage.**

 **Completely asleep, curled up to face him among the blankets, one hand light on his, was the a reincarnation of the himself.**

 **And when he had that strange sensation of free fall again, making his hands a little clammy, his pulse throb and something untameable and fierce we up in his chest at her unconscious mumbling, excitement and fear and an urge to surrender all creating a ruckus in his heart, words from a song danced in his head—an answer to what he was currently going through.**

 _Back to the time_

 _You were lying next to me_

 _I looked across and fell in love._

 **And that was what just happened. Dread and apprehension vanished in a new light because it hadn't been a dream. It had all happened at it had all been real and a missing part of him came rushing back into his body, something that felt like a bit of his soul.**

 **As she slept, unaware, he let himself indulge in the moment, one of those rare times when he let himself feel the entire weight of just how much he felt for her.**

 **Through the rapid pulse and softening eyes and faint, grudging grin, he acknowledged what was happening to him— he just fell in love all over again.**

 **And despite** _ **everything,**_ **he knew it was all worth it. Every single bit.**

* * *

So. This story is done. For now.

Obviously its not over

Somethig like a sequel will pop up soon, dont worry. Like I said, falling in love is easy; its keeping the relationship that is hard.

Hit that button tmand tell me if you want more. Because I ain't writing until I think you do.

Love you all to bits.

Loyyu-chan.


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